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I want to hear your favorite Redneck jokes. :D:D
here's a few of mine.
You might be a redneck if.....
you've been married 3 times and you still have the same in-laws.
You might be a redneck if.....
you think Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.
You might be a redneck if.....
your state has a new law that states when a couple gets devoriced, they are still legally brother and sister.
Hahahaha I love these jokes :thumbsup:
Lol i like them all, but this one especially!Quote:
Originally Posted by Ammie
You might be a redneck if.....
your state has a new law that states when a couple gets devoriced, they are still legally brother and sister.
*Woo, first reply* :D :dance:
ummmm you were supposed to add more :p g0g0g0g0g0g0!
picture.......
Wow that'd be cool:D Incentive for the lonely man to take a leak;)Quote:
Originally Posted by SensiRide
You think Sherlock Holmes is a
housing project down in Biloxi.
You think a stock tip is
advice on worming' your hogs
You like Miss Ammie?
Recognise them?
You might be a redneck if...
you mow your lawn and find a car
Lol:DQuote:
Originally Posted by STDzRus
Rednecks have lawns now?....... and lawnmowers?:what:
Haha Maybe.
You miiiiight be a redneck if your name is Jeff Foxworthy
The first redneck on the moving picture thingy!
LOOK THEIR PA! IT'S JEFFREY FROM SIXTH GRADE! GEE PA I ALWAYS TOLD YA HE WAS A FUNNER LOOKIN FELLER!
I have no jokes, so here's a 'finger'.
The origin of this classic dates back well before the mid-1970's, but its current manifestation has to thank the television show Happy Days. Ralph Mouth and his gaggle of friends used a G-rated version of this bird by telling the well-deserved receiver to simply sit on it. As time passed, because of its popularity and overuse, it was not insulting enough to just sit on it. In order to reemphasize its intended insult, the receiver was also asked to spin on it.
INSTRUCTIONS
(1)Extend your nesting bird in the direction of the beneficiary of your ire. (2)As you say the words, "Sit on it," (3)slowly rotate your finger in a counterclockwise motion.
TIP
You must truly believe that the bird's recipient is going to sit on it, and this is their punishment for being them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachguy in thongs
OMG LOL haha that was so good!!:D
lol good one beachguy
http://koti.mbnet.fi/~soldier/towboat.htm
http://tributetoowned.ytmnd.com/
heres a good joke
A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. "Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent." "ONE CENT - that's awesome!" exclaimed the guy.
So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with the works?"
"Certainly, sir, "replies the bartender, but all that comes to real money." "How much money?" inquires the guy. "4 cents," replies the bartender.
"FOUR cents!" exclaims the guy... "Where's the Guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replies, "Upstairs with my wife." The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"
The bartender replies... "Same as I'm doing to his business!"
Haha, that's a good joke Rob:D
Never heard it before.. cheers:stoned:
this is classic aint seen it in like a year:
http://www.savvy.com/videos/funny/priceless_date.aspx
Damn, I never got my $12 bottle of wine... :cursing: !!!
U might be a redneck if your idea of a nice brunch is cold brains and a femur sandwich..
o wait thats zombie jokes ok its early.
Yo mamma's ass is so hairy, it looks like don king is about to pop out n say "ONLY IN AMERICA!"
Hey anyone heard about the gay midget with the cleft palette?
No, what happened?Quote:
Originally Posted by Canadabis
He was a social outcast and a material failure. He killed himself 3 days before meeting his soulmate. :dance:Quote:
Originally Posted by 3 Sheets To The Wind
Quote:
Originally Posted by Canadabis
lol:what:
Was that the punchline.. or did it have any meaning? lol
THE ENGLISH "BIRD"
Leave it to a country with an international reputation as a place where you can actually be killed with kindness to subvert a gesture of peace and love. The Brits might have invented the bird as we know it today.
