Feeling like an absolute DOUCHE for posting this.

I hate getting sappy, especially to strangers but oh well, I figured most of you people are cool, so I would like your opinion at the matter at hand.


Alright, so there's this girl who I've know for a little over a year. Well, from the start of me knowing her, she was dating this guy who treated her like absolute shit. Constant verbal abuse. Anyway, she got pregnant with him and well eventually the guy who she was seeing slept with another woman while she was pregant. Well, she found out and broke up with him. All during this time, I was a really close personal friend of hers. She had the kid and for a few months wouldn't let him see their kid. Eventually, I talked to her and told her it wasn't about them, but it was about the kid and not letting him see the kid is unfair. She came to her senses and let him see the kid eventually.

Well, she told me now that she again feels that she loves him even though the guy has a new girl. To make matters worse, he hasn't shared a dime with her and lately has become dodgy about seeing the kid. I have also loaned her hundred of dollars for her to go through school and help out with the kid. I don't even really care if she pays me back. Anyway, Just the other day, she went over with their kid to suprise him. But he said his girlfriend was coming over and basically shut the door on her and the kid's face. She came to my place crying and I was just there for her, talking to her, comforting her. The guy also sends mix signals to her. Sometimes he tells her he has feelings for her, the next he tells her that he wants nothing to do with her emotionally. Since their breakup I have had more feelings for her. I once even asked her if her and I could be more than friends. She said sorry, we couldn't. But I really never told her how I felt about her. I really want to ask her again and tell her how I feel about her, but I am sorta nervous and I don't want to ruin the friendship we have , which is a very close one. I don't know. I guess the old saying goes.... "Nice guys finish last."

Thanks in advance for whoever responds.

keep there for her... dont try and sway her mind tho, thats a bad thing to do, stay by her side when she needs and sooner or later she will come around... even if it is years

your a good dude XTC just due whatever you think is right

damn we need more guys like you around. keep doing what you're doing. she'll eventually will get the message. hopefully she'll see the baby's daddy for who he really is...the daddy and nothing more.

Well, I don't mean to be graphic.. but just because that dude gave his sperm doesn't really mean that he's the "dad", he just contributed to making him, if that makes any sense.

Clearly, you are being more of a "dad" by comforting the mom, just being there, giving money, etc.

Yeah XTC, you're a cool guy. Hopefully she'll see how much she means to you, and she'll come around sooner or later.

Good luck to both of you, and let us know how it turns out!

By the way, does the girl smoke weed?

EDIT: Holy Fuck! This is my 420th post! Let's all smoke a bowl or 6!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Hempamasta

Well, I don't mean to be graphic.. but just because that dude gave his sperm doesn't really mean that he's the "dad", he just contributed to making him, if that makes any sense.

Clearly, you are being more of a "dad" by comforting the mom, just being there, giving money, etc.

Yeah XTC, you're a cool guy. Hopefully she'll see how much she means to you, and she'll come around sooner or later.

Good luck to both of you, and let us know how it turns out!

By the way, does the girl smoke weed?

---

She used to years back. I havent yet asked her if she would smoke up with me. I will sometime near though

yea your a good guy, keep going at it. Ide say just tell her i meen what do you have to loose, a simple no.........i meen everyone gets denied but chances are she will say yes if you tell her what you feel like really.....

I agree with mostly everyone, id say just keep doing what your doing, but dont ask again yet, for chances of her then not wanting to be with you, or be friends would be less, IMO. Yup yup.

Good for you XTC, you're a good man :cool:

I don't know what to tell you though. But if I were her though, I'd get rid of him altogether or she'll just end up getting hurt over and over again. I know that he is her babies dad and all, but a person doesn't need to be a biological father to be a father.

I hope some day she will find a real man who will treat her right. Just stand by her and help her out. It doesn't go unnoticed. Good luck. Peace.

wheres the guy live? i got a mind to go Joe Pesci style buck wild on his ass, i hate dead beat dads like that fuck em they arnt worthy of life.

Oklahoma kid. That's me. I'm the Oklahoma kid. You fickin' varmint. Dance. Dance. YAHOO, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!! ~Goodfellas

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Killa.Kali

wheres the guy live? i got a mind to go Joe Pesci style buck wild on his ass, i hate dead beat dads like that fuck em they arnt worthy of life.

Oklahoma kid. That's me. I'm the Oklahoma kid. You fickin' varmint. Dance. Dance. YAHOO, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!! ~Goodfellas

---

Ya, if I ever see this schmuck in public I am definetly going to have some words. He fucking closed the door on his 5 month year old son because his present girlfriend was coming over soon.

Talk stuff out with her logically and get her to stop "feeling" and start "thinking". (smoke a j with her first, amazing how a little buzz puts shit in perspective) Try asking here exactly what it is about him she loves, ask her what she really wants in a man/partner. Seems like there isn't much there to love except what she thinks is there(not what really is there), and if you help her to examine her feelings she may stop looking at him, and start looking at you.
And you also might want to help girly get in some single mom support groups, she needs more than just you to help her see reality.

ps.
make sure you really want to get involved with her, because a girl who makes a huge life decision (having a kid) like that with no preparations at all, and is obviously with a man who is not suitable (and doesnt seem to notice) may make some dumb ass decisions for you as well if you invite her into your life. Other people can and will drag you down, watch out for yourself, you seem like a really nice guy.

