and here we go.... (more brother issues)

i'm trying very hard to not like freak out or anything.... but i just got a call from my brother... he's moving to tennese with a friend of his... he's offically quit school (papers or whatever is already signed, he's out for good) and he's moving quite a few states away from me...

so now i have nothing left here, except my grandparents my son and wife.... i have no father, i have no mother, i have no family, i have no friends (here)... and since he's moving, i won't be getting weed anymore either...

damn dude, that sucks
my suggestion: Better start looking for hookups

Don't you have a wife and a child? That's enough family right there, they are the truly important ones. As harsh as it sounds the others can pretty much look after themselves now. I don't think you need to get too worried about this, people move on it's a part of life. Your brother will be fine, he is going on a journey and will have one hell of an experience.

Keep your only family you have very close to you, especially your son. Get to be his best friend. Start growing, or find new dealers. Weed isn't your main priority however.

im here for you man

wish i could hook you up..

try to make some friends...

for a time i was drinking myself to sleep with liters and thinking about my ex to the point where i would hurt physically...i got all fat and since i quit weed and alc...i smoke cigs...but i got mental problems i keep bent with pills...if i dont take em i feel impending doom...like a form of paranoia but it feels like your brain/ heart will fail immenently...

i dont know how much help i and us on here can be but i care about you..

you said in a post back somewhere youve been off it for 2 months...ive been off 4 1/2

sometimes its better.
i seriously hope things buck up for you and your situation

-John

How hard is it for you to make friends, really?

And those friends, how hard is it for them to be stoners?

Weed + Friends solved. Family? Whats the big deal about family?
A lot of people don't have family. I have a father. Thats it.
You have a wife, kid, AND grandparents? Lucky you.

Stay in touch with your bro, not that hard is it? Internet, phone, cell, letter.

And maybe it's time to learn how to be self-reliant.
Maybe it's time to be your own friend.
You have all you need, sometimes the rest just takes a little time and effort.

I wish I had a wife and child...

maybe i care so much becasue me and my dead brother had come to the conclusion we're going to have to protect him... and now that he's dead, i'm the only one that's left... and if he moves away, i can't keep that promise... i just don't know anymore..

nation, if you had next to no one except your brother, i'm sure you'd be singing a diffrent tune... i have my own family, he was pretty much the only thing tieing me into a family (other then my wife and kid).... i don't know if you can understand that, but with him leaving, it's like i'm alone in the world (nearly)...

and out of all the times he could have chose, he chose the wrong time to drop the bomb on me... i got next to no sleep last night... i'm still hung over from all the nyquil... i feel like shit... and now i've gotta try to keep myself calm while i have next to no energy...

everyone reacts diffrently to diffrent situations.. i wish i could somehow take the feeling out of my chest, and place it in yal, so you know what i feel.. ic an't explain it... it's like fear, anger, sadness, shame, lonliness all rolled into one lump-feeling...

if you lived in my town you'd understand why it's so hard to make friends, i don't want to say cuz it's going to come off as racist, so i'll just leave it at that...

maybe some of you dont' care about having family or not, but i do... it drives me insane every single day i wake up, knowing i'm the black sheep in the family and no more than 6-7 people would show up to my funeral.... i've always been the black sheep, of school, of family, of everything... and it drives me crazy...

i think i'm doing a pretty good job of not losing it, i mean i've been known to fly off the handle for lesser events... but i felt a need to post it here so i did... i'm not going sucidal, i'm not thinking stupid...

An older guy told me, when I was about 16, that you are very fortunate if you have one real friend in your entire life. He was right.

so he's not joining the military then slip ?

it's not off the plate yet... he said he was going to try and get a job first, then if he couldn't find work he'd join... so if he gets there and still can't find work, i guess he will be joining....

oh another reason this worries me, is he's 17, we have absolutely no family in TN or near it, the closest is probably north carolina, and he doesn't even know them... all the family he knows, lives here, so it's not like he could turn to someone if he gets in trouble out there or something, once he gets there he's on his own....

Quote:

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Originally Posted by slipknotpsycho

nation, if you had next to no one except your brother, i'm sure you'd be singing a diffrent tune... i have my own family, he was pretty much the only thing tieing me into a family (other then my wife and kid).... i don't know if you can understand that, but with him leaving, it's like i'm alone in the world (nearly)...

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When I was 6 me and my mum lived quite a way away from my family, she had a boyfriend who beat her every night, and pissed on my bed (whilst I was in it) several times. Not to mention how much verbal abuse she received from him, with me in the room. I had one friend who lived next door, and my mum, that was it. Nuff' said really I think.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Breukelen advocaat

An older guy told me, when I was about 16, that you are lucky if you have one real friend in your entire life. He was right.

