Just wrote this...

Just wrote this, let me know what you think. It's a little bit long.

FADE IN.
INT. BRUCE/JIMâ??S HOUSE - DAY
BRUCE and JIM are sitting at a couch arguing, Bruce has trouble cracking a walnut with a nutcracker, so he grabs a hammer and smashes it open.
BRUCE
No way man, not someone that close to here. The last one was from only a couple blocks from here.
JIM
Bruce, come now, that means nothing. Tons of people live around here. They have nothing on us.
BRUCE
(pouting)
Fine. But Iâ??ll only make a move on her if I can catch her alone.
JIM
Sounds good, now, go work your magic. Sheâ??s done work in about ten minutes.
EXT. JENNâ??S WORK - DAY
Bruce bumps into JENN knocking her papers all over. They both start scrambling to pick them all up.
BRUCE
Oh no, Iâ??m so sorry, let me help you.
JENN
(smiles at him)
Thanks, not your fault though. Iâ??m always a klutz.
BRUCE
No no, that was my fault. I feel bad.
(smiles at her)
Can I make it up to you somehow?
JENN
(confused)
Thatâ??s really unnecessary, donâ??t worry about it.
BRUCE
No no, itâ??d be my pleasure. Sorry if Iâ??m to bold here, but I donâ??t get to bump into someone as beautiful as you everyday.
(big smile and a wink)
JENN
(smiles back)
I, I donâ??t think so.
BRUCE
How about I rent a movie and bring over some take out?
JENN
Youâ??re persistent arenâ??t you? I donâ??t go out with guys that walk into me on the street.
BRUCE
You said you bumped into me.
(winks)
My nameâ??s Mike by the way, whatâ??s yours?
JENN
Jenn. So say for just a second, I decide to watch a movie with you tonight, how do I know youâ??re not going to just rob me blind the second I turn my back on you?
BRUCE
Weâ??ll watch it at my place?
JENN
How do I know youâ??re not some psycho murderer or something?
BRUCE
(laughs, smiles at her again)
Come on now, do I really look the type? What do you say? What time should I pick you up? Iâ??ll even make you supper.
JENN
(thinks for a few seconds)
Eight, but donâ??t be late, or I wonâ??t come with you.
BRUCE
Itâ??s a date, where do I pick you up?
JENN
Here, Iâ??ll write some directions for you.
She scribbles her address on the back of a receipt and hands it over. They exchange smiles and walk their separate ways.
INT. BRUCE/JIMâ??S HOUSE - EVENING
Bruce and Jenn walk into the house together. Bruce takes her coat.
BRUCE
Have a seat. How does pizza sound?
JENN
Sounds good.
BRUCE
Good,
(winks)
Iâ??ve allready started making it. Be back in a jiffy, make yourself comfy.
Jenn takes a seat on the couch. Bruce comes back into the room, holding a knife, walking towards Jenn. Gets within a few steps when she turns around. She jumps and has a look of shock.
JENN
Oh my god! You scared the crap out of me Mike!
BRUCE
Huh? Oh, oh. Iâ??m sorry, I was just seeing if you wanted some peppers on your pizza. I never meant to...
JENN
Well you did.
(laughs)
Youâ??re lucky I didnâ??t pee myself. Ya sure, peppers sound good.
Bruce walks back out.
INT. BRUCE/JIMâ??S HOUSE, OTHER ROOM - EVENING
Jim is sitting there waiting. The two have a heated argument while trying to stay quiet.
BRUCE
I canâ??t do it man, I just donâ??t have the guts.
JIM
Jesus Christ. Iâ??ll do it again then. You really need to grow a pair you know?
Jim grabs the knife and heads back to the living-room. To his surprise, thereâ??s no one there.
JIM (CONTâ??D)
(calls to next room)
What the hell man? Sheâ??s gone.
BRUCE
Oh shit! You donâ??t think she overheard us do you?
JIM
Where else would she have gone?
BRUCE
I donâ??t know... I donâ??t want to go to jail man.
JIM
Me neither. Maybe she stepped out for some fresh air?
BRUCE
Maybe sheâ??s at the cops right now?
JIM
Forget this, I am not going in, you hear me? Iâ??d rather be dead!
BRUCE
Me too, lets do it then.
JIM
What?
BRUCE
Kill each other, lets do it quick before the cops arrive. Iâ??ll kill you then after Iâ??ll kill myself.
JIM
If you can stomach it, do it.
Bruce grabs the knife and without much hesitation, kills Jim. After Jim falls to the ground, Bruce looks around, then holds the knife to his neck, then cuts. He falls to the floor. We hear a toilet FLUSH.
JENN (O.S.)
Mike! Is someone here? I heard talking?
Jenn walks into the room and sees the two dead bodies. She freezes for a second, then puts her hand over her mouth in shock. She puts her hand back down and walks to the door. Sheâ??s about to walk out when she takes a look back, still in shock.
JENN (CONTâ??D)
(shakes her head)
Iâ??ve got the worst luck with men.
FADE OUT.

