I woke up this morning, and decided that I was dark.
When I'm dark, I tend to be in a constant battle with both sides of my personality; one side being light, the other being dark.
The light side of me, is cheeky, childish, and full of fun.
The dark side, is flippant, critcal, and often caustic.
The result of this battle (though, not necessarily the outcome), is that I become introspective and deep, but with a dry and sarcastic wit. And although my thoughts often dwell upon matters of deep depressive content, the light side of me tends to prevent the darkness from completely consuming me. It does this, by allowing me to look upon myself with a certain amount of derisive mockery.
As far back as I can remember, solitary contemplation has been something that I do rather alot of. These bouts of meditation have not always been devoted to downers; on one occasion, I set about trying to design a perpetual motion generator - I think that I nearly succeeded too, if it hadn't been for the fact that 'vacuum bearings' haven't been invented yet :rolleyes: . But, I digress :cool:
Recently, though, my moments of quiet reflection lean towards those issues in my life that cause me concern; the way of the world, the imminent ecological disaster, and not least, my own sorry life. Yet, even though my journey of mental analysis can take me to depths of despair that would render most people close to suicide, I am able to survive due to the power of my light side.
At times, such as these, I like to sit on the floor.
Sitting on the floor, somehow makes me feel closer to my spiritual essence. I wonder why this is; is it because I am closer to the Earths core (spirit)? Is it because my chakras are closer to each other, because of my haunched position? I don't know. Maybe I will meditate on this.
The room in which I sit, cross-legged on the floor, is lit only by the light of two candles; always two - never more, or less...balance in all things. The air is filled with soft chilled-out music ('Chilled Out Euphoria CD2' mixed by Solar Stone, currently :D ) with just enough volume to feel the very lowest tones.
Every now and then, I'll begin to make a joint.
The paper is set before me, and I begin to pull strands of tobacco to lay, almost reverently, upon the outspread Rizla. The is no haste, as my mind often drifts back to previous thoughts, ideas, and memories. Some of those memories may cause me to halt the construction, and I will often dwell on them; some raising a smile, others causing a frown, most invoking a tear. Images form, as crystaline as if I were watching them on a big screen - one of the disadvantages of having a photographic memory...recall can be a bitch!
I return to the task at hand, and pick up the small nub of hash-hish, regarding it for a moment. That insignificant looking piece of compressed matter that is my salvation from total mental collapse. I smile, remembering some of the experiences that this narcotic concoction has given me; mad laughter, awesome appreciation, and a view to the world that has ultimately changed my life. How many times has this drug helped me through times of despair? How often has it transformed a good time, into an awesome time? How much broader has my perspective and understanding become?
The white flash of the flint striking the metal wheel of my clipper, the familiar aroma of cannabis resin, the slight intake of breath, as the heat burns into my thumb and forefinger, and the studied and carefully executed distribution of the dope throghout the prepared chassis. Absently, I begin to roll the tobacco and dope mix into the trade-mark conical shape, an action that has been performed so many times, as it is now an almost automatic process.
And then it is done.
I light it.
Draw deeply without inhaling - the first drag is for the spirits - then blow a satisfyingly large plume of narcotic smoke into the ether.
I regard my joint with a certain air of pride "That's art, that is," I mutter to myself, and take another deep draw - this one's for me., and I let the drug infuse my body, and allow myself to fall gently into the soft folds of stoned oblivion.
The swirling music carries my soul on a journey of lights and colours, soothing my tired resolve, shielding me from the wicked talons of reality. I drift upon a sea of calm, and giggle at the sight of the demons that scratch at the barrier I erect around me - "Yes, I know you're there...but for now, you can't get me.....this is my world, and very few are welcome."
And so begins another exploration into my psyche - a dark and twisting spiral of madness; I am like a child, brightly dressed and playfully dancing through a landscape of barren, grey desolation, laughing at the monsters who try to grab me. I taunt them with my wry humour, "I know you'll get me one day, but how long are you prepared to chase mwhahahaha!!"
I'll pay for that.
Stick it on the bill, along with all those other debts :D
Damn.
I'm writing this down!
Rambling on like man possessed :eek:
Haaa....Maybe I bored them ;)
Thanks for listening :)
Res...
