You Know You're A Bit Too Drunk When....

You are taking shots of Patron and no longer need to chase it.

Or when you start giving away shots of Patron to everyone at the party (it's a bit pricey at $50 a liter).

Or when you put on the Karoke option on the television (never knew about this until last night)...and everyone's trying to keep up with the words, and all that comes out are a slurred combination of babbles and mumbles.

Or when in the morning you need to go to one friend's house to get your cell phone, another friend's house to get your wallet (no clue how lol), and another friend's truck to get your jacket.

Or when you wake up in your friend's basement sleeping on one chair, using another for your legs......when your house is on the same street LOL.

Yeah so anyway...Happy New Year's! :)

hahaha

or when you are laying in a police cell with no trousers on, a tattoo on your leg saying property of u.s.a (even tho your not american), a set of odd socks on that you know you didnt leave the house with and you can hear down the block of cells everyone is speaking scottish.

boy that was one fucked up night

or when you fall out of your chair then you get up to go to the bathroom and cant make it and then you just piss all over your mother-in-law's living room
floor

PARTY ON-Bomb

i love getting drunk

when you say to your best friends sister(the sister also happens to be your gfs best friend) with your gf standing right their... wanna fuck? ill dump the stupid bitch that im dating and we can fuck... and then you turn to your girl and dump her befor you get an answer from the other girl... and then the other girl says no... and then you wake up, and rember that your best friend dosent have a sister... yep... fun fun..(well he dose have a sister, but shes like twice your age... married, and has 5 kids...

.... when you start a fight with a room full of people.

I have videos and pictures from last night I don't remember taking.

LOL smokinbomb and partyguy.

You're probably too intoxicated when you have to start having your friend light your cigarettes for you.

AlwaysBlazed, I can't wait to check out my friend's camera...I know there were a couple huge group photos, but I'd like to see the other random pics that were taken.

when you wake up with no money and an ounce in your pocket -- and you only had $50 to begin with!

when you throw up in your desk drawer thinking its a trash bin.
when you keep calling your best friend melissa even though her name is rachel.
when you drink shots straight out of the bottle cause you cant remember where you put the shot glass.
when you put on two different shoes or wear your sweatpants inside-out.

Oh man have I got a list...

...when you're in the front yard with a flashlight at 2 in the morning with no contacts in breaking branches off a tree to make a fire in the backyard.

...when you're chasing around a donkey named Maldine to try and ride on its back.

...when you and your friend are in the garage climbing on piles of stuff to reach the opening to the attic, and you finally get up there and fall through the ceiling and fall ontop of the shit you climbed on....that hurt like a bitch but was funny as fuck lol

I've got more just don't feel like listing it right now. :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by lil josh

or when you are laying in a police cell with no trousers on, a tattoo on your leg saying property of u.s.a (even tho your not american), a set of odd socks on that you know you didnt leave the house with and you can hear down the block of cells everyone is speaking scottish.

boy that was one fucked up night

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My dad's actually told me that someone in AA ended up in like, another state and had no clue how they got there.

when you spend 20 minutes talking to a chair.... and then he says something you don't like so you start getting in his face and pushing him around.

when you cant get it up :(

When your taking straight shots of everclear through the ice luge and chasing it with 'trone(patron). Woke up this morning with a wine glass in my hand, who's wine, what wine, where did I dine?

THE RULES
If everyone is going to add their own, they have to be from true experiences. Heres mine.
.....when the gin tastes like water and you pass out standing up.
.....if you ever thought you could yank a cops pistol before he could stop you.
.....you passed out in the front yard with keys in hand while heading to your car
.....you insist to the officer that you are in fact 6'10"
.....you are awakened by a honk from a pissed off neighbor because you fell asleep on your tailgate again
*and most of all*
......she looked alot skinnier last night

when you look like this. Never change Para buddy

When ya wake up in a holding cell with no shoes on

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ValkyrieAg

THE RULES
If everyone is going to add their own, they have to be from true experiences. Heres mine.

