<..>STONED STORIES<..>

hey whats up all...well if ur stoned and u wanna make up some story that sounds cool in ur head lol put it on here i love reading them...im off to smoke two bowls then i'll post a story :D

"it was a dark and stormy night", the old frog breeder said.
he fed them crickets not the bat and ball kind as others once had said.
(said and said wow yr the poet laureate)
in a gilded cage of crytal meth the lobster trapper sat,
he twiddled his thumbs on a timpany drum and wondered where he was at.
while all the while on a wild plane flew an axis of evil pike
the contingency plan was to scam the land and rich and poor alike.
but evil plans by evil hands cannot unto evil depend,
for even evil, the root from all evil stems, was not made by evil men.
"for better or worse" the cook did say as it sizzled in the pan,
the frogs legs sizzled and lobster frizzled, turned by the evil man.
if wicked things do, the wicked done did, and wally the shipwright crowed,
he drilled a whole in his head to slow the drainage of frozen dread.
and all the while, while the vile drowned in bile, the contents of the tummy did sway,
and unto the floor like a golden roar, the naked vomit did splay.
did evil then rule, as the goat herders drooled in a river of bitter dismay,
as the goat did swim and the herders twin ate a horned toad that day.
but oh what a fright at the astonishing sight may i die before i do wake
for the splinter in my eye is as big as the sky, and much heavier than i can take.
for it would be sure, that the wallowing sores that fester inside of my head,
the infection will spread from their home in my head to the shores of the great creamy bay.
and OH THAT I MIGHT make it mine tonight, the pleasure, the rapture, the bliss...
for that which i might, be delivered from fright to the arms,
of the toad,
to kiss.

the end.

alrightyo i jsut got hte bomdast weed from my dealer i got a quarter im gonna buy the rest he has tomrw :D anyways for my story...well listen up yo

i was like walking through the forest one night whent his lil elf jumped at me. He was like "Hey, you know riddles?" i relpied with a short but settle "yes" then tell me one he screamed! i said the frog walked two miles in the snow yet he walked 22 in the fog and 222 in the desert. Where was he walking too? THe elf sat there stumped i took out a joint i rolled earlier and he somehow had one too except it was like a glwoing joint with this giant glow that said SMOKE ME SMOKE ME and i was like shit!!! pass that shit bro!!! i toked that shit and i was just like gibberish all int he membrane..but the morale of the story is that never trust elves....unless they bring their own weed and u meet them in the woods...in that case smoke all their weed and build a tree house... SQUAK THE PARROT!!!!

Baja....travel log...time: 600pm....day friday...agenda...heading down to Baja surfing for one week.....I called my bro and his brother, they just finished packing their board and gear...we were gonna campout in the wilds of Baja mexico...My faithful truck 4x4 and the bros..headin south of the border.but what about the weed?..none of us would tell where we stashed the weed....so it wont look obvious to the feds....there was 2 check points before the turn off to the beach..the turn off was 4 hours of hard core 4x4ing...to the point...Fiest stop, border town, stalked up on food ice,gas...and other misc. items...then it was the boarder, as your enter the border, there is a red light and green light..they would blink back and forth..if you got red , u wourld go to secondary..but this time we timed it.....cake walk ..we had it down....now the first check point was coming up..a couple of young soldiers...here ya go snacks,...and gone.......the second one had a mean fed ..he would pick thru my food and take what he wanted..no pros...go fo it....pass......down we are home free....but just the banditos...no probs...we were packing a glock and we'd do battle with them if it boiled down to it....nah....then ganja mon puts out a film can stuff hard with skunk..cali style weed...hahahah we all laughed..then his brother pulls out his oz in his shoe..gross...then me... i had said i didnt bring none...but actually had a oz of kush..freshly harvested....stashed away in the mess kit..we arrived to the camp spot and made camp in th emeddle of the night the truck lights on building tents and pulling out coolers food...fire wood...the camp was set up in no time....inside th e main tent protected by the wind , we pulled out the buds and beer and partied...next morning ..boiling coffee and checking the surf out...we smoked left overs......and surfers all day..this went on for a few days untill they ran out of pot..the surf kept gettign better...and we partied harder...then the time came...their last joint...and we had a few more days left.......they looked like babies with out there mommy...no tits tonight...boys...ha ha ha ..the roach went out......and it was like the end of the world...I started to laugh i laughed so hard and they were gettin mad...then all of a sudden the waves began to hit hard on the reef....we got up and looke dout thru the full mooon light....whoa......must be 8 feet dude.....i walked around and pulled out the buds and said ..Hey ....smoke?
Hahahah it was a epic session.....

