Hellooooooo Cafe People!

Being the "freshest" member of the cafe, just thought I would start my first thread EVER!!!!!! So got to thinking about some of the funnier things that have happened when I was stoned, and thought for sure you all must have some funnies as well :)

When we were in Jamaica, I was so stoned on the wonderful stuff they have there. Friends of ours handed me their digital camera, and said "Look at this pic." Well, the viewfinder was TINY, and I didn't have all my wits about me. I thought for SURE it was a picture of 2 coconuts and 2 crabs. So all these stoned people start laughing hysterically--including me, although I had no idea what I was laughing about. Turns out the attached picture is what I was looking at. ROFL Crabs-n-coconuts, baby! :eek:

I do love to laugh--as much as humanly possible--when I am stoned. So that jamaica shit fit the bill perfectly. Any stories for you to share????

That's a riot!!

My husband and I went on vacation with another married couple. We were on one of those small boats that only holds about 50 ppl, leaving Grand Caymon Island to go to an area where we could swim with the stingrays. The boat was packed, so we sat in a row behind our friends but all the way at the other end, on the right side of the bench while they were at the far left.

My husband and I were stoned out of our minds and we start talking about the show "Jackass" on MTV (this was 4 years ago). So my husband starts shouting at our friend Greg, "Hey, have you ever seen "Asshole"?!!" Now, you have to picture Greg, he's kind of geeky looking with glasses. Greg is yelling, "What?"

So, my stoned hubby starts screaming, "Asshole!! Asshole!! You know? Asshole?" We are surrounded by old ppl and families and my husband is yelling, "Asshole!!" Meanwhile Greg is just looking at us, totally confused, thinking my husband is calling him an asshole.

I could not stop laughing. Finally, I said, "Um, honey, it's 'Jackass', not 'Asshole'." So, then the 2 of us were laughing hysterically and Greg is still wondering what's going on. Then I add, "And Greg thinks your calling him an asshole." Which made my husband laugh even harder than before.

My husband shouts back, "Oh, man, no, you're not an asshole!! Have you seen 'Jackass'?"

Greg's like, "No." Still completely clueless. And I'm sure about a dozen retirees were absolutely offended.

I heard that there were "nudie pics" on this board !!!! Oh yeah, I was spreadin the rumor ....

A quick story .... As a youngster (20 or so) I'm in Boston for a concert with 2 friends we decide to check-out the Combat Zone. We're in a strip club, and things are very fuzzy, and one of the waitresses, who was decent looking, ask us if we wanted sex in the back room. When you're young and high with the guys, it's hard to say no, so the girl makes a signal and out come 3 women old enough to be our grandmothers dressed like 70's hookers (because they were 70s hookers). Only one of them had teeth !!!

We all RAN out of that place, and didn't stop until we were out of the zone.

ROFL! 70's hookers....made me start thinking about that show "Bosom Buddies". Remember that? Tom hanks dressing up like a woman? Maryjane...I laughed the whole way through your post..."asshole". How funny. In Jamaica, my husband was stoned for the first time in MANY years. And he tried to be VERY intellectual...talking about how life has these "levels" and comparing them to "the stairs over threre. They are one level higher than the other ones." What the fuck??? Everyone just walked away from him, and he continued talking to himself for some time.

mjm spreads a true nude pic rumor in cafe lounge
is that news?
or not?
i ask myself for some reason

oh yea
http://www.audiocomedy.net/soundboards/index.shtml
ive made myself luaghed my ass off with these soundboards if anyone likes those things to play with few good ones on there

peace
PS.
i smell something burning in here and it smells good to me

Quote:

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Originally Posted by NowhereMan

mjm spreads a true nude pic rumor in cafe lounge
is that news?
or not?
i ask myself for some reason

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Actually, for once, it wasn't me suggesting nakedness, it was Donnie Darko. But, I'm not apposed to it, that's for sure!! ;)

I also want to say that the reason Mr. Mary and I got so toasty before we got on that boat is because I never learned to swim. I was petrified!! It turns out in the area where the stingrays were located, the water came up to my waist at it's highest. So, I was being a big baby over about 3 feet of friggin water.:rolleyes:

Another quick story about being stoned and retarded....my husband has been a heavy equipment mechanech since the late seventies. We've had the same riding lawn tractor for years, with the same attachments. About 2 years ago he goes out to put the rotatiller on the lawn tractor to rotatill the garden. He's outside stoned, taking belts off, removing blades from the rotatiller and what not. He keeps saying, "Mary, I don't know what's the matter, I cannot get this rotatiller on!!" The longer he's out there fighting with the thing, the more pissed off he's getting.