For that matter, what do you love about her?
I've heard her story over and over again on talk shows, love a guy, have unprotected sex, have kid (unplanned and unmarried), he cheats while she is pregnant, she leaves, she wants him back when he gets a new woman, she uses his kid as a way to manipulate him into getting back with her.

Think about it...
She is with a dude who treats her like shit and everyone can see it
but she loves him anyway
She has unprotected sex with this same man
and she gets pregnant
She finally leaves him
but only when it is so bad that even she has to see it's no good.
She has his child
then doesn't let him see the child because of her grudge.
She feels like she loves him again now
though he has another girlfriend and their past is not pleasant.

a series of really really bad decisions that she is currently forcing her brand new child into as well.

Now try this

Guy meets chick
he doesn't like her that much but keeps her around for some reason
(you dont treat people you like badly)
chick he doesn't like all that much gets pregnant with his kid
he has no choice now but to deal with this chick he doesn't like all that much
for the rest of his life, she forced him into that.
Of course he cheats on her while she is pregnant,
he definatly doesn't want a kid, barely likes her
and probably only kept her around for sex to begin with
so once she couldn't put out....he found another hole to stick it in.
she leaves him and then refuses to let him see his own child
for some stupid ass reasons of her own.
When he gets another girly he actually likes
the old one keeps coming around and using the kid as a bargaining chip to get back in his life and bed.
well he didn't like her all that much to begin with
and he didn't want a child with her
despite her not wanting him to see the kid ever...
she brings baby over when the new girlfriend is due to arrive shortly
and then everyone gets pissed off when he doesn't put his life on hold
to spend time with the girl he doesn't like
and the kid he didn't want.

chick is using the kid to get to him, and that is not fucking cool.

Sorry mate but i reckon your fighting a losing battle! Not being funny but this geezer has fucked her about and youve been nice guy eddie by giving her money and friendship etc and shes told you that you cant be anymore than friends and tells you she still loves the nasty ex boyfriend, sounds like she uses you when shes up shit creek and that if father of the year comes back with his tail between his legs she would have him back and drop you faster than a brass' knickers!

Sorry but just being real!

If i was you, i would definitely not ask her again for awhile, women (most women, i certainly have not completely figured out any of em lol) would not like people hittin on them and trying to be more than friends when they are going through something as hard as that. Who would want someone who would do that, usually they are just doing it to spite the other person if they do it when they are going through hardships. You would end up getting hurt. I would try looking for someone new, but stay close with this girl. You never know. And like that one guy said, your pretty much the dad, the other guy is just the biological father. Tell her you wanna help her take care of her kid but dont ask her out again just yet.

What Scarlett said! :)

Seriously, though... XTC, you sound like a dollbaby with a big heart. Kudos to you for that; try to hold onto that & not become bitter by this crazy world.

I wouldn't ask her again though (at least not for a loooong while); she doesn't sound like she's in the same place you are. Date someone else, even just casually, for your own sake as well as hers. If she does have feelings for you, that may be a wake-up call. Many females can begin to take someone for granted if they are too available. Best of luck to you. :)

Ok well i debated posting this but i think that you are going to need some help with this girl and your best bet is to go to this site here. It might not look like its for you but trust me there is definetly some good information that you can use in his programs, and there is even alot of info you can use in his newsletters.

It is going to look like another one of those BS sites that dont teach people anything and it costs them money for it, but trust me i own 4 of his programs and i am a member of his monthly interviews. A friend of mine i have known for many years told me he has it too after sharing some things we booth learned. I have nothing but awsome thing to say about this guy.

Even if you're sceptical about it do me a favor (since i put myself in the line of fire of other people here ;)) and read his newsletters (these are free) for a month, they come out every few days and its going to help. Mind you i do not get anything for refering you to his stuff nor am i affiliated with him.

Good luck with her, seems like your a really awsome guy, she just doesn't know whats best for her. You need to create attraction for you (you will understand that more when u read his stuff) in order to make her see that you are better for her.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by mlleyeuxbleus

Many females can begin to take someone for granted if they are too available. Best of luck to you. :)

---

I totally agree with that in every way possible!!!!!

Men don't treat women like shit (or anyone for that matter) women LET men treat them bad. I just feel like you let people treat you like doormats or you don't. Screw me once your fault, screw me twice I asked for it. Just my thoughts.

Take yourself off the market, dude. It may be for the best, it may just be a waste of time. If that's too hard, pretend like you're off the market. Good luck and hope she's worth it, whomever she may be.

yeah you're a good guy 4 real. Kinda suprising though how she said no. i thought 4 sure she would want to be more then friends with you. I bet she will eventually,

Like i said shes using you mate and remember there are plenty more fish in the sea