It's the fall of 1993, I am an 18 year old girl from a farming town who's never really been anywhere or seen anything yet. Six months before I had shattered my parents by telling them that I wasn't going to college and was going to beauty school instead. The school was in the nearest city, I had never been in a place like this in my life. The girlfriends I'd met in school were absolutely CRAZY compared to my friends back home, and had all been smoking weed for years. I'd dated boys that smoked but I'd never done it myself. All of Mary's good small town ways were about to fly out the window starting on this night.

Karen, Jill, and I had all gotten out first tattoos together 2 nights before and now Jill, Heather, and I (Karen was busy) were all out together for the first time. It's embarressing to say, but the whole evening had started with Heather trying to track down an old boyfriend who was now one of the sound guys for a successful band. I won't say what one because "name dropping" is lame.

The band was playing at an area club, not bars like I was used to, the kind with 60 year old men sitting on bar stools with the cracks of their asses sticking out and Garth Brooks playing, but a real club. "J" the sound guy had invited us to hang out while he and the other roadies set up for the band. Us(under age) girls were there watching scruffy guys unload a huge truck and thinking we were the shit because we were all about to get into a bar that would never had let us in without ID under normal circumstances. Little did we know that we would actually meet the band.

So, here's me thinking I was so cool drinking my beer with the freaking roadies when all of a sudden appears the lead singer, then the drummer, then the bass player, then the lead guitar player...here's where I almost pee my pants. Lead singer "G" turns out to be the sound guys FATHER (who knew?)!!!

"G" asks us to stay with the rest of the band while the low life roadies continue their set up (who suddenly didn't seem as cool now that wewere chilling with the actual band). Heather and Jill seemed completely at ease, I was nervous and quaking inside. But I can't help but notice how unbelievably cute "F"is (guitar player) even though he is twice my age.

My heart was beating, I could barely breathe, small town Mary had met many a cow but never anyone famous, not to mention famous male musicians. If I was a little older and more experienced I would've realized that getting young chicks/fans was old hat to the well seasoned pros, but I felt so important and special when "F" asked my name.

On to my first smoke, I was content with my beer and company but then "G" pulls out 3 joints and suddenly I realize I have to "fake" knowing how to smoke weed. My friends knew what they were doing, the guys in the band had been smoking since well before I was even born. Hicksville Mary suddenly had to act as cool as she'd been presenting herself to be.

I look to Heather, who was now sitting on "J"'s lap, she'd be of no help to me. Jill was all wrapped up in the drummer, who by now had an arm slung around her shoulder. I was on my own. And, to add to all of my Farm girl apprehension "F" has given me his jacket to wear because he thought I was shivering (yeah, really I was trying not to reveal my inexperience). And he's slowly moving closer to me, edging nearer and nearer. "G" lights the jays, one after the other and passes them to "J', on to Jill and "D", next it's my turn...OH MY GOD, HOW DO I TOKE? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? IS THAT "F'"s HAND ON MY ASS?!!!

Slowly I take the joint from "D", praying I don't drop it and look like a complete idiot. I take a last glance around, everyone seems to be smiling and having a great time. I sigh knowing no one is really paying attention to me and they are passing the last 2 joints already. No one has any idea this is my first time smoking. I've been watching closely enough to have a slight idea...I raise the joint to my lips, I can feel the heat from the smoke of the lit cherry tip on my hand. The paper sort of sticks to my lower lip as I inhale. I can feel the smoke fill my lungers, through obeservation, I know I am supposed to hold it in for a few seconds. My virgin lungs swell, all I can think is , "Mary, do not cough! Mary do not cough!" What feels like ages is only seconds and I exhale and hand off the joint to "F" who is now beaming with a smile and sitting right next to me. And, yes, that is his hand on my ass!

I did it! No one suspected a thing! I'd go on to take 5 more hits and mange not to make a complete fool of myself. I felt like the world was spinning, my hearing seemed to go in and out, like the voices of the ppl around me were muffled. We went into the bar about a half hour later, watched and listened to this great long haired hippie band of misfits. I danced and twirled and felt Mary from the tiny town slipping away and a new more alive Mary creeping into my body.