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Yeah....ummm...thanks for trying to help?..I think.

I'm sure most of those were true experiences anyway lol...they're pretty specific. But, if you want to add generalized ideas, that's fine too...you don't have to follow the fake rules.

When you wake up with a tattoo on your leg in the morning. :D It happened to me. I woke up with the DC skateboarding symbol on my leg one morning. It wasn't even done with a real tattoo gun. Just a needle and ink. I still have it, and my god it looks like shit! :p I've been wanting to cover it up, but I haven't figured out what I can use to cover up a round spot with black ink.

You know you're drunk when you pass out in a feild when it's pouring rain.

You know when you're really drunk when you decide to spark up a spliff in a bar bathroom, with 300 other people just outside the door, in the club. :) Did it all the time and never got busted. Call me lucky.

http://www.televizori.com/warnings.swf

when you open your eyes and one dont completly open
then you feel pain thru-out your body
you look down and see your only wearing boxers
and you got some blood stains on your hands
and then the deputy walks by the cell and brings some
cold eggs and warm milk and throws your tray under the door
you ask th ecops what happened and they say "what you dont remember"
your in a lot of trouble mister

when throwing shotgun shells into the fire and taking cover behind a flipped over wheel barrel is a good idea.

when you decide that taking one shot after the other and the first one to black out loses, is a good idea.

when bar stools need seat belts.

when you have to cover one eye as your driving down the road so you only see one road.

when you're puking out the side of a moving vehicle... ...that you're driving.

when you're playing beer pong naked and you drink your own piss (didnt happen to me but a friend of mine)

when you sleep with fat chicks (also didnt happen to me [yet], but did to a friend of mine)

when you pass out while you're in the midst of 'sleeping' with a chick.

when sitting on the couch thats on top of the van being driven by my very drunk friend is a good idea.

when you spit water in a girls face whom you love because she was only trying to sober you up. which in the grips of whiskey wastedness seems like a sin worthy of spitting in a girls face. (that one was the result of some serious apologizing)

when you wake up wasted and think to yourself, well im already drunk, might as well stay drunk, and keep on drinking

when you wake up next to a girl you have no idea if you had sex with or not, and she's your best buds fiance

when you almost get arrested at hte bar, but you don't remember and had to be told the story the next day

when jumping into the allegany river on new years seems like a good idea (i had no fucking part of that whatsoever, those retards all thought it was a great idea, but not me. fuck no, i stayed inside, it was like ten degrees out)

when a dart through a finger is covered in electrical tape and forgotten

every time i've ever gotten thrown out of a bar

when riding a piece of a desk down stairs like a skateboard is not just a good idea, but a ' photo op '

when going punch for punch with your best bud in the face is a GREAT idea

when you wake up in the morning and your underwear is gone, there is a beer bottle lodged into the side of the house, and there is a black trail of gasoline to the brush pile. (same night as the shotgun shells in the fire)

when all in one night, you run over a mail-box, drive through a corn field, and hit a deer on purpose.

when you have sex with your bosses wife.

when you wake up in the morning and your cell phone is dead because you were so drunk you pissed yourself

when you wake up in the morning and your cell phone is duct taped to your door.

when you wake up with bruises you dont know you had and then that sparks an idea about putting seat belts on bar stools because later on it was explained that you fell out of your bar stool , onto your keys and then got thrown out for being too drunk.



you guys have my word that these are ALL TRUE. i used to be quite the drinker.

^^^^ funiest post i have read in a long time thank you. i lolled.

