i wanna hear them
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i wanna hear them
That's gonna be a tough one. I'm thinking and I don't even think I can make one up.
i really dont think there is a such thing as a disastrous fuck for a guy as long as he nuts...maybe for a girl yea
Oh GOD
Hahaha
okay
well let's see
When I lost my virginity my shirt stayed on, it hurt like a bitch, it was on the floor of my best friend's boyfriend's back room of his basement room. I lost it to his best friend who had a girlfriend who happened to be my rival while I was dating a girl who was madly in love with me. After we had sex the kid wouldn't even kiss me afterwards, wouldn't sleep next to me close and wouldn't share the fucking blanket when we slept on the floor by the bed later on. Two days later we came back and he was pressuring me into giving him a blow job (my first), not only that but I had braces.
I had sex with this one guy, who was literally a foot and a half taller than me, which just made it awkward anyway and it sucked 'cause he had a small dick and I was basically thinking the whole time "Is that it? HAHAH". Two days later he went out with this ugly bitch who had my name.
I fucked around with this wrestler who came over to "take care of me" after I almost ODed on Codiene (How sweet right? HAH!) so I'm totally gone and he's trying to fool around so a few hours later I'm like fuck it and we start fooling around and not only did he have a tiny penis but my brother knocks on the door going "mandaaaa do you have a friend over?" so this kid freaks out and all the clothes get back on and shit and my brother's standing there talking to me (cool and shit cause he doesn't care) and then this kid goes "OH MY GOD, YOUR HIS SISTER?! I USED TO PLAY POKER WITH HIM ALL THE TIME" so yeah, that was weird. He was freaked out and left. Still calls though.
Alrighty I was 18 at the time,,,still could get in the bars to drink...Was :stoned: buzzed up went home w/ an older man 40's...Thought I was gonna have a good old time,,,,LMAO he tore my buttons off my shirt,,,then after all that he couldnt get it hard enough,,,,I just got dressed went looking for something to drink in the kitchen,,,Yuckkkk just whiskey thats it...I left after that glad to get home & smoke a phat ~J~ :smokin:
A BJ w/ braces,,,Ouchie,,,ouch LMAO :stoned:
one of my fuck buddies, roy, offered to throw a threesome for me involving him and his friend rico. i had met rico before but never messed aound with him. we all decided to have it at rico's place, since he has his own pad. so i arrive the next day at rico's place....and roy isnt there. according to him, roy had to head out to work on an emergency call (he is a contractor, so it was believable) and that he would be back later. rico also claimed that he urged him to start without him. so i think, why not? BAD IDEA. rico was absolutely DISGUSTING. he had had surgery on a hernia and still had the stitches in,his breath reeked, he was hairy and sweaty, his penis was like 4 inches at most with the words 'your name' tattooed across the head and a really bad rendering of barbed wire around the girth. apparently he had done it himself, i wouldnt have been able to read what his tatty said if he hadnt told me-it was that bad. so obviously he was trying to compensate for his lack of size. and he couldnt even get it hard completely. i just gave him a hand job lasting three mintues and he came.doesnt even say thankyou, just rolls over and turns on the fucking televsion. he continues to walk around his house, totally naked,with his huge belly hanging out and farting all over te place. i get fustrated and ask him where roy is and he says 'i thought i would just have fun with you myself and i told him you called it off'. what a filthy douche bag! he winks at me liek he really showed me a good time. so slap him one across his face, give him a feew vulgar words, and told him to go fuck himself cause he's never gonna get anyone else to do it. the worst example of man-scum i ever encountered. god he made me want to turn lesbain. a few months later he sends me an email asking me to make comments about him on some dating site he signed up for.what an asshole! so i write him a nasty comment and never spoke to him again
Quote:
Originally Posted by BizzleLuvin
that bastard, that sucks
please dont think that every guy is like that pig
Right there, stop. I can't take it no more.Quote:
Originally Posted by BabyFacedAbortion
once, i was really tired after a 13 hour day of classes and my ex seduced me basically but i was so tired i came in like 5 minutes. i was really embarassed because i can usually go for like an hour but i was so tired
no but he is the worst example of a man i ever met.Quote:
Originally Posted by justinsane
Quote:
Originally Posted by BizzleLuvin
hahahahaha
Still a virgin, but those really ARE disastrous! :eek:
Um ... there was this one time when I had to actually use the words "I'm not a machine, woman!!!" but that's all. Other than that, nothin' but great experiences sexually ... and now that I think about it, that wasn't a bad one anyway.
Every time has been amazing except this one time when I was like 15 and this girl was so bad at giving handjobs that I had to go finish myself off.
