Pro-Choice

Well I have recentley gotten my girl of over a year pregnent. Now me being 17 and her being 16 we are in a very shaky situation. We are discussing abortion and all angles of course but this question is mainly for the women. Where do you stand on the issue and why? Also, I want her to know that I am behind her %100 on everything and that i'm not going to run from this because I love her and would love nothing more tha nto have a child with her one day. I just want the child to have a good childhood unlike me. Uh, I can't wait to get this shit behind us.

It is a decision to be made by both of you, especially if you both decide to keep the baby and raise it in a loving permanent relationship and ultimately marriage. This option takes extroardinary love for each other and the baby, since this will not be an easy road.

If you decide at the above option is not the best (and for most ppl your age it isn't), I would suggest that you look into putting the baby up for adoption. This is mainly a decision that the women needs to make because she will bear the responsibility of childbirth, and then separation. This can be the best option for the child.

Another option is "one" of you decide to take full responsibility of raising the baby by yourself. Again not usually a good option, and you both still will be liable for financial responsibility.

Personally, I believe that abortion is a legal but last option, once you consider all possible options for life.

I don't envy your dilemma, but know that you do have options and life goes on. Try to make the best decision for both of you.

~takes a giant gulp of beer~ ok well dude i'm kinda in the same situation........i'm only 19 and my wifes 23 (couplea days she'll be 24) and i'm going to give it to you striaght. it is not easy by any means. it is more stress than you could imagine and even more repsonsibility than you're probably prepared for....BUT! it can be done. i'm not going to try and influence your decesion on abortion one way or another because i really don't think peope should input their opinions on the matter here because that is a decesion to be made by you and her, and you and her alone!....not the parents (although legally depending on what state you're in they do have legallity issues over you) not your friends, not her friends not no one...it is yours and her child and no one should be able to even influence you cuz you just may regret listenting to everyone else. you two need to really sit down and discuss this..and i mean more than whether to abort it or not...you need to discuss how you feel on the subject, how yal plan how to take care of the baby, how you plan to provide for it (and sorry for calling him/her an it but it's just easier at this point since obviously no one can tell what sex it will be and it's just easier for me to make my points, i want to get thorugh this while making you have as few attatchments as possible so that i too, do not influence your decision), how you two plan to spend the rest of your life together (this i will influence, the mother and father should stay together because a baby growing up without both of their parents IN A RELATIONSHIP can be very traumatizing, i know this from experience) if you two could make it toghether...and if you plan to stay togehter and keep the baby you seriously need to start thinking of yourself as a family now instead of bf/gf. if you plan to keep this baby prepare for alooooooooooot of maturing to be in order because believe me on this you will not know what to expect until it's here and you've "dealt" wtih it for quite a few months. i thought i had it all planned and i never gave none of this thought....absolutely none of this i just thought "hey it'll be cool to be a dad because i wanna prove that history doesn't always repeat it's self and i can be a better dad than either of my parents where parents to me" i mean you don't realize how serious this type of thing is til you are holding your child and realizing you have to bring this child up and you have to show him (sorry going to start talking from my perspective now so i can give you a better heads up and my child is a boy) how to be, and how the world is. i'm a full time dad because my wife is the one that works because she had post partum depression when he was first here and she couldn't hadnle it plus not to metion she's the worker of us two and i'm the more stay at home type. but don't rely on that your whole life because the only way you will survive in this world is to both be working your asses off and making as much money as possible...i'm lucky i have my grandparents to rely on because i will not trust anyone with my son....not atleast until he's old enough to tell me people are mistreating him. i then plan to get a job (about the time he hits preschool and i have a bit more free time) so we can move out on our own and start our actual life together......there is much thought to be done here and even if you plan already by the time you read this to get an abortion you still need to read this and i even suggest you get your gf to read this. because it will give you alot of heads up i didn't have...also i as lucky becuase my mom just had a baby not to long ago so everytime my brother outgrows his toys, clothes and so fouth our baby will be hitting that stage....you need to plan ahead....from the second you decide to keep it you need to get a job if you don't already have one and start buying diapers, wipes, clothes and anything lese he will need and stockpile formula (becasue breast feeding doesn't always work) we were lucky in this aspect to becasue there is a program that provides certain types of food while the woman is pregnant to make sure the baby stays healthy and she gets everything she needs should she be finincaillly troubled and even afterwards it still provides those certain foods (basics nutrient containing foods such as milk, certain cerelas, eggs, cheese, beans and so fourth.) plus a cetain ammount of formula for the baby a month (almost enough but not quite...our baby goes through 10-11 cans a month and WIC [women, infants and children] provides 9 [about 140ish dollars a month) there is some serious discussion and thought to be put forward and i suggest you do it as soon as possible becasue if you are to get an abortion you are on limited time here. now for my wife to post her thoughts...whatever is left after i ranted....

ok...i'm just going to tell the two of you a bit of what i went through. i had just gotten married, and not even two months later i was pregnant. i'd never wanted a baby, and was deathly afraid of the pain involved (to the extent that i'd literally have a panic attack type thing). after taking the first home pregnancy test, i started crying and couldn't stop, but my husband was thrilled. i took another home test just in case...telling myself the first one was a fluke lol. it wasn't. i called the local food stamp/medicaid office and began the process of getting on pregnancy medicaid. to do that...i had to get an "official" pregnancy test done at the clinic so they'd have actual documentation of it. so i got all the papers done and got on medicaid, then signed up for WIC (provides milk, eggs, cheese, beans, peanut butter, crappy cereals lol, and buttloads of juice). all this time i was still panicking like hell. (while my husband was smiling his ass off like a goon) at no point did it actually feel "real" like i was really going to have a baby, and part of my mind actually shut off and didn't wanna believe it.

