end of semester depression

Hi everyone,

I am so depressed lately. I have been in school forever, forever and ever, and I have at least a year and a half left, probably two.

I feel so hopeless about it, I hate it, it's such a chore to go every day without a break to collect my sanity and self-esteem. Anyway, it's a long story, suffice it to say I have been plenty depressed lately.

So I started - well, first it was alcohol. Then I started smoking cigs. Then weed.

Now I want to quit the cigs, but it's damn hard when I'm stressed out, well, it's damn hard anyway. So when I smoke the cigs it doesn't really help, cause then I feel worse about myself for picking up such a self-destructive habit.

My part-time job makes me feel crappy, I won't elaborate, but it makes me feel like crap.

Well then, so I started smoking weed. At first, this was great. It took my mind off shit. So it was nice.

Well, after awhile, I started to realize what a crock of shit this was, all this school stuff, and I feel like rather than take my mind off my problems, the weed makes me see them differently, like, "life was meant to be enjoyed, so why am I doing something that makes me miserable?"

Yeah... school has long-term benefits, but makes me miserable in the short term. Is it worth it? I keep asking myself. So pointless this far into it to quit, and yet, so pointless to stay.

Whatever. So I think the amotivational syndrome trumpeted by anti-weed activists isn't really laziness on my part, but rather a realization that I don't really enjoy what I am doing with my life. I think I would not have come to this realization without using weed.

What do you guys think about any of that?

And, what do you think I could do to boost my self-esteem? I smoke about once a day (after school or in the evening), drink a couple times a week, and smoke cigs whenever I feel like it (1-2 packs per week right now). I don't have a lot of free time and I definitely don't have a lot of energy unless I smoke up to get some energy. I am emotionally drained when I get home and smoking up is the only way for me to recharge, sadly.

And no, I'm not high right now.

I feel you.

I have been in college for 2 and a half years and god knows how much longer I have left. I have been the most efficient student lets just say that.

I just want a freaking career where I am making money.

I feel like I will always just be chasing the dream.

I fucking love my weed though.

I feel like I can't win. Always gotta have the bad with the good I guess. Dammnit.
I really should be studying right now.

dam i understand exactly what ur saying bro...but quiting school is the only part ima have to disagree with u on...school isnt pointless, actually it'll help u in the future...sure it may seem like its taking foreveer right now...but everyone goes through it,, and with the alcohol,weed,cigs, yea...no good..i mean weeds fine..but at times...i can see the nasty side of marijuana...and it does exist! too much of anything is no good....well...alll i can is hang in there,, the world isnt over

I meant I HAVEN'T been the most efficient student..just to clarify.

I should be studying too :)

Oh to be done with finals.... so soon... but so much work to do before then!

I have one final left, on Thursday.

Good luck! Thursday is my first (and potentially worst) final.

It is my worst final too but luckily I am taking the class as pass final so I think i'll be okay. Why I'm not studying for it now? I don't know...

id like to quit cigs too but doing so makes me lose focus which I really dont need right now. Suck up school but if your really not sure that the long term result will be what you were really looking for in life then cast doubt, if its just because its too hard well then thats just lame.

Try to squeeze some me time into your day doing something you really enjoy and can look forward too. Its alot easier for me to do my homework when I know I can sit in the sauna, smoke bowls, and listen to music later that night

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TallulahGreen

I feel you.

I have been in college for 2 and a half years and god knows how much longer I have left. I have been the most efficient student lets just say that.

I just want a freaking career where I am making money.

I feel like I will always just be chasing the dream.

I fucking love my weed though.

I feel like I can't win. Always gotta have the bad with the good I guess. Dammnit.
I really should be studying right now.

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tallulah, we have alot in common

in the long term, it will be worth it. i fucking HATE going to school, especially when my classes seem so pointless. but at the end of the day(figure of speech, its gonna take me longer than a day), i want that fucking degree. i wanna be able to say, i did it. i pushed myself to do it. keep smoking down to a minimum, like during weekends. that way, after a long week of school, its a reward for you.

Hey man I dropped outa high school halfway through my Senior Year. Not only was that a waste of my life its a bitch afterwards, who cares if you finish high school with all D's. Pass that shit.

And if your in college. Oops.

I completely relate with this, Smoking Monkey. Except, I only smoke (cigs) randomly. This year has been the worst year of college, besides my first semester. It prett much just sucks. What's your major?