Bullies!!!

My son is one of the sweetest kids EVER, and he had been getting picked on in school. Particularly during basket ball practice. Anyway, we sat down and talked about it the other night, and I told him that he needs to stand up for himself. I don't know if this was the right thing to do, but he took my advice, and got in a fight during practice today, err yesterday. My son said he won the fight, but I told him that winning and losing a fight doesn't really matter. I said what matters is you stood up for yourself, and didn't let some bully push you around. I told him I was proud of him because I know how scary some people seem, and it took a lot of courage to stand his ground. I think I'll take him out pizza and a movie next time he comes to see me. :D

Oh yeah, the two are friends now, lol! Go figure.. ..

Do you all think I did the right thing by telling him to stand his ground, or could/should I have handled it a different way? It all seemed to work out. I don't want to encourage violence, but bullies are a different breed, man. I think my son handled it the only way he could.


Junk~

You absolutely did the right thing Junkyard. Schools these days implement policies of total disempowerment, indoctrinating kids (including myself) with this bullshit idea that defending yourself is wrong and somehow worthy of punishment (ie. detention). I went through school getting bullied to hell. I was a small skinny kid, and an easy target. The asshole school policy makers kept telling me to seek help from teachers and counselors, who would just sit me and the bully down and make us shake hands after a touching conversation and be "best friends", at which point we'd leave the office and he'd say "I'm gonna fucking get you after school". That or they give out weak 2 day suspensions. Point is, kids these days aren't afraid of any consequence for their actions because there aren't any with all the legal restrictions. In fact I'd go so far as to say I agree with bringing back corporal punishment, just not used in the excessive amounts of back in the day.

Your kid learned a valuable lesson from you, that he can be an empowered and strong individual with self respect. Kids who are brainwashed into not defending themselves, not standing up for what's right against bullies, are the ones who get incredibly low self esteem, depression, anxiety, often turn to hard drugs, and every so often snap and go on a school shooting because it's the only way to stop being a victim that they know of. When I was in highschool I never would have gone on a school shooting, but I didn't have the mental image of an "evil" kid for shooting the place up, I could understand how daily torment could push someone to do that. There's only so much mental strain the brain can take before it breaks and defense mode goes into overdrive. We need every kid in the system who can prove that you don't have to be either a bully, or a victim.

Well, I thought I did the right thing. I'm glad you agree, bro. The school system won't do squat, and if I did what I wanted to do, I'd probably be in jail after punking out that kids dad, lol! :D

I remember when I was a kid, and it took me years before I finaly stood my ground, and after I got a taste, I was hooked. I don't want that to happen to my son, tho. I told him it's only o.k to fight when you're defending yourself. He said, " I know dad". He was soo happy, tho. He called me as soon as he got home from practice to tell me. He said "I hit him a couple times, but then he hit me back, so I picked him up and slamed him on the ground"

Do you think I should take him out for icecream, too? The kid deserves some props, man! Not for the fighting, but for being couragous enough to stand up against a bully.

ballin man nice call... everyone likes icecream

I think you did the right thing, too, and the ice cream's a nice touch as well. His ability to stand up for himself will come in handy as he matures, too.

One thing I hope you did, though, is also make the school aware of the bullying situation, even if the kids are now friends. Most decent schools these days have a pretty strong policy against that, and they need to know it's happening because chances are if the bully was bullying your kid, he's probably also bullying others, too. The kids who get bullied and don't stand up for themselves are at risk for later troubles, as is the bully himself. Mr. D's exactly right that the ones who fall into the perpetual victim role are the ones who can later snap and bring automatic weapons to school. I don't think you have to make a big deal of it. Just talk to the principal or the teachers and tell them you think they need to be aware of the problem in case it's an ongoing pattern.

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Originally Posted by birdgirl73

I think you did the right thing, too, and the ice cream's a nice touch as well. His ability to stand up for himself will come in handy as he matures, too.

One thing I hope you did, though, is also make the school aware of the bullying situation, even if the kids are now friends. Most decent schools these days have a pretty strong policy against that, and they need to know it's happening because chances are if the bully was bullying your kid, he's probably also bullying others, too. The kids who get bullied and don't stand up for themselves are at risk for later troubles, as is the bully himself. Mr. D's exactly right that the ones who fall into the perpetual victim role are the ones who can later snap and bring automatic weapons to school. I don't think you have to make a big deal of it. Just talk to the principal or the teachers and tell them you think they need to be aware of the problem in case it's an ongoing pattern.

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We sure did, lol! His stepfather, who is a great guy, gave the school officials hell after they called him about the fight. He told them that this kid has been bullying many of the kids on the BB team, and that he (My son) shouldn't get into trouble for defending himself. Which he didn't! Thank goodness, but even if he did it would have been worth it.

His stepfather is very much respected where they live; when he speaks, people tend listen. :thumbsup: My sons in good hands, and for that I am thankful.

btw, ice cream is now on the menue, lol! ;)

so, u say ur son's been getting bullied,
when i was younger i wasn't really a bully victim, but the people who i was trying to fit in with used to push me around and then by the time of grade 2-3 my parents bought my these 5 pound weights for christmas. The weights weren't much, only 5 pounds but i would lift those like 200 times a day until grade 5.

by that time i had the muscles to push just about anybody around, but instead of picking on people, i would help the victims who were getting picked on, and people realized that i would do this , and that year i doubled in popularity , and self esteem.:)

But when i was working out i couldnt stop running this image of myself being pushed to the ground by this guy at my school, and that anger is what gave me the energy to keep going and lift just about 200 times a day.

I say u buy him some 5 pound weights man, and show him the right way to use them so that hes doing the undersizes right, and then dont say anything about him using the weights that could embarrase him, just let him use the weights by himself with nobody staring at him, because if you say stuff about him working out it could easily discourage him.:D

my son love working out, man! But with very light weights. Those 5 pounders are gold for a kid his age. He actually works up a sweat, too. the kids no good at chin ups, but loves set ups, and push ups. He's a tough kid, man. He just has a gentle heart.. ..

Yeah you did the right thing man. You sound like a great dad and your son is lucky to have you looking out for him. :)

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Originally Posted by JunkYard

my son love working out, man! But with very light weights. Those 5 pounders are gold for a kid his age. He actually works up a sweat, too. the kids no good at chin ups, but loves set ups, and push ups. He's a tough kid, man. He just has a gentle heart.. ..

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yeah that sound like a solution to me. get him some 5 pounders

i used to get tortured everyday on the way to school
the gangsters who would recruit kids would beat my ass

I think you did the right thing man. My father always taught me to never lay down to bullies, and I never have. I plan on instilling the same values in my kids if I ever have any.

it sounds like you did the right thing. just make sure that when you take him out for ice cream he knows its because he stood up for himself not becacuse he won/ was in a fight. You might even want to remind him that he should try to use words first and if that doesnt work then its ok to use his fists. It sounds like you have a good kid.

I'm not saying you did the wrong thing in telling your kid to stand up for himself, but what if he did and got his ass kicked. Not only has he gotten a beating that could have been avoided but he would also be tormented by the other kids for it. Sometimes all you can do is fight, but fighting is always the easy way out of a situation. There are other ways to stand up for yourself without fighting.

homeschooling.

good job junkyard....my dadd told me the same thing when i was younger and i got into a fight.....and i also am friends with the kid these days..sometimes u have to fight someone to learn to respect them and to gain respect.

I agree with the majority that says you did the right thing junkyard. I'm teaching my 3yo little girl the same thing. There's a little boy at the school who you can definitely tell is going to be a future bully. I was watching him at a birthday party and he'd go around yanking toys out of the other kids hands, and then toss them away. He didn't really want the toy, he just got a thrill from taking it away. he also tends to go around hitting the other kids, my daugher included, etc etc. So I tell her "if he takes your toy, you take it back" and "if he hits you, you hit him back". Sure they're only 3yo's, but the principle is the same and I figure now is the best time to teach her confidence and how to deal with bullies.

I think what you did was the right thing to do just be prepared to deal with any non bully related fights with the iron hand. Not to say he would but it has happened.

yea u did the right thing, i mean ui gotta handle your own sometimes u feel me? i mean in that case there really i'sent any other way to handle it. i mean it wasent that longf ago that i was his age. and bullies jus do things cuz they think they can get away with it. and u know sometimes u gotta knock them out for them to realize what respect really is. i mean u did the right thing. at least your son won lol. ur a good role model man good job.

Hell yeh...i would of said the right thing.
i have never let myself been pushed around...if someone fucks with me. i fuck with them. thats just karma...(i know how to fight too sooo...no im not a redneck)
but its weird how you become buddies with people you fought with.

and by your posts... it looks like you are a good father.

What an inspiring story...

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Originally Posted by JunkYard

My son is one of the sweetest kids EVER, and he had been getting picked on in school. Particularly during basket ball practice. Anyway, we sat down and talked about it the other night, and I told him that he needs to stand up for himself. I don't know if this was the right thing to do, but he took my advice, and got in a fight during practice today, err yesterday. My son said he won the fight, but I told him that winning and losing a fight doesn't really matter. I said what matters is you stood up for yourself, and didn't let some bully push you around. I told him I was proud of him because I know how scary some people seem, and it took a lot of courage to stand his ground. I think I'll take him out pizza and a movie next time he comes to see me. :D

Oh yeah, the two are friends now, lol! Go figure.. ..

Do you all think I did the right thing by telling him to stand his ground, or could/should I have handled it a different way? It all seemed to work out. I don't want to encourage violence, but bullies are a different breed, man. I think my son handled it the only way he could.


Junk~

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Wow, sounds like me when I was younger, only I hid my sadness really well and my mother knew nothing about what was really happening at school. They didn't know what was wrong with me as I was depressed. It was only a few years later that I told them everything that those kids did to me. Daily ass kickings for me. It was horrible, so I stopped going, simple as that.

