Death - People's Opinion on the Ceremony

My grandfather passed away this morning. He's been sick for a long time and he's been in and out of the hospital for the past several months so the news wasn't a shock. He's finally free from pain. I was supposed to move into the new house today but I have to wait until tomorrow, which isn't really a problem.

My grandfather had 8 children (ages 29 - 55 years old) with a woman he was married to for over 55 years. My grandparents raised their children catholic and we all went to church on Sundays. Two of their sons do not want to attend their father's funeral because grandma is having a Christian ceremony, as expected. Everyone is pissed off at them and couldn't believe that they would put religious differences above respect and love for their father.

I am having a difficult time understanding this. How can people think like this? What kind of people would refuse to attend a funeral just because they do not agree with the type of ceremony being held? I mean it is shocking to me because they are, or I thought they were such cool people. I really respected them.

You know, I think religion's roots are quite dark
and in your instance, people like the Pope aren't what
they seem..

that beings said, i wouldn't have missed the funeral
if i was them....

i would ask them to explain, but not take a sided view. it happened. period.

i think thats EXTREMELY fucked up. as much as your against a religion, its your own damn grandpa. or dad actually in that case. wow.

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Originally Posted by Cheery Cherry

My grandfather passed away this morning. He's been sick for a long time and he's been in and out of the hospital for the past several months so the news wasn't a shock. He's finally free from pain. I was supposed to move into the new house today but I have to wait until tomorrow, which isn't really a problem.

My grandfather had 8 children (ages 29 - 55 years old) with a woman he was married to for over 55 years. My grandparents raised their children catholic and we all went to church on Sundays. Two of their sons do not want to attend their father's funeral because grandma is having a Christian ceremony, as expected. Everyone is pissed off at them and couldn't believe that they would put religious differences above respect and love for their father.

I am having a difficult time understanding this. How can people think like this? What kind of people would refuse to attend a funeral just because they do not agree with the type of ceremony being held? I mean it is shocking to me because they are, or I thought they were such cool people. I really respected them.

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Wow, I'm sorry it happened that way. Ceremonies honoring a recently deceased person is done in a certain way usually based on that person recently deceased, out of respect of that person. People attend out of respect for the person deceased and/or those close to the person deceased. The religion does not have to do with those attending. Someone should not choose to miss it because it is done in a certain religion. That really pisses me off, I'm so sorry that happened to you.

That's like someone leaving the US for 8 years because they don't like George W. Bush as president. There are so many people who hate him, but they're not leaving because of him. The country is the focus, not him.

If someone close to me passed away, and the funeral was held in a Protesant church done however Protestants do their thing, I would still go. Some people need to learn how to be more respectful and tolerant.

And I'm sorry again about what happened, and I'm sorry about your Grandfather's passing.

That is pretty fucked up, I personally want to be burned darth vader style with some weird bear fucks throwing a ceremony.

So sorry about your grandfather, Cheery, and my condolences to you and your family.

I find that strange, too, that two of the sons would let the nature of the ceremony itself stop them from paying their last respects to their father--or, for that matter, their bereaved mother. Just because your grandfather and grandmother were/are observant Catholics doesn't mean those sons have to be, and a funeral mass certainly doesn't require them to embrace Roman Catholicism. I've always been impressed with the low-key, ceremonial, non-intrusive nature of Catholic funerals. No preaching or proselytizing. Communion and kneeling are always completely optional, even for confirmed Catholics. Sounds like a convenient excuse to cop an attitude to me.

Sorry for your loss.

I hate funerals, and the religions make MONEY off of them, not to mention the funeral parlors that they're in cahoots with. They "get' people at the most vulnerable times - and take advantage.

People that have been extremely hurt by religion have a different perspective. Those that have been lucky enough not to have been will just have to understand that it's very difficult.

The way that your aunts and uncles related to your grandfather while he was alive is more important than going to a funeral If they were good to him then, going to the ceremony isn't important. If they were not, then going to the funeral means nothing.

The image of Catholicism (and other religions) that some people have is not the reality of what many of us have experienced. It can destroy people, and their relationshsips with their families.

OMG...another close relative of mine passed away 2 am this morning. I haven't slept in the last couple of days because the phone has been ringing...I have a terrible headache and I am so sad/mad/confused/tired...:(

I am sorry for your loss but I would not goto a christian funeral either. Nevermind I will not goto any funeral because it is stupid to put someone in the ground or musuleum for "All eternity", it is a waste of good real estate in this overcrowded world we live in.
My parents do not like or undersatand the fact that I do not believe in a devine god like they tried to teach me but, reality has taught me there is no such thing and funerals just depress the hell out of me anyways I need no help in the depression dept.
I am not having a funeral when I die, I want to be used as fertilizer in some outdoor grown weed patch so people can smoke and get high from my ashes that were THC soaked and ready for the next step.
Funeral rites are foolish the way it is done and should be changed to a celebration instead of a mourning party.

sorry tp hear that. but the two missing the funeral are missing the point .
they are celebrating the mans life not his religion.
if they have any feelings for the man they would go. I hope all goes well for you. the move & the rest of the year. take care.