The Hundred Years' War (1336-1565). Anticipating victory over the British, the French decided to cut the middle fingers off of all their maptured English soldiers, making it impossible for them to use the longbow so they would be incapable of fighting in future wars or uprisings. When the English won a major upset at the Battle of Agincourt (1415) they began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at their defeated enemy, saying, "See, we can still pluck yew!" (The longbow was made from the wood of a yew tree.)
A recent revelation suggests the true origins of the bird might go back even further.
In the year 7523 B.C., Robots invented humans to gather raw materials for their war effort angainst their evil intergalactic enemies, the Blabacons. After humans had suffered a thousand torturous years as slaves, a young Neanderthal known as Bird Man (on account of his big nose) lead his people in a revolution. After three failed coups Bird Man discovered that if he placed his middle finger in a Robot's exhaust port, it would fill up with gas and pop like a balloon. He taught a small band of like-minded Neanderthals this tactic. They immediately mounted another revolt, and they were successful until they ran into some unexpected trouble with a group of their own people, whom they called the House Neanderthals. In a small skirmish with this highly trained, heavily funded unit, Bird Man was killed. Using his father's death as a battle cry, Bird Man's son took up the mantle of the revolution. With this gesture he led his fellow Neanderthals to victory over the Robot horde. We unknowingly honor our savior every time we flip...the bird.
The English Bird is used to insult people simply because they are a backward people:
INSTRUCTIONS
(1) Make a peace sign. (2) Twist your wrist so that your palm and fingers are facing you. (3) Throw some bangers and mash at the old boy.
TIP
It is important to say things like "Jolly good" and "Yes, yes, quite right," or talk about the empire shortly before or after making this gesture. This action should defuse any potential hostility of the average Nigel, but if you are dealing with a soccer yob, take the same precautions you might if you were to run into trouble at a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert.
you know your a redneck if...
someone yell's for a hoe down and you throw your date to the floor :D
You know your a redneck if....
your mama can tell the police officer at her window to kiss her ass without takin the marlbor outta her mouth......
.... ammie! where have you been lately? lol... Oh and uh.. you know you're a redneck.... if you live in tennessee.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ammie
Lol!
Welcome back:D good to see your thread's still a hit.. make the most of it :thumbsup: :dance:
:eek: hahaQuote:
Originally Posted by Bman719
hey!! I have been here there and everywhere.
btw your redneck joke sucks ;)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ammie
I was offended, i live in Tennessee!
my threads are always a hit. take some notes kiddo im the master. :cool:Quote:
Originally Posted by 3 Sheets To The Wind
w0000t g0 me!
lol, i know the joke sucks lol.... i was just uh.. trying to stay thread related while wondering where ammie had been lol (and my best friend lived in tennessee up until four years ago... so i agree the joke sucked) and ammie... why aren't you in chat?! lol
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ammie
*Gets notepad and a pen*
Ok, shoot!
well........my I have been really busy with school, kids,life,work,ect and ect. and im not in chat because this computer sucks ass and wont let me be :(
oh and you know your a redneck if.....
your family tree grows stright and dont branch off :D
Ghosttoker is gone Ammie :( and I'm glad you're life is going well now :)
What do you mean Ghost is gone?? He was just here the other day!Quote:
Originally Posted by Bman719
Yeah I know... i don't really know what happened, he made an account and they banned him from "spamming".... it's just too bad that they didn't ban 3sheets instead.... lol. but yeah, i'm pretty sure he's gone.
Danse Macabre was him and the account got banned earlier with no reasons... ahh well he was very sour!Quote:
Originally Posted by Ammie
HEY! I like 3 sheets too so you gotta play nice. I hope its not a long ban for Ghost I miss him already Hes my wittle wub bug ;)
Look at your sig. it applies now:)Quote:
Originally Posted by Bman719
Just take off the fact i'm 16, that doesn't need to be said.
Also, he got banned for goig to every single thread and just typing "spam" it wasn't for spamming!