just a funny joke. feel free to add your own jokes!

A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the man to get out of bed and ties him to a chair.

While tieing the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband whispers to his wife, "Listen, this man is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!


"His wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, he thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too."

HA HA HA HA THATS FUCKING HILARIOUS!!! shit man i dont think i can top that but ill give er a shot this is the only one i can remember off the top of my head...

How do you kill a newfy?


put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool

lol.

lol that was good. come on people lets hear some more.

i dont know a lot of jokes. but heres one (sorry i know it sucks)

a guy walks into a bar, and theres a message wrote next to the cashier:
sandwich: 5$
blowjob:10$

so the guy ask the waitress: are u the one doing blowjobs? then she answers "yes"

so he says: ok wash your hands and make me a sandwich

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by galaga420

THIS QUOTE IS N/A.
Ha, Ha, I busted out in laughter when he said he was gay.
Then, daringly interrupted my g/f during a movie just to tell her that I had a joke to tell here, later.

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I sounded like this, "ha HAHHHHH!!!"

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tokosan

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.

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Haha that rocks.

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond comparison.

With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman. Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them.

The farmer simply replied, "They're lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want."

The man dated the first daughter. The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion. "Well," said the man, "she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice...pigeon-toed."

The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter. The next day, the farmer again asked how things went.

"Well," the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell...cross-eyed."

The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did. The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, "She's perfect, just perfect. She's the one I want to marry." So they were wed right away.

Months later the baby was born. When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was the most ugly, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents.

"Well," explained the farmer, "She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell...pregnant when you met her."

thats funny shizit

Because he spends all his time with elves and fairies

How do you know you're a redneck?
<If after your third marriage you still have the same in-laws!>

What does McDonalds and Michael Jackson have in common?
<They both like sticking 40 year old meat between 10year old buns>

Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
<To keep their legs back.>

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Originally Posted by rainbows.rsexy

Because he spends all his time with elves and fairies

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lol... you felt the need to bring a thread that's been long dead up for what reason again?.. not even mentioning the fact it has tokosan in it, especially since there have been other 'joke threads' since this one??? you're tokosan aren't you?

So what's the deal with people getting their panties in a knot when someone revives an old thread.

So fucking what? We're stoners, everything is chill, why can't y'all be chill? :confused:

well aside from the fact it's just general forum ettiquette to not bring up old threads... the fact he/she brought up and old thread, older then anohter one just like it, that just happened to be an 'old tokosan' thread piqued my intrests....

Tokosans post was pretty funny, there's no denying that.
And if it's "against forum policy" to revive old threads, should people just keep making new threads about same things and be flamed for that?
Just wondering.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Blowboy

Tokosans post was pretty funny, there's no denying that.
And if it's "against forum policy" to revive old threads, should people just keep making new threads about same things and be flamed for that?
Just wondering.

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actually, his post was just based off of a joke performed by george carlin durring one of his stand up specials.. and no it's not against forum rules to bring up old posts... but it's just general forum ettiquete to leave dead threads... dead... and if you have new questions about the same old post, posted over and over, of course there's no problem making a new one... but if you're going to ask the same question about the same topic... just read the old thread.. but leave it dead.. as a general rule.

all this linear thought makes my brain hurt

please, someone find the oldest thread on the boards and revive it

i'm too lazy

honestly, who gives a shit if it's old or not does it really make a difference in the world?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by delusionsofNORMALity

all this linear thought makes my brain hurt

please, someone find the oldest thread on the boards and revive it

i'm too lazy

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It was done before Christmas. And it was a boring thread anyway. About bottled water or something. Nothing to bother replying to.