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That's true.

Be glad you have a wife and kids. I hope to have that someday and at least give my parents a grandchild before they go.

I can understand losing your folks though. That's harsh, really harsh.

If it makes you feel any better, by the time I'm old and die, I won't have many people at my funeral either, because by that time, my folks will be gone, and when that happens, my brother will no longer talk to me. The only reason we see each other is because of my parents, but he hates my guts for the lifestyle I choose to live. I don't hate it him at all, and that's why religion gets to me so much.

Anyways, I hope things get better for you. May I suggest you go see a councillor (sp?) for this? You don't have to start taking medicine, but just go see someone to talk to about this and get things off your chest. I did it for the longest time and my guy listened to every frustration I had on my mind. It really helps too.

I know you have a wife and such, but sometimes, talking with someone trustworthy outside of the family circle is healthy.

Good luck. :)

don't have the money for it... besides, i've been in counseling my whole life, it's not going to help (it does help alot of people, but talking doesn't really help me.... poetry and music helps me, poetry helps me more (writing it) but i'm hung over from nyquil and what not so i can't exactly write, right now)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by slipknotpsycho

don't have the money for it... besides, i've been in counseling my whole life, it's not going to help (it does help alot of people, but talking doesn't really help me.... poetry and music helps me, poetry helps me more (writing it) but i'm hung over from nyquil and what not so i can't exactly write, right now)

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Then why don't you play some soothing music? That may help your nerves a bit.

Oh yeah, you're in the States. I always forget they like to screw their own people over who are in need.

I'm just used to here because mental health services are free. It should be the same everywhere else.

If you're into music go play something relaxing. I play Pink Floyd and Zeppelin sometimes and I just lose myself. When I play for an hour, it feels like 5 minutes. It's like sleeping in a way, I feel no pain or anything.

Often, the mind improves with hobbies and/or new interests. Dwelling on a problem is not the way to conquer it - sometimes you just have to forget about it. Taking up music, or writing (such as your poetry), painting, etc., is the best therapy - and you never know how good you can be.

You have to question everything about yourself to find answers. The first thing to do is dispute your feelings. They are often brought about by words right in your own head, and if you can change that you'll find relief. Finding rational arguments to counter the irrational thoughts takes practice, but works.

For many people, as soon as one problem goes away, they find another one to take it's place. This is another common thing. Recognition of this pattern is half the battle, and then you can start doing things to stop it from getting worse, and eventually eliminate it.

well, soothing music isn't exactly how i deal with the problems.. if i'm sad, i listen to sad songs, if i'm pissed, i listen to angry songs... helps get the emotion out.. and i am listening to music..

i tried to write... but it's not working... for reasons stated above...

Birdie's yelling over my shoulder, "Time for them to move to the Dallas area so I can make the adoption official!"

o.0 lol... i would still be without my brother tho =/

You are not without your brother... What you are saying is your brother does not have a life of his own... you can't possess people,,,try and you will be more drawn apart... Support his decision,,,he obviously is compelled to leave the situation he is in and wants to start new... Just be there and support him...

Hey Birdie,,,You got room for me???

well when i say without i mean, won't really be in contact with him... part of it i guess you could call my fault... i don't like phones... i never know what to say so i spend about 80% of the time waiting for them to say something... he's not much of a phone person either....

he won't be here, i won't be seeing him, so in esscense, i will be without my brother.... and i'm not trying to possess him, which is why i didn't even try to tell him how stupid him moving away with people he hasn't even known for 3 months yet, really was.... i just decided to let him do what he's going to do, and at the same time, not freak out over it, like i've done before....

although i will listen to reason, i doubt anyone can really give me reason to just stand by and not feel anything for the situation.. hes' 17, the people he's moving away with, he just barely met, he'll have no family to count on, and not only that, he's quit school completely, just so he can move away.... all the while i made a promise to my now dead brother, i'd watch out for our littler brother.... it's kinda hard to just let things go and not feel anything bad about it... i don't even know these people, i don't know who they are, and i don't like the way things are going... i mean i understand there are exceptionally nice people out there who will take in some 'stray' teen because his home life is horrible (which, even tho he thinks it is, it's not, he has food all the time, he has cable, internet, xbox, ect ect... he just won't forgive our mom for kicking out my brother, which i dont' want to say is her fault, but pretty much directly resulted in the death of our brother) it doesn't happen to terribly often.... i'm worried what these people may really be doing....

