Natural Transportation Kits for WOMEN

I have a drug test coming up in 10 days. I was supposed to have 3 months, but it was moved up to 10 days from now.

I am a VERY heavy smoker. I smoke all day, every day. I have not a prayer of passing with my own urine, no matter what I take or how carefully I dilute. Not even with 10 days to pass. I HAVE to substitute.

I have been searching the Internet for transportation kits that look natural for use by women. Meaning, I sit down on the toilet and don't have to reach down between my legs to release the urine.

(I've spotted "natural" transportation kits for men, but a big rubber penis definitely won't pass for natural on me.)

Does anyone know of a transportation/delivery system that holds/releases urine the same way liquid can be kept in a straw by placing your finger over the top hole-- and released by lifting the finger? The switch needs to be where the resorvoir of urine is, placed on the upper body.

I would prefer to buy one, because I don't know what to get to make one myself. However, if anyone has ever put a system like this together, let me know. (Because after all, if I needed a bong, I would build one.)

PLEASE help me!!! They're going to watch!!! :mad:

I don't know of a way to sub for women. I think if you are REALLY serious about doing your homework and taking time to study and practice, there can still be a chance. First.....EXERCISE, EXERCISE like a mad man for the next 7 days. Get a nice cardio sweat going...maybe even before breakfast for optimal effects. Get metamucil and start taking 3x a day until test. You will find out (or search metamucil) as you sit back and read everything here. Once you read through and take a few notes then feel free to ask away. Looking forward to hearing back later....

EDIT....What's your height/weight, eating habits and metabolism like?

I haven't heard of a device for women either.

When I was practicing for my drug test, I tried using my bottle filled with water (eventually to use QF, water was for practice) sealed with plastic wrap and a rubber band, so I could just poke a hole in the plastic wrap as I held the cup underneath. It was awkward, but it worked. Once, though, I poked the hole in such a way that a small piece of plastic wrap broke away and was floating on the sample.

I never did have to use this method because my test was unobserved, but I did practice it. I was pretty sure that if I had to do it, it might work.

KNOTME66 I don't have a prayer of passing no matter what I do to flush. I have prepared for testing before, but haven't had to take one. Last time I quit smoking, I took different things that were supposed to flush me and speed my metabolism, and nothing worked. I was still REALLY dirty after two whole months. I'm five foot tall, overweight but not obese, but eat nothing but fast food and junk. I don't understand why it's so difficult to flush me. I'm not thin by any means, but when I want to lose weight, it comes off very easily. If I had an entire month, I'd try flushing, dieting, and crazy amounts of exercise. But I can't take the chance in 10 days, considering two months and I was still dirty last time.

I am going to drink tons of water and take regular doses of Niacin, and most definitely stop smoking just in case I can sweat it out, but still won't trust my body enough to avoid substitution.

Suzieque, that bottle with the rubberband and the plastic wrap might be EXACTLY what I need, and so simple it's possible to do without screwing up, if I can manage to practice enough times. I could superglue the point of a pushpin underneath my thumb so that when I'm hlding the cup, the natural angle of the thumb in that position would hit the plastic. I forgot that I would have to have my hands down there anyway to position the cup!!!

I still like the idea of a chemical urine warmer, the thermometer strip right on the bag, and several feet of plastic tubing routed inconspicuously to the groin. I may alter a kit so it works the way I want it to, but not sure how or if it would be too risky/leaky to have open tubing and rely on physics to keep it in until I'm ready.

But if the urine reservoir had a "choke" and I kept tape over it, and pulled the tape off when it was time to pee, gravity would move the urine through the tubing and deposit it in the cup.

Anyone else with a plan for hands-free fake peeing????

Quote:

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I am going to drink tons of water and take regular doses of Niacin

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Niacin is an old urban myth. It does nothing to pass a U/A. Its the waterloading factor, and not the niacin itself, that allows people to pass.

Drinking a bunch of fluids days before the U/A is of no help. It may make you urinate frequently, but the rate in which THC metabolites are deposited in the bladder from the bloodstream remains unaffected. Therefore, waterloading is only effective on the day of the U/A.

OK....I will fess up about something I knew someone close to do. I knew a young lady who was court ordered observed testing. What she did to pass her test was to get a plastic cigar tube and sterilized. Poured her clean warm sample into tube and then wrap the end of it in cheap foil (tears easier). Put a couple layers of foil on end of tube for added protection. After doing that she would wrap a rubber band around the end to keep the foil in place. She would keep it next to her chest until she got to testing site, where she then transferred it to inside her. I have seen her do this for probably 5 tests. She always said the secret was to get in there and "pee" as quickly as possible so that the tube wouldn't slide out. Also, she always wore a longer baggy shirt to cover anything that could be exposed to the tester. Don't know if this helps, but what the heck. I still think if you did good sweaty exercises 2-3 times a day for the next 7 days and follow other people's suggestions you can possibly dilute enough to pass. I think the problem you have had in the past is all the fatty foods you eat. THC LOVES fatty tissue. Cut out the fats for the next week and eat HEALTHY.

So even if I drink 3 gallons of water a day, it won't make a bit of difference?

So my only failproof option is substitution.

It's a matter of finding a means of getting the urine into the cup unnoticed.

It has to be possible. Gonna practice with the bottle, plastic wrap, rubber band, and water today. And if anyone has any other ideas, thank you in advance.

And thanks to those who posted here.

Edited after Knot's post: FOILLLLLL! Of course that would puncture easier! Okay, it seems like we're onto a plan. If you're saying they observed her and no one saw. I like the long shirt idea. I'll wear something really bulky. Maybe even a really tight girdle, as stupid as that sounds, so I have an excuse to be adjusting things down there. Alternatively, I could pretend to have to fool with pads or tampons..

I'm really glad it worked for your friend! Gives me hope I won't get caught!!

If you used the method my young lady friend used then all you have to do is keep the tube inside you when you go to test. While sitting on toilet and holding cup take a finger and push a hole into the foil and let sample flow into their test cup. Good Luck........

EDIT....I think the gray tape might do better then rubber bands. Fluids can still leak through something rubberbanded......but not through the old fashion gray tape that waterproof.

Thank you so much! I have a plan now!!! I hope to just get through this test and pass.

I hope I can post to this forum as a happy smoker someday, not just a panicky person about to have a test.

BUMP.....Read above about using gray tape instead of rubber bands.

EDIT....Instead of wearing "bulky" things.....just a long shirt will do. You want the shirt to drape over the crotch area while you are preparing to sit on toilet.

Jhynxx,

I found you had to make a pretty big hole. Luckily I had acrylic nails... it was no problem puncturing it quickly.

Best of luck! :)