Darn This Concience of Mine!

I need ya'lls help!!! I trust you guy's opinions. Most of us here have common sense, and I need to make up my mind quickly.
I've talked on here before about what I do. Just in case, I am a live- in elderly woman caretaker. The woman I am currently caring for is 98, will be 99 in april. I've been working here for over a year. Because of the obvious, these jobs dont last long, and this has been the longest so far. She is attached to me, doesnt like for me to go home even though Im here 5 days a week, and has run off about 5 other people since I've been here. I mean we argue and fight, but shes the type of person who is happy being miserable. She likes to be left alone, and peace and quiet, which is perfect for me. I do whatever I have to do, and leave her alone. Sure when Im in the same room and not arguing about what she needs to do, we talk and laugh.. Anyway, she is getting to the point where she is losing her mind alot more. Just last night I went in to check on her, and i kept finding her at the bottom of the bed, feet hanging off, covers thrown saying she had to go. I tell her, half asleep that she has nowhere to go, nothing to do, and she gets mad. She yells, I yell, put her back in bed and basically surrounded her bed so there was no way she could get out. This morning she was pissed saying she couldnt get out of bed, and I had a mess around her bed. Right now, shes sitting in her room talking and laughing to herself.
Here is my problem, she is nearing that level where she will pass in her sleep, or go in the hospital. now, I told her daughter that I am sorry, but i need to look for another job since it is so close to her passing, and I cant afford to be jobless. Because I cant work legally, it takes me a hell of alot of time to find a job. She offered to pay me two weeks wages after she passes, goes into the hospital, or has to be put in a home. While that is a nice gesture, like my sister said, it will cover a months rent, and maybe my phone bill. I dont want to leave her since she is so comfortable with me and I can get her to do stuff she wont for others, but like I said, I cant aford to be jobless. We just moved into our house, and Ill be damned if have to go back to my mothers house. I will live under a bridge with my dogs before I do that. I cant help but feel like I'm abandoning her, but you gotta look out for numbers one through six first right?
*numbers 1 thru 6 are Venus, Powder, Bebe, Banky, my sister and me, in that order*
Help me!! tell me what I should do?!?!

Get a new job.
If she is that close to the end, your leaving will precipitate her going to hospital, relieving her and her family from the agonizing decision of 'is it time?'.

If you are not caring for her as a 40-hour a week job, I'd suggest finding a new job right away that is caring for someone who does not yet need intensive monitoring like your current client, so that you may gently transition from one to the other. The new client will in time need closer attention.
Follow your conscience if you can- your deeds show your character.

If it were me I'd probably stay. She seems to really like you and thik about it like this - if you were dying wouldn't you want to go out with people you like or would you rather do it alone with the people you've grown to love abandoning you.That'd be a miserable way to die. It's definetly going to be tough, but those two weeks pay will help. Also, this is probably something you should have seriously considered as a possibility when choosing you career path. I believe the right thing to do would be stay as long as she needs you to.

Well, if the alternative is to be jobless then take pride in a job well done and move on. Unless, the family compensates you for staying until you find another job. Which is what I would convince the family to do. I mean, it's only fair. and I would make it easier for the family by looking for a job when the lady starts to pass.

good luck hilder... i hope everything turns out okay.

That is why I work with an agency. The money is a little less than if you free lance, but I do have job security. If a client passes away or goes into the hospital they put me with another client. Because quite frankly, we are making these people as happy and comfortable as possible until the inevitable happens.
Good luck to you Hilder. You're good people!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by gocryemokid

If it were me I'd probably stay. She seems to really like you and thik about it like this - if you were dying wouldn't you want to go out with people you like or would you rather do it alone with the people you've grown to love abandoning you.That'd be a miserable way to die. It's definetly going to be tough, but those two weeks pay will help. Also, this is probably something you should have seriously considered as a possibility when choosing you career path. I believe the right thing to do would be stay as long as she needs you to.

