A parent's struggling to be a parent.

I am going to start this thread with my frustration with being a parent/husband with a chemical imbalance.
I have been trying to treat my condition "adhd/bi-polar. I quit smoking 4 years ago when I meet my wife.. That was a REALLY hard first 4 years of being married and a father.
I started back up smoking marijuana back in june of '07 while doing a summer position in Philly. I saw tons of growth when I was smoking an a regular basis. I returned to Illinois. Shortly after i returned I ran out. The progress that i made was lost in a sea of frustration brought on by stress of being a father of four, a 12 year old and three 3 year olds.
I know smoking alone doesn't fix the problem. I have to work really hard to be a good parent. My frustrations are that every time I run out, i backslide. I hate that I am only able to find random times and when i do its swag..
Some bags work well, some make me have massive munchies, and some dont work at all. I would love to be able to cook with it. I know it stays in your system WAY longer then smoking. I have problems in the mornings after its not in my system during sleeping, but I can never find enough to buy..

My wife sees improvement, but she sees the problem of not being to find a proper strain or even a decent hookup.
I HATE the way i blow up and lose my ability to stop and think before I yell at our kids. I hate that I am so frustrated over my issues and take it out on the ones i love.
I have tried to take things into my own hands and have even put myself and family at risk and carefully poked around locally.
I also finally tried to grow my own. That ended up with a seized package from the U.S customs, port of chicago.

I feel I am set to fail as a parent. I am not ok with taking the "normal" spread of pills that Dr's are so quick to throw out you.
I am not ok with dealing with negative side effects with more pills. I KNOW marijuana is my meds. It has been since I was 15, im now 29.
It is heart wrenching to know I am losing the battle i am fighting, more importantly im losing my family.
I moved to Illinois to move my family around family to get some help with our kids.. (lot of good that did, damn in-laws) I left my home state and every friend I have ever had. I know not a single person out here that really understands my need for a consistent hookup. I have run across a few people that come thru here and there, but nothing more then 3 weeks. Resulting in a chemical rollercoaster ride..
I attempted to get a transfer to a state where its legal, but my issues make it hard to do my job without problems."staying organized" (ADHD) and remembering the little details of my line of work.
I know giving up and leaving my family is not the right thing, but whats better. Walking out on my family or have them stick it and
have my family be my emotional punching bags.

Any parents that might be going through the same or near, please post your thoughts...

Quit running away, get organize, and prioritize. I understand you need your green to function(I do too as a SAHM with a 2 year old), but you can't get any. You need to wean your dependence on it for the time being, so that when you do get it you only use it in a STATE OF ABSOLUTE EMERGENCY/MELTDOWN, that means rationing. You need to prioritize what means the most to you, I'll do that for you though if you want.
1. Kids, safety, happiness, stability, and love. You do everything in your power to provide for these needs no matter what.

2. Family structure and support. You think you have it bad, put yourself in the place of your wife. Look at all the responsibilities a mother already has then multiply it by the pressure of knowing that when she really needs help there is no one there to help her. You stick around, no matter what. Things go bad you leave the house, not the property. Cool down, reorganize, and starting turning towards your problems and putting them to rest.

3. After all that you work on yourself. Everything you need to turn your life around and be the person you want to be in inside you and that is where you have to look. No drugs or meds will work towards fixing these problems, they only thing they can do is treat the negitive symptoms, not what is causing those symptoms. You are right to stay away from drug pushing Drs, but that means you need to seek altenative treatments. Try Yoga, and meditation, talk with someone wise(The worst thing you can do is talk to the wrong people about your problems especially if they are having similar problems to you). You may not know anyone like this where you live now, but you could find someone. Look for a old person who watches and sees everything, even a stranger. Sit down and start a conversation, tell them your thoughs on your mind at the time, then listen to their story.

Me and my husband were crack addicts who stopped cold turkey, a few years ago. I am bi-polar, ADD, and suffer from anexity, and depression. But we are strong and work hard and have turned our whole lives around. We struggle with the same battles you do everyday the only difference is we go about handling it a different way.

You need to learn to communicate properly with the people around you so they are better able to help you. Find a way to tell your kids that you really need them to give you some space so they understand that they are not responsible for how you feel, but they can help you feel better by leaving you alone. And learn to ask you wife to ground you and bring you back down to earth. Tell when you are falling apart and what you need from her to help you.
Never let a situation escalate. As soon as a situation gets out of control back and forth, learn that you are the only person who can deffuse it, and do it. Tit for tat and one uping may feel good at the moment but hurts everyone even more late.

You have the power, now you just have to decide to use it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by illnillinois

I am going to start this thread with my frustration with being a parent/husband with a chemical imbalance.
I have been trying to treat my condition "adhd/bi-polar. I quit smoking 4 years ago when I meet my wife.. That was a REALLY hard first 4 years of being married and a father.
I started back up smoking marijuana back in june of '07 while doing a summer position in Philly. I saw tons of growth when I was smoking an a regular basis. I returned to Illinois. Shortly after i returned I ran out. The progress that i made was lost in a sea of frustration brought on by stress of being a father of four, a 12 year old and three 3 year olds.
I know smoking alone doesn't fix the problem. I have to work really hard to be a good parent. My frustrations are that every time I run out, i backslide. I hate that I am only able to find random times and when i do its swag..
Some bags work well, some make me have massive munchies, and some dont work at all. I would love to be able to cook with it. I know it stays in your system WAY longer then smoking. I have problems in the mornings after its not in my system during sleeping, but I can never find enough to buy..

