Would a friend do this?

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09-27-2010, 10:57 PM
budlover13

Would a friend do this?

So, I'm divorced for 6 years and have been remarried for 3. My son and I are VERY happy with my wife and I wish I could do more for her. So the question I have to pose is this:

This "friend" came over Saturday because his son and mine are best friends and I told him he could park at my house(We were having the local Raisin Day parade). Both of our children were in it and everything was good. My ex-wife came to the house to pick up our son for her visitation weekend and instantly started to hit in my "friend".

He, being married and a cop, has had his share of extramarital activity. It's not hard when you're a cop. He ended up spending the entire afternoon with my ex and was VERY friendly when they came back by the house.

When I picked up my son on Sunday, we talked about how his weekend went and whatnot, general convo. When I asked what time he got in bed Sat, he said it was late because his mom was texting my "friend" at 12:30am. His wife was out of town and I know he has cheated on her before. Hell, she was a married woman when they met!

Well, needless to say, I wasn't too happy with him. My wife(current) is perplexed because I'm upset. She thinks that becauser I got mad at my "friend" I still have feelings for my ex. I told my wife that my problem wasn't with my ex, but my "friend". I feel as though he totally disrespected me, my wife, my son, and his kids.

So how should I handle this? I don't want to take away my son's best friend, but his dad is a whole other story. Most women I've talked to said "You still have feelings.", the men I talked to said I should kick his ass. I feel the latter, but my medicine has helped me stay calm during the storm.

Opinions? All are welcome. I've talked to a lot of men about this, but I've only spoken to my wife, mom, and mother-in-law about it. They all say I shouldn't be mad.
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09-27-2010, 11:26 PM
JohnnyZ

Would a friend do this?

Yeah go and kick a cop's ass. Good plan. Then go you can do 5 years for assault and spend quality time with your son through a glass window once a week for 10 minutes.

Take it easy, bro. There's enough violence in the world. I know it's just words on a screen but the thought is there. Negativity of any kind is useless.

So.. the guy is a home wrecker, obviously he has some issues. He blatantly disrespected you. It seems you don't want to be hanging around him much.. now do you want your kid hanging around that kind of shit? I know it's tough for a parent to ruin a friendship like this but in my opinion, it's for the better.

I say you should politely tell this gentleman to go and fuck himself. There isn't much else you can do.

People are crazy.
09-27-2010, 11:28 PM
BlueBlazer

Would a friend do this?

I think that the more this bothers you, the more hot water you're going to get into with your current wife. She will not understand that your friend violating the "man code" is the reason for your anger. It will seem to her like it is a jealous reaction. The more effort you put into "dealing" with this, the deeper the hole you're going to dig with the woman who you are now committed to.

My advice, forget your exwife and friend. According to his MO, he's going to have sex with her if he can and then he's out. If his friendship is important to you, then let it ride.

All of this will probably provide an excellent opportunity for you to discuss ethics, fidelity, and tolerance with your son regardless of what your ex does.
09-27-2010, 11:42 PM
budlover13

Would a friend do this?

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlueBlazer

I think that the more this bothers you, the more hot water you're going to get into with your current wife. She will not understand that your friend violating the "man code" is the reason for your anger. It will seem to her like it is a jealous reaction. The more effort you put into "dealing" with this, the deeper the hole you're going to dig with the woman who you are now committed to.

My advice, forget your exwife and friend. According to his MO, he's going to have sex with her if he can and then he's out. If his friendship is important to you, then let it ride.

All of this will probably provide an excellent opportunity for you to discuss ethics, fidelity, and tolerance with your son regardless of what your ex does.

I must say that you're advice has pretty much humbled me. I am still upset, but I guess it is what it is. My current wife and I have talked about it quite a bit and she Somewhat understands where I'm coming from. At first she didn't, but she soon understood after a long talk. (Or so she says!;))

Thank you for the calming advice. Sometimes, it's just what you need to hear when you have a problem!
09-27-2010, 11:46 PM
budlover13

Would a friend do this?

Quote:

Originally Posted by JohnnyZ

Yeah go and kick a cop's ass. Good plan. Then go you can do 5 years for assault and spend quality time with your son through a glass window once a week for 10 minutes.

Take it easy, bro. There's enough violence in the world. I know it's just words on a screen but the thought is there. Negativity of any kind is useless.

So.. the guy is a home wrecker, obviously he has some issues. He blatantly disrespected you. It seems you don't want to be hanging around him much.. now do you want your kid hanging around that kind of shit? I know it's tough for a parent to ruin a friendship like this but in my opinion, it's for the better.

I say you should politely tell this gentleman to go and fuck himself. There isn't much else you can do.

People are crazy.

Once again, thank you. It really is what I'm needing to hear right now. My wife is at work and I guess I'm leaning on GC members right now. Sorry. I have taken several long walks to just kinda get it out of my system. His wife just called me and evidently checked his phone(she was out of town this weekend) and found my ex's number. I told her I gave it to him(which I had) and she needs to talk to him about it because I wasn't there.
09-28-2010, 12:46 AM
budlover13

Would a friend do this?

However, if he were to react to what I said to him and I had to physically defend myself from attack, I can do what I need to in order to be "safe". I definitely know the law being an ex-cop, and I will abide by it the best I know how, but when the law or department policy is broken, it becomes a severe problem for him.
09-28-2010, 01:09 AM
Hempsouth

Would a friend do this?

Well I am from the South and somewhat conservative but I think that is a low class move on your friends part. I agree you should be mad. Like you said he is a cop he can get laid daily if he wanted to bad enough.

At worst he should contact your ex when nobody would be around.
09-28-2010, 01:34 AM
Theym420

Would a friend do this?

I would be ashamed if I were your "friend" you don't violate man code like that, especaily when he cann get some basicaly any time he wants, and if he's gonna do that, why'd he get married in the first place?
10-12-2010, 12:58 AM
sleeperls93

Would a friend do this?

You could also tell your ex wife to quit being a whore because he's married... and to go get cock somwhere else...
10-12-2010, 12:36 PM
Skink

Would a friend do this?

invite them all over and have a gang bang...
10-12-2010, 08:53 PM
DrWalter

Would a friend do this?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skink

invite them all over and have a gang bang...

:thumbsup: yeah no doubt, seriously dude get over it, be happy for your friend for taring that shit up :thumbsup: