time for some more jokes

Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks up a barfly. They taker her to ta local motel the first hobbit goes into the motel room while the other waits outside. Once the door closes, the hobbit on the outside hears starnge noises through the door, "I can't do it, I can't do it, I CAN'T DO IT!"
In the morning, the second hobbit askes the first, "How did it go?" The first one answers. "It was embarrassing. I simply couldn''t do it."

The second hobbit shook his head. "Manhood problems, eh?"

"No. I couldnt get on the bed!" :p

Hey stoners heres another one for ya lmao i love my self

A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms. The father replies, ''Well, you see that 3-pack? That's for when you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night.''
The son then asks his father, ''What's the 6-pack for?''

The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're in college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning.''

Then the son asks his father what the 12-pack is for.
The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're married. You have one for January, one for February, one for March, one for.....''

there was a guy on a nude beach reading a newspeper...then this little girl came to talk to him and he covered his crotch with the paper...then she asked what was underneath it, and he said his pet bird...the girl left and he fell asleep...he woke up in a hospital with the little girl sitting beside him...he asked her what happened to him, and she said that she started to pet his bird, and then it threw up no her, so she broke its leg, crushed its eggs, and then set its nest on fire....lol



another one is...
this girl asked her dad if she could have a some money to go spend at the mall...so she asked him and he said only if you suck my dick...then shes just like, what the fuck? thats sick your my dad...then he like, well then i guess no mall money..she really wanted to go shopping, so a few minutes later you see her head bobbing...then she tells her dad that his dick tastes like shit...and he replies with "what do you expect? your brother just borrowed the car" lmao!

lmfao haha whoo that was some funny shit

What rises when you stick five dead babies in a blender?

...my erection

Q. What can Life Savers do that men cannot? A: Come in five flavors

A guy boards a plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye. He says to him," hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes, mind if I ask how you got yours?" The first guy answers, "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the biggest breasts in the world was behind the counter. So, instead of saying I'd like a ticket to Pittsburgh, I said I'd like a picket to Tittsburgh. She socked me one." The other guy answers, "Mine was a tongue twister too. I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife: Please pour me a bowl of Wheaties. But I accidentally said: You ruined my life you fucking bitch."

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Quasimodo were all talking one day. Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in the world." Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world." Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the ugliest person in the world." They decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have their claims verified. Sleeping Beauty went first and came out looking deliriously happy. "It's official, I AM the most beautiful girl in the world." Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, "I am officially the smallest person in the world." Sometime later, Quasimodo came out looking crestfallen and simply said, "Who's Linda Tripp?"

A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road. An Irish cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have you been?" "I've been to the pub," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few. "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks "And get me a whisky you cow!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another whisky you bitch". Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I'll kick your ass". Next moment both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says "For someone who can't fly you're a lippy bastard!"

A man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice. The woman immediately goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit and explains why. The supervisor is puzzled by this time and says, "What's wrong with the coworker telling you your hair smells nice?" The woman replies.... "He's a midget."

Did you hear about the 80-pound guy with the 40-pound testicles?
People say he was half-nuts.

Hahaha i crack myself the fuck up

Why does a man's penis have a hole in it?
So he can get oxygen to his brain

okok i am done now haha

lmao haha i love u gurls ;)

but ya nutrs and like it keep going lmao

Why do blondes wear big hoop earrings when they go on a date?
So they have some place to put their feet.

lmfao hahaha.......