Do you expect your children to give you grandkids?
I would like to know from the parents on here, will you be disappointed if your children decide not to have kids of their own? Will you try to convince them to have kids if they tell you it's not for them? If you would be disappointed, do you feel like you're OWED grandkids?
backstory..
I am a woman in her 20's who knows that she never wants children. I find that the pressure from the outside world and relatives to have kids is pretty ridiculous, and that my choice is hardly ever respected. Many parents think that because they enjoyed raising children, that everyone should enjoy it, when this isn't the case. I want to know the mentality behind this reasoning.
Do you expect your children to give you grandkids?
One of the reasons I broke up with my ex was his mother's constant not-so-subtle 'hints' that she expected munchkins sooner, rather than later... despite the fact that her son was obviously an alcoholic and our relationship was in really rough shape already... I felt like telling her, wtf! Get a grip, lady! Instead of bothering ME, why don't you go talk to your freaking kid and try to get him up to date on a few minor details in his upbringing that you seem to have forgotten to mention... let's start with personal responsibility... kind of important to fatherhood, don't ya think? Sheesh.
If I ever do decide to have a kid, which I'm not ruling out 100% but is less than likely, may God strike me down if I ever pressure my offspring to raise a family for my own selfish reasons. I think it's unconscionable. I mean, if you're feeling bored once the fledglings have left the nest, get a puppy. Or a goat. I don't care, just don't tell ME what to do wiht my body!
F'real.
Do you expect your children to give you grandkids?
It's very scary that a lot of people I've met have acted like making a baby is a lot like getting a new car. They treat it as being a symbol of status, or a material posession... not to mention, their carnal instinct to have dominance over another form of life (and what better way to experience that than to create your own little human that you can try to brainwash from birth to grow up to be just like you!)
I haven't felt any pressure to have kids yet, and hopefully I won't have to. I'm not going to have kids for a few different reasons: I'm responsible enough to not add to overpopulation, or to let any of my crappy physical genetics further contaminate the gene pool, my career I will be working towards will not guarantee financial stability for supporting a family, etc... I just don't have enough reasons to continue the "family name" pffff... hahah, silly humans.
Do you expect your children to give you grandkids?
Quote:
Originally Posted by stinkyattic
I don't care, just don't tell ME what to do wiht my body!
F'real.
I couldn't agree more Stinky, amen.
Do you expect your children to give you grandkids?
I agree that it is now, as it has been, a status symbol... and an expected right of passage for humans. I also agree that ANYONE that pressures another person into having a child, is borderline psychotic. The responsibility of raising a child in todays world is not one that should be taken lightly. It should be a 100% mutual decision between TWO adults... the TWO that will be responsible for caring for the child.
With that said... I think we tend to overlook the impact of primal instinct. It has been a part of the human mind since "intelligent" man started on the Earth. In the case of parents pressuring their children to HAVE children could be explained by the desire to sustain their particular bloodline, and ensure the survival of their family. Also, it could be a primal desire to sustain mankind as a whole... the instinct not specifically confined to their families future. Of course, there are individual circumstances that take place in a persons life that will turn that subconscious primal desire into a hyperactive dedication to emotionally "force" their children into parenthood... hence the modern day overbearing parents. We tend to underestimate how centuries of natural events and taught lessons can shape humanity down the line. I think this could have a little something to do with it.
Another example of this primal instinct in todays world is our natural reactions to night time and darkness. We experience involuntary fear (some more than others), in part, due to our ancestors justifiable fear of the night... since that is when the majority of predators came out to hunt. Just something to think about. I like to think about stuff...
When I'm :jointsmile:
Do you expect your children to give you grandkids?
I am the mother of a 20 year old daughter. I chose to have one child. I didn't want any more. One was plenty, thank you. I don't care if my daughter has no kids or 20 kids. Its her life and her body. Her choice entirely. I no doubt would love any grandchildren I have, but I love my daughter too much not to let her live her life her way. Shes a great girl!
Do what is best for you. It's your life forever. My mother had 5 kids and if she had her way, I would have had 6!!:( I would be in the nut house! Not to mention very very poor from supporting them all!!
Do you expect your children to give you grandkids?