Hell yeah, good post hockey. The driving with one hand over your eye happened to me new years lol and I've passed out while a girl was "pleasuring" me before as well...I woke up right when she stopped lol

when you sleep with fat chicks (also didnt happen to me [yet], but did to a friend of mine)
... you say that like it's some horrible disease ridden person... personally, anyone who talks like that deserves a good ass beating and even worse, to live on 'the fat side' and see how it feels to have everyone talk about you in such a manner everywhere you turn... really insensitive, and an assholishing to say...

when you wake up next to a girl you have no idea if you had sex with or not, and she's your best buds fiance
another really assholish thing....

bitch and moan at me if you want, but to me you're another low life drunk-tard... and you obviously have no remorse for the things you've done while drunk... although, i don't care how drunk you were, doesn't excuse your actions..... mainly.. i'm so pissed cuz of the 'fat chick' statment.... that statment alone shows me your mentality... grow up.

oh yeah, about anything driving related, do us all a favor and learn to ride a bike everywhere, you're nothing but a risk... if you are that drunk, and decided to drive, you should have both your legs cut off, just so you can't drive.... you got lucky, and that's it... you coulda killed someone... very easily, and the shittiest about all of it is, you probably wouldn't have even got a scratch off a wreck that ended up killing the other occupants.... because alcohol relaxes a person (well atleast that's the thought why most people involved in deadly drunk driving 'accidents' don't die, while all the sober people do) just do everyone a favor and stay off the roads.... if you know you gotta drive to go home, don't pick up a drink... it should be people like you who get scraped up off the sidewalk, not the innocent 9 year...

more of an edit, you admitted that shit was based on your experiences... you even specified which ones happened to friends... so don't come back at me telling me i don't know you.. you just posted alot about yourself... may not believe it, but those lines you did offer, that happened to you, offer alot of your character, a selfish lowlife..

bitch and moan at me if you want, but to me you're another low life drunk-tard... and you obviously have no remorse for the things you've done while drunk... although, i don't care how drunk you were, doesn't excuse your actions..... mainly.. i'm so pissed cuz of the 'fat chick' statment.... that statment alone shows me your mentality... grow up.




the low life drunktard comment....when i did all these things, i was a low life drunktard...i'll be the first to admit it.

i do have remorse for a lot of the things i've done. and no being drunk does not exscuse your actions. i totally agree.

and almost sleeping with my best buds fiance , will probably some day result in that beating you mentioned, and i lose a really good friend out of that situation.. and the funny thing about it, is that nothing happened at all between me and that girl. (she was a dumb slut, but thats a whole nother story)

but man fat chicks, don't even get me started on that. i have no remorse and i will NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER feel bad for a fat person no matter what. fat people are unmotivated simple as that, if they would lay off the pepsi and doritos, eat right and exercise, they wouldnt be fat. simple as that.

i eat right, i am an active person, i hunt, i play hockey, i run and i take care of myself. so dont give me that i need to grow up bullshit, fat people need to get off there asses!!

also, im going to venture a guess and say that you don't drink a lot with a lot of people very often ?

but other than that, this was supposed to be funny :rolleyes:

ahahahahhahahaa higher4hockey that was the funniest fucking post ive ever read. What a life you've lead lol.

well ... you know your too drunk when you go snowskating in your boxers and a muscle shirt in -30 weather, LOL I love canada.

When you can't bother to wait in the line at the washroom so you go into the kitchen and piss in a jar.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by higher4hockey

bitch and moan at me if you want, but to me you're another low life drunk-tard... and you obviously have no remorse for the things you've done while drunk... although, i don't care how drunk you were, doesn't excuse your actions..... mainly.. i'm so pissed cuz of the 'fat chick' statment.... that statment alone shows me your mentality... grow up.




the low life drunktard comment....when i did all these things, i was a low life drunktard...i'll be the first to admit it.

i do have remorse for a lot of the things i've done. and no being drunk does not exscuse your actions. i totally agree.

and almost sleeping with my best buds fiance , will probably some day result in that beating you mentioned, and i lose a really good friend out of that situation.. and the funny thing about it, is that nothing happened at all between me and that girl. (she was a dumb slut, but thats a whole nother story)

but man fat chicks, don't even get me started on that. i have no remorse and i will NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER feel bad for a fat person no matter what. fat people are unmotivated simple as that, if they would lay off the pepsi and doritos, eat right and exercise, they wouldnt be fat. simple as that.