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I agree completly... i think you should stay with her as long she needs you... remember, possibly you are her last friend in her entire life... i think it IS something... money is important, i know. But im sure there is things that are more important than it.
And when she pass away, remember your time will come too... so be glad that you are still alive, and enjoy your life. Cause soon it ends, for all of us.

hey hilder
you are like a tool in the hand of god
let yourself be used for good
good things will come your way
like they say
"store your riches in heaven"

Oh, damn it all to hell!! I dont want to leave her. Also cause more than likely if I leave before she passes she will probably have to be put in a home. They've been looking for someone for months now and theres no one. Thank Yall for the good wishes, and I hope everything works out for both of us too. Ideally, id find a job shortly before she passes and start the new one shortly after. i can afford to take off a few weeks, maybe a month, but the last time it took me 8 months to find another job. I didnt choose this line of work, It kinda fell into my lap, and I figure since im good at it, and I like the living arrangements, I just kept doing it. now that Im on my own, id like a job where I can go home at night. I want to get back into office manager/ secretarial cause its fun, fast paced and I'd get to go home in the evenings. I am bilingual, I can dance circles around computers, have great phone skills, but Im illegal so its hard to find a job. I know the right thing to do is to stay, and my karma will reward me later, but I cannot be homeless.. its just not an option. Geo said its a normal severance pay for this line of work, but its just not enough. Im not gonna ask these people to keep paying me for months after she passes or goes into hospice care or a home. Damn, i dont know what to do.

From a good ol boy from texan stand point, Drop the old bitch!


you gotta look out for numero uno

i love people who do what you do Hilda, i personally could not do that sort of work, which is why i admire anyone in the careing profesion, whatever you decide i'm sure it will be the right decision.

Me not being able to get legal isnt really a money issue. Basically its a wait till they get to your number type deal. I was brought to this country when I was 5 years old, my mom applied for me to get legal in '95, I got my acceptance letter with a priority date of August of '98 which means basically I was approved for residential status because my mother is a resident, but because of course there are so many people trying to get into this country, they are still working on cases with a priority dates in '91. They have been working on cases from '91 for hell, 9 years. Everytime theres a natural disaster, civil unrest, wars, famine, the government works to help some of these people out by granting them asylum and visas to come to this country and work, so everyone else gets pushed back even further. I've been waiting for almost 20 years now. Because I am over 21, the category changes since my mother is ony a resident, not a citizen. I basically have three options. One, remain unmarried and wait however long till they get to me which could be another 20 years for all I know, that is IF my mother finds it in her good graces to follow through, which she's evil enough to not do. She basically lorded the fact that she has the power to not help us get legal. yes, she is that much of a bitch, her own two only children. Two, I get married to a citizen, put in a new app for legalization and do it that way, which I'm not sure I'm willing to do. I dont want to be married, under any circumstances, especially those. The last option would be to return to Mexico, and thats just.. why, thats just not an option really. so, I guess I will just wait, and hope for BSIS to get their shit moving and get to me, and hope to Goddess my mother is still alive and isnt a total bitch like shes notorious for, or wait for my best friend to get her shit together and move to Canadia eh? I CANNOT simply CANNOT, WILL NOT go back to mexico. youd have to physically drag me, cause I aint going willingly.. LOL
So, I think this is how its gonna go down, Ima stop being so dang wasteful, save my money, even if it means I have to cut back on my weed allowance. I will look for another job starting now since I want a good paying, close to where I live, preferrably non-menial job. I have no problem getting down to work, but I am not some uneducated illiterate non-english speaking mexican. I dont wanna be a dishwasher in a chinese buffet in little mexico!!! I have a high school diploma, I obviously have the english language mastered, I am very smart, and I just dont think I can be all I can be in the back of a restaurant, unless I was doing the cooking ( which I would LOVE) yeah, so im gonna stay for as long as possible, if I havent found a job before she passes or goes into a home, I will have plenty of more time to concentrate on finding a job and not lose my house Goddess willing. If I find a job before then, and cant be put off till she passes or whatever, I will have to leave. I dont think it should be a problem to find a job since I have 3 excellent refrences, well, 4 with this one, but you never know. Theres alot of elderly people who cant afford to go through agencies and since I have 5 years experience, if there are jobs available, im sure damn near anyone would hire me, but the problem is there arent many out there. I have prefferences obviously. Id like to work In the city, preferably an In and out type arrangement, but have no problem being a live in as long as I have my own room. I have no children, no boyfriend/ husband to tie me down or hold me back so i can stay away for weeks at a time without a problem, I would just like not to. i really really wanna go back into an office setting.. that was loads of fun. I have never been drug tested since I dont look like I smoke, and I guess most people look for the stereotypical druggie traits which I dont have or hide very well. thats not really a concern. yeah, I smoke like its going outta style, but im still responsible. I just want what I want and to be paid accordingly. I've been incredibly lucky in finding people to work for who appreciate that I go the extra mile to make things easier on them, and do a good job. I've also been lucky enought make some serious money, even though I havent been smart enough to save any of it. First it was my mother demanding money, then my drug habits, then drinking habits, then my spending habits, now bills, bills, bills. I dunno, im sure thing will turn out for the best. they always seem to. Thank yall for the good wishes and support, and I guess we will just have to see what happens. Now its time for Hilder's wake N bake session and I needs my moosic player.. later- Hilder

