Top Ten Signs Youre a Christian

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Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian




10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."


3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.







provided by www.evilbible.com[/align]

Are you being attacked by bible-thumpers like "slipknotpsycho" is?

Cool quote. Leo da-V (as me and his mother like to call him), no, I'm kidding...but Da Vinci was an astronaut, not a poet or scientist...they didn't even have poems and science back then.

It's more of a pre-emptive strike, i suppose.

Leonadro DaVinci was an astronaught? Are you suggesting he was a time traveller?

Yeah, he's walking among us, as we speak...the world is full of time travelers, who have mastered the space-time continuum so they can be at different points in history at one time.

How many babies have you ever seen born? We're not overpopulating the world, they've came back from the future to mess with our heads, and the funny part is, it's us that's messing with us. Leonardo Da Vinci was from the future and hasn't even been born yet. I'd doubt your own existence, euphoric, if I were you... :stoned:

Did you ever think that we were life-forms that lived forever, and then, one day, God punished us, and we've been dying off ever since?

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Originally Posted by beachguy in thongs

Did you ever think that we were life-forms that lived forever, and then, one day, God punished us, and we've been dying off ever since?

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That doesn't make any sense. Assuming death is a "punishment", why would a supposedly all-loving deity punish the OFFSPRING of creatures that angered him, instead of just the creatures who did wrong? This is as ridiculous as God killing all the first-born children of the Egyptians for the crimes of their parents, and ordering his chosen people to commit genocide against the Amalekites for something their ancestors did hundreds of years before. There are only three possible interpretations here:

1) God is a complete asshole, and man has to do whatever he can to destroy this heinous thing.
2) The Bible is lying about God, and your theory about death being a punishment for something that angered God a long long time ago is wrong.
3) God does not exist at all.

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Originally Posted by Oneironaut

That doesn't make any sense. Assuming death is a "punishment", why would a supposedly all-loving deity punish the OFFSPRING of creatures that angered him, instead of just the creatures who did wrong? This is as ridiculous as God killing all the first-born children of the Egyptians for the crimes of their parents, and ordering his chosen people to commit genocide against the Amalekites for something their ancestors did hundreds of years before. There are only three possible interpretations here:

1) God is a complete asshole, and man has to do whatever he can to destroy this heinous thing.
2) The Bible is lying about God, and your theory about death being a punishment for something that angered God a long long time ago is wrong.
3) God does not exist at all.

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fourth interpretation: beachguy was making an obviously ridiculous claim because it's funny. anyway, it could be true, we don't know for a fact it isn't

it's an interpretation of the adam and eve story

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Originally Posted by MyAntiDrugIsAmy

fourth interpretation: beachguy was making an obviously ridiculous claim because it's funny. anyway, it could be true, we don't know for a fact it isn't

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Well, actually we do, if we assume the definition of a "god" includes omnibenevolence. But this is clearly not the God of the Bible. The biblical God is extremely cruel and kills innocent people for the crimes of others. Even if we allow for a God that does evil things, most Christians will assert that God is not a hypocrite. But then we run into another problem: how could a non-hypocritical being order people to murder, and even commit murder himself, then turn around and say "Thou shalt not kill"? So either the Bible is lying about the true nature of God, or God is an extremely cruel and hypocritical being and thus is certainly not worthy of worship or even respect.

The point of it is that we are insignificant to God and can't measure up to Him, so everybody has to stop thinking that they are God and punish others.

Your God will kill, Ertimontonaut, why? Why does he have to kill, why can't he grow flowers? The Bible is the minds of those who created it.

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Originally Posted by beachguy in thongs

The point of it is that we are insignificant to God and can't measure up to Him, so everybody has to stop thinking that they are God and punish others.

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So why does God order people to murder for him? If God is the only one who is allowed to punish, why doesn't he just do it himself?

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Your God will kill, Ertimontonaut, why? Why does he have to kill, why can't he grow flowers? The Bible is the minds of those who created it.

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What do you mean by "my God will kill"? I don't have any gods. But you are right, the Bible is just the product of the minds of the people who wrote it. Including that fantasy about Jesus being the son of God.

Fantasize about your God pleasing a woman, and let me know how it goes. Because I have no comments about Jesus Christ, but Jesus Fucken 'H' Christ wants to fuck all your girlfriends, so hand them over to me and I'll keep them safe until your day of reckoning.

What the hell are you talking about?

The same things as you are, I thought we were on the same track.
Jesus may have been the Son of God, what does that do for me? I'd always thought we were all God's children.

Nice list. I really love christians... especially when they tell me what would be right for me. I love that.

another dick move by "God"- He ordered Abraham to sacrifice his son ontop of that moutain or whatever just to prove that he would do anything for god...what an asshole

REAL christians:

love all things without exception.

permit others to believe anything they want, even though they might constantly tell the truth that everyone attacks as "opinion"; a real christian understands that the "one god" is actually a collective of all, and that we were meant to live as gods on earth; only christ has known this so far... maybe buddah and mohamed...

know that god will never ask of anything but faith.

know that there is no divine reason for reality, it is simply a simple game to keep the mind that is god entertained.

know that the ten commandments are a hint, not a fact.

know that i am actually a weasel with the head and wings of an eagle :D

okay, that last one might have been bunk, but that doesnt really change anything :D

given these, other than the weaseagle, how many true christians are there in the world?

im working toward it :D


but never call me a christian untill the "popular christian" (the top ten reasons given) is extinct. i;ll snap your neck without thinking about it... then i'd feel all bad and self conscious and we just dont need that.

