my life is so fucked up

i dont even know what to fucking do anymore

my family is constantly fighting...all we do is scream and push and hit and curse and repeat...my house is so full of drugs and alcohol it disgusts me, my life as of now has been a fucking dayze...all i do is smoke to escape my shitty life...which just makes it worse....watching tv makes me cry becuase of the happy people...my relationships suffer because i dont have the ability to develop feelings towards people because ive been in a stoned dayze for months...i support my habbit by selling, which makes me feel guilty becuase it is immoral, and unethical....but if i stopped smoking pot all that would do is make me endure my shitty life sober and full of emotion feeling every last bit of pain rushing through my fucking veins

my girlfriend...shes great...she makes me happy...but i dont love her...i cant love her...the pot wont let me...the after effects of MJ mixed with my body leave me in a sort of semi-stoned feeling for about 3 days...and i cant begin to feel for people when im like that....

i always hurt her on accident..i always say all of the wrong things...and i always do all the wrong things...i feel like i dont even have a purpose on this earth, like im just a lightbulb waiting to be burnt out...when im done im done and forgotten, and even when i was there no one respected me, no one even really cared or payed attention to me....ive tried everything to fix my life, but i always seem to fuck it up worse...im done trying...i dont fucking care...im just going to sit here and wait for death to rub its cold fingers over my body and suck the life from me like so many hits ive taken from pipes...

dont fear the reaper...we can be like they are...dont fear the reaper...

Well babe I dont really have anything i can say to make u feel better, but u know im always here to listen to u. Im on yahoo if u need a friend. Keep ur head up babe ur to smart to let this stuff keep u down.

how old are you? maybe you could move out and smoke a little less, that could help

im 16 years old...im stuck here

It really sucks to hear that. I'm sorry about your situation. Everyone has a purpose in life, you just have to discover yours. Start trying activities that you'd never have tried before, maybe you'll find that spark that will lead you elsewhere. :)

That does suck if your 16 because you are stuck in that crap.I was exposed to alot of drinking and fighting when i was a kid (1-10) and my dad was at home and i hated it because of the fights.Real bad ones i mean.I was stuck there too with my mum always taking pills to try and kill herself because she hated the big party kinda life with my dad.One day i came home from school and couldnt wake her up.She overdosed on pills.Anyways when i was 10 my mum had enough and told him to leave and he did.I was happy that there was no fighting but i missed him bad.I really do think it can fuck you up a little when you are young and living in a bad situation.I remember alot of things even what my dad said to me the day heleft.he said he would get me every weekend.That never happened.These days he wont ring me.He is dying now of cancer.He rings my mum and cries to her about me.Maybe you could go to a family members house for a while until you finish school (if you have nice family).You obviously dont live in a strict environment cause if you did you wouldnt be smoking all the time at 16.I came home at 15 stoned and got belted lol.Too scared to do it again until i was older.I hope you do ok and its easier to say than do but try to keep your chin up.Why dont you try to cut down on pot a little.I smoke everyday all day sometimes but i need to it actually does help me.Maybe you could see a councellor just to get your problems out to someone face to face.They never worked for me as a teen as i always lied to them and never told them the true way i was feeling.If you can get essential oils this is a good mix for feeling depressed it really can lift u up a bit.I dont know if u can get these.Bergamont oil (4drops) Geranium oil (2drops) Petitgran oil (1drop).Just put them in a bath, oil burner or in a veg oil and massage it into the back of your neck.I have done aromatherapy and have alot of good mixes for different probs.Thats the best natural way for depression.Prob didnt help any.Hope you feel better soon

ive been to counselors.....i dont trust them...and i cant cut back on smoking...im addicted....i hate to admit it but when it nears the end of the day and i havent smoked i cant sleep, i get anxiety, and overall discomfort like i NEED to smoke



edit::where could i find those oils...like a store name

This won't make your present situation any better, but it might offer some hope.

Late teens are a tough time to get through. Even under ideal conditions. Sounds like you've got some things working against you at the moment, but try not to forget it will get better as you gain more control over your life. It looks like much of your trouble comes from sources outside of yourself, for the time being. A lot of it is probably beyond your control and not your fault. Just don't let it shape your outlook too much, if you can help it.

No quick fix here, I'm just saying that if you can endure your situation for now, and work toward your future, you can make a future for yourself that's worth living in.

You could be causing some of the trouble yourself, I think you know that. If there's a fight brewing between you and your parents, shut up and don't make it worse by arguing back. In fact, keeping your big mouth shut is good advice for any 16 year old guy, myself included when I was that age. At 16 your ego's a thin, brittle stick, you gotta bend a little, roll with the punches.

I guess it could help to concentrate on the things you can control, make them better, and endure the things you can't change for now. Notice how I used the word control so much? Self control is the key to most things in life, in my opinion.

Good luck, hope to hear soon that things are going easier for you.

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Man, I could sit here and tell you how my mom used to pop every pill she could find and my dads a depressed and sorry feeling chum with a dead end job and both my brothers are drug addicts, and the shit I went through when my mom moved out and my brother tried to kill himself and we lived in the 'lower class' part of town and I got my head split on more than one occasion and all my shit life stories. Infact I guarantee that I've gone through more shit than anyone ever should in their lives, muchless this age.(I'm 14). But the fact is, everybody goes through shit, some people have it good though, their rich and their family loves each other and everything is picture perfect until they fuck it up. And everyone on this site could tell you sad stories. But the point is, you have to deal with it, we are all lightbulbs waiting to burn out. The fucking world is an ashtray man. So I hope you can deal with it and dont destroy your life by killing yourself wheather it be the straight up razor that I've used so many times or overdosing or just an escape with a drug that just accidentally went to far. Just pull through.

I hate to sound like a poster in a guidance counselor's office, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Seriously. You'll get through it, man. And when you do, you'll be glad you did.

I wish you all kinds of luck.

Im in Australia so i dont know where you would get them from there
Do you have haelth food shops or pharmacies ? You should be able to get them there

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Originally Posted by koshea

ive been to counselors.....i dont trust them...and i cant cut back on smoking...im addicted....i hate to admit it but when it nears the end of the day and i havent smoked i cant sleep, i get anxiety, and overall discomfort like i NEED to smoke



edit::where could i find those oils...like a store name

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Dude, definitely smoke less. I garantee you that is causing some depression. You say you get bummed when you dont smoke. That is withdrawls, and you will get them when you smoke alot. Just cut it for a little while

Meditation.

Block off the whole world around you, be at peace with yourself. Let all the distractions roll off your back, and hear noone around you. Takes some practice, but it'll bring you inner peace, tranquility, and clarity.

Koshea, tomorrow I'm going to a candle shop where they sell essential oils. I'll look for the ones that Jacquelyne mentioned, if I find them, I'll pick them up for you. :)