{little sidebar on what i almost did}

my husband and i explored all our options in the beginning. i did NOT wanna have a kid, because i was afraid we'd not be able to take care of it, etc etc. so i tossed the idea around of abortion. well...first of all they're very expensive. anywhere from $500-$900 ish. plus it all depends on how far along the woman is in the pregnancy. you can only have one done so long into the pregnancy (i think 5 months is the farthest but i'm not sure) plus you have to think about some of the ways that an abortion is performed...and if you can live with yourself after doing that. even if you can be "ok" enough with it to have it done...it still might mess with your head later. some methods are worse than others, but the one that got me was where they basicly mash the baby's head and stuff...and it just seemed too traumatic.

we didn't end up getting an abortion for a couple of reasons. i had just started my job, and by the time i woulda been able to save up enough for one, the pregnancy woulda been too far along. plus i wouldn't have had any transportation into houston to have it done (no places close by). i even toyed with the idea of adoption...but decided against that too.
sooo....we braced ourselves for what was to come. with me being pregnant i couldn't work much, so every cent counted. we slowly bought baby items, like the crib and mattress, and stockpiled diapers. (and if you buy them from like, walmart you can go back and exchange them if you dont' use all of a size...and get the size you need, so long as the pkg isn't opened) we painted the room, and straightened everything up to ready for him...but it still didn't feel real till the day we had the ultrasound...that was the day we found out we were having a little boy.
after that was alot more panicking...because by that time there wasn't much longer to wait for him to be here. i started wondering what labor would be like...and all of that. then i went and checked out the hospital i was gonna deliver at...to get familiar with it to try and calm my dumb ass nerves. i also pre-registered....you might wanna look into that i don't know if hospitals everywhere do it or not...but its where you go in early and fill out all the paperwork so that when the time comes you don't have to fill out papers while your in the middle of contractions lol.

i won't lie to either of you. its a fuckload of responsibility...and the first 2 weeks suck horribly. but it does get better. the first time you see your little one smile, or hear them laugh...it kinda makes it all seem worthwhile and gives your life meaning and purpose. (then you start freaking out wondering more and more about the future)

but on the flip side...it could still be just as ok if you have an abortion. then you'd both still have your youth, and not be burdened with the life of a "grown up" so fast.

my best advice would be like my husband said and sit down with your girlfriend, do alot of talking, maybe some crying...and figure out what you both are comfortable with. i think its totally great that you're gonna stick by her no matter what. when a womans pregnant...those words mean so much to her. just make sure you do stick by what you've said. remember though...no matter what decision you come to...it'll be both of yours to carry for the rest of your lives...so make sure you think it over well.

i hope some of our ranting has helped...and feel free to ask us more on this topic because i'm sure we could tell you loads more. i have to end this now because my husbands glaring at me to make him dinner lol. i hope we hear something more from yall later on...

if you just skipped over all that because it's too long to read then i honestly don't believe you're ready for the respnosibility.....just sayin that as a precaution ya know?

Good luck man, hope you make the right choice. Best wishes.

Yeah that is a shitty situation to be in, to say the VERY least. In the end I think abortion/no abortion is her choice as its her body, but as you seem to be faithful to her and have chosen the right choice instead of the easy one (something very few guys seem to do), I'd hope she'd at least talk it over with you.

Also, adoption is trickier than people think. All adoption agencies in Canada have a 7 year waiting list and in the USA I believe its worse.

Whatever decision she and you come to, I wish both of you nothing but the best.

Sorry to hear it, I wish you the best. This is going to be the hardest thing you will ever have to decide EVER. I've been there, too, luckily I was a bit older than you are now, though. Listen to slipknotpsycho, he took the time to type all of that out, please read it and reread it.

Well at 16, she is too young to have a baby. She is not emotionally or mentally ready to deal with responsibilities that come with having a child. And it's not cool to have a child (who doesn't have any say in whether to be born or not, how the child's life should be, etc.) to be brought up by a child who is still searching for herself.

Personally, I would either have an abortion or give it up for adoption. Having a child WILL change everything. She will have to put her life on hold and she will have to give up a lot of things and miss opportunities that may have been part of where she wanted to go in life. Things will just take a lot longer to achieve.

I hope you two luck and please encourage her to talk with someone who isn't narrow minded and someone who really has the best interest for her.

i beg to differ...it would be diffrent from one person to another...we have no idea how mature this chic is....it may not be easy (and i can tell you now that it flat out won't be) but that doesn't mean it can't be done. also do you know how damaging it is for a child to grow up without their real parents??? take it from me you spend your whole life wondering why they didn't love you and why they would give up their own child. i'm not here to debate becasue what you are saying is perfectly logical, and probably the most resonable assumption......but you can't just say becasue of her age she's not ready.

