Tastefully asking for rights to being friends who have sex.

There's this girl I like a good deal. I broke up with her tonight because relationships are drama and hard, especially ones between young people. She was a virgin before I made her a woman, and she says she really loves me, etc. But I think that's just what happens when you take a girls virginity.

Anyway, we agree that we have absolutely wonderful sex. We also agree that we want to stay really good friends. I'd date her, but my brain can't handle the facts of relationships. They're too much right now, and I've got bigger priorities, aka, summer college class finals, and then a load of classes just a couple weeks away for the fall.

Is there any tasteful way to ask if she'd be interested in not only staying friends, but also continuing to have awesome sex? Or would she probably just see me as a pig if I did that? I've had sex with 3 other girls, and none even compared to this girl in ability. Not even slightly close.

Don't ask man, try to make it happen when you're with her and it feels like the time is right. Just let it happen, asking that shit straight out would make you look like an asshole.

-laughs- Okay. That seems like pretty sound advice.

I thought about it, and I don't even want to do that. That might confuse things into a half relationship, which could be just as much drama if not more.

She's either thinking the same thing or not at all. The best you can do is ask as politely as possible (which is pretty hard considering what your asking) and she'll either be cool with it or think your an asshole. No way of sidestepping around it if that's what you want.

Break it off completely if there is any part of you that care about her. Even if she agreed to just be your friend and have sex with you, she will not be happy (it'll never be enough for her) and you'll have a bigger drama to deal with.

have you ever seen the episode of seinfeld where jerry and elaine try to have sex but just stay friends?

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Originally Posted by Encatuse

I thought about it, and I don't even want to do that. That might confuse things into a half relationship, which could be just as much drama if not more.

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Hee hee. My exboyfriend and I broke up and became fuck buddies because we just couldn't let go of the sex - even though our relationship previously was nothing but DRAMA!


Needless to say my ex-boyfriend is now my husband... :o

I dont think the fuck buddy thing works well if you or she still have feelings for the other - that is if you are not interested in ever getting back together. However for us it gave us a breather from the relationship, and when we did get back together officially it was on much better terms than the first time around.

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Originally Posted by Cheery Cherry

Break it off completely if there is any part of you that care about her. Even if she agreed to just be your friend and have sex with you, she will not be happy (it'll never be enough for her) and you'll have a bigger drama to deal with.

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I know the concept of fuck buddies seems incompassionate, but I'm wondering if she's thinking the same thing, since despite being broken up we're still talking about our 'sex life'. She's shy girl, but then in bed she's just like whoa, sex-monster released.

I'm not breaking it off completely, period. -shrugs- And that's because there's "any part of me that cares about her." But because I enjoy her, not just her sex. I just figured if we're going to be hanging out as friends, we might as well be having sex too, since it's just another enjoyable aspect of our relationship. At least until one of us gets a new S.O..

You don't know the girl to say it'll never be enough for her. Maybe it wouldn't be enough for you, but this girl is a tough one. She didn't even cry when I broke up with her. Just said she understood and that it probably would've happened eventually anyway. And that she didn't regret anything about our relationship and she'd had alot of fun, and that she hopes we can stay really good friends.

Not every girl holds sex to be an extremely intimate expression of emotions. Most do, but not all. She's never said she loved me during sex either, which makes me wonder if she's capable of having it without extreme attachment.

The fact is: I pretty much still want to be with this girl. I just can't have such a serious relationship going on in a time in my life where I'm having a tough enough time with everything else. ((I'm a 17 year old who's been taking full college loads for over a year now. I don't have time to worry about the drama.))

I just want to find out if she's thinking the same thing. -shrugs- If she's not, it's not like I'd try and convince her into it. I think we've definately got potential to do like Ousted did. This girls cool as hell. I just don't want to be worrying every time she wants to goto a party and I don't, and I don't want to be worrying about making sure she's never mad at me. Etc. I want it to just be alot more natural, and alot less "typical relationship crap".

I didn't want to do it anymore because I feared that it would evolve into a half relationship. But I think if we just keep it light for a while, we have alot more potential for figuring shit out in the end.

Thanks for that story Ousted, it was the table turner for me. ^^

It's all easy to do until the first time one of you hooks up with someone new. That's the real test for your new idea. Screwing around and keeping out of relationships is simple, but what you're planning is the world's toughest thing to pull off. If it works, it's an awesome setup, but it may also get your penis cut off in the middle of the night.

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Originally Posted by Encatuse

Thanks for that story Ousted, it was the table turner for me. ^^

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I hope whatever the outcome that you both will be happy. Good luck with it and keep us updated!

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Originally Posted by Satovan

Don't ask man, try to make it happen when you're with her and it feels like the time is right. Just let it happen, asking that shit straight out would make you look like an asshole.

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if she wants it it will happen

Yeah. Im not gonna ask or anything. I guess I will ask, but in a "let it happen" fashion, like if she lays on me when we watch a movie or something, I'll kiss her, and if things escalate, they will. -shrugs- If they don't, then they don't.

But I won't be like "Wantz 2 haff sum sex too? and stay friendz dun worry!" like I originally thought was how friends who have sex worked. I haven't ever been in a situation like this where I broke up with someone with whom I wanted to continue being friends with, nor continue having sex with.

