Attention everyone. Urgent.

Hello everyone. I have to tell everyone something. I'm about to write a letter to everyone here and post it as soon as I'm done. I don't know how long it will take to write it. Here's the Cliff's Notes version for now though.

I wanted to kill myself last night and almost did.
I got help.
I'm as close to fine as I can be right now.
Don't worry about me.
My best friend is with me.

The full story of who, what, when, where, why, and how everything happened is coming as soon as I'm done writing the letter. Look for another topic by me soon. I'm not going to be making anymore posts before I post that letter. Until then, take care.

Your brother in the fraternity of the leaf,
Caruso

Is everyone as afraid to respond as I am? :eek:!!

Things'll get better, man.

Damn man. I really don't even know what to say.

ive never understood suicidal people...makes no sense to me.

but anyways, dont kill urself, cause that would suck.

glad ur feelling a little better

Well, I found buddhism, something that worked for me. one of the main points of it is to completely liberate onself from suffering.

Aww, man don't do any rash now.

:stoned: Don't go, yet, man. You need to find the real Paul Caruso.

uummmmm......

Caruso..

send me your address

[email protected]

I want to send you something...
You'll LOVE it

Death is the final frontier.. without contimplation of death there is NO NOW..

JUST watch that thought... But don't act on it...

i love you

Send address asap.. cause I am leaving the country for a month..

i love you

dude... all i know is this.

No matter how much life may suck at times, no matter how much people treat you like shit, its the best thing you have.

If you weren't alive, you couldnt smoke a bowl, you couldnt get laid, you couldnt do anything.

even if life is 99% shit and 1% good, its worth all the bullshit just for that one bit of good

just let go. think positive and everything will work out for you, trust me. my father is a deadbeat who never did anything with me and my brothers or showed us affection of any kind. my mum is a violent alcoholic who drinks everyday, she's a nasty cunt. theres nothing i can do for em so im gettin my life together so i can move on. so i kinda understand the shit you might be going through. so dont do nothing rash just ride it out. only through struggle can you prevail on top.

very wise words kingkong :thumbsup:

garden...you are so weird my fellow stoner...

and caruso, i am so confused...wtf man?

Caruso/Jonathon, what happened man? Last night we were talking about you coming over to England, and you travelling around Europe. You seemed fine, and quite happy might I add. Don't do anything you will regret, as you know how much it would hurt every single person in this world, that loves you (including Garden Knowm).

Speak to you soon.. I know I will

...Josh :)

damn man are you that stupid?

they win when your soul dies man

whats worth dying over?

u can be a wimp and give up on life man but theres ppl who go thru LIVING HELL daily, think of them before u go take ur life.

u only get 1 shot

Caruso will be known to the world when the right time is the present.

WTF

Speak sense

Seek help
not attention

happened to me to about a month back, i'll tell you about it in the other thread u make

iv'e thought about it alot, things tend to unravel as they should. Have a good one caurso. PS how was everyones Thanksgiving.

I used to want to kill myself until I got help.

Now I want to kill others!

(ha ha ha) jussssst joking!

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Originally Posted by Roadking

I used to want to kill myself until I got help.

Now I want to kill others!

(ha ha ha) jussssst joking!

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Well now, I'd rather kill someone else than myself :D

Murder murder murder, kill kill kill, it's all good.. as long as it's not to yourself.

(ha ha ha) jussssst joking!

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Originally Posted by 3 Sheets To The Wind

Well now, I'd rather kill someone else than myself :D

Murder murder murder, kill kill kill, it's all good.. as long as it's not to yourself.

(ha ha ha) jussssst joking!

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you can even join the army and keep it all legal!

mushi mushi

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Originally Posted by Roadking

you can even join the army and keep it all legal!

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If I completely bugger up the course I'm currently doing at college, that may be an option.
Police would be rewarding, but I won't go into that here, as I know how a lot of people here think of cops. lol :p

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Originally Posted by 3 Sheets To The Wind

If I completely bugger up the course I'm currently doing at college, that may be an option.
Police would be rewarding, but I won't go into that here, as I know how a lot of people here think of cops. lol :p

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I suppose being a cop isn't such a bad thing if you keep things in their proper perspectives.

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Originally Posted by Roadking

I suppose being a cop isn't such a bad thing if you keep things in their proper perspectives.

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Yeah, I'd like to wrestle unruly drunks to the floor lol.
Get a few sly kicks in maybe hehe :D

I just think it would be interesting and rewarding.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by 3 Sheets To The Wind

Yeah, I'd like to wrestle unruly drunks to the floor lol.
Get a few sly kicks in maybe hehe :D

I just think it would be interesting and rewarding.

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It must be an interesting job, no doubt.

There was a book out years ago called "the Blue Wall" about the cops in New York City. Sort of on the same lines as the book (movie) "Serpico."

yeh being a copper aint so bad(in england i must add) its only a job and youre well within your right to let off any smokers u may find which might not be the same story with another cunt

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Originally Posted by xNoa

yeh being a copper aint so bad(in england i must add) its only a job and youre well within your right to let off any smokers u may find which might not be the same story with another cunt

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Yeah it's true. I wouldn't like to do cannabis raids though, I'd feel so bad unrooting someone's plants. I'd like to have a car chase when I can drive, and also be on patrol around the pubs and clubs at kicking out time, anyone steps out of line and they'll feel what an extendable baton (ASP i think) to the back of the legs feels like :)

the world's attention must be obtained before the truth can be told

Caruso, what exactly makes you think that the whole world gives a shit? I don't think that public internet forums are a good place to seek pity, cuz lets face it, you're feeling a bit low, coming on here and announcing your problems, people like you lose track of perspective...you may think you wanting to kill yourself is a big deal, but believe me it's not. If, on that night, you'd just killed yourself, the world wouldn't have stopped for a whole day and mourned in pity...just like it doesn't when everyone else in the world has a problem they've gotta face. suck it up!

Gee Caruso your bouncy little turtle man looks so happy.....

it can't possibly be that bad....

here's a funny joke.....

Jimmy received a parrot for Christmas. The parrot was fully grown, with a very bad attitude and worse vocabulary.

Every other word was an expletive; those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude. Jimmy tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite words, playing soft music... anything he could think of. Nothing worked.

He yelled at the bird, and the bird got worse. He shook the bird, and the bird got madder and more rude.

Finally, in a moment of desperation, Jimmy put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird swearing, squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, there was absolute quiet.

Jimmy was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird, and quickly opened the freezer door.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto Jimmy's extended arm and said, "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and my actions, and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior".

Jimmy was astounded at the changes in the bird's attitude and was about to ask what had changed him, when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the Chicken did?" :)

BLUE CAT!!

that is funny!!!

i love you

Really? well looking at your avatar I love you too....lol :)

lets see this full version man i find it interesting to see what can possibly happen to make people pussy out of life in the form of suicide, came damn close my self, depression, anxiety and all that shitty stuff, wouldnt dream of it now

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Originally Posted by BlueCat00

Really? well looking at your avatar I love you too....lol :)

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Do you love him, or who he wants to be? :rasta:

lateralus...


you want some of this?

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Originally Posted by Garden Knowm

lateralus...


you want some of this?

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LOL!!! :dance:

caruso,
I have been there, and beyond. I have been desperate. I have been empty.
I have felt the void inside. I have been consumed by my own shadows.
Slowly I surfaced, and eventually, I awoke.
I left it behind. But I clearly remember those desperate moments, the bugs in my head scratching, the emptiness, the sensation of detatchment, and the fleeting comfort that the word 'suicide' brought.

I can remember it in my mind, but my heart has forgotten.

The pain that I thought would never end at some point faded into nothingness.
It amazes me that I have grown from immesurable suffering to a strong, determined man who can face anything life has in store.
With the support of friends and family and a little faith I changed my path. Now I look back and see how wrong I was about life in those desperate times.
I can share with you what I learned and how it helped me.
Feel free to email me anytime. I offer you my insight and to share a little about my own dark times and what I did to grow from it ,with the hopes even a scrap of it can help you in some way. Dont worry I wont preach religeon or try to get you to join my cult. :D
sage_wisdom(at)hushmail(dot)com


Keep your friend near.
peace.

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Originally Posted by Garden Knowm

lateralus...


you want some of this?

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Bring it on, tons of fun!