i eat right, i am an active person, i hunt, i play hockey, i run and i take care of myself. so dont give me that i need to grow up bullshit, fat people need to get off there asses!!

also, im going to venture a guess and say that you don't drink a lot with a lot of people very often ?

but other than that, this was supposed to be funny :rolleyes:

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you know, until the fat comments, i was ready to 'forgive you' so to speak, you seemed intouch, with the real world (most would have rebuked everything i said and made excuses) but you know nothing about 'fat people' my wife is going to kill me, but by society, and even medical standards, she is 'over weight'... (don't kill me, please i'm trying ot make a point) it actually sickens me, the way you think.... you think all fat people sit there drinking soda's and eating doritos, well that shows how much you know.. some people who are 'over weight' just can't help it.. they can exercise, they can do everything 'that's supposed to make them skinny' and it doesn't fucking work! i've lived on both sides... i used to be a skinny ass kid... then at about 11-13, i got 'fat', really over weight... i tried everything, excersized everyday, tried every diet pill (AND FUCKING DIET) on the market... you think everyone's in control of their weight, well you're severly mistaken... some people are 'fat' because they're lazy, that i will admit.. but you saying that everyone is fat because of their laziness, that i will not tollerate.... how old are you anyways? becasue with your views on the subject, i'm going to guess you're about 15, maybe 16... you're just like everyone of those idiots dads out there that think they're going to make their daughter (hell even sometimes son) 'skinnier' by insulting them, and telling them how disgusting they are... like i said, i come from both sides... sometimes it's there no matter what you do or try, no matter how hard... science can't even explain it yet... hell the last 'breakthrough' would have been that relacore shit (we've all seen the commercials) that's the only thing that offers any insight whatsoever as to why some people can't lose the weight..

lose that attitude... because it's based on what a million people before have felt, and it obviously isn't working... you say you can't stand fat people basicly, well i can't stand ignorant PUNKS... insensitive assholes that think you can control everything about someone, including body, and think that everyone can instantly change it 'with enough work' i just hope if you have kids(or ever do) that the mother divorces you, or otherwise seperates and gets custody.. too many children are being brought up with parents who share your chain of thought... watch soem documentaries on serial killers... you'lll soon realize, alot of them grew up with parents who have a mindset such as your own... i bet you're also the type who will fight anyone for any reason....

when im drinking whiskey , you're damn straight i'll fight anyone for any reason!! but other than that, no i dont fight a lot.

my views on 'overweight' people are from experience man, i 've seen a lot of people get off their ass and lose weight, my mom for instance, she used to be really overweight, then she got motivated one day, started eating right and walking every day, she lost a LOT of weight. on the other hand, the overweight people i know , DO NOTHING. i have a really hard time believing that overweight people can't do anything about being overweight, but thats just me, i 've never seen an overweight person that wanted to lose weight, and couldnt. but hey, i could be wrong


ps. i'm also a republican ;)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by higher4hockey

when im drinking whiskey , you're damn straight i'll fight anyone for any reason!! but other than that, no i dont fight a lot.

my views on 'overweight' people are from experience man, i 've seen a lot of people get off their ass and lose weight, my mom for instance, she used to be really overweight, then she got motivated one day, started eating right and walking every day, she lost a LOT of weight. on the other hand, the overweight people i know , DO NOTHING. i have a really hard time believing that overweight people can't do anything about being overweight, but thats just me, i 've never seen an overweight person that wanted to lose weight, and couldnt. but hey, i could be wrong


ps. i'm also a republican ;)

