Hey! My BF smokes every day and is fed up with it ruining his life. It's ruining us. He has no libido (or is that my affect on him). He said he wants to quit.
Is this possible to do? After 17 years? Tell me it is, please
Bubs xx
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Hey! My BF smokes every day and is fed up with it ruining his life. It's ruining us. He has no libido (or is that my affect on him). He said he wants to quit.
Is this possible to do? After 17 years? Tell me it is, please
Bubs xx
never heard anyone complain that herb LOWERS sexual libido.Most say it makes 'em horny.Perhaps you should try smoking some and see for yourself.Cuase the only negative effect I ever saw come from weed is you might forget where you laid your car keys more frequnetly.It has a tendency to cause short term memory loss to some degree.Short term as in info you only need for a few moments,NOT long term memories like your BF's name or your favorite color.So If you dont mind hunting for your keys,or phone or whatever,once in awhile, I don't think that is much of a BAD effect to worry about.,
Nope. You can never quit. Marijuana is more addictive than cocaine and heroin put together, or as I like to call it, coceroin.
Of course he can quit. Cannabis doesn't build a physical dependence, so he's not going to get sick from quitting. He may be a little irritable and have some sleepless nights, but he should be fine. In other words, he will quit on his own if he feels it is worth it.
Personally, I don't think it's the weed that's ruining your relationship, it's your boyfriend's attitude toward life that's being projected through his smoking habit. Cannabis only changes people into lazy, worthless slobs if they were already that way to begin with. Keep in mind, when a relationship starts to go bad, the couple usually blames anything they can before it all comes crumbling down.
Guess it must be me then. He says he has the desire but not the energy to do anything about it. Even though I have done my bit in the past to make sure I participate but he doesn't need the energy, he seems disinterested.
He has told me some wonderful things but when he is stoned he just can't seem to be bothered to even talk to me?
No. He's hoplessley addicted. The only way he can quit is if you wean him off it with heroin.
graph's got it right
the downfall of your relationship is his negative attitude towards life, it's not the weeds fault he's feeling this way, it may amplify it, but its not the direct cause
all honesty maybe he should quit, because it seems now he's using weed as a crutch to deal with his problems
If it helps, he smokes skunk, with cigarettes. He is off work sick which I'm sure hasn't helped. Cos he can be permanatly stoned.
I need your info please...........
Maybe it's you.Quote:
Originally Posted by boogabubbalou
I'm sticking with my first "he was probably a worthless slob before" argument. Desire but no energy doesn't even make sense to me. If you have the desire, you work for it. No offense, your boyfriend gives people who smoke cannabis everywhere a bad name. I believe he's just blaming his problems on something that can't fight back.
Keep in mind sometimes when people get high they feel silence is deafening. There's less of a need to talk when you can sit and enjoy life for what it is, you know?
And Kryzco, amplify was the word I was looking for.
He explained to me that when he is away from me and smoking with his mates, he has a crappy time but he still has the want there to do it. Though it puts him out for the next day and he hates that hungover feeling.
Before he smoked as much around me (only 6 weeks ago) he was perfect.....a real great bloke, so I'm hoping that he really is a great bloke and being stoned and fed up is making him less bothered
well if he quits weed then your gonna see him smoking a hell of a lot more cigs
you need to talk to your man plain and simple
weed doesn't ruin libido, at least for me, it enhances it, but excessive cigarette smokin can (don't quote me on that, but I do remember reading it somewhere)
he can quit but its gonna be because he truly wants to, if not your looking at a lost cause
hangover from weed? what?
Honestly, you can blame weed all you want. I don't care, personally, and it won't affect me at all. However, in a few months after he quits and he still doesn't have a job and still treats you badly, I hope you come back here as a new member of the community and a new cannabis smoker.
could the libido bit be linked to the fact that he knows he's letting me down and feels a bit ashamed of how he's been treating me?
It's not a problem I've had to deal with before!
If you're so against it, why would you try to change him? It's naive to think you can change people, and I think he's just straight up lying to you about wanting to quit. If he wanted to quit, he would have quit by now. It's weed, not heroin. Jeez.
lol me smoking? nah i quit..........but that was the legal stuff.
He does work.........has been in the same job for 12 years, pays his mortgage etc so he's doing ok but he's off sick right now, due to go back soon.
What didn't help is that I told him to go ahead and smoke as much as he wanted because I didn't want to ruin his life by trying to control him. Every other woman in his life used to flush it down the loo and give him a hard time!
Maybe he isnt sexually attracted to you. Has his libido always been a problem or is it something new. Maybe your not his type...