i just worry about my brother... i worry alot, because i made a promise and i had every intent on keeping it, but i'm starting to realize, i'm not going to be able to.. cuz i won't always be there, and that hurts me...

i still kinda feel like i'm being attacked, even when i do the right thing, which is stepping back, and allowing everything to set in... but i still feel like i'm being attacked for caring, just seems like certain posts are saying "suck it up and deal with it"... and i'm trying to do what is right... and what i feel is right..

i just don't know anymore... i don't want my (dead) brother to be disappointed in me... i don't have any real guidance... i don't know what to do... on one hand i know i have to let go, becasue he will never become a man, as long as someone shadows him, but at the same time, i made a promise... a promise that is tearing me apart in side because i'm begining to feel i'm going to have to break it... it doesn't even matter if he ends up in a bad situation or worse, i promised i would be there to take care of him, and i won't be anymore....

i'm just... afraid.

Well I doubt he's being lead or scammed... He sounds like he will come around and listen to reason when push come to shove... He can take a bus home if shit gets deep and he just needs to know he is still welcome... I think he's got balls myself and will do fine,,,best of all he's a man of principle,,,a very good trait...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Breukelen advocaat

An older guy told me, when I was about 16, that you are very fortunate if you have one real friend in your entire life. He was right.

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"Be your own best friend, what do you need today?"

Im not ashamed to say my cat is my best friend, I do have "friends" but I went over that in another thread.

Slip, your so lucky that some one loves you.

Thats more than 10000 friends could ever give

ahh, but i know him, and no one else really does.. the way he talks is much diffrent then how he acts.... he doesn't like to rely on anyone or ask for help when he needs it for one thing.... so if he was in need, he would rather suffer, then ask for the help.... i'm not trying to stop him, mostly because he needs to become his own man, and i'm pretty sure he won't if he's held down/back... but i still worry.... i'm always going to worry about him...

and how's he gonna get a bus back if he has no money, and no family to help him out in that aspect? from the way my mom talks, she's done with him.... if this house wasn't filled to it's max and mine and my wife's relationship wasn't already stretched to it's max, he would have been here the day after the incident that got me banned...

i was going to bring him here, but after some sleep, and thought i realized it wouldn't work, and i was only setting things up to become much worse, atelast between me and my wife....

Quote:

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Originally Posted by slipknotpsycho

maybe some of you dont' care about having family or not, but i do...

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You know Slip, I'm new, so it may not be my place to say anything, but I witnessed your meltdown a couple weeks ago, and I have to tell you this: If I was your wife I'd be really really hurt that you didn't consider me family. If my fiance ever said something like that about me, I'd show him what being alone was really like.
The problem isn't that you don't have family...it's that you don't appreciate the family you have.
Let your brother grow up. Cut the apron strings. You're no good to him if you're always falling apart.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mrs. Greenjeans

You know Slip, I'm new, so it may not be my place to say anything, but I witnessed your meltdown a couple weeks ago, and I have to tell you this: If I was your wife I'd be really really hurt that you didn't consider me family. If my fiance ever said something like that about me, I'd show him what being alone was really like.
The problem isn't that you don't have family...it's that you don't appreciate the family you have.
Let your brother grow up. Cut the apron strings. You're no good to him if you're always falling apart.

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first i'd like to say, a new members opinion is just as valuable as a 3 year members..... just as long as that's known.....

next, i'd like to assess what you said. if you read what i said (if this sounds like i'm angry or something, dont' take it that way, cuz i'm really not... actually, since my brother called, i've been in a kinda numb state... cuz i know if i allow myself to feel ALL the emotion coming at me at the time being, i'm going to lose it, and in your own words, melt down again....

i said i have my own family, and then i have family... i'm not the best in my words... the things i say, and and the things i mean don't always match up, if that makes sense.... i'm sure my wife understands this by now....

i love the family i have, more than anything, i would literally die for each and everyone of them, without a second though (i mean, if the situation actually did come up, alot of people say it, but when i say it, i MEAN it... and not cuz i want to die either.. if you look back further, you'll see i'm scared as hell of burning to death or drowning, i'd do either, without second thought to spare my family if the situation arose)

i guess i coudl give you some of 'my terms'

my family - the family who cares, i.e. wife, son, grandparents brother(s)...

then there's 'family', the ones who have casted me out... other grandparents, dad, mother (basicly, if she knew me, she wouldn't accept me, and i know this for a fact, cuz i am nearly a mirror image of my dead brother, who she pushed out...) uncles, aunts, ect...

