so i was walking down the street minding my own business, when some dick walks over and starts giving me shit calling me a fucking stoner and shit, then asked if he could score some weed, i mean what the fuck, so i cracked him over the head with a baseball bat i happened to have in my pocket, but he got up and judo CHOPped me and i went down to the ground, then he was thinkin he was all big and shit so i phoned my mate who works for the army to do me a favour and he came down with a tank and some big ass rocket launchers and shit, so i totally blew this motherfucker away, but at his funeral he got up and was all like "what the fucked did u do that for" and started crying so i apologised and shared a joint with him but then the sneaky twat bit my ear off, which was a shame coz it was my favourite ear.. so there i was standing at this guys funeral with an ear missin, not knowin what to do when i had an idea, an apiphony if you like.. i took him out to the desert and tied him to a stick in the sand and put a ham on his head, and waited for the vultures to appear and sort him out.. took a while but they came eventually, musta been busy doing the usual vulture stuff, and as you can probably imagine they ate him, i was so proud of mysef i sat in my private jet on the way home thinking "goddam im great" and decided to look out the window, and what do i see? those fuckin vultures trying to get at my plane.. but they werent the same vultures, they were less vulturey, then i realised that they had devoured the dudes soul, the very essence of ourselves buried way down within.. now you may wonder why that was a problem.. well this is why; the dude was some sort of voodoo witch doctor and had possessed the vultures and turned them into his minions of evil and vengeance and lots of other not nice stuff.. so anyway, where was i, the vultures were breaking into the plane. one dived into the cockpit window so i ran and locked the cockpits Vulture Proof titanium door i had recently installed, but then i realised it was only supposed to stop regular vultures, not possessed vultures who were being used as minions of evil and vengeance and lots of other not nice stuff and i wouldnt be able to claim on my insurance or anything.. anywya, i was surrounded on all sides by these things with nothing but my wits, a used issue of Amateur 60+ Housewives and a pogo-stick, 10000 feet above bahgdad.....
to be continued
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