Yeah fair point, thanks for that. He should just bit the bullet and do it if thats what he thinks he wants to do. There have been several "just one more night with the boys".............and like I have tried to explain to him, it's not the drug I have a problem with, it's the way he is with me.Quote:
Originally Posted by graph
If he were stoned but lovely (like he is when he's had a beer) then I'd wlecome it!
WEED IS A SCAPEGOAT
Quote:
Originally Posted by halo
No, it wasn't a problem until about 2 weeks ago when he started smoking more. We were so hot! He felt like all his christmasses had come at once.
there is something he's not telling you
you better talk to him
how long have u been together might i ask
You also have to understand, you're talking to a bunch of people who smoke weed. It's hard to convince us that weed's the problem when all of us here know it's not. At one time I think we all used to be like you, we believed the government at face value and accepted the fact that because it's illegal, it must be immoral, too. Then we all grew up a little bit and realized our own experiences should shape the path of our lives, not what someone else tells us to think. If you've never smoked weed, I'd suggest you give it a try, to at least see what all the fuss is about. When you realize it's no big deal, I think you'll realize that it's your boyfriend, not the weed, that has turned him the way he is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by graph
This is exactly the reason I have come in here, because I want the truth and if my efforts are flogging a dead horse better to know now that now.
I did try it but many years ago. I didn't think it did anything to me really. After quitting cigarettes I do understand a bit about addiction and he says he has a need.
Maybe you are right, maybe something in me has changed him but he still says he wants me for life.
We have known each other 5 months. Not long but an amazing time. Maybe it's worth hanging on a few more weeks before writing it off
Cigarettes are actually more addictive than cannabis. You have some research to do. Cigarettes create a physical dependence, your body feels that it needs the nicotine, and there are consequences when it doesn't get the dose it needs. I could go on, but you know what these are already. However, THC activates the cannabinoid receptors in the brain, no such physical dependence happens. There is a psychological dependence, but this just means that you like it. There's a psychological dependence to sex, too.
Cigarettes and cannabis are two totally different things. Cigarettes are terrible and contain horrible chemicals. Cannabis just makes you feel funny for an hour.
More blow jobs.
Been there, he said it was the best ever...................apparently im the answer to his dreams. But you say skunk won't change that?Quote:
Originally Posted by Justin Incredible
I'm saying nothing I just wanted more blow jobs.
Thank you all. I do appreciate your honesty.
I cant write him off.............
But it's been an education tonight, thanks xx
pot isn't addictive, yada yada yada. And it doesn't ruin lives.
I dont care it something is addicting or not, in your case not, you can quit anything if you want to bad enough. He can quit easy. Just stop smoking.
Graph has said a lot of intelligent insightful things here.
I want to add though that your bf is not a lost cause due to his outlook and attitude.
There are ways that both of you can work together to find the balance in your relationship if you both feel it is worthwhile to do so.
I would suggest that start by finding some activities that you both enjoy doing together. Sometimes when we get stuck in a rut a simple thing like trying some new recreation or entertainment will do wonders for giving us a mood pick up that will set us in a different mind set long enough to break out of negative and harmful thought patterns.
If you can enjoy life together , have some fun, some romance, some laughs and shed some stresses it has great potential to rebuild a bond that got neglected.
Relationships get stagnant and die if no effort is put into continuing to learn and enjoy time together.
This is the "spark" people speak of.
So, find a new way to spark it up rather than sparkin up a doobie.
Sit and look into each others eyes for a few minutes, holdding hands palm tp palm without saying a word.Look not "at" each other, but "into" each other. Feel the love welling up inside you. Then talk about things you used to enjoy doing. Talk about why you love each other. Motivation to get up and get out there living life can be found in this little excersize.
This is only the first step but it can do wonders.
peace.
Have you considered that your bf has been slipping into a depression and smoking more weed because he has more need for something to make him feel good? It's a classic case with most people who smoke weed, including myself.
But right now it may be good for him to quit for a while. Not because weed is making him depressed, but because he's using it as an emotional crutch with his depression, and when you constantly hide away in a bottle, a joint, a needle, junkfood, or even just hours of television, you're training your brain to just avoid what which makes you miserable instead of learning how to deal with it. I think the best thing is to find his solution for a better life through his own power.
How? nobody here can give a definitive answer but I could advise a few things. Learning meditation and getting more physically active would definately help, as he needs to learn how to push himself and still feel good about it.
He could also start taking large quantities of Omega 3, 6, and 9 fatty acids with sublingual vitamin-B12 tablets (this actually worked really well for me after taking them for a month).