Best wishes, in becoming a citizen! You seem to fit in as an "American girl".

I guess that's because, I read every one of your posts with the same accent.

Thanks! The thing is, I dont even care if I become a citizen, I dont even want the option of leaving American soil, I could care less, I just want to be able to work, pay my taxes and not have to worry about not being able to at least work at a fast food place if I had to. Sure I could go the route of the millions of mexicans and get a fake ID and fake SS, but if I get caught, Im fucked. I'd be deported, and that must be avoided at all costs.. I am the whitest mexican you will ever come accross. its funny, old ladys daughter asked me the other day if I knew any mexicans to come cut old lady's lawn. I said, now you know I dont know any mexicans!! My best friend is white, all my friends are white, the dick(s) is/ have always been white. Ive never dated a mexican, and I doubt I would. aside from my family, I dont know any mexicans.. its weird, its not like I go outta my way or avoid em like the plague or something, I just dont. why cant the government see that I want to do good things and be succesful and gimme what I want?!? its so unfair. I want to go to college, I want to be succesful, maybe one day own my own business.. I cant do any of that now. its so frustrating!!!!!!!!!

I think you do want to become legal and that means becoming a citizen. Canada would be cool for a smoker but do you really want to live in in such a cold place? I would marry you so you could become a citizen. You'd be a good match since I don't want a girlfriend/wife anyway. It's a good thing you're not considering that a serious option, it's a pain in the ass. You may not be able to go to college and have you're own business right now but I hope you can soon. If you get deported, I'll come over and bring you back. Good Luck

Aww.. thats incredibly generous of you and hilarious. Of course I want to be a citizen. I love this country. I would also of course love to travel, but you see, its not a must. If I get deported.. I have no clue what I'd do. I just cant see myself anywhere but here. Ya'll know the most fucked up part? My mom was in the US when she was pregnant with me, and went back to mexico to deliver me cause there was a rumor that if you were illegal and went to give birth, you would go to jail and be deported. Innt that bout the dumbest shit?!? All this could have been avoided.. I almost made it... haha it was weird, cause my sister was born in a town like 20 min from the border too.. I guess it just wasnt meant to be.. LOL

hahahaha it was funny, I had a dream that same sex marriages were legalized and recognized, and my best friend and I got married to each other and she got me legal.. THAT would be BEYOND awesome.. that would be perfection. I told her about it, and she's like Hell yeah!!!!! come on baby, lets get hitched.. ROFLMAO