Anyone here adopted? I am, from the time I was an infant. I ask because I have a theory that adoptees tend to be more susceptible to depression, etc...
Your thoughts are appreciated!
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Anyone here adopted? I am, from the time I was an infant. I ask because I have a theory that adoptees tend to be more susceptible to depression, etc...
Your thoughts are appreciated!
i was abandoned by my parents
and adopted by my neighborhood
every now and then i get flashes of anger and hatred
if your adopted and have found people that actually love you
its better than not being adopted and having to live with people
that dont really want you.if you start thinking on why your birthmom
gave you up im sure itll lead to negative thought.
just be glad you found some people in this fucked up worls that you can turn to when things get rough
some of us dont got that and we got to post on cannibis.com
I agree... fortunately I have a wonderful relationship with both my parents (adoptive) and my birthmother and family, so it's great. I'm in a curious mood today. :)
I gotta believe that an infant can sense the separation from his/her birth mother, and that could lead to all kinds of insecurity and possibly depression later in life. It's just my feeling ...Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryJaneintheCloset
Hey, MJITC! Haven't talked with you in a while. Too LONG a while.
That's awesome that you were adopted! What a neat thing that your birth mom wanted to give you the advantages of being raised by a couple who were in the right place to raise a child.
I think there's some pretty well documented evidence that some adopted folks can have depression or other issues related to the "abandonment" or being-given-away factor in adoption, but I truly think it depends on the openness with which both the adoptive and birth parents deal with things. I have a much-loved cousin who's adopted, and she dealt with some of that, but it seemed to be healed when she re-connected with her birth mother and fully understood how heavily motivated by love that decision was.
I think giving babies up for adoption is an amazingly loving and courageous thing to do.
my parents adopted 7 kids and have 10 in total
I was also adopted at birth and I've never had any sort of feelings of resentment or anger towards my biological parents. I knew that my birthmom had to give me up because she loved me but couldn't raise me. My adoptive parents have always told me this from as early as I can remember, so I had a pretty well adjusted perspective on the whole thing. I met my biological family about a year ago, and I find that I am just as close to them as I am with the family that raised me. It's as if those 18 years of separation never existed.
Aww Birdgirl... thank you for your insight. I agree, putting a child up for adoption is an extremely courageous act, especially for someone as young (16) ad my birthmom was. It's because of this that I've never harbored any ill feelings toward her, only an intense curiosity of wanting to know who she was all those years. :)
Adam- you sound a lot like me... do you find you've met a lot of adoptees throughout your life? Do you feel you're more like your adopted family or your birth family? You seem to have a really healthy attitude toward the whole thing. :)
I'm not but a friend of my wifes is. I have this theory that adoptees get deperessed because they feel there is something missing. My wifes friend just recently found her birth mother and has been engaging in a 'rediscovery' of herself. Her everyday demeanor as seem to improved. Even though I'm not adopted, I was seperated from my father for a good part of my life. As I got older, I wondered what he was like and what habits I picked up from him. It was the source of anger, confusion, and bouts of depression. When my father and I finally reconnected, all the pieces of the puzzle felt in place. All of a sudden, I had a complete basis for who I am. It was wierd...but you'd never guess my father and I were apart for so long by looking at us...we walk, talk, clear our throats, and make wise cracks the same way. It's great!
would i be considered an adopted kid..........my parents werent married when i was born....so on my birth certifacate, i went under my moms maiden name...and when i had to start school, for me to have my dads last name, he adopted me......i didnt find this out till both my parents died and i was going through paper work....funny for awhile it pissed me off.......and still to this day if someone calls me a bastard, its fighting words
my dad was adopted, and he has, umm issues..my theory is this...You are born with personality handed down from your biological parents..this is where nature takes place...As you grow with your parents you learn alot of things..how to cook, do math, etc..you also learn by watching your parents what you DON"T want to become...and can recognize those traits in yourself that aren't so great from mom and dad. I think that without that mirror of what youre like, you don't know that you don't want to be like them..right? does this make sense? I definitely harbor alot of the same issues as my dad, but sometimes when Im being an ass I can say (or my hubby says) "ok Jeff, stop being a butthole"
im also adopted. I feel with the whole abandonment thing its just a feeling of wanting to know where you came from. Ive been thinking about that a lot. It does affect the way I look at relationships with the opposite sex. I feel that I need to be cool with everyone or i'll be alone so its hard for me to kick things up to the next level with a girl sometimes. I'm actually going through that right now. Anyway my adopted parents are the best you could hope for. ANyway yeah that was my 2 cents
That definitely makes sense, Munchee. I think kids do indeed want to see themselves mirrored in their parents. I see my son going through another phase of that right now with my husband/his father. They're both so smart--and by this here I mean booksmart/school smart--and I see how my son is trying to be easier on himself when he makes mistakes than his father is on himself (and on others, too). And it's a struggle for him. He's had that self-critical, very high-achieving tendency modeled for him all his life, and now it's a part of his personality whether he likes it or not. When he was away at college this year and last, however, he saw that other kids aren't all so ruthlessly hard on themselves. And I see him trying to change that. It's interesting to watch.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryJaneintheCloset
My Mom was adopted by her Mother's Sister when she was real young. She's on her second marriage.
my oldest son and I butt heads, like, hourly....unfortunately I think its because he takes after me...all highstrung and bossy, my second one is really easy going, alot like my hubby...I get along with him easier, but hubby says he gets along with the older one easier than the middle...I definitely dont want to see my kids deal with some of my personality flaws (that's right people, Im NOT perfect...)Quote:
Originally Posted by birdgirl73
I'm sure as heck not perfect, either. And I know I haven't always been a perfect mom. I'm sure no one is. I get along very well with my son. He and his father butt heads more, and it's because they're so very alike, but when I tell my son that, he gets so defensive. I wish I'd been lucky enough to have more than one baby so I could see the different personality quirks in them.
One of the unfortunate things my boy seems to have inherited from me is a tendency to be messy and leave things lying around. We're lucky enough to have house help, so it doesn't show too badly here at home. But I already want to apologize in advance to his future wife, who's going to have a major challenge on her hands.
my father adopted me when he married my mum.