I know if I would have told my mom, that she would have phoned the school, etc, then I would get an asskicking twice as hard the next day. :p So I hid it.

My dad on the other had would have told me to kick some ass. :p

I think you did the right thing. Now he has that bully off his back, and probably won't have that problem ever again. There is only one way to stop a bully, and that is to kick the shit out of them. Seriously. Puinishing them won't work at all, and neither will words, but kicking the crap out of them in front of everyone, is a whole newfound pleasure.

I'm just glad he didn't let it go too far where he ended up snapping, like I did. After a full semester of black eyes and busted lips, I finally lost it on my one of many bullies, and knocked him into oblivion. I don't mean 1 punch, I mean I was on top of him slamming both my fists into his face one after the other. Ahhh, I can still feel the warm blood on my hands and the caving in of his nose.

I got suspended, then expelled for life shortly after. :p

Bullies can do a lot of damage, and they did to me, but they paid the price for it in the end...but so did I. I quit school and didn't graduate until I was 22.

I'm glad he kicked his ass, and it's nice to see they are friends. I just hope they don't team up for dueling bully action. :p Nah, I'm just kidding. I'm sure he's a good kid. :)

I had almost forgotten about this thread, lol. He came in this past weekend, and we went out for ice cream, and taco's, but I was surprised he didn't talk about the fight more. It was like no big deal to him for some reason. Anyway, he says all is good and he's glad he did it.


Nochowderforyou, sorry bout your past, man. I was picked on for years until I snapped myself. After that I couldn't get enough. Lots of fights brought on by me after that, lol! I'm trying to keep my son level headed, tho. I never had the guidence I needed when I was his age. He'll do fine, man. I seriously doubt he'll turn into a bully....I hope not anyway!

Napolitnana869, he knows not to fight unless he must. He also knows that he was rewarded for his courage and not for the actual fight. I made that VERY clear, lol! :thumbsup:

Thanks for the support to the rest of you, and 40oz...it's better to lose than to just sit there and do nothing, man. He certainly could have got his ass whipped, but that the chance you gotta take sometimes. He was willing to take it, and I'm glad he did. Otherwise, he'd still be getting picked on. Win or lose, he stood up for himself and that my friend is what matters....

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Originally Posted by JunkYard

Nochowderforyou, sorry bout your past, man. I was picked on for years until I snapped myself. After that I couldn't get enough. Lots of fights brought on by me after that, lol! I'm trying to keep my son level headed, tho. I never had the guidence I needed when I was his age. He'll do fine, man. I seriously doubt he'll turn into a bully....I hope not anyway!

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Thanks for the words. Much appreciated. :thumbsup: And yes, after one snaps, their mind really does shift gears for good. That's why I got kicked out of school, because I kept fighting, but shit, you tell the princepal that he says, "oh, just ignore them." Kind of hard to ignore a fist coming at your face you fuckin bastard! :p

Anyways, keep your son as level headed as possible. Sounds like you're doing a good job. :)

And not that my parents weren't good folks. I had the best childhood and I couldn't have asked for better. It's just that I hid because I didn't want them to know.

But hey, the past is the past and I think going through that made me stronger for the better. If it never happened, people would still be confusing my kindness for weakness.

Peace and respect.

They can either stand up for themselves or be a whipping post. Good advice dude!

Buy your kid a lunchbox!:D

Have a good one!:jointsmile:

Good job Little JY..... you daddy done good.


My son is they same way.... so damn sweet.... why do they have to be bullied and lose that innocence...

I used to be the huge guy that told the bullies to stick it in there ass, and if they wanted to pick on someone...ill be there hucleberry.....Bullies suck.


Good parenting JY, we need about 150 million more of you.

Thanks guys!

Bong30, I'll hate when my son loses his innocence, man. He's such a sweet kid! I guess it's only a matter of time, and prob for the best tho. Life has a way of changing people; I just hope I'll be able to be someting he'll want to emulate, ya know.. ..A good example.

p4b, nice video lol! I never listened to MM much, but I like the song beautiful people. Good stuff!

Nochowderforyou, mucho respect, man!

You very much did the right thing. I used to get picked on when I was junior high. The school doesn't do shit. The teachers don't do shit. The only thing a kid can do is fight. The only is. I would tell him to do it where he isn't going to be seen by anyone that would rat on him. Schools get pretty crazy about that anymore. All I did was switch school and learn to throw my weight around.

How is this to do with sexuality?

this is the parenting forum.

you shouldn't award him for getting into a fight although it was not his fault

every boy goes through that, that first time you have to stick up for yourself, physically, verbally, or mentally, physically more specifically............

Good, I'm glad your son put that butt nugget in his place. I wish I got bullied by someone I could beat down. This is inspiring me to hurt kids I don't like. I don't like them for good reasons of course.