what do you do, when you've become the person you hate the most, and it's not something that can just be changed? what is there to do, when you've become everything you despise, and you were just so blind you couldn't see it.. what can you do?
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what do you do, when you've become the person you hate the most, and it's not something that can just be changed? what is there to do, when you've become everything you despise, and you were just so blind you couldn't see it.. what can you do?
That is exactly the problem with hating someone. You end up becoming what you hate.
What to do about it? Try punching yourself in the face.<--Not serious. Sorry, sorry.
You need a change of perspective and thinking, a godly dose of good amazonians will do this for you.....
http://gallery.cannabis.com/albums/u...l_000_0299.JPG
Its not the answer but its a damn good start...
go to church...
Get high. :stoned:
i do not believe in christianity, and i have already tried, it's just not in me so my answers do not lie there.Quote:
Originally Posted by latewood
rogue, i am high..
MM, maybe hate isn't the right word, i don't know what you would call it, but think of every thing you think is 'wrong' and said person holding such traits should be punished one way another, what do you call that person? the only word i could think of was hate...
its ur business, but dont give up on God...
as for ur question...
basicaly you learn to live with it...
you do reconize you have a problem,and that is good...
now you just need to work on changeing what ever it is bothering you...
and its not just gonna up and change over nite...
it mite take the rest of your life...
but you will grow...
and try to think in the positive...
think of all the good things that you can make happin...
the joy you mite give to some one...
im so stoned...
i could just go on and on...lol
peace
Thanks for trying but I'm even more confused. I'm guessing you realized some things you thought were true, are not actually true and you're dealing with it. To me, an outsider, that seems rejuvinating but I probably still don't understand what you mean.
No respone to my reply??
I guess you havent dabbled in the healing aspects of psilocybin. When are people going to realize that psychedelics like this arent for fun, they are a tool used for self-evaluations and self-exploration....
ummm Im thinking mush isnt the best thing to do if you "hate" yourself lol thats sounds like the most horrible trip ever hahaha
You have to go through the bad to get to the good...
You have a bad trip either because you abused the use of the substance OR its something that you have to go through in order to fix things.
What you think something like he is talking about is going to be easY??
no....
I agree 100%. It seems that these days of materialism have really given our society a head high, I've learned out of the very few times I've eaten shrooms, that luckily you can be brought down to Earth and realize that you yourself can find the key to your happiness. Honestly!Quote:
Originally Posted by HazardousToking
Depends on what it is.. you will most likely learn to live with it.
even if i were to want shrooms, i couldn't get them, nor would i try. i'm really trying to keep the exact circumstances minimal as possible, as a. i really wouldn't want anyone to know these things, it's not the worst thing in the world, but it's something i'm so far from proud of, and b. the circumstances really wouldn't help to answer the question anyways, probably just the opposite, it would probably envoke alot of negative responses and generally turn into some argument, rather then answers.
ok, lets say you think bullying is wrong, and you're really really against it, because you grew up all around it, you grew up through it, you were bullied and you swore you never wanted to become a bully, and you'd rather kill yourself then be a bully, then you realize one day, you've become a bully, and it's already been going on for a looooong time, it's not something that's just going to go away, it's not something you can instantly change and poof everything is ok, the damage is already done, but remember you swore you'd kill yourself before you became that person, and you meant it. what do you do, and what do you call that? i'd call that hating myself because that's all i can think of, like that's the only phrase that describes it i guess :confused: does this help anything?
on the god thing, it's dead and gone, believe me nothing is ever going to bring it back, sometimes people just don't believe, and they know they don't believe and they know they are never going to no matter what happens, i'm one of those people, i actually take offense when someone 'god blesses me' when i sneeze, because i feel as if i'm having someone else's religion forced on me, just as i'm sure you'd be pretty offended and/or upset should a satanist force his religion on you, say by stepping up to the little pedestal thingy in the middle of service and start reading from the satanic bible.
I havent experimented with other psychedelics other than mushrooms. In my experience psilocybin is a chemical that short circuits your ego. Now if you have somewhat of a clear concept of what your ego does to you, you will realize that psilocybin can be your best friend in helping you solve internal psychological and emotional problems.
I live in America and i assume most of you do as well. The thing that stands out to me the most is how American culture/society is balls-to-the-wall on inflating your ego. Turn on your boob tube and just think about it. Why is it bent on doing this?? Your ego holds you back from becoming something greater, and with a country like America, they do not want the average person accomplishing this.
Slipknotpsycho - To hate is to separate. If you are truly one with all and see through the illusion of ego, then to hate your neighbor is hating yourself. Rejecting your fellow man is rejecting yourself. Love thy neighbor, and you love yourself.