Okay, so i'm gonna be brutally honest. I don't get it. I mean, two people meet, then they have dinner, she goes to the bathroom so instead of killing her they kill eachother? But why did they need to kill someone? Why did they then kill eachother? That's what I don't get, but then again, maybe it's just me. Maybe you could post some more? Seriously, i'd love to read it

if that was supposed to be funny, it worked...the ending was funny, for sure

but then again, I can be a morbid fuck sometimes...and I think people with problems are amusing.

Dark comedy is great. Was watchin' "very bad things" yesterday. What a funny movie.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by DrGonzo

if that was supposed to be funny, it worked...the ending was funny, for sure

but then again, I can be a morbid fuck sometimes...and I think people with problems are amusing.

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Ya, it was defenetly meant as a dark comedy. I find it very funny when bad people fuck themselves over. I'm kinda morbid too I must admit. The only thing I've ever quenched watching a movie is when the Dog gets shot in the Toxic Avenger. Humans killing humans, and animals killing humans, and animals killing animals are all fine by me, but when you have a human kill an animal, that's where you cross the line in my books.

Toker, I think the part you missed is how at the beginning they're plotting as if they're wannabe serial killers, with just a couple murders under their belts so far. They like to think what they've done is major, but in real terms, it's just a couple murders. They then end up killing each other because they want to show their dedication to the cause and not end up rotting away in prison, as they believe the girl has gone to rat them out. Clear it up for you? I don't plan on writing any more new short ones. I just wrote this one in like 10 minutes or something because I wanted a break from my other one, but doubt I'll do that again. I do have a bunch of older ones though I could post.

I'd really like to hear some other people's stories, poems, songs, etc here as well. So if you have something you'd like to share, please do. I for one would happily read it, and I'm sure quite a few others would as well.

sry that was too long for me to read lol

lol, me too. That's why I just posted about a movie instead. Shh... They'll think were stupid :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by gs8778

lol, me too. That's why I just posted about a movie instead. Shh... They'll think were stupid :)

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lol.

Another great black comedy is Serial Mom. If you haven't seen it, I suggest you check it out.

First of all, Serial Mom fucking rocks!! lol

I think I've got a pretty morbid sense of humour, too.. when I read that, Islander, I had just woken up, i've got conjunctuvitis and possibly glaucoma, so I find it pretty hard to read the screen, plus I was high, so I didn't really read it properly.. I read it again just now and laughed my ass off lol sorry for the criticism :) ive got tons of stuff that i've written, some going back to when I was 13 lol I used to write short stories, poems, a few kinda "plays", and last year as a hobbie I started writing a novel, since i'd love to be a novelist when i'm older, I thought I might aswell start early lol.. I'd post some if you want, but it's not comedy or anything, it's pretty serious.. but hey, if u want i will lol

Havent seen it, but will definitely check it out. Hooray for netflix.com

Quote:

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Originally Posted by GHoSToKeR

First of all, Serial Mom fucking rocks!! lol

I think I've got a pretty morbid sense of humour, too.. when I read that, Islander, I had just woken up, i've got conjunctuvitis and possibly glaucoma, so I find it pretty hard to read the screen, plus I was high, so I didn't really read it properly.. I read it again just now and laughed my ass off lol sorry for the criticism :) ive got tons of stuff that i've written, some going back to when I was 13 lol I used to write short stories, poems, a few kinda "plays", and last year as a hobbie I started writing a novel, since i'd love to be a novelist when i'm older, I thought I might aswell start early lol.. I'd post some if you want, but it's not comedy or anything, it's pretty serious.. but hey, if u want i will lol

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Post it! If people don't want to read it, they won't but I'm sure at least a few people will enjoy the read, myself being one of them.