I am Christian. I believe that Faith and kindness is all I need. Thou I seem to have little Faith since I question the idea of God at times, I still have some. You do not need to know anything about the Bible, or the church or really Christianity itself. I only consider myself Christian because I don't seem to fit in any other religous catagory like jewish or so on. This topic seems to try and make Christians look like they have no respect to others belifes. Well...what respect do you have for us? You can not judge all on a few. And lets not talk about Catholics...they....well....they suck plain and simple. (sorry to catholics, I do not mean you as a person I mean your church). If you want to insult christians try not saying something that makes you look bad...hypocrit

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Originally Posted by Stoner Shadow Wolf

REAL christians:

love all things without exception.

permit others to believe anything they want, even though they might constantly tell the truth that everyone attacks as "opinion"; a real christian understands that the "one god" is actually a collective of all, and that we were meant to live as gods on earth; only christ has known this so far... maybe buddah and mohamed...

know that god will never ask of anything but faith.

know that there is no divine reason for reality, it is simply a simple game to keep the mind that is god entertained.

know that the ten commandments are a hint, not a fact.

know that i am actually a weasel with the head and wings of an eagle :D

okay, that last one might have been bunk, but that doesnt really change anything :D

given these, other than the weaseagle, how many true christians are there in the world?

im working toward it :D


but never call me a christian untill the "popular christian" (the top ten reasons given) is extinct. i;ll snap your neck without thinking about it... then i'd feel all bad and self conscious and we just dont need that.

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i really enjoy reading your spiritualistic insight. just thought i'd tell you that.

thanks, i cant get the music outta my head :D

I sometimes wonder if when Jesus said things like "Here's the true path to god" he just never really thought "what if people take this to such an extreme they'll be convinced everybody else the enemy?"

Some of my best friends are Christian. My girlfriend of two years is Christian. I don't think that determines much about a person, I've met Christians who I got along with fine and Agnostics (what I am) who I couldn't stand. Religion doesn't determine the character of a person.

I can't read anymore. Ever since MudFu said that Catholics suck, I can see how Martin Luther King Jr. died. As a matter of fact, I'm gonna kill myself to rid this earth of mother fuckers that MudFu doesn't like. My Mother sucks, too, MudFu. MudFucken Thanks.

Asshole.

I don't give a shit what you say about me, but leave my Mother out of this.

We all know that MudFu wouldn't like the type of person I am, so he should stay out of Americans' lives.

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Originally Posted by MudFu

Catholics...they....well....they suck plain and simple. t

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What the fuck makes you better than me, MudFu?

I'm supposedly Christian, yet I highly doubt that Jesus Christ was alive, hence giving me second thoughts.

As a Christian, you worship a 2,000 year old figure. Why don't you suck?

I'm done with this. When you classify others in the way MudFu did, it makes it all seem meaningless because you know that there are other Human Beings in the world who don't care about the Human Race, as a whole.

MudFu, you better get your head together if you want Jesus Christ to accept you. After all, as a Christian, that is who you worship.

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Originally Posted by MudFu

I am Christian. I only consider myself Christian because I don't seem to fit in any other religous catagory like jewish or so on. This topic seems to try and make Christians look like they have no respect to others belifes. And lets not talk about Catholics...they....well....they suck plain and simple. (sorry to catholics, I do not mean you as a person I mean your church). If you want to insult christians try not saying something that makes you look bad...hypocrit

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Read your stupid sentence again.

Okay, MUDFU...listen up, I stopped reading when I got to the Catholics suck part. You should word your sentences a little differently to avoid confusion.

I've been through the Holy Trinity which makes me Catholic. When I think of going to Church, I think of stoners chilling. After all, they instilled in me to knowledge that smoking pot is not evil. Neither is being me.

It is funny how you say that you DO respect others' beliefs, and then go on to say that the Catholic Church sucks.

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Originally Posted by MudFu

If you want to insult christians try not saying something that makes you look bad...hypocrit

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I'm not exactly trying to anger you...

But, if you want to insult Catholics, try not saying something that makes you look bad...hypocrite.

I'd like to post this topic on my site just because I feel like it makes so much sense. I'm with you on this one and agree 100%. I was just writing in another topic on here about religion how my grandparents who can barely walk and are in their 70's will go out of their way to walk up the snowy/icy driveway because they HAVE to go to church because that's what god wants.

If I say anything to them, it's nonsense. I feel like some people are just plain retarded. No offense to real retarded people though. :) But dumb must you be to not believe in science which we see, but instead believe in teachings of early man from long ago in which they don't really make any sense as you pointed out. I'm not gonna really put this post on my site, but I'd like to.