Quote:
Originally Posted by katyowns
I would like to know from the parents on here, will you be disappointed if your children decide not to have kids of their own? Will you try to convince them to have kids if they tell you it's not for them? If you would be disappointed, do you feel like you're OWED grandkids?
backstory..
I am a woman in her 20's who knows that she never wants children. I find that the pressure from the outside world and relatives to have kids is pretty ridiculous, and that my choice is hardly ever respected. Many parents think that because they enjoyed raising children, that everyone should enjoy it, when this isn't the case. I want to know the mentality behind this reasoning.
I can't explain it for you but I can tell you That I never wanted kids either. I thought the the stupidest thing I could do was bring another person into this world, and thought I would hate being a mom! This wasn't just a phase this is just the way I always felt. Well we had an "oops" and now a daughter. While you may think that way now you most likely will not once you have a child. I think many people push others to have children even if they don't want to because they themselves saw how you change once there is a child in question and don't know how they could ever havew wanted to miss the experience. I love my daughter and love being a mom now more than anything it is the most important thing in my life and anyone who knew me before are shoked and speechless at the difference.
Don't write it off. Just explain to people that you don't want children right now and their comments make you want children less, so if they want any hope they better just shut up and give you the time to make your own decision. I entirely respect people who don't want children and think they have the right to that choice.
Do you expect your children to give you grandkids?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chronic Chrissy
I can't explain it for you but I can tell you That I never wanted kids either. I thought the the stupidest thing I could do was bring another person into this world, and thought I would hate being a mom! This wasn't just a phase this is just the way I always felt. Well we had an "oops" and now a daughter. While you may think that way now you most likely will not once you have a child. I think many people push others to have children even if they don't want to because they themselves saw how you change once there is a child in question and don't know how they could ever havew wanted to miss the experience. I love my daughter and love being a mom now more than anything it is the most important thing in my life and anyone who knew me before are shoked and speechless at the difference.
Don't write it off. Just explain to people that you don't want children right now and their comments make you want children less, so if they want any hope they better just shut up and give you the time to make your own decision. I entirely respect people who don't want children and think they have the right to that choice.
Thats you, not anyone else.
If I had an "oops" I would have an abortion, no 2nd thoughts. My partner doesn't want kids either, and it's not cause we don't think we'd "like being parents". It's because our lives have no place for a child.
Do you expect your children to give you grandkids?
I've kept up with this thread since it first went up and have been meaning to reply to it but keep forgetting it.
My husband and I had one very much-wanted child. Would have liked more but I had trouble carrying subsequent pregnancies to term, and after enough repeat heartbreak from miscarriages I finally gave up trying.
I want my son to do what he wants to do and would never pressure him or his future spouse about having a baby. That's assuming he wants to settle down and get married. Right now he's too young to think about that and is just barely through with college. I hope he'll wait to marry till he's in his 30s and is ready to take on that responsibility. We were in our early and mid-twenties when we married, and looking back on that it was much too young. Our son has always said he wants kids, but I think that will depend on what he chooses to do for a career and also on what his future wife's desire is, assuming he meets someone he wants to marry.
I think parents and in-laws need to stay totally out of pressuring their kids to give them grandkids. I got pressure from both my parents and Dave's, and everytime I miscarried, I felt I was not only letting myself and my husband down but all the potential grandparents, too. Could have done without that. I always knew I wanted to have babies, but what people want and what ultimately happens are two different things.
That being said, if and when our son does decide to get married and have a child or children, I think I will love being a grandmother and will be very good at it! All the joy and none of the responsibility. I intend to spoil that baby (or babies) rotten!!
Do you expect your children to give you grandkids?
Quote:
Originally Posted by happiestmferoutthere
I am the mother of a 20 year old daughter. I chose to have one child. I didn't want any more. One was plenty, thank you. I don't care if my daughter has no kids or 20 kids. Its her life and her body. Her choice entirely. I no doubt would love any grandchildren I have, but I love my daughter too much not to let her live her life her way.
If only all parents felt this way... :thumbsup:
Do you expect your children to give you grandkids?
After having six kids (who all grown up now) you would think that i would have had enough of kids but you would be wrong, I love my grandchildren they are fun they make me happy.
