I WARNED YOU
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I WARNED YOU
I once saw an old woman shit herself. She was jogging and fell down, pulled down her sweats, and just shit all over the place. Then afterwards, she grabbed some newspaper from a nearby trashcan, wiped herself clean, and continued jogging like nothing happened.
Capt. Carl, I couldn't help myself. When I saw your avatar, I had to go here. It's THAT funny!
Were you saying "Don't go here" because you knew ClosedDoors was going to tell that awful story about the poor old lady?
Do I have to try and surpass that with my own gross story?
hahaha each story must surpass the one above in grossness!
When I was about 5 I cut up a worm and put it in my sisters beef stew...
^next thing you know you will be cutting up your sister in putting her in your worm stew.
hahahahaahahahaQuote:
Originally Posted by closeddoors
OK, here goes my attempt to top the old-lady story. This one, in fact, starts in a similar way. About four years ago, I was at the gym on a treadmill. Four or five treadmills over, a young man who had been running fell down and began to have a grand mal seizure, his treadmill still running. The poor soul, before anyone could get to him or turn his machine off, he lost control of his bowels and bladder, which both must have been incredibly full. Frankly, I don't see how he had been able to run.
Anyway, the smell was just overpoweringly bad, and it quickly filled the cardio room at the gym. There he lay, machine still whirring along, him down alongside it, spasming from his seizure. Urine was running all into his machine and down into the electrical tract that supplied that whole row of treadmills. More poop squeezed out of his shorts with every subsequent seizure contraction. And everyone just froze.
Now, I worked as a paramedic for seven years a good many years ago and have seen a lot of really grotesque things. But this was one of the grossest. And Iā??m ashamed to say I was as frozen as everyone else. (At least I didnā??t run out the gym door and get sick at my stomach like another lady.) Eventually it occurred to me to remember my fire-rescue training and yell for someone to shut off the master power switch so no one, including the poor young man, got electrocuted. Then we were able to pull him into a clearer spot and put a blanket over him till the fire department arrived.
Fortunately, the young man was fine. Bless his heart, it turns out heā??d been very busy and had forgotten to take his seizure medicine for about three days, which Iā??m sure is an oversight he wonā??t ever make again. The memory of that odor has not faded as fast as I wish it had. And Iā??m afraid that the young man never came back to the gym again, which I suppose I can sort of understand. Still, he couldnā??t help what happened as a result of a seizure.
LOL @ both stories.. mine isn't great, but it's gross. :D
I worked at a movie theater for the course of about a year.. you see all kinds of shit at the place. Literally. One older guy who was a little handicapped mentally had shit himself in the theater. His wife (or caretaker) made him sit in his own feces until he, I assume, got up and left himself. This was during the movie. So I see this guy walking towards the bathroom, notice the backside of his pants and it was a solid brown color, a little wet. There was shit running down his left leg, and his white sock that was pulled halfway up his calf was completely brown. Diarrhea I suppose. lol.
He completely misses the toilet after going in the bathroom. Shits all over the floor... somehow, I don't know. Wipes his shit covered hands on the stalls, AND, not only that.. he trailed a line of shit from the theater to the bathroom that a couple other people and myself had to clean up. It was like little clumps.. looked like dog food. AND, not only that.. we had to go around in the theater sniffing for the seat he was sitting in to disinfect and spray it. Not fun at all. :( lol I only knew about the guy sitting in his shit for a while because his wife (caretaker) actually came and told us all about it. Fucking bitch. :mad:
Around a year ago I came home extremely drunk and found myself at the refridgerator. I grab the first thing I see that looks like it can hold a large amount of urine. So I take some orange juice, open it up, piss in it for a good minute, put it back and go pass out on my bed. I wake up the next morning with a major hang over and walk in to my kitchen, everyone is drinking orange juice, I didn't remember what I had done until I just kept looking at them drinking the orange juice for a while wondering if my stomach could hold some down, then remember that I had pissed in that same orange juice the night before. Then my dad says something about it tasting "funny...perhaps sour." But he continues to drink it. I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything and just watched as my family drank my piss. Aww...good times...
hahahahha holy shit at all those stories! Man ebert, that is just awful but hilarious
The best thing I can think of is probably the funniest moment of my life (and probably always will be). Anyway, I was in 1st grade and everyone in the class was listening to the teacher read us a story when all of the sudden this retarded kid in our class walked into the room with his pants down (tighty whities galore). Everyone in the class looked in shock and he in the midst of all the silence he yells "Mrs. Shoe, will you help me zip my pants up?!"
sick!
these stories are fuckin hilarious, but sick.