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Originally Posted by 420kidder

But dumb must you be to not believe in science which we see, but instead believe in teachings of early man from long ago in which they don't really make any sense as you pointed out. I'm not gonna really put this post on my site, but I'd like to.

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Well, you're right, but tell that to the Government.

Plus, the teachings of Jesus Christ are basically the same as Osirius, Dionysus, Attis, Bacchus, and many others.

The thing is that, science was setup by God. Where do you think we got beakers from? That was his first gift to us.

That's pretty funny, I put that comma there. How can anyone not like Sundays, unless they have to work?

Hehe that's silly. :) Religion never fails to be the cause of a lot of problems, ever notice that? I try to keep my opinions to myself because it's really not worth trying to wake people up so they stop wasting their time and focus more on what's important in their life (other than fictional characters).

I may sound mean or whatever but like I said it just makes me almost sick to think people I care about can put themselves in danger and spend money all the time that they don't have because they were told god is so great.

On top of this, my grandparents have never researched anything other than their own religion, so they don't know if it's really the right one for them. When asked about why certain things are the way they are (like why can't a priest sleep with a woman?) the answers I get are just ridiculous.

Another thing I don't like to see, is kids that are having their communion (spelling?) or confirmation. Not that it scarred me for life, but children should not be made into minions.

Isn't it convenient that you're not supposed to second guess your god or religion? Once again everyone, I'm sorry but I think people are unnecessarily wasting their time with religion. :(

Religion has never caused any problems that I've known about, other than hearing of Priests and Sexual Abuse, but I don't see the Horses carrying the Knights to battle. The Holy Trinity isn't to make you into a minion, all that happens is that you're baptized as a child (I don't care how they do it), you're "ordained" into the world of being able to stand in line with the adults to get some bread at Mass, and then you're confirmed around 15 or 16, after years of Religion classes in which you and others, mostly from your school, horse around in, once a week. Most Catholic religions give you a "confirmation" name, when you're confirmed, that you can select. I picked Anton. I liked Anton Stasny from a Hockey Card my brother had when I was little.

Don't ask your Grandparents why things are, just tell them.

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Originally Posted by beachguy in thongs

The thing is that, science was setup by God. Where do you think we got beakers from? That was his first gift to us.

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lol

and god said "let there be beakers" and so the the beakers came to be. the people turned to science, and used the beakers, and he saw that it was good ;)

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It is funny how you say that you DO respect others' beliefs, and then go on to say that the Catholic Church sucks

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Yes but I am not a good example of what I was saying but not everyone sees things the way I do. I NEVER SAID I DIDN'T RESPECT THEIR BELIEFS. I said I don't like how the curch is. You want to insult me then read something fully and make sure you read the words not putting in words that are not there like "I".

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Originally Posted by MudFu

sorry to catholics, I do not mean you as a person I mean your church

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Not hard to tell you didn't read this part either...When I said "your church" I did not mean the beliefs but the acts at which they done in the past like adding and taking away sections of the bible. You don't want to get me angry? Well gezz how and I suppose to take your shit without felling some kidda anger. And trying putting all your bashings of me in one post, makes it easyer to read.

Oh and btw asshole I don't worshop Jesus, God is the only one you have to have faith in.

mind fu's disposition is similar to mine; if you dont practice what you preach no one wants to listen.


with me, if i practice what i preach, i would disappear into the world, and there would BE no one TO listen! lol


i hate internet, i hate using it, i hate that it's the only way to get the message out there.... :( well for the time being anyways... i dont think that'll change though :(

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Originally Posted by MudFu

You want to insult me then read something fully and make sure you read the words not putting in words that are not there like "I".

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Originally Posted by MudFu
sorry to catholics, I do not mean you as a person I mean your church


Not hard to tell you didn't read this part either...When I said "your church" I did not mean the beliefs but the acts at which they done in the past like adding and taking away sections of the bible. You don't want to get me angry? Well gezz how and I suppose to take your shit without felling some kidda anger. And trying putting all your bashings of me in one post, makes it easyer to read.

Oh and btw asshole I don't worshop Jesus, God is the only one you have to have faith in.

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This was not necessary.

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Originally Posted by beachguy in thongs

Okay, MUDFU...listen up, I stopped reading when I got to the Catholics suck part. You should word your sentences a little differently to avoid confusion.

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You shouldn't have said Catholics suck. That's unbelievably prejudiced and reflects upon the people that brought you up.

The thing is the fight here is different for the one we had Shadow...we were talking about the end and beliefs in that sence but how I said something, which yesy I could have worded much better, and it was taking the wrong way. And btw the way different from my parents in pretty much every sence. You can not compair us.

So, now we're talking about the End? I believe there'll be no End. We will be impervious to all the dangers the Universe has to offer because of our ability to control it with our Mind.

actually, the mind does not belong to us, rather we belong to IT.

the mind comes before the ego, the ego is what makes us who we are, and egos reside within the mind.


"ego" is "individual mind".

Okay, I'm sorry. I meant, Brain.