For those 35 to say 45 years old

I am 40 and recently I have been questioning where I was at, where I am and where I am going. I know it is middle age but I wonder if I should be doing more with my life.

It is not like I think I am a screw-off, but I am starting to realize life is very short. I mean look at the death notices in the paper. Some young, some old and your entire life is written up in 3 paragraphs that no one really gives a crap about.

So I feel like I am at a cross-road but don't know which way to go. Or for that matter, where each road goes.

Maybe I just had a crappy day or need to get laid. LOL. Anyway, anyone else in my age bracket know what I mean?

I'm 42 and I have to tell you..it's still hard for me to know what decision to make sometime....plus my wife and my daughter's well being comfort and security..

I've been given some options in work/career issues, whether or not be in a more sales/pr position as opposed to a technician..(I've made money both ways) mostly high tech corporations...

one thing for sure Im glad I gave up drinking.... :D

Looker,

I have two kids and that's what I am talking about. It's tough. I hope the young ones on the site take notice. They are sitting back fat dumb and happy saying: "Listen to those old shit's"

Little do they know that the light up ahead is a train.

I fell down pretty bad but I have come back nicely....I also got very lucky in some areas..

Theres a part of me that says dont be too high profile cause your more visible and therefore more easily knocked off...

The other side says be high profile make a bundle quick and get out fast..before you get knocked off :D

Yes. I had to make a change when I got home from another 70+ hour work week and sat down at the table with two dozen bills and mortgages on three homes...what the fuck am I doing collecting cars, houses, and bottles of wine I really don't like?
Time starts to fly by when you close in on 40. So we sold a lot of stuff including our main house, cashed in a lot of stocks, and moved to the hills.
You can always go back to the rat race, but you can never get back missed experiences. I spent today at a lake with my 4-year-old and her best friend. To paraphrase John Irving's "World According to Garp": Life is short, so you have to fill it with as much adventure as possible.

shit..... i have about 6 kids and 2 step kids and am near 50 which is past halfway life is a illusion one minute your 21 the next your 50 and the time has vanished

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Originally Posted by 9ski9

Yes. I had to make a change when I got home from another 70+ hour work week and sat down at the table with two dozen bills and mortgages on three homes...what the fuck am I doing collecting cars, houses, and bottles of wine I really don't like?
Time starts to fly by when you close in on 40. So we sold a lot of stuff including our main house, cashed in a lot of stocks, and moved to the hills.
You can always go back to the rat race, but you can never get back missed experiences. I spent today at a lake with my 4-year-old and her best friend. To paraphrase John Irving's "World According to Garp": Life is short, so you have to fill it with as much adventure as possible.

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I like that kinda thinkin....

But now when I have to go back near our old home and drive on the NJ Turnpike or Garden State Parkway, my balls crawl up from fear.

I know exactly what you mean. I'm 35 and have been asking myself "what now?" quite a bit lately. When you're younger you can do all kinds of things because your future is a long ways off. Then one day you wake up and you realize that your future has arrived. This is it, your a grown up now, you've made your bed and you are lying in it whether you like it or not.

Totaly agree w 9ski9, although my change was not as drastic...

I'm 48 and I am there. I visualize my life as one BIG bell curve. About 1 year ago I decided that I was at the peak of the curve and it was time to ramp down over the next 25 years or so. I started reducing the importance of JOB and increase the importance of FAMILY and SELF.

I put "getting home for dinner" and "spending every weekend with my family" ahead of job demands, salary and promotions. It was hard on the ego, but so satisfying personally. It takes determination and something you need to do for yourself. I'm not quite leaving the rat race, but I no longer race.

Time is our most valuable asset at this age, and we should value it like our last bag of weed. Everyone on this thread is aware that they are at a turning point, and it's up to you to turn.

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Originally Posted by 9ski9

Yes. I had to make a change when I got home from another 70+ hour work week and sat down at the table with two dozen bills and mortgages on three homes...what the fuck am I doing collecting cars, houses, and bottles of wine I really don't like?
Time starts to fly by when you close in on 40. So we sold a lot of stuff including our main house, cashed in a lot of stocks, and moved to the hills.
You can always go back to the rat race, but you can never get back missed experiences. I spent today at a lake with my 4-year-old and her best friend. To paraphrase John Irving's "World According to Garp": Life is short, so you have to fill it with as much adventure as possible.

