Some Interesting Facts About Chuck Norris

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him.

Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain!

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius
of the blast went deaf.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind
the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When the director said he can't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "BOOYA".

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

On the 7th day, God rested.... Chuck Norris took over.

It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.

God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of the face.

Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful; it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with water.

If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies just check the extinct species list.

Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before they could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

Chuck Norris invented water.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the blue ringed octopus of Eastern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Before email was invented Chuck Norris would attach messages to kittens and roundhouse kick them.

In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks

Chuck Norris was once asked to recommend a club to which he replied 'I am a club' and everyone partied on him... Until he roundhouse kicked them all because someone spilt his beer.

Chuck Norris once raped McCauley Caulkin because he thought was a little bitch, too.

WOW thats some.............interesting......information there.

Thanks for that dude LOL

Haha that's awesome!

13,000% increase in round-house kick related deaths? Damn, he's a good/bad influence!

i'm in tears. lmao!

ROFL! Time to make the ultimate thread.

EDIT:

THE ULTIMATE THREAD!
http://boards.cannabis.com/showthread.php?t=44648

^ not the ultimate thread... that chuck norris stuff was hilariouss

Quote:

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Originally Posted by CocaCola

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

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lol

Aw how touching.

lmao. funny stuff indeed.

I once had a fight with Chuck Norris and I won the fight.

















But only because....















I AM CHUCK NORRIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

chuck norris kiks ass

Few people know Chuck Norris can sucessfully preform a double roundhouse kick. Yeah he takes his pants off and roundhouses you and then his penis backlashes you a SECOND time. NOW thats skill!

i like chuck norris, but didn't he get his ass beat by bruce?

How can Chuck Norris fight a fictional character? Bruce Lee?!?!?!

Didn't Chuck Norris get his ass beat by Spider Man?!?!?!

Oh wait...he did.

the sad part: i read the first half taki9mng it seriously

hahahahahahahaha

I love that.

i saw some of those on entensity.net, and i thought they were hilarious. bt my favorite is "Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter."

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ScarlettCrush

hahahahahahahaha

I love that.

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i loved you

love what?

:clap: lol :dance: :smokin:

OMFG HAHA
:D
When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
ROFL LOL LMAO LMFAO

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
Before email was invented Chuck Norris would attach messages to kittens and roundhouse kick them.

l.m.a.O.

Hey, you stole my hard work. It took me literally MINUTES to find a copy of that list! You bastard!

That was hilarious, the roundhouse kicks did become a bit predictable at times however.

ill tell my grankids

Haha, I'm still lovin' them :D lol!!

bruce lee would still kick his ass, cos he's now a kick ass avenging angel!

i rekon gary coleman and chuck norris would be a good fight..... :D

all hail chuck!!!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mike001

all hail chuck!!!!

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^^ :clap: