girls breakups ups and downs the bends whatever

my girlfriend is a spazz and wants to break up because she doesnt think i really love her or care for her. its because shes one of those people who love to be smothered in emotion, and im one of those people who would choke if smothered. i cant stand being all lovey dovey 24/7.

please dont get me wrong..im not careless and emotionless..i love her with all my heart. but she doesnt seem to appreciate me or something. its like im not good enough for her, so she just gets mad and spazzes out on me and asks me 100 times if i still love her and she says she doesnt trust me and all this.

what am i to do? man i hate girl problems. and youd think that after 2 years stuff like this would smooth out fast.

2 years

well I can tell you after 3 and a half...it dont get better

That, my friend is a little something called Insecurity. I totally feel you. That level of neediness is a sign of a bigger problem. I am also a person who isnt into pda's, and I think its rude when other people do it. Now, im not talking about touching or hand holding or hugging, but anything beyond that like groping and making out.. Now, it isnt completely on her however. Do you show affection in private? foreplay leading to sex isnt considered affection.

"I thought it was supposed to get easier when you worked harder"

it just sucks when everything is going great, then out of nowhere this crap pops up. this always happens. its like a once every other month thing now, and i cant take it. i cant take being questioned on my integrity over and over and over, the same thing again and again. it just makes me dislike her. and she always has a way of making me feel bad about everything. if i get upset when this kind of stuff happens, she always says "see i know you dont care, because whenever i ask about this you always get mad". i dont get mad i just get upset that she doesnt trust me after all this time. then when i say that, she says "you have to earn your trust" what the hell have i been doing the past 2 years?!

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Originally Posted by Hilder420

That, my friend is a little something called Insecurity. I totally feel you. That level of neediness is a sign of a bigger problem. I am also a person who isnt into pda's, and I think its rude when other people do it. Now, im not talking about touching or hand holding or hugging, but anything beyond that like groping and making out.. Now, it isnt completely on her however. Do you show affection in private? foreplay leading to sex isnt considered affection.

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i certainly show her affection..i love that girl. i just dont give it to her constantly, every other minute im with her. sometimes i wanna sit next to her and read a book while shes watching tv or something, but somehow thats construed as me not wanting to be with her or me being bored when im with her. were together every day..do i have to be constantly in her face when im with her for her to get it?

i feel like im asking questions a 15 year old should be asking about his new first girlfriend, and its certainly not like that. im 22 and shes 23, weve had our fair share of relationships and we certainly arent children anymore. sometimes it doesnt seem like were grown up though.

If I was you, I would ask her for a serious chat. Some where relaxing and chilled, maybe your living room or whatever to make it feel like a comfortable chat which means the likely hood of it turning into a "row" are much smaller I would presume.
Ask her what the problems are and the reason for her breaking up with you and why she "gets mad and spazzes out on me" etc and reply as needed with why you still value your relationship and her. The main idea would be to find out, why.
If you have given her no reason to not trust you, e.g been a good boyfriend then you may find the issue is totally and completely hers and you need to find out what the problem really is with her.
You really should ask pin pointing questions and listen to the answers, if she blows up and goes mad, drop her like shes a billion degrees.

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Originally Posted by WeedyBoyWonder

If I was you, I would ask her for a serious chat. Some where relaxing and chilled, maybe your living room or whatever to make it feel like a comfortable chat which means the likely hood of it turning into a "row" are much smaller I would presume.
Ask her what the problems are and the reason for her breaking up with you and why she "gets mad and spazzes out on me" etc and reply as needed with why you still value your relationship and her. The main idea would be to find out, why.
If you have given her no reason to not trust you, e.g been a good boyfriend then you may find the issue is totally and completely hers and you need to find out what the problem really is with her.
You really should ask pin pointing questions and listen to the answers, if she blows up and goes mad, drop her like shes a billion degrees.

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thanks for those mighty words o wisdom..this is totally irrelevant but whats up with your avatar? funny stuff.

haha anyways, im sure me and her will be having a big talk today sometime. i just hope its after the chargers game.

yeah, some people would be like "DUMP HER MAN SHES NOT WORTH IT" but the way you talk about her, and your tone, sounds like you really care about her. (especially after 2 years) I agree with Weedy, just talk to her and discuss the issues shes having. It sounds like its pretty much insecurity, so tell her that you love her and it wont change.(which i'm sure youre already doing..) But make sure to do it during your chat. Ask her if anything else is bothering her and if she wants to talk about it. Listen to her. Even if she keeps repeating herself, listen to her carefully. If she still gets mad and flips out, or has a tantrum, i'd heavily suggest a "break."

someday? today? tomorrow? the day after...
don't let it go stale.

my avatar is BOOM HEAD shot! I play FPS. Those who can, do. Those who can't, complain. (<headshot)

you both cant help the way you are girls like to be told and reminded all time you have to learn the game son its as simple as this you need to show more affection if not then maybe find a girl who doesnt like all that lovey dovey shit but i dont mind it tbh

You've been together for two years and all of a sudden she's insecure? Something changed or started that.....what was it?

There's an old saying...."The rocks in your head fit the holes in mine." It takes two....you either sit down and work it out TOGETHER....not as adversaries....or decide she's not right for you. To sit and complain about "all her problems" seems rather pointless to me. You say you love her with all your heart. That's great! Try some counseling together. You may be surprised to find that when something like this starts "for no reason" there's IS a reason and it's usually more than "just her problem."

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Originally Posted by Hilder420

That, my friend is a little something called Insecurity. I totally feel you. That level of neediness is a sign of a bigger problem. I am also a person who isnt into pda's, and I think its rude when other people do it. Now, im not talking about touching or hand holding or hugging, but anything beyond that like groping and making out.. Now, it isnt completely on her however. Do you show affection in private? foreplay leading to sex isnt considered affection.