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This is the best thread I've come across in all my days. I was the sam way from the time I was 18, working 70+ hour weeks, never got married, no kids and got to the point where I lost touch w/ everyone I cared about...until about 2 years ago. I met a man that made me realize all the $$ in the world couldn't make me as happy as he did. Moved out of the big city in a sleepy town and other than having a hard time finding bud, life is truly great. Still work FT, but 40 hrs this time and started teaching dance to high school kids at the local school here for free. My job is not an easy one but no comparison to before. I've been able to spend time w/ my family, my husband's children and it's the best life I've lived so far. And guys, not that any of you here sound like you need to hear this, but your family (kids, wives, brothers, parents, etc) would much rather spend time w/ you than the paycheck you bring home...I'll vouch for that!

I'm also at that point where I'm looking at a choice of work vs. my family. I'm looking at it from the other perspective though. I have a job that allows me to spend time with my family, get home in time to have dinner with my wife and 2 y/o little girl, and have all my weekends free. It would sound great but my job is quite boring, has little to challenge me, and offers little,if any, chance for advancement. So do I risk my family time which I value incredibly and find a new job or just tough it out where I am? That's my big "what now?" question.

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Originally Posted by Fengzi

I'm also at that point where I'm looking at a choice of work vs. my family. I'm looking at it from the other perspective though. I have a job that allows me to spend time with my family, get home in time to have dinner with my wife and 2 y/o little girl, and have all my weekends free. It would sound great but my job is quite boring, has little to challenge me, and offers little,if any, chance for advancement. So do I risk my family time which I value incredibly and find a new job or just tough it out where I am? That's my big "what now?" question.

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It's your call, but from my perspective you've got the BEST job in the world. Sometimes you don't appreciate what you've got till it's gone. Just remember, when you die you're family will be the ones crying for you, your company will hire someone to replace you. Spend the time with those who really love you.

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Originally Posted by Fengzi

I'm also at that point where I'm looking at a choice of work vs. my family. I'm looking at it from the other perspective though. I have a job that allows me to spend time with my family, get home in time to have dinner with my wife and 2 y/o little girl, and have all my weekends free. It would sound great but my job is quite boring, has little to challenge me, and offers little,if any, chance for advancement. So do I risk my family time which I value incredibly and find a new job or just tough it out where I am? That's my big "what now?" question.

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Listen to Donnidarko, you do have a great thing going on. If you're looking for a challenge and some excitement, get out in your community and help out. I'll tell ya, working w/ kids is a hell of a lot of work but it's definelty a lot more fun than my job and I have a good time all in all. And, no there's no $$ involved but the time flies. My husband is on the fire dept. and announces for school games (football, track, etc) and he really digs it. That's his challenge and he's felt the same way you did about his job.

I think it helps to realize that the values of many (most) other people are so badly out of whack. When I get to know someone and learn about where they come from, the same old thing usually comes across; money, security, comfort, etc. Oh, and fear.

It seems to come from lifetimes of preoccupation with meaningless things blown up out of proportion. How often it is that "small talk" is the only chatter you get from those all around you. Not many people I meet are self realized, and most couldn't care less. Whether their lawn will impress the neighbors is life and death, though.

So, do you even know who and what you'd want to be, given the chance to use your potential? It's not the kind of thing you sit down and decide in a few minutes, it takes honest self evaluation, and time, which is too much trouble for a lot of people.

At least I can say this; the few who I've known who were at peace with themselves don't sit around worrying about it, they just get on with it and do the things that make them go. The limits to what we can do are mostly in our own minds.

By the way, I'm 53, maybe too old to be hanging out with you 40ish kids.

42

In 1998 , at age 40 , i was the owner of a Plumbing and Heating company. I had life all set up, money, hobbies, grown kids everything I needed to have a enjoyable life. One monday morning, at work , i had a heart attack. The stress of everything reached its max and I spent the next few months in and out of hospitals , major surgeries, dieing, finally recovering [somewhat] .I lost my business, my wife and everything i owned because of what happened. I've spent the last 7 years trying to rebuild my life and my health, with not much sucess. I can no longer work and disability doesn't pay the bills.
So , my advice to you all is , enjoy your family, health, and life , to it's fullest, cause you never know when or how things can change. Life has given me lemons, so i made lemonade, then i got real lucky and found a wonderful woman who's life gave her Vodka, now we're both set , LOL.
peace
heart

Lower 30's

I had a hard life IMO, I try to make things simple. I cut loose all the things that have been thorn in my side and try to make each day as easy as possible. I am who I am and I try to not worry about things as much. In the next few years I want to buy some land, 5 or 7 acres and put a house in the middle of it. No neighbors, no noise, NOTHING.