My wife sees improvement, but she sees the problem of not being to find a proper strain or even a decent hookup.
I HATE the way i blow up and lose my ability to stop and think before I yell at our kids. I hate that I am so frustrated over my issues and take it out on the ones i love.
I have tried to take things into my own hands and have even put myself and family at risk and carefully poked around locally.
I also finally tried to grow my own. That ended up with a seized package from the U.S customs, port of chicago.

I feel I am set to fail as a parent. I am not ok with taking the "normal" spread of pills that Dr's are so quick to throw out you.
I am not ok with dealing with negative side effects with more pills. I KNOW marijuana is my meds. It has been since I was 15, im now 29.
It is heart wrenching to know I am losing the battle i am fighting, more importantly im losing my family.
I moved to Illinois to move my family around family to get some help with our kids.. (lot of good that did, damn in-laws) I left my home state and every friend I have ever had. I know not a single person out here that really understands my need for a consistent hookup. I have run across a few people that come thru here and there, but nothing more then 3 weeks. Resulting in a chemical rollercoaster ride..
I attempted to get a transfer to a state where its legal, but my issues make it hard to do my job without problems."staying organized" (ADHD) and remembering the little details of my line of work.
I know giving up and leaving my family is not the right thing, but whats better. Walking out on my family or have them stick it and
have my family be my emotional punching bags.

Any parents that might be going through the same or near, please post your thoughts...

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Pls send me rep with your email.

In the mean time get a few seeds from a bag you like when they come through and get some fluoros up! Really though I feel you..Chronic Chrissy gave you some pretty good advice..Really as good as it gets.

Hey How are you doing buddy?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Chronic Chrissy

Hey How are you doing buddy?

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hes doing a ban! :) :wtf:

Completely not the place to make light of the ban situation, which is none of your business, WMLN. Do you have anything constructive to add here?

Illnill... have you identified triggers for the times you find yourself feeling out of control or melting down in anger or frustration? Make a list of those triggers. Carry a notebook- When you feel irrationally angry, immediately, before acting on it, write down what the situation was. Yup, you will have to leave the area and go somewhere private so that you avoid embarrassment, lol!! This is part of the point!
Now think about what had just happened. If you can envision the same situation, with maybe even a slight modification, where you did not, or would not, feel overwhelmed, note that as well. When you feel anxious, the very act of writing down your feelings in an unemotional way (if that makes sense?) may help you distance yourself and regain some composure. It will also give you a moment to think about how you want to proceed, before yelling or blowing up at anyone. Basically, you become your own shrink for a moment, looking at your emotions clinically and as objectively as possible.
I live with anxiety myself, which has in the past manifested as uncontrollable rage and approaching problems inappropriately- I have 2 felonies on my record that are a DIRECT result of that- and have been learning to control it by literally walking into another room and asking myself what LOGICAL reason there is for these feelings. Often there is a logical reason for irritation, or even anger, but not for rage- and I can tell by your writing style that you are an intelligent person who should be able easily to differentiate between the two, and choose a response that fits the situation. That is the important part- you must be able to CHOOSE how you react, and that takes some forethought.

I'm not sure what to tell you about how MMJ plays into all this. My experience has been that smoking at least once every 2-3 days knocks back the anxiety level to something liveable. Also, edibles last longer per dose and will get you through a whole night. Let me guess- you wake up in the middle of the night with severe anxiety/mild panic attacks, and can't get back to sleep? It's a snowball effect too- losing sleep makes the whole mess worse. Anything you can do to get on a consistent sleep schedule will be beneficial.

Another thing is to completely avoid alcohol, especially when you are already feeling vulnerable or stressed. It may help you sleep, but wears off too quickly for a full nights rest, and leaves behind a raw-er emotional state. I don't know if you drink; just sayin'.

Um, what else. Oh- mmj strains. Afghanis. Really. Avoid brickweed like the satanic plague visited upon anxious people that it is. But we will chat in the grow area no doubt.

Possibly your parenting may be easier if you didn't smoke marijuana as a reason to parent your children bad rather then good.

As a father of 3. a 12 year old a 2 year old and a 1 year old. I can totally understand your frustration at times. parenting can be stressful,what I find that helps me is to step back and look at each situation. take a deep breath and clear your mind(not always easy to do). If u are able to walk to another room for a quick break,just make sure the kids r okay first. put on their fav movie or something to keep em entertained for a minute and collect your thoughts. go outside smoke a cig or something. work on a hobby. there are many stress reducers out there. heck keep a couple j's rolled up and stick em somewhere and take a toke or two when u really need it.or get or make some edibles like sticky suggested. they will last longer just be aware of how you are feeling you dont wanna not be able to help the kids if they need it.

My ex-wife has the same conditions-I did all the house work & cooking(she wasnt a good cook)while working 8-10 hrs days,6days aweek. help coach my kids in there sports3-4days aweek(3boys)I did everything to lighten her load.But alas it wasnt enough-my boys got together(at the time-18-14-11)and said dad enoughs enough,so I filed for diverce.You MUST find an outlet-walks,a hobby anything-pot helped my ex but booze was the worse.Kids are now 23-19-16 and thriving,the ex still has her issues but is getting better at dealing with -oops gotta go 19yr old needs comp. for college homewrk.Oh this went on for 10yrs befor my kids sat me down

Stinky has it right-you must find out what triggers/sets it off for you. being on the receiving end of IT is not pretty and im an adult-my boys had it tough with there mom.I can only imagine how your kids are coping with it.My ex felt Very guilty about her outburst after the fact.You are on the right path for 1 seeing the problem and 2 seeking advice.I hope you find the answers you seek--good luck-smello

learn as ya go, learn from your slips and don't let your emotions get the best of you. I deal with the same issues as you everyday, your not alone out there.