Finally, he's gets it on. Mr. I-Can-Fix-Any-Machine-Anytime was trying to attach the rotatiller to the tractor backwards.:D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by maryjanemama

Actually, for once, it wasn't me suggesting nakedness, it was Donnie Darko. But, I'm not apposed to it, that's for sure!! ;)

I also want to say that the reason Mr. Mary and I got so toasty before we got on that boat is because I never learned to swim. I was petrified!! It turns out in the area where the stingrays were located, the water came up to my waist at it's highest. So, I was being a big baby over about 3 feet of friggin water.:rolleyes:

Another quick story about being stoned and retarded....my husband has been a heavy equipment mechanech since the late seventies. We've had the same riding lawn tractor for years, with the same attachments. About 2 years ago he goes out to put the rotatiller on the lawn tractor to rotatill the garden. He's outside stoned, taking belts off, removing blades from the rotatiller and what not. He keeps saying, "Mary, I don't know what's the matter, I cannot get this rotatiller on!!" The longer he's out there fighting with the thing, the more pissed off he's getting.

Finally, he's gets it on. Mr. I-Can-Fix-Any-Machine-Anytime was trying to attach the rotatiller to the tractor backwards.:D

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may i suggest something
why dont ya go get him to spend some time with ya :)
and save him some fingers being whacked off ,cuase sometimes ya just need step back do something else and go back at the problem
im sure two adults' find something to do without mechanicially things and belts and nuts and screwing and pounding with spontanious burst of words like "fuck dam oh shit
wait
rewind that
im sure that im sure two adults' find something to do WITH mechanicially things and belts and nuts and screwing and pounding with spontanious burst of words like "fuck' 'dam' 'oh shit'

yea think about it
peace

Quote:

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Originally Posted by NowhereMan

may i suggest something
why dont ya go get him to spend some time with ya :)
and save him some fingers being whacked off ,cuase sometimes ya just need step back do something else and go back at the problem
im sure two adults' find something to do without mechanicially things and belts and nuts and screwing and pounding with spontanious burst of words like "fuck dam oh shit
wait
rewind that
im sure that im sure two adults' find something to do WITH mechanicially things and belts and nuts and screwing and pounding with spontanious burst of words like "fuck' 'dam' 'oh shit'

yea think about it
peace

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Yes, we probably do need more quality time but he's just one of those on the go ppl. He wakes up, goes to work, comes home, says hello, and goes outside to work until it gets dark (he comes in for dinner in there somewhere, too). Then, he comes back inside, he tucks in the kids to bed, takes a shower,and watches TV until he goes to bed. That's it, everyday is the same. I guess I'm just used to it after 10 years. :(

I'm hoping my second husband will be more fun. :D Joking, of course.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by maryjanemama

Yes, we probably do need more quality time but he's just one of those on the go ppl. He wakes up, goes to work, comes home, says hello, and goes outside to work until it gets dark (he comes in for dinner in there somewhere, too). Then, he comes back inside, he tucks in the kids to bed, takes a shower,and watches TV until he goes to bed. That's it, everyday is the same. I guess I'm just used to it after 10 years. :(

I'm hoping my second husband will be more fun. :D Joking, of course.

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mjm,

I know EXACTLY what you mean. We'll be married 9 years in August. He leaves at 6:30 am, and if I am LUCKY, he's home by 5:30-6...at which time the kids attack him while I get dinner ready. After dinner, it's outside to work as well. Same evening for us as for you 2....

Moving around all the time has really left us with NO options for sitters, as we aren't anywhere long enough to get to know anybody. We try and get out on a "date" if we are lucky--maybe once a month at best. Our jamaica trip in March was our first together, EVER! (Unless you count going on a honeymoon to an amusement park a vacation!!! LOL). Kiddos are getting older, and we'll have our time together at some point, I guess. RIGHT??? TELL ME I'M RIGHT!!!! LOL :rolleyes:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by IrieAllie

mjm,

I know EXACTLY what you mean. We'll be married 9 years in August. He leaves at 6:30 am, and if I am LUCKY, he's home by 5:30-6...at which time the kids attack him while I get dinner ready. After dinner, it's outside to work as well. Same evening for us as for you 2....