Just my family and I enjoying the time we have together in this life. Watch some football and smoke some weed, this makes me a criminal? How stupid can the American government be? :rolleyes:

or

the government can send me to prison and I can chill out there well I stop paying taxes and have everyone else pay taxes for me to live in prison.

Does this make me anti-social? No, I have friends and take my family out on trips and we have a great time, I just like my peace of mind.

Damn nice to see some others who are 40+ on this board. No offense against you young ones, but I was beginning to feel like Lawrence Welk at an Eminem concert.

We're in this life together, Marko. Been where you are and know what you're feeling. Best advice I can give you is to remember that your life must be lived for others, not yourself. Work for the good of your family, your friends and your faith, and life will fall into place. Work for yourself and your own selfish desires and it will all fall apart. Work for the good of others and life will reward you and make you rich.

If I learned anything in my 41 years on this earth, that's it. For most of my life I lived for me and it brought me heartache and despair. Once I started thinking about the welfare of others--family and friends--everything started to dial in.

Keep the faith, buddy. Live for something bigger than yourself and life will blow your mind with goodness.

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Originally Posted by Xerox Moon

We're in this life together, Marko. Been where you are and know what you're feeling. Best advice I can give you is to remember that your life must be lived for others, not yourself. Work for the good of your family, your friends and your faith, and life will fall into place. Work for yourself and your own selfish desires and it will all fall apart. Work for the good of others and life will reward you and make you rich.

If I learned anything in my 41 years on this earth, that's it. For most of my life I lived for me and it brought me heartache and despair. Once I started thinking about the welfare of others--family and friends--everything started to dial in.

Keep the faith, buddy. Live for something bigger than yourself and life will blow your mind with goodness.

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Hmmm, I have lived my life, since I was a little girl, caring about others, doing for others, and giving others whatever I could give. I got hurt, in a worst way because of this. I was so selfless that as an adult, I really had to learn how to satisfy me, and give to myself sometimes. I think balance is what works. As much as you think of others, you also need to think of yourself too.

As far as what to do now? Go with what you've always wanted to do. Never wait for the "right" moment because the "right" moment may never come. Spend time with family...enjoy life. Smile often and make sure you make someone laugh or at least smile everyday!!!

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Originally Posted by Cheery Cherry

Hmmm, I have lived my life, since I was a little girl, caring about others, doing for others, and giving others whatever I could give. I got hurt, in a worst way because of this. I was so selfless that as an adult, I really had to learn how to satisfy me, and give to myself sometimes. I think balance is what works. As much as you think of others, you also need to think of yourself too.

As far as what to do now? Go with what you've always wanted to do. Never wait for the "right" moment because the "right" moment may never come. Spend time with family...enjoy life. Smile often and make sure you make someone laugh or at least smile everyday!!!

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Your post makes the point: It's not about you. (Look how many times you used the word "I" in one paragraph complaining about how much "you've done for others"). Whether it brings you joy or sorrow, life is not about you, your needs, desires and your pleasures or disappointments. This is the great paradox: Until you live for those you love you will not find genuine fulfillment for yourself.

Maybe you are right, hopefully when I reach 40 in about 10 years, things will be clearer. :)

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Originally Posted by Cheery Cherry

Maybe you are right, hopefully when I reach 40 in about 10 years, things will be clearer. :)

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Good Lord willing, that day will come, Cheery, and you'll look back on these days with gratitude.

From the bottom of my heart, I wish you the best--and the strength to endure the worst.

:)

51.5 here and loving it! finally free from most responsibilties...major ones anyway; the kids are grown and getting on with their own lives. had to retire early due to multiple back surgeries but even that is under control now...so plenty of gardening and road trip time! sure, there are downer times but at what age weren't there? for me, those times are few luckily...just the aches and pains to deal with and good bud usually fixes that.
can't say i'm looking forward to 60 tho...but with 2012 coming up, who knows what's gonna happen...

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Originally Posted by del...

51.5 here and loving it!

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Best to you, del. Best to you (and all the fortysomethings reading this). Hope to be loving life as much as you are now when (good Lord willing) my 51st year rolls around.