Later on, in "F" and "J"'s hotel room, we'd smoke more and hear tales of the Grammy's and the time "F" dated Chrissy Hinde when he lived in London, and oh, that Sting, what a self absorbed ass he can be at times! Within monthes I'd be living in an apartment in the city with "F". And the tales I could tell from that year could fill a novel and spin you're head. Within monthes my life long love affair with weed would begin, and my dissillusionment with fame would also start as I would begin to realize the torture and wonder of life on the road. I would also learn the truth of this successful older man and his darkness and, also, the wonderful lessons he would teach me.

Years later, after I was back in my bovine filled home town (which I grew to love and never want to leave), "F" found me and asked me to marry him...in his usual consuming, energetic way. I would decline and eventually build my own life. Now as I near 30, I realize that "F" is in his 50's and wonder if with everything he's achieved if he's ever really found happiness in his nomatic worldwin lifestyle. I am now at a point in my life where I can be content in my decision not to marry him and live a rock star wife life. But thanks to him and that night, I will always have maryjane in my life...

the first time i ever smoked opium was a trip.......
me, my boyfriend, z, and one of our buddies smoked some opium and
went to get something to eat....

well z was sittin in the front seat and we were gettin ready to turn
up this road and z looks up and all he
seen was a house....
he thought we were gonna go straight through the house...
well we got to town and got something to eat and
pulled in to eat...

well a cop pulls in so we pulled out and
started home...
on down the road we seen blue lights behind us...
we were freakin out and he was
pullin this other dude over that
was behind us...

z looked at all of us and he was like
lets get the fuck home...
omg u would've had to been there...
it was soooooooo funny

i was so fucked up by the time i left z's house i passed out
at z's and my boyfriend had to help me walk home...

peace

This happened roughly 14 years ago, the story is true, but the names have been changed to protect nobody.

Mike, Bobby, Levi, and myself decided to go in on a sack, at the time we were getting a 4 gram sack for 50 bucks. Anyway, we got our bag and hit up tthe stoney spot, this was weed the likes of which, I haven't seen since, reall one hit shit. We smoked, one bowl got us all so lit we had to sit and chill for like 3 hours after smoking one bowl between 4 people, one of which was so high that he was puking from the spins. As we gathered our composure, we split up what was left of the bag, just as we were finishing up, a cop pulled up next to us. Bobby was on probation, so he got searched, but Levi held his bag so the cop wouldn't find it. After searching Bobby, he did a flashlight once over on the car, and left. As he pulled away, I look at Mike's armrest, and there, sitting in plain view, is a big, plump, neon green bud, I grabbed it and showed everybody, we lucked out that night.

nice stories guys :)

imotep, that rocked, man :D

i got my first tatoo straight after school.
me and 2 buddies who were 16 and 17 all smoked a shitload and went on in. they both knew what they wanted and i wasnt even thinkin about it. bastards still lived at home so their disposable income was... well.. it existed.
so the guy cards them and refuses them coz theyre underage.
they gee me up into gettin one coz they both owe me $ and now they suddenly were able to come good lol.
so in daze i stand reeling before the wall of pictures with a roaming finger and say..............
that one.
a black bat.
and wheres it goin mate guy says.
finger again starts reeling around.....
there, middle top forearm. lets not fuck around aye.

went trippin that night and fully lost it. i sat there goin-take me to hospital, im fucked, im really fucked, put me in a box its time for me to go-
heads were dissapearing and spinning into the void
crystal tunnels swallowed me and mushroomsgrew out of my veins which throbbed and swelled and threatened to breed with the crystals with terrifying consequesnces.
a mate tried to do up a shot of speed and said he was having trouble with the needle and spoon and his arm braiding together-dont try this ever, very very bad move-
so finally the mushrooms dissapear and the alien skulls have gone though im still suspicious of where i was bitten by one...
and then i saw the evil bat on my arm and discovered half my dreads had been dyed green at some point.

i think iwas abducted lol

hmm..im not a good story teller.
those are good though!

Imotep, you're non fiction story was awesome. :D I loved the ending the best...did you ever find out who dyed your dreads?

yep. they were shitty feral stray dreads, they deserved it.