I let my children make their own decisions because its their live not mine, all I want is for them to be happy.
Do you expect your children to give you grandkids?
I have three young children and i love them to bits i see the enjoyment they get from spending time with my dad (their grandad) and hope one day they do make me a granny and i can experience that too (tho they still very young atm) but if they decide not to have children then i wont be bitterly dissapointed, i found out by doing it just how hard it can be how dedicated and responsible you need to be and its the most stressfull and scary thing ever. (been the most rewarding too) i would never judge anyone for not wanting to have children after all its their life. if my kids are happy i'm happy!:)
Do you expect your children to give you grandkids?
I'm glad to see so many level heads in this thread
Do you expect your children to give you grandkids?
Quote:
Originally Posted by happiestmferoutthere
I no doubt would love any grandchildren I have, but I love my daughter too much not to let her live her life her way.
my sentiments exactly. it's their life and it's their choice. As long as they're happy with whichever road they take.
Do you expect your children to give you grandkids?
grandkids,, seems unavoidable.. got 3 kids of my own, one of em gotta knock someone up right? lol
Do you expect your children to give you grandkids?
I think the pressure from parents to want their kids to have kids is sometimes overwhelming. My wife never wanted kids. Her mom just made it worse with her nagging and hints.
Her mom finally gave up and quit buggin us about it. Not long after that, my wife started wanting to get pregnant. :thumbsup: Now she is around 28 weeks and more excited than ever to have a first child - a boy.
Do you expect your children to give you grandkids?
I'm only 19 and my girlfriend and I are planning on having children eventually but I am not going to make it a task that I place upon my plate when it is already full. This child is going to be coming into the world once I am done college and have some cash in the bank. Now, I'm not saying I would need my own funds, come from some money(not Lambo money but lets say BWM money, lol) so I know I wouldn't always have the feeling of "Man I need some cash" or something, but I would feel that once I have a child, its mine(well, ours) and I(we) should take care of it. Honestly though, when I have a child, it's just going to be another friend. I don't want to be overpowering of them, I just want them to look up to me. Let them decide that they would want to listen to me rather than the friendly fatherhood approach I received that sounded more like "SHIT DOWN OR I'LL GET MY BELT!". And you know what, I wouldn't mind gettin' stoned with the little bugger either, once they are old enough.
-C
Do you expect your children to give you grandkids?
Quote:
Originally Posted by catlova
I think the pressure from parents to want their kids to have kids is sometimes overwhelming. My wife never wanted kids. Her mom just made it worse with her nagging and hints.
Her mom finally gave up and quit buggin us about it. Not long after that, my wife started wanting to get pregnant. :thumbsup: Now she is around 28 weeks and more excited than ever to have a first child - a boy.
very nice.
-C
Do you expect your children to give you grandkids?
Quote:
Originally Posted by ForgetClassC
I'm only 19 and my girlfriend and I are planning on having children eventually but I am not going to make it a task that I place upon my plate when it is already full. This child is going to be coming into the world once I am done college and have some cash in the bank. Now, I'm not saying I would need my own funds, come from some money(not Lambo money but lets say BWM money, lol) so I know I wouldn't always have the feeling of "Man I need some cash" or something, but I would feel that once I have a child, its mine(well, ours) and I(we) should take care of it. Honestly though, when I have a child, it's just going to be another friend. I don't want to be overpowering of them, I just want them to look up to me. Let them decide that they would want to listen to me rather than the friendly fatherhood approach I received that sounded more like "SHIT DOWN OR I'LL GET MY BELT!". And you know what, I wouldn't mind gettin' stoned with the little bugger either, once they are old enough.
-C
when they ask what that is you're smokin...you say....'ere!:jointsmile:
Do you expect your children to give you grandkids?
Short answer is no. I am close to fifty and have been married for close to 20 years to the same woman. I could afford them but after long talks we decided that kids were not for us. We simply are not interested. Both of us come from overbearing, over protective, families and I worry about how many ways we will screw a young child up.
It is your body, and your lifestyle, that will be effected, not your parents. And with time you may or may not change your mind. Don't sweat it.
And mentality behind their reason? Only they can tell you that. :)