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Originally Posted by slipknotpsycho

i beg to differ...it would be diffrent from one person to another...we have no idea how mature this chic is....it may not be easy (and i can tell you now that it flat out won't be) but that doesn't mean it can't be done. also do you know how damaging it is for a child to grow up without their real parents??? take it from me you spend your whole life wondering why they didn't love you and why they would give up their own child. i'm not here to debate becasue what you are saying is perfectly logical, and probably the most resonable assumption......but you can't just say becasue of her age she's not ready.

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at least you were alive,right?

Well, sorry to hear of your situation. I am 35 now, with 2 kids of my own, and very happily married. I do, however, remember the days of worrying about sex that wasn't all that safe. NOW...that is not to say that it cannot be done. But you BOTh better be real ready for the responsibilty of not only HAVING a child, but being there to RAISE it. Your age dictates NOTHING. It does not give you the right to say "I'm ONLY 16, 17, whatever" and I DESERVE to do what my friends do. Age goes out the window when you are raising a child. Your baby doesn't know--nor cares--how old YOU are. Do you see the pattern here? Once a child comes into your life, it's NO LONGER ABOUT YOU. With that said, I am a pro-life gal--being that I've had 4 miscarriages before having my 2 healthy ones, I understand the "beauty" of a healthy child. HOWEVER, I was 28 when my first was born and 29 with my 2nd. Even then, WHAT an adjustment....just little things...wanna go out to breakfast at 2 am? Nope. Want to go camping for a weekend with yor friends? Forget it. Didn't really used to be until I had kids of my own, and I don't knock anyone for their opinion. I mean, there's the old saying "You made your bed, you lie in it." Yes, there are options out there....I have 2 friends who had abortions in their early 20's....just a fluke, a one night stand, or a mistake....but it is something they NEVER go a day without thinking about. No matter your choice, (even as an older person in the group), you will always wonder about the "what ifs". You are in a tough place, my friend. And I do feel for the both of you. No matter what decision you two make, it will be something that you will live with the rest of your lives. Unfortunately, there is NO easy decision here. And only the two of you can make it. I wish you love, luck, happiness and joy, whatever you decide. peace

this is my opinion, but i think u cant have a baby so young. u have to live your life when your young and to taste it, while u have no responsabilities. youll have to get a job, and to study, and so she will have too. i guess abortion is the solution, even if im kinda against it.

sorry but your stupid if you didnt protect yourself knowing she would have a lot of chances to get pregnant. now assume your acts...

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Originally Posted by slipknotpsycho

but you can't just say becasue of her age she's not ready.

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With all due respect, I just did.

If she really was mature, she would've used protection or chose abstinence. I work around a lot of teenagers and although some are more mature than others, I have not met one (at the age of 16) that I felt could totally handle having a child and be truly happy with their life. Unless being a mother is the only goal in her life, she will have regrets. Why make your life harder than it already is? This is HER time right now to find herself, make a few mistakes and be forgiven for it, party a little and socialize, finish school, be out on her own, hang out with friends, and spend her hard earned money on herself!

The decision is totally theirs...either way, I truly wish them luck and happiness :).

nothing better to make someone grow up tho.

You know, just because she is pregnant does not mean they didn't use protection, condoms break, even the pill is only 98% effective. Also if she was on the pill and took antibiotics they can reduce effectiveness. I think we should all stop being so high and mighty and help with the situatation now, not point fingers at what they should've done because none of us know for sure what happened.I know women who have unexpected pregnancies in their thirties, these things happen all of the time, not just to teens.

That said, I think you should really consider giving the child up for adoption. I see ads in the paper all of the time from professional couples looking for a willing mother to adopt from.

we did not pointed fingers or whatever. first, bweuh, were u protected? if yes, well at least u were responsable, but if u didnt, as i said, assume your acts. and i think yes she should get aborted. good luck anyway man and good luck to her...

i never said adoption was a totally bad idea...i just think, especially in a situation as this, all decisions and possible outcomes be considered from how their life will be DRASTICLY changed to how the baby will fare. and yes i was alive, but that doesn't mean i was happy about it....it took me to atleast the age of 17 to understand what happened to me and why. that doesn't mean all adpoted kids will think the same. i can only express my feelings on the subject. most of my life was literally spent wondering what i ever did to my parents to make them hate me enough to give me up, yet keep my brothers. anyways this is their decision and i look forward to hearing what they chose to do whatever it may be. i wish the best and happiness for them aswell. and i didn't take it as disrespect Cheery Cherry. everything you are saying is a good point.

(((SlipKnot))) Just know that it wasn't anything that you did. I too was adopted and it hurts, I know...but hey, it made me a stronger person and makes me appreciate my kids that much more!

i dont see how someone can eat a steak, but yet be against abortion. maybe thats just my line of reasoning. anyway, im pro-choice. Late-term abortions are sickening and barbaric, tho.
Im also all for mass sterilization.