I dont think its hating your self I think its Fucking Up, there's probably only one thing you can do which is change....it doesnt matter how you do it just change the things you dont like about you......and what the hell did you do in the first place lol
unfortunately, that still doesn't solve my problem.
EDIT: ^^^ this comment was to HazardousToking
puffpuffand away, i forgot to make comment on the rest of your advice, i don't want my previous post to seem as if i read your first line and rejected the rest of what you had to say, which i didn't. i read it and am still thinking about it, i'm not sure if that helps me fully, i still would appreciate anyone's input (and i mean actual genuine input, i'm not just going to appreciate anything said, for instance you can say 'stfu you noob' and believe me i won't appreciate it.) but you would be suprised how much your advice fits in my situation...
Nobody really knows why they say "bless you", though there are few common theories. Most of them being religious, but some actually thought the sneeze to be good luck and "bless you" was just a recognition.
Anyway,
I know there must be a lot of information stewing about in your head as I've been in a situation like this before (not too long ago).
I realized I had 3 choices:
A) Kill myself. (I'm not a quitter)
B) Start ignoring it (like I had been) again and follow that lovely path of being dishonest with myself (which brings about a lot more problems for me aside from truly being happy**)
C) Figure out exactly what I hate about myself and fix it.
I literally wrote down everything I was doing lately that I didn't like.
I also wrote down how I could change it, or what I could change it to.
You kind of have to dive into your head and rewire your brain into thinking differently.
It takes time depending on how strict you keep to yourself. You can do it, people do it everyday.
I love self improvement. <3
So what are the base tendencies in yourself that you don't like? Why don't you just change them? As in, once you're aware of them, and notice them coming out in your behavior, compensate for them. Be more flexible in your actions. Maybe even apologize if it comes to it. You don't have to be something you don't want to be, and ultimately you're the only one choosing.
Mushrooms might help you notice some of the problems, but they won't help you solve them. It would be silly to think we can change ourselves without a lot of hard work and a certain amount of self-discovery.
Maybe you should change the way you see certain things. Like God. I'm not one to prescribe religion, but maybe there's something outside of yourself that gives some value to your life.
I'm always touched when people say "god bless you", regardless of my lack of "faith" in their god. I don't believe, and I doubt that they believe that demons may enter my body after sneezing, I think it's just a way of expressing care. How can one be so offended?
it's not the fact that i haven't/won't apologize, it's not the fact that now that i'm aware of it i just stop, it's the mere fact that 'i did it' that makes it so horrible, i guess i'm more looking for a way to cope with what i have already done, but i'm not so sure i can refer back to "remember you swore you'd kill yourself before you became that person, and you meant it." see this is my problem, i swore i never would, but becuase i wasn't 'bullied' anymore, i went blind and forgot 'bullying' exist, thus a sudden realization that i became the 'bully' rather than the 'bullied'Quote:
Originally Posted by Polymirize
on the religion thing, i won't get offended if some stranger says it, i'll just politely ignore it, depending on the person and the cirumstance i might even fake a 'thank you' but if i know you, as in you're a friend or someone i see often, and it's the first time, i'll politely ask you not to say that to me anymore, most leave it at that, it's a simple request is it not? however if it's done after my request not to do it anymore, i take it offensively, becuase a. i feel as if i'm having a religion forced on me, and b. i already asked you not to do it, so if you do it again, you're more than likely just doing it to piss me off.
and now you have these tendencies to be occasionally inclined toward bullying. But now that you recognize them you can resist them and when you fail, attempt to make amends. Work on it and over time you have to resist less and less because your tendencies will change.
In other words, if you work towards making yourself a better person, it will just become habitual.
As for sneezing... I think you're just taking it all too personally. The person is probably just accustomed to saying bless you in those situations, and being offended is less a matter of being offended by religion being "pushed" on you, and more a matter of just being offended by the fact that they themselves are religious.
Do you realise that atheists and agnostics have nothing to say after someone sneezes? Just stare at them blankly till they excuse themselves...
become a bhuddist monk and confine yorself to a life of abstinence and repenance.. biiaaatch
where is this 'ignore' button i've been hearing about? :confused:
i just wrote out a whole long reply to this, trying to further explain how i find it's shoving a religion on me, but decided to against it, for two reasons... one i don't want to continue this discussion any further as it really has nothing to do with the topic at hand, and i did not intend to come here to debate whether or not saying 'god bless you' is shoving a religion on me or not, and two you'd probably just have something to say back anyways, which i would probably have something to say back as well, and it would continue that way until one of us gave up and i doubt it would be you, so i'm just ending it here.Quote:
Do you realise that atheists and agnostics have nothing to say after someone sneezes? Just stare at them blankly...
I get what you mean...I have been there...My dad was big yeller and I vowed never to do that to my kids...I hated it and him soo much as a kid...I said I would never treat my kids like that or talk to someone I loved disrespectfully...then I had kids....It sucks...So much personality is passed down genetically..It takes a huge amount of self control to not be bully when you are programmed to be that and/or have never seen an example of how not to be one...it sucks, you just have to learn to control it...good luckQuote:
Originally Posted by slipknotpsycho
oh yeah, I have to say also, that you are a step ahead of your average bully when you recognize that you are one...
I agree with Munchee. And if you haven't already signed off and quit this conversaton, take heart. It sounds like you're doing exactly the right thing already--examining your conscience and your motivations and re-evaluating your actions before next time. We all make mistakes, and no one's behavior is flawless 100% of the time, no matter what we've vowed in the past. You're not giving yourself much of a break. And it sounds like you could use one. Hope you feel better soon!
first dont be so hard on yourself, you're probably just gonna make yourself feel worse. in fact be proud of yourself you stopped you're self from being something you hate sooner than later. Its only uphill from there isnt it?Quote:
what do you do, when you've become the person you hate the most, and it's not something that can just be changed? what is there to do, when you've become everything you despise, and you were just so blind you couldn't see it.. what can you do?
If you realize your faults or problems there is always a step you can take to better yourself. It's not easy and may not be a perfect solution but if you are determined enough you can change anything about yourself.
Also, give yourself time. As you say you didnt just turn into this person you hate overnight so obviously you can't expect to change it that fast either it just won't happen. try setting small goals for yourself and gradually build on them. if you can keep it up you will slowly change.
Slipknot, Im glad you made this thread actually. Recently Ive realised that theres a lot of things about me that I hate - and not just because I hate myself (IM NOT A FUCKING EMO!) its because I hate people who share the same traits as me. Selfishness, greed, dishonesty...
Id just like to thank everyone whos put positive input into this, as its also helped me. Some people make small steps to becoming a 'better' person, some people prefer to be thrown into a change. If I were you, and unsure of what was better, Id try changing myself instantly. Next time you go down town, smile at everyone you see... say hello to old grannies, chat with them at the bus stop, even offer to help carry their bags. Even if it doesnt make you feel better, remember that its made them feel better... and making someone feel happy and loved is the first step to loving yourself.
Hey slip,
I know you said you wanted to end it. You can choose to ignore this if you like.
I read what you initially said when starting this post. I realize that you are not one to believe in religion and what not. I dont believe in organized religion myself.
You are still a human being with a soul and it is your higher self that is telling you something and you are living in a Universe with a consciousness aware of your consciousness.
If I use the word soul I am not coming from that standpoint of religion.
When we experience fear or anger or jealously, we are in an illusion that is designed to bring to us awareness of those parts of the soul that need to be healed. These things do not actually exist. That is why pursuing them does not bring power, as in bullying etc.
What exists between souls is love and that is all that exists. Power is not the ability to exert your will upon another human being. There is no inner security in that kind of power as you have experienced.
By understanding this, the personaility is able to remain aware within the illusion, to accept consciously the healing that it offers, and to help others heal as well.
The illusion holds power over you when you are not able to remember that you are a powerful spirit/soul that has taken on the physical experience for the purpose of learning. It has power over you when you are compelled by the wants and impulses and values of your personality. It holds power over you when you fear and hate and sorrow and fester in anger or strike out in rage.
It has no power over you when you love, when compassion opens your heart to others. In other words, the illusion has no power over a personality that is fully aligned with its soul.
The illusion is governed by impersonal energy dynamics. It is shaped by the law of karma. Karma is karma and energy is energy. Albert Einstein believed not only in the phsyical aspects of energy but the spiritual aspects of balancing energy as well. Its a dynamic that applys to everything in the universe.
The awakened personality understands this, and therefore, does not respond to the experiences and the events of its life with anger, fear, sorrow or jealousy, which would create additional negative karma for its soul, but with compassion and with trust that the Universe, in each moment, is attending to the needs of its soul. This draws to it other souls with the same frequencies of consciousness.
You, all of us are beings of light. You shape that light through the emotional currents that you release. You need not even talk to do so. You constantly shape this light by your emotions and intentions.
Each personality draws to itself personalities with consciousness of like frequency, or like weakness. The frequency of anger attracts the frequency of anger, the frequency of greed attracts the frequency of greed and so on.
Negativity attracts negativity, just as love attracts love. Therefore the world of a greedy person is filled with greedy people, and a loving person lives in a world of loving people.
The law of attraction creates a cocoon, so to speak, of like energy around each personality so that as it seeks to heal its anger, or its fear, or its jealousy, the metamorphosis process into wholeness is intensified and accerlated and is brought to the center of the stage of awareness as you have just gone through.