I can remember losing my grandfather like a couple of years ago, but we couldn't afford to go to England for his funeral........I've lost 5 close friends, 4 to gunshots, and 1 to a car crash.........But i think that's BS how your Grampas 2 sons won't go, it's not about religion, it's to pay your respect.........

Cherry I am so sorry... My condolences to you and your family...

sorry but there is no excuse for not attending,,,suck it up and just make an apperance,,,I hate funerals but,,,that is what I do,,,suck it up and go...

wars are faught over religion,,,I wish I new why,,,if I did I would save the world...

RIP

I am sad for you having to go through this at a time there should be joy... Death is natural so don't let it upset you to much...

In my house, there are several small dogs. They love to eat those dog treats that look like bacon. But really, the reason that the dog treats are made by manufacturers to look like bacon is to impress me, the owner. The dogs would eat them even if they looked gray and lumpy.

A long time ago, I used to help my cousin mow a Catholic cemetery in Northeast PA. It was old, and the church itself is from 1820. Anyhow, during my work it was common to see little groups of two or three people coming to visit graves. It really meant a lot to those people to have those graves, and to be able to visit and show respect for the people they had loved in life.

My parents raised me as a Catholic, but I developed doubts, and haven't attended regular mass in years. When someone dies, though, it isn't my place to say anything about the ceremony, because it holds a meaning to the people involved. Just like the bacon shape of the dog treat and just like the visits to the old cemetery hold a meaning.

I hope your uncles get over themselves, at least for a while, to show respect for your granddad and for the other people who value the Christian ceremony.

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Originally Posted by micko

In my house, there are several small dogs. They love to eat those dog treats that look like bacon. But really, the reason that the dog treats are made by manufacturers to look like bacon is to impress me, the owner. The dogs would eat them even if they looked gray and lumpy.

A long time ago, I used to help my cousin mow a Catholic cemetery in Northeast PA. It was old, and the church itself is from 1820. Anyhow, during my work it was common to see little groups of two or three people coming to visit graves. It really meant a lot to those people to have those graves, and to be able to visit and show respect for the people they had loved in life.

My parents raised me as a Catholic, but I developed doubts, and haven't attended regular mass in years. When someone dies, though, it isn't my place to say anything about the ceremony, because it holds a meaning to the people involved. Just like the bacon shape of the dog treat and just like the visits to the old cemetery hold a meaning.

I hope your uncles get over themselves, at least for a while, to show respect for your granddad and for the other people who value the Christian ceremony.

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I am trying a relate this to bacon strips,,,LOLz... Nonetheless a good post... its not there place to reject the type of ceremony,,,and it reeks of just not wanting to attend...

.......But i think that's BS how your Grampas 2 sons won't go, it's not about religion, it's to pay your respect.........[/QUOTE]


Yes I totally agree - your love for the person who died should outweigh anything else.

People suck.

My best thoughts and wishes go out to you Cherry.

death is death, theres no real need for ceremony. the whole reason they bury dead bodies 6 feet deep is for a few good reasons
1. to prevent the spread of disease linked with decomposing bodies
2. wolves/coyotes/other animal wont dig them up and spread around disease
it used to be about that, now its about the hyper reality concept of "ceremony" although it accomplishes the same thing.
i think its funny how people can get pissed at something that doesnt truly exist.

If it was my father I'd go. Regardless

Sorry for your loss. As for the two of their sons do not want to attend their father's funeral. It sounds to me like this is a lame excuse.

There is something else going on that you do not know about. Who knows what it is.

This is more of a statement against your grandma than it is about the grandpa.

We all know funerals are for the living.

I suspect you should reach out to the two sons anyway. They are having to deal with the loss of their father.

Best wishes

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Originally Posted by Cheery Cherry

OMG...another close relative of mine passed away 2 am this morning. I haven't slept in the last couple of days because the phone has been ringing...I have a terrible headache and I am so sad/mad/confused/tired...:(

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was it your grandmother?
im sorry if im being a little intrusive, but it seems the probable relative because your grandfather just died, its been shown that people that lived together for a really long time seem to die at about the same time as well.

What great sons =/

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Originally Posted by wholapola

If it was my father I'd go. Regardless

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AMEN!
It saddens me that 2 brothers could be such dolts. Shame on them. They will regret this decision forever and as long as they live.. they will wonder and regret.

Too bad for them.
Shameful, just shameful:(


Cherry you should mail this thread to both of them. Just black out anything having to do with the site.
Maybe they will realize the mistake they are making. How sad this will be for their father, the man that raised them,, diapered them, fed them, kissed thier booboos and sent them off as adults. Not even to mention the damage they will be doing to their poor mother.:(