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for now, and the sake of arguing, since i already made my point 'i'll let it slide'.... but dude, if you really think just any over weight person can drop those pounds, if they are motivated enough, you are seriously wrong... i was one of those people.. the only thing that made me lose all that extra weight was i had grown into it, started working out like crazy (and note i said this, i worked out like crazy and dieted before hand, as hard and as much as i could possibly take, by grown into it, i mean i grew a few extra inches so i didn't look 'fat' although i still weighed the same) and i finally developed a metabolism that was pretty fast.. for quite a number of years, i began to eat nearly nothing, while anything i did eat was worked out, and extruded from my body rather fast... i was lucky.. you may not want to believe it, but there are 'fat people' who can't lose the weight no matter what they try... and i take great offense to anyone who claims otherwise... all overweight people are not lazy slobs who do nothing about the 'problem'... those are just simply called lazy pepole... so in the future, please say lazy people, and not 'fat people'

to this day, i'm not what you'd call 'fat' but i'm not some 5 inch thin dude... i have a gut to me... i even still think (because of people like you, being harrased day in and day out, called fatty and everything else under the sun) i'm fat... i'll never be thin enough to please myself... becasue everything i heard growing up, all the torture, is embedded within my brain now.

in that case mate, lazy people piss me off , fat people intrigue me !

but come on, you've got to admit that waking up to find a ruined cell phone because you pissed yourself is at least a little funny... ??

and i wouldnt trade the three drunken years i spent at college for anything. i lived there for three years but only went to school for one. and i learned more in the two years partying like a rock star than i did while i went to school. granted i did some stupid shit, got hurt, and hurt a few people along the way, but those were some great times!!!


oh yeah and drinking and driving, ive sworn to never do again, i'm pretty lucky i never killed myself or anyone else. and i lost my license for eighteen months one night.

well, you seem like a decent person, maybe led the wrong way (with the whole fat thing) hell, maybe you didn't even really know who you 'hated'... i don't know... but you also seem like someone who can learn from your mistakes, and can bow out gracefully when you're wrong, so to speak... so 'i forgive you' i know it probably doesn't mean much really... but from person to person (not internet user to internet user) i forgive you for 'the things you said'... i just chalk it up to you being confused who to hate or be mad at... personally, i hate lazy asses as well... if you're not going to do anything about it, don't bitch about it... and yes, most of your post was funny.. just the few statments i mentioned, really rubbed me the wrong way..

Quote:

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Originally Posted by officerleeroy

Hell yeah, good post hockey. The driving with one hand over your eye happened to me new years lol and I've passed out while a girl was "pleasuring" me before as well...I woke up right when she stopped lol

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i wouldnt usually wake up until the next morning, and everytime it happened (yes it happened on more than one occasion) the girl would be gone, i cant imagine why, but it would save me from having to take the dog on a three hour walk to make sure she was gone when i got back to avoid an embarassing situation.

I knew this thread would go far, but sorry to Slip if you or your wife were offended in any way (I know it's not MY fault, but I'm intoxicated and apoligetic).

Anyway...I didn't read every word of the last few posts (the argument), but I did read when someone said 'covering one eye to drive straight'....and this was definitely me the other night....on the highway. Yes, it was dumb, and yes, it could have been worse, and YES, you're damn right I regret it. But, that doesn't change the fact that it happened. That's the thing about alcohol, at the moment I didn't mind driving, but when I got on the road...shit became real and I really had to focus to get to where I was going. Good thing I got there...and I didn't drink another drink and didn't drive home until I was sober. And for the record..I hope this never happens again. (I usually never drive anyway, but this situation called for it...)

Well let me apologize as well. Im not sure what the problem was with my post, so sorry.:o

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ValkyrieAg

Well let me apologize as well. Im not sure what the problem was with my post, so sorry.:o

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Which one? The post about the 'rules'?

LOL...I was just giving you a hard time man...don't even worry about it. :cool:

When you are trying to chat a girl up but puke over her and piss your pants. (not me a mate)
You wake up with writing on your face in a strange house and ask someone who knocks on the door who's house it is only to be told they are the person's dad, oops
You end up in a coffee shop in Amsterdam on your own and decide its a good idea to do class A's with strangers, turned out good!