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What??? Why not????

Believe me when I say that calling your gf a spazz is hardly likely to make her feel secure with you, if (as I suspect ) she suffers from low self esteem you are just going to make it worse by calling her names and telling her not to be stupid or whatever.
Try to remain calm and point out why you think she is "the one" instead of berating her for something she can't help.

WAY TO MUCH DRAMA FOR ME!!
Sex isnt everything when you are in a relationship :kisslove:
Its everything when you arent in a relationship:s3:


:S3:

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Originally Posted by halfassedjediknight

"I thought it was supposed to get easier when you worked harder"

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A song about a friend.

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Originally Posted by psychocat

Believe me when I say that calling your gf a spazz is hardly likely to make her feel secure with you, if (as I suspect ) she suffers from low self esteem you are just going to make it worse by calling her names and telling her not to be stupid or whatever.
Try to remain calm and point out why you think she is "the one" instead of berating her for something she can't help.

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its not like i verbally abuse my girlfriend. i dont call her anything that would upset her, thats not me. i dont spout off names at her, any of that stuff.

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Originally Posted by Nation_1ne

A song about a friend.

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its a song by atmosphere!

but you obviously know that :)

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Originally Posted by halfassedjediknight

its a song by atmosphere!

but you obviously know that :)

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I do indeed ;)

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Originally Posted by luvfriday

WAY TO MUCH DRAMA FOR ME!!
Sex isnt everything when you are in a relationship :kisslove:
Its everything when you arent in a relationship:s3:


:S3:

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huh are you saying thats all i care for? haha

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Originally Posted by Nation_1ne

I do indeed ;)

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the piano in that song is really neat, even if its a tiny little scale or bar or riff or whatever you want to call it.

god bless conscious rap!

Eh, you gotta meet her halfway, and she needs to do the same. A bit of sacrifice is required. It would be best at the time to try to observe why she gets spazzy in those moments. You'd have an idea what to do NOT to cause it, and solve the problem. Also labeling what you are doing, ex. when you want to read a book while watching TV, just tell her what you are doing, and reassure her that doing so isn't a cause for not loving her.

Sounds like you GF is really insecure. She has a lot of emotional growing to do. I bet she calls you all the time (4 or 5 time a day)when your not together also... just more insecurity.

FWIW...2 halves *DON"T* make a whole.....otoh....2 whole make a pair. Some on here will understand this statement, some won't.

At 22 and 23, both of you probably still have a lot of growing to do before your ready for a real, long term, relationship.

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Originally Posted by halfassedjediknight

the piano in that song is really neat, even if its a tiny little scale or bar or riff or whatever you want to call it.

god bless conscious rap!

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Yeah, I really liked the whole album. I remember buying it in a record store whilst I was on holiday in America about 4 years ago. Anyway that album got a lot of criticism by which I was surprised. I thought "You can't Imagine How Much Fun We're Having" was awful. There were a few select good tracks, one of which is an instrumental from Visionaries Pangaea.

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Originally Posted by halfassedjediknight

"I thought it was supposed to get easier when you worked harder"

it just sucks when everything is going great, then out of nowhere this crap pops up. this always happens. its like a once every other month thing now, and i cant take it. i cant take being questioned on my integrity over and over and over, the same thing again and again. it just makes me dislike her. and she always has a way of making me feel bad about everything. if i get upset when this kind of stuff happens, she always says "see i know you dont care, because whenever i ask about this you always get mad". i dont get mad i just get upset that she doesnt trust me after all this time. then when i say that, she says "you have to earn your trust" what the hell have i been doing the past 2 years?!

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I think i may have found the problem, lol,
once a month you say?

Just be sweet, man. She doesn't need to feel persecuted for sharing her thoughts and emotions with you. I realize you're schedule is probably pretty cramped right about now, just don't feel pressured around her because that's relaxation time. Be more like latin romance, if you could feel that.

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Originally Posted by halfassedjediknight

huh are you saying thats all i care for? haha

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Well I dont know about you, but it works great for me.

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Originally Posted by xxMJAHxx

I think i may have found the problem, lol,
once a month you say?

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hahaha its not the red tide! im pretty sure of that.

shes thinks im gods gift to women or something, so she thinks all the ladies are gonna snag me from her.

to all of you who suggested insecurity, you hit the nail on the head. she tells me shes insecure, in a lot of ways. she tells me shes real insecure about herself (she thinks shes ugly fat and boring..not unlike most girls ive dated).

i feel kind of in a funk because i havnt talked to her in like a week or more. you know that 'somethin aint right' feeling. it sucks, its kind of draining.

bahhhh gimme a bowl!

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Originally Posted by halfassedjediknight

my girlfriend is a spazz and wants to break up because she doesnt think i really love her or care for her. its because shes one of those people who love to be smothered in emotion, and im one of those people who would choke if smothered. i cant stand being all lovey dovey 24/7.

please dont get me wrong..im not careless and emotionless..i love her with all my heart. but she doesnt seem to appreciate me or something. its like im not good enough for her, so she just gets mad and spazzes out on me and asks me 100 times if i still love her and she says she doesnt trust me and all this.

what am i to do? man i hate girl problems. and youd think that after 2 years stuff like this would smooth out fast.

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break up and wait a few months I did im back with my girl. things couldnt be better

Im probley insensitive, but if a woman was causing me alot of problems and constantly asking me if "I still love here" even over 4 times a day, I would put my foot down hard, and fast.

Not saying that you should do that or anything, but saying what I would do.