I haven't seen that seinfeld, but now I want to.

You're right, I don't know the girl or you for that matter, and I apologize if I offered a bad advice. I hope things will work out for you and your friend. I guess I got the wrong impression when I first read your post. It is clear that you care for her.

Good luck.

Cheery, thanks. ^^ I do care for this girl alot. I just can't handle all the stressors of a relationship on top of being in college and maintaining a somewhat regular social life.

I read-read my first post and I could definately see how the wrong impression could be gotten. I needed to explain it more because it did sorta sound like I meant "I don't really like this girl, but I like fucking her. please help in this dilemna." -laughs-, and that's certainly lame.

Just hang out with her and make a move, but in a loving way. dont do no "yo take ya pants off babe, i wanna see that coochie again"...

do a little staring into her eyes and giving her that look, and work ya way back up to it.

dude just tell her u want her 2 be your girlfriend but youve got alot of shit going on at the moment.

Lol, be like. You like the sex we had right?(Her answer is of course yes because of course encatuse is obviously agreat lover) then you be like. OKay well wanna keep having sex? If she says no, just say okay. if she says yes. Have sex to celebrate it. *thumbs up*

-laughs- Im pretty sure she read this because she said something unusual. That would hugely annoy me. -laauugghss aggaaiiin-

Sometimes I need to think harder. What she said was positive, but still if I was going to be annoyed if she read it, I guess I shouldn't have posted it. She promised she wouldn't though. I'm unimpressed.

I don't think I can do it. I think I thought I was more detached then I am.

It seemed like a really good idea at the time. It was just so plausible. It has alot of potential for pain though, since we both like eachother.

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Originally Posted by ilovebecky

have you ever seen the episode of seinfeld where jerry and elaine try to have sex but just stay friends?

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lmao yes thats a really awesome show

Encatuse is Dead. Because I was stupid enough to use my hotmail email minus hotmail as a username on a forum. So, people who I don't want reading my posts, are, basically. People I don't want knowing my every thought is. Only two, but two important ones is enough. I'm making a new name, so, this post is pretty much like an apology to my fan club, asking you to blame them and not me, Kay?

Eventually, people who spend too much time on this site will be able to guess who I am. I will not be referring to encatuse though, since that makes it too obvious. ((ne1 who doesn't agree wit dat encatuse guy iz gayz, cuz enca is hardcor hetero.)) No making any guesses out loud, as that would defeat the purpose of my hiding from people I know reading my diary. Besides, accusations would be denied in that unlikely situation. -laughs- Thanks in advance.

By the way, the results ended with me doing what cheery cherry recommended. She wanted to see me today, but I told her that we shouldn't see eachother because if we see eachother we're going to end up doing stuff, and then we're going to end up getting back together. And I don't want to be with anyone. If we get back together someday, when I can handle what our relationship would be ((an intense one)), then that's cool. In the meantime I'll just masturbate.

This is my last post ever under the name encatuse. This post feels legendary. Maybe a mod could sticky it or something? Thanks in advance if one does. ((-laughs- That's a joke. I promise.))

The best advice I ever heard regarding situations like this. You say to her:

"Uhhhh....hey baby. Like, it's over. We can still do it and stuff, but I'm gonna have to ask you to leave."

The gospel according to Butthead

:D

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Originally Posted by onwardthroughthefog

The best advice I ever heard regarding situations like this. You say to her:

"Uhhhh....hey baby. Like, it's over. We can still do it and stuff, but I'm gonna have to ask you to leave."

The gospel according to Butthead

:D

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LMAO. :D

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Originally Posted by Encatuse

Encatuse is Dead. Because I was stupid enough to use my hotmail email minus hotmail as a username on a forum. So, people who I don't want reading my posts, are, basically. People I don't want knowing my every thought is. Only two, but two important ones is enough. I'm making a new name, so, this post is pretty much like an apology to my fan club, asking you to blame them and not me, Kay?

Eventually, people who spend too much time on this site will be able to guess who I am. I will not be referring to encatuse though, since that makes it too obvious. ((ne1 who doesn't agree wit dat encatuse guy iz gayz, cuz enca is hardcor hetero.)) No making any guesses out loud, as that would defeat the purpose of my hiding from people I know reading my diary. Besides, accusations would be denied in that unlikely situation. -laughs- Thanks in advance.

By the way, the results ended with me doing what cheery cherry recommended. She wanted to see me today, but I told her that we shouldn't see eachother because if we see eachother we're going to end up doing stuff, and then we're going to end up getting back together. And I don't want to be with anyone. If we get back together someday, when I can handle what our relationship would be ((an intense one)), then that's cool. In the meantime I'll just masturbate.

This is my last post ever under the name encatuse. This post feels legendary. Maybe a mod could sticky it or something? Thanks in advance if one does. ((-laughs- That's a joke. I promise.))

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Cant wait till i figure it out. :D hehe i spend too much time here.

betcha i figure it out first peguin :p

you have already answerd you're question. you like this girl so much that you spent all this time fauning over how to deal with the situation. stick with it man, keep it slow through school. she should know that school comes first. but the reason we all are hear is to find that soul mate and be happy. not work sleep, work sleep, untill we die. be happy, have fun. i made the mistake of letting my soul mate slipp away, and there is not a day that goes by that i kick myself for letting her go.