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Originally Posted by del...

but with 2012 coming up, who knows what's gonna happen...

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whats happening in 2012?

I like threads like this....its interesting to read about others life experiences....

yeah decent threads like this are a rarity, and 2012 is the apocalypse, in case u havent heard

this is a great thread, i'm 48 been with the same woman for 27 yrs. i've got two sons one is 26 the other 18. the oldest lives in new-york he got married last year, they are expecting their first child later on this year. the youngest still lives at home. i got hurt on the job about 5 yrs. ago, messed my back up. i've had back surgery but it's just as bad as it was from the start. so i don't work anymore. i work in my yard and garden. i'm like most of you, you got your good days and your bad. but over-all things is good

This thread is a great thread, great topics, truly getting to the marrow of whats important in life and what makes life enjoyable (two things that really go hand in hand). Even so, It makes me depressed to read of others accomplishments and lessons learned, knowing that I my self am in a dead end job and going nowhere fast (in more ways that 1). I mean it made me really depressed... Maybe depressed isn't the right word to use for how this thread made me feel, its more like a kind of painfully sad feeling that physically hurts, like i was going to cry, but instead of it coming out, the feeling somehow turned inward creating an ache in my chest and throat, while my face feels swollen as if filled with the very feelings I've bottled up over the years. You know that feeling? I do, and i think i even know whats causing it in this case. I havn't even attempted improving my social life for an embarrassingly long time. (and it shows) I dont really get along with a lot of people, not even most of my "friends". And i have a hard time communicating with people, especially in person. This stems partly from social anxiety, and partly because my mind is a little fucked up. I have a hard time saying what i mean unless i think about it for a while, and get what i mean to say straight in my head, or on paper, or in a message window on cannabis.com message boards or wherever. I tend to come up with a bit of a jumbled "word salad" when i speak, even when im straight/clean/onthewagon/ whatever you wanna call bein "drug free". Its like i want to communicate too much at one time, so i keep jumping from one topic to another in a nonlinear fashion as Im sorta doin right now, except when im typing I can remain somewhat articulate. Ive got the usual suspects, depression, anxiety, ADD(without the hyperactivity), and even insomnia from time to time. Ive been through the whole therapy/inafective drug treatment bit (for years) and im thoroughly sick of the mental health community and their bs. Ive had those problems since i was 12, some of them before that, so Ive had plenty of time to analyze them, but while I have a pretty good understanding of how my mind works, I dont have the motivation to make the changes I know I'll eventually have to make of my own free will, or because of necessity. I was prescribed Adderall at one point, partly for my add, partly for depression, and partly just for energy, as I'm a very slugish person. But After coming off that, (yes i used it inappropriately, and i have no one to blame for that but myself.) I was left with even less natural motivation/ambition. All these problems tend to add up to a person that seems frosty uncaring, disassociated, nervous and uptight(which im not at heart, except for the nervousness part.) So as you can imagine, that doesn't rake in the friends, or the women for that matter. In essense, Im a real nowhere man sitting in this nowhere land, making all my nowhere plans for nobody, and hearing about your lives just highlights and reminds me of my own problems which i'm constantly running away from and of my life, which isn't really much of a life at all. So go ahead and tell me to get a life, cus that phrase definitely applies here.

I agree with the philosophy or whatever you want to call it, that helping and caring/living for others is good karma, and makes you feel better about yourself, but i agree with Cheery cherry when she says we need a balance between caring for others and caring for ones self. Ive always taken in strays, and cared for a wide variety of animals, even volunteering my time at a wild animal rehabilitation center for a while, and besides that, I looked out for and sorta helped raise my little brother when my mom and dad split up the first time. Ive always tried to be nice to everyone i meet(when im capable of doing so.), going out of my way to stick up for, and or become friends with those who are ridiculed, as i too have experienced my fair share of ridicule at the hands of insecure idiots or just plain assholes that have nothing better to do. I do feel the joy of helping others, and yes that joy is fleeting, and these days, when i dont 'socialize' much, I dont have as many oppurtunities to be of help to others, and sometimes its just not possible (or its possible but really hard to do), depending on how I myself feel, and besides that, its hard to give love or companionship or even to simply be friendly, when you yourself dont receive much of it or create the opportunities to receive it, or even allow ones self to receive it when you do have the opportunity. I do also regret those times, when i could have been helpful, but wasn't for selfish reasons. But thats hindsight for ya (20/20).