The personality sees its anger or its fear not only within itself, but everywhere outside itself as well. If the personality chooses consciously to heal its anger, or its fear, every circumstance, every encounter becomes irritating or fearful as the Universe compassionatly responds to its desire to become whole.
As the anger, or the fear, within the personality builds, the world in which it lives increasingly reflects the the anger, or the fear, that it must heal, so that eventually , ultimately, the personality will see that it is creating its own experiences and perceptions, that its righteous anger or justifiable fear origingates within itself, and therefore can be replaced by other perceptions and experiences only through the force of its own being.
It is the intention that determines its effect. If what you offer to others is not sensitive, if it does not support and nourish, if it does not empower but disempowers them, it will be met with reistance at some level, and that resistance will be the counterpart of your energy that seeks to disempower, or to control.
Separation and distance are always the result of the pursuit of external power.
What we think is an act of power leads us to feel powerless and empty.
If the EMOTION is:
Anger, rage, vengefullness, hatred, jealousy/envy, loneliness, spite, sorrow, despair, grief, regret, greed, arrogance, alienation, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, superiority.
You now have two choices before you.
You can either unconsciously or through responsible choice take on the
BEHAVIOR of:
Selfishness, to hurt: animals, people, or the earth, using others: business, sexual or emotional. Lying, manipulation, violence, brutality, domination, impatience, withdrawl, judging or ridicule.
This path will start the NEGATIVE EMOTION/KARMA cycle all over again. Its a loop process.
The other choice is two break the NEGATIVE EMOTION KARMA cycle and make a responsible choice and this will lead you to authentic power. True power.
The human emotional system can be broken down into two elements:
Fear and love. Love is of the soul. Fear is of the personality.
If you are unconscious of the part of yourself as a splintered personality, you will enact the anger of that part of yourself without even thinking. You will strike out, or withdraw or ridicule, or in some way express your anger. Your anger will spill out of your private energy sphere and into the collective energy of those around you, creating negative karma.
Negative karma means that the personality that chooses negative behavior will experience that same negative behavior from another personality, and again, be given the opportunity to decide to release or continue that mode of learning.
This is the illusion. It is an illusion because you and the other souls that are involved have agreed, in compassion and wisdom, to participate in the learning dynamics of the Earth school in order to heal. It is an illusion because within nonphysical reality neither space nor time nor anger nor jealousy nor fear exist. It is an illusion because when you return home it will cease to be.
This is why we shouldnt judge a soul that is involved in its learning process.
When energy leaves you in fear or distrust, it cannot bring you anything but discomfort or pain. When energy flows from your system in fear and distrust, you experience a physical feeling of pain or discomfort in the part of your body that is associated with the particular energy center that is losing power. When energy leaves you in any way except in strength and trust, it cannot bring you back anything but pain and discomfort.
An authentically powered human being, therefore is a human being that does not release its energy except in love and trust.
The human soul cannot tollerate brutality, it cannot tollerate being lied to, It cant tollerate non-forgiveness, It cant tollerate jealousy and hatred. These are contaminates like feeding yourself arsenic. This is the distortedness of the soul that the physical reduced counterpart of the soul called the personality, takes on in order to cleanse, in order to let other souls see so that it can be helped.
Do not hate yourself for what has happened. It was a mistake to be learned from. Just acknowledge that to the Universe and ask for forgiveness and it will come. You must be prepared to forgive others as well as it is part of the dynamic.
The important thing to remember is the intention behind it is genuine and the moment you make a genuine apology is when you feel a change in yourself in the same area that lost power. You restore yourself and that person at the same time and the Universe acknowledges you for doing so. You will feel your power come back to you.
Now you are less likely to repeat the mistake and have learned. You need not repeat this lesson 10, 20 or 50 more times to feel what you have felt because you understand the dynamic.
Nothing you do goes unseen in the eyes of karma and nothing escapes its laws.
Take care.
STOP ALL NEGITIVE SELF TALK............
alright thanks guys, after sleeping on it (i did alot of thinking last night before i feel asleep) i guess all there is to do for me is make the effort to change, and work towards it, never forgetting that if i 'go blind' again, i may wind up in the same place i'm at now, by that i mean i now know i can't allow myself to forget that uncontrolled, i become exactly what i didn't want to become, maybe it's just me, maybe it's everyone i don't know, i just know i have to watch myself now, and stay conscience of what i do/don't in the heat of anger/aggervation/stress... yesterday i was almost in a state of catatonia, i remember starring off in the same dirrection for about 30 mins yesterday just thinking 'how', i'm sure some of you can't/don't understand just how bad it hurt me to realize i'd become everything i swore i would not. thanks for all the support and help, now i guess is the begining of the journey to 'recovery'.
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