It's better than blue balls.
Fortunately now I have an extremely sexy girlfriend that knows what she's doing :D
I pulled some swiss girl when i was out one night. Unfortunately, it was a rugby night out so i was blind drunk. Don't remember anything until we were leaving the club and getting into a taxi. At this point i realised i couldn't remember her name. So we went home and got down to it, but i was just so hammered that I had to concentrate really hard just so i wouldn't pass out. Needless to say my performance was somewhat sub-par, and i eventually just gave up. Next day was confusing as hell, cos I couldn't remember who she was, how i met her, and why one of the guys in my rugby team gave me his address as i left the club, so she could get home. Damn weird night
oh i have one, and it was bad
I remember it like it was yesterday...
I went to visit this girl at college and well she wanted to fuck
Im not one to say no, even if it was 4am
so you know we are getting it on clothes are coming off
and i go to stick it in when...she mentions the last guy she fucked
well I knew this guy personally, well needless to say that kinda ruined the moment...
so i was like 'why the fuck would you say that?!?'
so then it was back to foreplay..ugh
so i get hard once again and quick fuch her before she says anything like that again
although i must complement the woman cz well she was the tightest pussy that i have ever had...
One night in Tampa I picked up that Iranian girl cause she had enormous size of breast quadroloupe D, not saggy, perky, the biggest I have seen in person. I did not go down or checked the conditions, while having sex I felt some burning down there, then I realized she had pussy hair like 5-6 inches and tangled around my private, skin was off and the burning sensation grew each time I penetrated. F.cking bitch should have shaved it. Took me 2 weeks to heal, meaning no sex for 2 weeks....damn monstrous boobs, you fooled me.....
I'd read in a lads mag that you can spice up your sex life by putting small objects in the johnny. Mmm, buddy thinks.....off to the shops. I bought a packet of millions, these little chew sweets. They're slightly smaller than a popcorn kernel. So I strategically placed a few down the condom. After a marthon session and a flood of orgasms I pull out only to discover the sweets Id put in the johnny had dissapeared. LMAO! She was pissin millions for a few days after. Ahh happy days, was fun fishing about down there trying to find em. Moral of the story, dont believe everything you read!
Peace
Buddy
its alright cause the next day ur like..whoa cant get any worse then u just rock that bitchs life
i dont understandQuote:
Originally Posted by buddymyfriend
anyways, one time in 7th grade i got a blowjob from the girl. I did not come. She had her mouth on it and everything, but she didnt use her hands at all, and she didnt suck at all. she just had her lips around it, going up and down. I could hardly even feel any pleasure at all.
After about 5 minutes of this i realized no way in hell was i going to come from this tiny amount of pleasure she was giving me. I knew she would not fuck me, (7th grade girls werent fuckin) so i said "you can stop now" and left. haha
I was in highschool and my girlfriend and I were doing it in an old grain tower just outside of town.
We were going at it good and proper, and in the process we woke up like a hundred bats. It was horrible! My girlfriend nearly had a heart attack, and I nearly went deaf from her screaming...
I never lost a woody so fast in my life,
I've never really had a disatrous fuck, although I've had funny ones.
My ex and I were having sex one night after we had gotten home from the bar. We were both wasted and we were going at it hardcore, whenever I started feeling like I was going to throw up. Needless to say, about 10 seconds after I informed him I wasn't feeling well (we still kept banging), I hurled right in his trash can that was beside his bed... all naked and stuff. It was gross, but I cleaned up and we finished our little fuck session. :)
I ain't never had no fucked up expeirences before but i friend of mines gf and he were telling me that one his first times having sex his dick "ripped" and when he came he shot blood. It was the most painful thing in his life he told me.
There is a such thing as a painful orgasm i guess.
thats sick
Disasterous fuck, how about a drunken one night stand with a person that made you want to cut off your manhood the next morning. I remember in my youth this one "lady", I was awaken by a 300# bundle of delight with a glass eye! DAMN!!!!!!!!
yeh thats the kind of thing im talking about sounds pretty "disastrous" to me
haha..thats horrible.
I remeber this one guy i scronked...i was scared for my life. we started fooling around and the whole deal, clothes come off...u know how it goes... Ne ways, this guy couldnt hold himself up..litterally, he nearly crushed me. he wasnt fat by any means, had a lot of muscle.. tuff guy and he came close to breaking bones. I SWear to g*d. His arms couldnt hold him up...we didnt even finish the deed. i had to stop, i couldnt breath ne more. I just simply got up, put my clothes on, he apologized. I walked out and havnt heard from him since. talk about a bad fuck (to top it off, this guy was puny! like pinky size.)
lol Stoner, that made me laugh. Side Note: i have a good friend who's name nobody can remember so we all just call him Stoner.
