Just thinking (typing) aloud

I'm stoned, my mind is racing, I'm anxious about turning 30. I'm not worried about growing older... I'm worried about losing touch, I'm concerned about forgetting what it's like to be young. Anyway, enough yackety-yack about that. But thinking about aging has made me realize something that we all do, only it seems more prevalent in older people, and that's shutting ourselves off...especially if we've been hurt. Everyone has their own reason for doing it.


I think, at some point, for our own sanity, we all need to disconnect from the world, from love...sometimes from all feelings. To heal ourselves, to regroup, to recoop, to find ourselves again. To be well enough to live fully...to want to live.


The problem lies in knowing when to open back up. It is a challenge to turn ourselves back on. Some people close their door and never open it again. Shutting ourselves off forever is the danger.

wow

yeah i know what u mean i had myself shut off for awhile after my marriage fell apart never tought i could trust again or love again but ive opened myself back up and only hope the person i opened up dont do me worng i cant take that again its to hard to go thru well anywho........... back to chat

i feel as long as im unhappy, i can never be built up again to be hurt very badly again by everything shitty. i guess u can look at what i sad as pecimist or optimist, but i think its just the easier way to go through life, ya know.

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Originally Posted by GHoSToKeR

wow

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Yikes! Sorry about my pointless rant...it all made sense in my head.

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Originally Posted by maryjanemama

Yikes! Sorry about my pointless rant...it all made sense in my head.

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no need to apologize, it made perfect sense, i was impressed by how much sense it made, if that makes sense lol :)

People wonder why our society is obsessed with actors. Here is my answer. Actors are paid to stay open. They're some of the healthiest people on earth, no matter how strange, because they get to feel all of the emotions and interact with people in ways that we cannot in our 'efficient consumptive' society because it is inconveniant. Their job is to tune in while ours has to be to tune off in order to be socially acceptable. We work our 9 to 5s and come home to watch them really live.

No wonder we're the prozac nation. Everyone else in the world is laughing at us.

I think that we all have our own defenses that we use when we need to. Personally, when I am hurt, pissed off, or sad I immediatley go into hiding. I don't want to deal with anyone, most of all, I don't want to care for or love anyone. I think it's healthy to a certain point, but I am a mom and a wife, so I can't be selfish and retreat, I have a family to care for. So, sometimes other self destructive habits I have come to the surface. I know when it's time to handle a situation and move on by what I am doing in life...am I only eating once a day or not at all? Am I working out 4, 5 times a day? If the answer is yes, then I know something is wrong.

It would be nice if I could could stop shutting off and deal, but sometimes that just isn't possible. Maybe I'm just crazy, it would be nice to hear how other ppl handle life.

Stooj, I think you're totally right, we've become an over medicated society with an obsession with Hollywood and fake lives on TV. When did we start relying on entertainment and such to deal with our lives?

Hey MJ Mama "what are you runnin from...." "creating walls to call your own.., so no one catches you ? drifting off and doing all the thing.. that we.. all do...........let them wash away...all those yesterdays......"

Juding from your song quotes you know that is Pearl Jam -"All Those Yesterdays"

I really believe that there is a peace within all of us we sometimes can't hear. Because silence is what we are listening for, we can't hear our own voice , so we forget what our own true voice sounds like.
Peace :)

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Originally Posted by SativaTrip

Hey MJ Mama "what are you runnin from...." "creating walls to call your own.., so no one catches you ? drifting off and doing all the thing.. that we.. all do...........let them wash away...all those yesterdays......"

Juding from your song quotes you know that is Pearl Jam -"All Those Yesterdays
Peace :)

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Ok, that song was just playing about 2 minutes before I read this and I am completely freaked out right now. I feel like you just took off the top of my head and looked into my brain. Hmmmm... I know what you're saying and you're right and I will try to shut up and listen more closely. You're 100% right, actually. :)

Sativa Trip, one more thing, I don't know if you've noticed or not, but if you wait, after the 12th song on that CD there is a hidden 13th song. You just have to wait a few minutes and it comes on...it's this instrumental piece, it sounds very ethnic, like Eastern European festival music or wedding celebration music....those boys smoked and jammed out and #13 was born because there's no other explanation.

mjm i wish i could help u but i handle it the same way kinda scarry but i really admir the people who have to ablity to deal with there situations get thru them and move on i try to bury my issuse as if there goin to just dissapear but they dont and now im am stuck in a lifeless exsistance where nothing makes sense to me and i treat everything as a joke i dont know how to be serious even if i go thru tragitdy i just find sumthin i can joke about in the situation and not deal with it i know its not healty but this is all i know im sure so enuff ill deal with my issues i know i need to so that i can start to live again instead of just exsist

heres why i think people are fascinated with actors. they live a life most of us could only dream of. whatever they want is at hand an we idolize this in a way. i personaly hate actors, they all complain about how much harder it iz to be them. i wanna know the last timethey had to sleep behind a dumpster or only have electricity every other month cause its too much to afford

agreed bagz fuckin movie stars anyways :(

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Originally Posted by Ammie

agreed bagz fuckin movie stars anyways :(

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You're right...especially when they bitch about stupid things like ppl taking their pic or lack of privacy, "Uuuuh, hello, you're famous! Deal with it!" If they didn't want to be recognized, why did they become actors? All the pissy ones can give me their millions and millions of $$$$ and I'll fucking smile for the picture!

inow they so fuckin new that shit would happen wtf there just to damn bitchey

You know, I was walkin down to my mates house the other day, smoking a joint, totally high and basically just enjoying life, when i started thinking about actors. I wondered to myself "Why do actors get paid so much, millions, when most people only get paid a few bucks an hour?". I thought about it for a while, and then it him me. They're providing a service. That's all it is.

I'll try to explain, which is gonna be tough because im baked. If, over here, in Jersey, in the UK, you call a plumber out to your house you may be forced to hand over roughly £50 just to call them out, befor they even do any work. Then, if they actually have to do any work, they can charge you anywhere between £20 to £30 per hour. But, if there was only 5 plumbers on this island, then they could charge more, probably alot more.

Lawyers can get paid anywhere between £60 to £500 an hour. I'm sure not many lawyers over here get paid hundreds of pounds an hour, because there are alot of lawyers here and not much of a demand for them, not high priced lawyers anyway. But, if there was only 5 lawyers on this island, they could charge alot more than they do at the moment, because they would be more in demand than if there was 100 lawyers.

Now there are alot of Actors and Actresses around, but only the best actors are being paid millions. Just take a look at the Oscars, thats where all the BEST Actors and Actresses are. If you think about it, theres not so many of them, enough to fit in one room anyway. But, this handful of people are providing a service for millions of people. People all over the world pay to see them in their next movies and TV shows. Think about it, if there were only 10 lawyers in the whole world then i'm sure they would be getting paid millions and millions themselves. And thats what its like for actors, they provide a service that the whole world is in demand for, but theres not enough of them to go around, so, they can afford to charge millions of dollars for their services and people are willing to pay it. :)


Edit: What a load of shite LOL