Then, I'd advise helping him get a new perspective on life. Do something like go camping for a whole week, something that cuts him off from the basic comforts and indulgences of every day life, because these can be a real problem in numbing the mind into a comfortable yet miserable rut.
Then, and this is a real simple one, there's breathing. Believe it not, chaning the way a person breaths in every day life can significantly affect intelligence, mental clarity, quality of sleep, and depression. Quite simply, get him (heck, do this yourself) to mentally focus no breathing deeper and slower at all times. You'd be surprised what a difference it can make.
Best of luck to you.
Great advice oh wise one, great advice.Quote:
Originally Posted by mrdevious
Respect.
i have been smoking weed now for 16 years and im very proud of it, it has only ever increased my libido and gave me a sense of general all round well being i smoke weed nearly every day except when i cant get it. i think u should get him 2 vary differant varieties if u think skunk is a problem but personally i have never experienced anything like his symptoms
Quote:
Originally Posted by FunkyMonkey
Thank you thank you, this is exactly what I was looking for, some positiviety.
If he wanted to run away, I have given him lots of chances to do it. But he still says I'm the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with.
We are getting together tonight. Hopefully he will be sober enough for us to try out the romance you said. That's our problem the past couple of weeks, he has been constantly stoned so it's hard to talk at all.
Please keep any wonderful advice coming.
And for those of you who tell me you smoke and are proud of it, that's great! You should only do things in life you are proud of and get something good out of. I am not judging anybody. But for my BF and me it's not a pleasure anymore. He wants his life back and he wants to quit.
Not all smokers want to quit..........that's great. It would be like me telling someone who has grey hair to get it dyed............if they don't mind being grey then why should they!!??
yeah its not that hard to stop smokin weed, i smoked everyday for 6 years (and i mean EVERYday lol), i've been stopped for just over 3 weeks now, just try to keep busy and not think about smokin it... oh, and just dont buy any, thats all been workin for me so far :thumbsup:Quote:
Originally Posted by boogabubbalou
Peace and Good Luck :)
I hate people that act like marijuana is so horrible, those are the ones that need to smoke the most, hahahah.
lol, i just had a ten minnute laughing fit cuz of that:stoned:Quote:
Originally Posted by halo
my advice is start smoking with him, cuz he probly doesnt care about your feelings, lol jk:p
What if there were message boards like this, but with people who do heroine, and like someone went in there and was like "hey my bf is addicted to heroine what do i do?" and all she got was shit like "heroines not addictive fool!!!" lol
5 months?...u guys act if uv been married for 15 years...he sounds like a loser to me...drop his ass...and come live with me :D oh and by the way i have plenty libado to go around :D
wow i expected a flood of reply saying "weed's not the problem" but you guys all offer very valid points
I offer a combination of what I have learned in hindsight and what I observe and what flows through me when I read of someone asking for help.
Sometimes, like this, I imagine how different my life would be today if I had used the advice I offer now.
I could have done more and kept my heart open longer instead of closing it out of fear. Instead I closed it, acted and reacted in ways that closed hers. I distanced myself when I should have sat holding hands looking into her eyes and felt the love melting away all the bullshit and resentments I held for her and myself and life in general. I smoked too much, I ignored too much, I focussed on my love for the kids and neglected my love for her. I spent all my time and energy on them. They were my world.
I participated, along with her, in allowing it all to die. I lost the motivation to forgive because I feared that love was weaker than the pain we sometimes feel in life.
I gave up and now, today....*sigh* ...I struggle to overcome the feelings I am left with.
Mine is a path I cannot return to. My path leads away from those moments and into a new unknown place. I struggle sometimes to find the courage to take the next step.
My heart does not yearn for a return to the past but yearns for the peace that i once had to be here and now incorporated into my new life as it once was then.
Our relationship has died. I couldnt stand her anymore and I ended it.
Somewhere in my heart I still love her but I continue to bury that today, as does she. I love her soul but her actions attack this love constantly.
Our son is the rope that binds us but here and now it is a tug of war with no balance.
Each day I find a new piece of the puzzle that will one day reveal a wonderful new picture to me. I am human and somedays I pass these pieces by without noticing them. And those days are filled with sorrow and regrets, anger and frustration.
So when i read of someone struggling to find this balance in their love now...how can I not offer what I have learned in my own heart.
I share this all with you now to show what can become of a love that is expected to feed itself. It dies as a infant left to fend for itself will.
Feed it and nurture it daily . Or.....