i've never quite had family who cared about me.... (even my family is a totally new thing to me, and i'm still learning what love means... anyone that's lived 10+ years with their true love, knows about the period i'm going through... it's when you really start questioning, what love is, and what it means.... ) they've always, just been out of reach, so to speak... they were there, and i saw the compassion and caring they were capable of, but they never gave it to me...

that's because (it's true too, you can ask any of them, and they will tell you, or say things, that will leave no doubt in your mind) my grandma raised me... pretty much the only family i know is the family directly related to my grandma, and all she really 'relates' to is her kids.. her kids see me, a single child (this part is important) that was pampered by her.... and they're all jealous of what i had growing up... they didn't have things the same as me...

now even if you take out the fact of the time period they grew up in (20-30 years ago, there weren't as many things for 'kids to entertain themselves with', you still lhave the fact, that she was younger, less stable, and didn't have nearly the same base, she had when i was growing up, to offer as many things to her kids... in the end, that brought about jealousy... which is why i've been casted out...

i've said all of this before, and alot of people here know my history (or have alteast read it, i don't expect anyone to actually remember it), but you're new, and you seem like a level headed individual, so i figured i'd take the time to explain it all to you... because if you plan on staying, you will see alot of me, and if not for the quality of the boards, it's just better off if we understand each other... (btw, i love to read life stories, and see what made other people, the people they are today... so if you ever wanna talk, or want someoen to read yours, i'll be glad to... i like to think of myself as an unliscensed psychologist/culinary artist... i've been in counseling since before i was 5, and been cooking on my own nearly as long, so i have a great understanding of both)

again, i love my family... just gotta learn the diffrence between 'my family' and 'family' i would give anything for my family... and in reality, the fact i have a wife and kid now who depend on me, is the only thing that's kept me around for the last 3 or so years... i'm a deeply disturbed individual (thank karma [i don't beleive in god btw] for the conuseling i have had, and how things have worked out... cuz i can't imagine i would be living life in many other situations, call it selfish if you want, but i never really had anything to stay for, no loved ones (aside from my grandma, when i say grandparents, i mainly mean my grandma, my grandpa treats me and my family like shit, but i know if i wasn't here tommorow he'd probably care) no friends, no reason...) who needs medication, but due to our screwed up situation, i'm not exactly getting the help i need... for the time being, i can handle things (mostly, i may start to lose it sometimes, but i guess i come here to have things put into perspective for me, i don't really know, i just know all of my friends are here.. that may sound pathetic.. but it's all i got... and i learned to make do with what you got

.... at the time being i'm doing very well... for atleast being handed some info that would normally send me off the wall, and make me have another meltdown... i'm determined to stay calm... and keep my wits.... becasue i know if i did fly off the hinge, tommorow i would more than likely be regretting it (and P4B the ban has very little to do with it, just incase you're sittin over there thinking that might be way i'm controlling myself... i'm more or less thinking for my family now, instead of myself.... it just took being banned [i guess? lol] to kinda put it all into perspective and realize it's not all about me).... so i'm staying calm... i will sleep on the matter... and then and only then (although i dobut it) if it needs to be freaked out on, then it will...

but as of now, i've decided no freaking out on anything until i've had sleep... sleep always seems to bring a certain clairty to me, that nothing else can..

sorry the post is so long.

You're doing a good job of being very calm and level headed. That in and of its self is very good to see. I know how hard doing that can be. Sleep on the situation and try and start to deal with it and how things will change in the morning. Just make sure he knows how much you care and that no matter what happens he can always go to you. This sounds like something thats going to be very hard, but you can make it through this.

he knows i love him, and he knows that i'm here if/when he needs me.... i'm just worried he won't come to me when he actually does.... he wants to be self sufficient, which really worries me.. there are alot of strong people in the world, but no one gets by without having someone to come to when they're in need, without going insane (go figure, i never had anyone to go to, except my grandma, and i didn't wanna be put on more meds and crap...)

i haven't tried to stop him from going, i don't plan to either.... my mom wants me to.. but i'm not her puppet, and he's not my child... he's getting up to the age to make decisions for himself, and like nearly all of us, he's going to have to learn certain lessons the hardway....

the one side of me, as i've said, wants to stop him from making those mistakes, but the other, knows he won't learn unless he sees for himself... it's a very hard 'crossroad' point for me.... to learn to let go and love is much harder then to keep and never know what you have..... but it must be done...

That sounds very sensible Slip. I know a good restorative sleep always helps me see things more clearly.

Thank you for taking the time to explain your situation and your reasoning to me. I can see where you're coming from much better now. :)

You'll work this out. :thumbsup: