Post a joke here when u are high.
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Post a joke here when u are high.
a baby seal walk's into a club.......
and he says, "this isnt the aquarium!"
its not really a joke but i had a vision of how people made tinted windows:)
i`m sitting outside tonight and my house lights are on and i see in side but the inside cant see me and so i`m like wow am i really baked or is this really how they made tinted windows:)
Hehe
"The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.
Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."
Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!"
bahaha
Me.
Oo, oo!
United States democracy?!
LMFAO! hahahahahahaQuote:
Originally Posted by BoNgzilLa805
Cops see this blonde coming towards them swerving from side to side,pull her over and ask what the fuck she was doing?
Blonde replies:"avoiding all the trees "
Cop looks inside the car and says"that your fuckings airfreshner"
Two blondes walk into a building you'd think one of them would have seen it.
An old man was sitting on a bench at the local shopping centre. A young man walked up and sat down next to him. He had spiked hair in different colours; green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.
The old man just stared at him. The young man turned to him and said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"
Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and fucked
a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."
Bob goes into the public restroom and sees this guy standing next to the urinal. The guy has no arms. As Bob's standing there, taking care of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take a leak.
Bob finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Bob to help him out. Being a kind soul, Bob says, "Ah, OK, sure, I'll help you."
The man asks, "Can you unzip my zipper?"
Bob says, "OK."
Then the man says, "Can you pull it out for me?"
Bob replies, "Uh, yeah, OK."
Bob pulls it out and it has all kinds of mold and red bumps, with hair clumps, rashes, moles, scabs, scars, and reeks something awful. Then the guy asks Bob to point it for him, and Bob points for him. Bob then shakes it, puts it back in and zips it up.
The guy tells Bob, "Thanks, man, I really appreciate it."
Bob says, "No problem, but what the hell's wrong with your penis?"
The guy pulls his arms out of his shirt and says, "I don't know, but I ain't touching it.
A joke.Quote:
Originally Posted by GetBakedOrDieTryin
what colour is chuck norris' blood?
no one knows cos he never bleeds.
apparently chucks tears can cure cancer;
too bad the fucker never cries.
What do you call a dog with no legs?..... It doesn't matter, he wont come to you.
How do you get a with pregnant?.... You screw her.
I've got a million of them
Whens the only time you wink at an Afgan?
When you shoot them! ;)
Shit. I live at sea-level. If I travel to the Appalachians, I'll stop by and share a joke.
A woman walks into a pharmacy and tentatively approaches the pharmacist. The pharmacist, seeing her hesitancy, asks if there is anything that he can do for her. She asks him in a quiet voice, "Do you carry extra large condoms?" He points to where they are and asks if she wants to purchase a box. She says, "No, but do you mind if I wait here until someone does?"
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The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and, until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. The girl started to laugh and reached over to hug her mother saying, "Oh Mum! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"
--------------------------------------------------------------
A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?
"Are you nuts? !!" she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.
"Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again.
"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?" So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts
just once for $10,000 dollars?"
She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars, eh? Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."
So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.
The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?"
"Nah", he replies. "Costs too much..............."
(Lmao i love this one)
That last one is GREAT Campbell, i love it!
How many dead babies can a clown rape in one hour?
I don't know, you sick fuck! Why would you ask a question like that? Jesus, what the fuck is wrong with you?! I think I'm going to throw up.
ok..................... you asked for it... im going to tell you a joke high.... k...cmmmmmm,cc,c,mmmmmmmmm pee pee pooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooobbbbbbbbburrrrbbbb burrbbb,. meow. ...and then he says, "thats no cow, thats my wifE!" haaaah hahaahah hoooo,,, ohohhowewe
Why do they call it "PMS"?
Because "mad cow disease" was already taken.
A guy sticks his head in a barbershop and asks, "How long before i can get a haircut?"
The barber replies, "About two hours," and the guy leaves.
A week later the guy pops in and asks the same question.
"Two hours," replies the barber. Again the guy leaves.
The barber has his friend follow him. Ten minutes later the friend returns.
"Where did he go?" demands the barber.
"To your house."
or
Three cowboys are out on the range talking about sex. "The rodeo position is my favorite," one of the cowboys says.
"I don't think I've ever heard of that one," says another.
"What is it?" asks a third.
"You mount your lady from behind, reach around and grab her breasts, and whisper in her ear, 'These feel just like your sister's,' and then try to hold on for eight seconds."
"My first shroom trip went something like this. A friend gave them to me at a party and I stuck them in my pocket and forgot about them. A few days later, I decide to give them a try. Now, I planned the rest of the day as if I was smoking weed, which I figure is ok. You wont be as crispy, but you'll stll be fine. So anyway, I take the shrooms and then go to get a hair cut. Im sitting there and the guy starts cutting my hair. I look at my watch and I start thinking, man this stuff sucks. And then I look in the mirror. A giant penis is cutting my hair. I say to myself "it's ok dave, there is not a giant penis cutting your hair. You are on drugs." But I freak out anyway and run home. So I'm running home and i think to myself damn, I've got to sober up quick. I look at my watch and it 3:45. So I go and jog around the block a few times. Still high. I go inside and take a cold shower. Still high. I listen to every cd in my music collection. I am still high. I finally decide to just sleep it off. I take a nap and wake up, still high. I look at my watch. It is now 3:46."
-Dave Chapelle
knock knock
whos there
this thread
this thread who
this thread's gay
what do michael jackson and Budwiser have in common?
They both come in little white cans.............
:stoned: :rasta: Why did Jack N Jill go up the hill?
Use your Imagination........................
An old guy gets a hard-on for the first time in years.
He runs into the living room and says to his wife, "I forget what I'm supposed to do with this."
She says, "Why don't you wash it while you've got the wrinkles out?"
Yo momma's pussy is so nasty they make people eat it on fear factor :D
What is grosser than watching two vampires :cursing: fighting over a used tampon?
Watching the winner SUCK THE BLOOD!!!!!!!!!!! :cool: :p
Where does a DIRTY Jewish husband hide money from his wife?
Under their Vacuum cleaner of course:rasta:
cant wash those very well
Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?
You'd run too if your name was BLAHAHA
oh!!!! you got !IMPALED!
(not for retards or minors) bloody graphic
http://search.netscape.com/ns/boomfr...ometime.com%2F
It has been scientifically proven that if we drink one
liter of water each day, at the end of the year we
would have absorbed more than one kilo of Escherichia
Coli Bacteria found in water that contains feces.
In other words, we are consuming one kilo of shit.
However, we do not run that risk when drinking rum,
gin, whiskey, beer, wine or other liquors because
alcohol has to go through a distillation process
of boiling, filtering and fermentation.
It is my duty to communicate to all of you people who
are drinking water, to stop doing so. It has been
scientifically proven that it is unhealthy and bad for you.
THEREFORE - It is better to drink alcohol and talk
shit than to drink water and be full of it !!
:stoned: :D
HAHA WhiskyGirl good one ;)
Peace