Moving around all the time has really left us with NO options for sitters, as we aren't anywhere long enough to get to know anybody. We try and get out on a "date" if we are lucky--maybe once a month at best. Our jamaica trip in March was our first together, EVER! (Unless you count going on a honeymoon to an amusement park a vacation!!! LOL). Kiddos are getting older, and we'll have our time together at some point, I guess. RIGHT??? TELL ME I'M RIGHT!!!! LOL :rolleyes:

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You ARE Right .... I've finally got both kids in college (dorms) and there is now plenty of time together. Lots of spur-of-the-moment dates (movies, dinner, just driving). Last September, we went to Italy for 10 days while the kids were in school. And we're back to LOUD SEX !!! LOUD SEX is the best !!! LOL.

It's easy to get caught up in work, kids, house and relatives at the expense of your own fun. It's not forever, but at times it seems that way.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by DonnieDarko

You ARE Right .... I've finally got both kids in college (dorms) and there is now plenty of time together. Lots of spur-of-the-moment dates (movies, dinner, just driving). Last September, we went to Italy for 10 days while the kids were in school. And we're back to LOUD SEX !!! LOUD SEX is the best !!! LOL.

It's easy to get caught up in work, kids, house and relatives at the expense of your own fun. It's not forever, but at times it seems that way.

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Loud sex!!!! Wow, I can't wait :) You mean there WILL come a day when we won't have to tell kids that we "have to go make an important phone call"? LOL My mom has asked if I thought the kids would go stay at her house for a week, with no problems (they are 6 & 4 1/2). Well, I know I don't have any problems with that. A week of weed AND loud sex???? Count me in!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by IrieAllie

Loud sex!!!! Wow, I can't wait :) You mean there WILL come a day when we won't have to tell kids that we "have to go make an important phone call"? LOL My mom has asked if I thought the kids would go stay at her house for a week, with no problems (they are 6 & 4 1/2). Well, I know I don't have any problems with that. A week of weed AND loud sex???? Count me in!

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sure as hell nothing wrong with loud sex
if your the one having the sex :)
but must admit
i hate hearing it when others do it
so i assume they dont wanna here me iether
agian wait rewind
maybe something wrong with loud sex if your alone
lol maybe
just maybe
and hell yes i hope there is some FUNTIME in the future
they dam sure better be or im gonna smak my way to hell in the hereafter if there is a hereafter
all the bills and deals, kids and pills and crap we parents put up with

if u manage to help get your kid thru high school without a police record or death wish or gang tattooes or and they dont hate your every word
congraduations and i do believe
YOU deserve the loud sex and weed time
peace

Aahhhhhhhhh, I feel better now! :D God, I have a funny story but it's too explicit. Anyway, yeah, it'll get better I'm sure. LOUD SEX!!!! Woot woot. I guess loud sex is the whole reason we're all parents to begin with..........

Lol at "important phone call".

Quote:

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Originally Posted by IrieAllie

mjm,
"Kiddos are getting older, and we'll have our time together at some point, I guess. RIGHT??? TELL ME I'M RIGHT!!!!" LOL :rolleyes:

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High Allie,
Hang in there! Until they are actually self-supporting, you are likely to be arranging your life to be what's 'best for the kids'. Fortunately there will come times during their teens when you'll be able to plan some quality spousal time. Just be sure you always have a Plan B!
After that there should be a lull until the grandkids start arriving! But they are always more fun than their parents were, because you can give them back, which is a little like getting back at them...lol.

As far as baby sitters go, try to get an in with the Scouts(boy or girl), or the 4H, or other teen service oranizations. It isn't like hiring a total stranger. These kids have backgrounds and references. In general they are intelligent and responsible.
Just don't go into shock when you learn what sitters are getting these days!
eg{8^D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by maryjanemama

Aahhhhhhhhh, I feel better now! :D God, I have a funny story but it's too explicit. Anyway, yeah, it'll get better I'm sure. LOUD SEX!!!! Woot woot. I guess loud sex is the whole reason we're all parents to begin with..........

Lol at "important phone call".

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No such thing as too explicit in the Cafe Zone !!! What goes on in the Cafe, stays in the Cafe.