Don't drink and fuck.
It's bad for your mental health.
Lol some girls go crazy when they're drunk though, try new and crazy shit, fun times.
a friend of a friend of mine had 2 diffrent girls poop on him on 2 different occasions.
he was getting all weirded out. after the second time he didnt think it was funny at all.
oh how we laughed...:p
One time in highschool, with the boy that my mother never wanted me to see. I lived on a farm, and we had a big garden/tool shed. He snuck over one night and I met him out in the yard and we went way to the back of the shed. I had brought a blanket and laid it on the floor and we were totally going at it. All of a sudden I felt something furry touch my leg so I grabbed my lighter and flicked it on. It was a freaking POSSUM and like 5 babies. I was so scared of getting bit by this pissed off momma possum I totally ran out side clothes in hand and hopped back through my bedroom window. Neverless, the boy never talked to me again.
Oh to be young again....
nuggetgirl, did u poop on my buddy?:D
i like beat the hell out a that fucker:mad:Quote:
Originally Posted by BizzleLuvin
Quote:
Originally Posted by paparose
Sorry man, but that is some of the funiest shit I've ever heard. You've got me rolling on the floor!
Seriously every guy I was with b4 my current bf wasn't worth it. No orgasm no nothing. But I can remember a couple that were disatrous, this 1 guy I was dating when I was 16 had a BIG dick and our 1st sexual experience together was horrible it hurt like hell and I was about to cry seriously. Different day same guy, he came over 1 day and we were goin at it and we kissed and his breath tasted terrible ughhhhhhhhhh!
One time i was making silly to my girlfriend while we were really drunk. I was so drunk and got sleepy, so i just decided to go to sleep..like, right then. Shes like WTF im like what!? Oh yea..srry
bump for a great thread!
This one has potential!
this thread ahs made me piss, reminds me of of this girl i met in uni
a smoking buddy if mine had met this girl and she lived in an all girl flat. so we would go round there. blaze and get free munch and sunday dinners. one of my mates gf mates was this pretty hot rock chick. she was a bit weird and kinda depressive but a nice enough girl. she was always proper nice and her mates used to rib her cus i was the only person she wasn't stingy with. she used to give me food and chocolate. all good. anyway one nite we all go out to the local rock club. im pretty wasted so we start dancin, kissin, its all good. so i invite her back to mine.
anyway we get back, i put on some tunes and well its all good. we start kissin and i start undressin her. the more clothes i took off her the worse she smelt. like this kinda stale bo and this kinda fusty putrid milk kinda smell. but im drunk and horny, so i reach down there and man her pubes where massive. the smell was pundgent to say the least. so anyway i had a shower in my room. so im like lets go take a shower together. she looks at me ands like no. so she grabs my dick and starts yankin it and suckin on it. but anytime i get anywhere near pleasure i get this whiff that makes me wanna wretch. so after about ten minuates, i make my excuses and say it aint working. grab my shit, roll a phat one and cotch on the couch.
anyways i find out from my mate the day later. that shes a a virgin and thought i was gonna fuck her rotten in the shower like in a porno, which well i cant deny hadnt crossed my mind
and b has a huge crush on me and locked herself in her room and cried for ages, when she got back from mine.
i spent the next term trying to avoid her. till i was pissed and she gave me head on my mates couch. this time i let her keep her clothes on.
i know this might sound skank but man personal hygine isn't hard.
lolz i am reminded of another funny situation.
where i used to live was this girl. bitchy, aggressive and used to use sex as a ool to manipulate boys and get what she wanted. she was dating my best mate. she used to cheat on him all the time and fool around with other lads. myself included something im not too proud off.
anyway she cheated on my mate with this lad who has a massive knob. she is a proper drama queen and when she told him, started shouting and screeming at my mate. in the common room at college. she talking tall about how he has a huge nob and she rode him all night and he doesnt compare and that he said she was the best pussy she ever had and that he came on to her all night and she finnaly gave in. bitch
anyway we get round to chillin with this lad a few months laters, he is proper sound. and i raise it in conversation and he starts laughing his tits off. anyway he told it as it was. they where at this party she followed him too and she was all over him all nite like a rash. she even bust into the toilet twce accidently. anyway she gets into bed with him and starts touching him up. so he puts it in. then hes like yeah 2 minuates and shes all ouch it hurts and kicks him outta bed.
bitch
skank
ass
ho