I realize I seem too inwardly focused, but in general, at this point in my life, Ive actually been avoiding focusing inward, as when i do, I tend to get depressed, but there are some things that just need to be worked out, and by the way psychedelics are an excellent tool for gaining perspective on and working through personal problems (though im sure many of you already knew that.) and though last time what i had would technically be considered a 'bad trip' (atleast for da first part.), I wouldn't trade it for the world, because the insight I've gained from it can't be bought in any store, or on any corner, and isn't even guarenteed when you take psychedelics. Basically I do agree that living for others is the key, but if you dont have your own life in order, you could end up doing more harm than good. For example, my last gf and I had a pretty bad breakup which left us both feeling like shit, simply because at the time i couldn't be honest with her, she though i didn't love her, at first we were a good couple, but i couldn't talk about my depression with her, so when i became depressed, as i inevitably do for whatever biochemical reasons, she though i was being standoffish, and since i wasn't able to word the terribly complex thoughts that were on my mind, or even tell her about my depression, we broke up, and not on good terms.

Ok, I may sound as if im just a nuerotic whiner, and this whole post is alot longer and more awkward than i intended but to be honest i hadn't planned on posting this at all, i just started typing, getting whatever i needed to get off my chest hoping I would but not sure If i could click the "Post Quick Reply" button. You see, i dont talk about this stuff ever, with anyone, I feel like a wall goes up everytime I want to. Thats one of the great things about message boards, you have some degree of anonymity, so its far easier to be candid. Besides, discussing this is probably a good way of working through my problems. So if you dont like it, sorry you read it, but i had to type it, so stay off my back, and hey, atleast this isn't "small talk". Oh yeah thats another problem of mine... Low self-confidence/self-esteem, mixed in with a bit paranoia.Low self-confidence/self-esteem, mixed in with a bit paranoia.

Ok believe it or not, i actually had more to say, (mostly about some of the previous posts, which i really enjoyed, even though you are old geezers ;) and generations apart from me. ) but as i smoked not long b4 i typed this all, Im starting to feel really burnt out, so to be continued, or not.


uh the format of my writing may seem a little fucked up, thats cus after this started getting really long i saved it to notepad real quick just in case, so if i accidently fucked it up, by deleting part of it or something (which i did) or accidently hitting the back button, i could just copy and paste it back in, which i did, except after doin that, the line structure got a little screwed up.

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Originally Posted by del...

51.5 here and loving it! finally free from most responsibilties...major ones anyway; the kids are grown and getting on with their own lives. had to retire early due to multiple back surgeries but even that is under control now...so plenty of gardening and road trip time! sure, there are downer times but at what age weren't there? for me, those times are few luckily...just the aches and pains to deal with and good bud usually fixes that.
can't say i'm looking forward to 60 tho...but with 2012 coming up, who knows what's gonna happen...

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Hey delâ?¦forgive me for being off subject but I noticed where you were from and then you mentioned 2012. So I was wondering do you ever listen to George Noore/Art Bell (coast to coast) interesting and entertaining stuffâ?¦just wondering.

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Originally Posted by Az.

whats happening in 2012?

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2012â?¦..The end of the Mayan calendarâ?¦..Google it.

Hey Edgar,

Your writing is fine and if this thread tells you anything, it is the fact that to varying degrees, we all deal with the same stuff. Not to diminish what you have going on, but it seems you got into a bad habit of kicking your own ass. We all put on a brave face in life to mask the truth within. So hang in there and give yourself a chance.

Thnx for that, yeah i do have that bad habbit, (as well as a few others) and im just gonna have to work hard to break that habbit. Its gonna be a bitch but im gonna have to pull my life together eventually, so i might as well start now. Dont know what direction im gonna take career wise, but I guess ill take it one thing at a time, and start getting out more.

wow, you old guys can sure ramble. must be the weed. good stuff though. very interesting. i think when i grow up, i won't post on a cannabis message board. then i know i did something good with my life.

I was beginning to feel like the thread mama over here. Being a 37 year old stay-at-home mom is a trip to say the least. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do now, but there are those days (and moments) when you look at yourself and wonder where the hell did all of the time go. One minute you're young and you have the whole world at your feet and the next minute someone is standing over you telling you to get out of there way.

The good thing about this and mostly everything else that we all go through is that we're not going through it alone.