so yeah....

yesterday was my brother's birthday (the one who was killed)... it's been so long i expected to atleast kinda forget about it and move on... but nope =/ life had other plans....

so honestly, will it ever pass? does anyone know? i'm sure plenty of people here have been through that, and probably for lots longer then i have (3 years now..)

did it ever pass? i don't mean forgetting them, or not caring they're gone, i'm not stupid enough to think that would happen for any reason... just, anyone who's went through it for many many years, did it ever subside, at all? or does that thought still seem to haunt your mind constantly?

Slip, I am only a few years in as well. I think the only thing that will help is more time to pass, unfortunately. I think of them all the time and when the birthdays, death days, and what-should-have-been days come I think about them even more. yeah it does suck, but it will get easier. And that kind of sucks too. It is almost like as much as it hurts I dont want it to not hurt cause that makes them feel even further away. if that makes any sense.

I know for me I try to think about them and not the reason they are gone or awful way that they left and that helps a tiny bit. Keeps me from totally losing it i guess. hard tho. I feel for you, i am sorry you don't have your brother anymore. not fair at all.

I lost my best friend 7 years ago now and he was like a brother to me I had known him since before I could even remember, my mom used to say we were best friends in the playpen even. Of course there is still that great sadness when I start thinking about him and how he is not here, but recently, within the last year or so, I have noticed that I am able to remember the memories, think of the times we had as good things and even smile sometimes when I look at all the pictures of us. Now it is still very upsetting to see certain things we used to do together, like our bowl we used to use that is permanently retired, that still causes me to feel immediate sadness but I do believe that over time I have been able to concentrate on and love the times we had as great memories and that they slowly became less linked to the un-ending sorrow feeling, and more linked to love and a kind of happiness that makes me smile but still leaves me somewhat empty bc I know he is gone.

I know how you feel, to an extent, a friend no matter how good is not a brother, but in my experience time does help us remember what we had with them and the love we have for them while allowing for some of the pain associated with those memories to dissipate.

I hope time helps it pass. November 3 was the first anniversary of my sister's death, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was hopelessly low for two weeks before and two weeks after, and I'm just now getting to where I am not thinking about it constantly. Except that with the holidays here, the thought kept coming to me, "Well, this was the second Thanksgiving without her" and now I'm thinking "This'll be the second Christmas we spend without Bess."

This is an especially hard time of year to deal with grief. Her birthday was rough, too, but for me the anniversary of her death is even harder to take.

Time may help but what will help even more is talking about it. Its important to establish your feelings about the whole thing. Maybe going to a therapist will help. It sure helps for my problems. And nowadays, its not a thing to be ashamed of. A lot of insurances will pay for it too.

Until then, were here for you if you need to talk or vent. As you see, a lot of us have lost a loved one that was particularly close and we know exactly what your feeling.

I saw close relatives die at a relatively young age..
I was 11, that was 10 years ago.

I don't think about it too often anymore.. in fact I almost forgot his birthday this year. Mainly because my mother's birthday was a few days before and I was just making sure to pay attention to that, you know.. can't forget mom's birthday, hah.

The first few years were pretty hard, although you will see that with time...the sad memories are kindda forgotten, leaving space for only the good, important ones. Because you know, that as we age, our memory looses it's sharp edge. all I'm saying is it's important to remember the good about the person, and that everytime you think about them, you are lifted by those good feelings. I do not think about my Father often, although when I do, it is when I need that extra confidence and strength that I am lacking, at that moment.

Sorry if I went off-track.. I just can't resist a good off roading session :jointsmile:

hang in there man, people come and go.. it's the cycle of life

My brother passed away 10 years ago, in a car wreck. The first few years( maybe 5) were very bad. I missed him ( and still do!) terribly. I was sad and angry.
I dont know, Slip(& birdgirl)... I suppose it gets "easier". I don't cry anymore,-at least I haven't for a while- but I don't think you really get over the "what-ifs". There are so many of them. There is so much in my life I wished he was here for. I seem to have the hardest time at holidays when the family is together and he's obviously not there.
Yeah. It does get easier.... but it takes a long, long time!
Keep the faith, as hard as it is. Sometimes I think he's the lucky one, not having to deal with life anymore. That may seem morbid, but I truly believe he's in a better place and I will "see" him again.

Thanks, HappiestMF. Left you a rep on that one for sure.

I don't think it ever gets easier, but it will reach the stage that when you think of them you will smile instead of crying.

Ian, wherever you are mate, Iv'e reached the stage of smiling :)


NCM

For me it doesnt get easier.. my step dad fell asleep at the wheel and crash and he died on impact.. he is always on the back of my mind... august 3 was the day he had the accident.. i hate that day. hes been gone for 4 years now and every year august 3rd rolls around and thats all i can think about, but i dont think of his death.. but just memories of him that make me happy. His image never leaves, or i dont think of him less n every little thing like camping or certain dates wen he would take us camping.. always reminds me of him.. specially on his birthday.. i tend do hangout with my mom cuz she gets a little emotional on his birthday and shes even worse on august 3

the passing of our relatives happened in different ways but slip.. just try and think of all he positive memories that you to shared.. i don't know thats just how ive learned to deal with it... i dk if this help sorry :S

You wanna know something wierd..I dont even know the anniversary of my moms death this year..it was either Jan or Feb..I am sure I could research my threads and find it..
With my mom, it almost feels like I havent really dealt with it..who knows, maybe it will come down like a ton of bricks on me one of these days.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by geonagual

You wanna know something wierd..I dont even know the anniversary of my moms death this year..it was either Jan or Feb..I am sure I could research my threads and find it..
With my mom, it almost feels like I havent really dealt with it..who knows, maybe it will come down like a ton of bricks on me one of these days.

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it probably will.... i compltely ignored the fact he was dead... then came his viewing... and it all hit me... i still hate my nana for making me go up to that casket.. i'm sure some day i will be grateful for her making me go up there, as it has started me on the track of accepting it... but as of right now i still haven't forgiven her... i told her i wasn't strong enough and she dragged me up there anyways...

don't feel bad either, i don't know the date of his death either... i know about when it was but i never can remember the exact date... all i can remember is it was sometime in mid september... he was just 2 months shy of his 18th or 19th birthday. i can't remember that either :(

Quote:

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Originally Posted by slipknotpsycho

yesterday was my brother's birthday (the one who was killed)... it's been so long i expected to atleast kinda forget about it and move on... but nope =/ life had other plans....

so honestly, will it ever pass? does anyone know? i'm sure plenty of people here have been through that, and probably for lots longer then i have (3 years now..)

did it ever pass? i don't mean forgetting them, or not caring they're gone, i'm not stupid enough to think that would happen for any reason... just, anyone who's went through it for many many years, did it ever subside, at all? or does that thought still seem to haunt your mind constantly?

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huh.......I had a brother taken too. I knew you and me was simular some how slip. .................................................. ..Respect

My dad passed away when i was 11 , but i wasn't really close to him since my parents divorced when i was in 1st or 2nd grade, i barely saw him and I've never been really depressed about it or anything, yeah i cried when i heard of it but being depressed never really happened

Quote:

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Originally Posted by geonagual

You wanna know something wierd..I dont even know the anniversary of my moms death this year..it was either Jan or Feb..I am sure I could research my threads and find it..
With my mom, it almost feels like I havent really dealt with it..who knows, maybe it will come down like a ton of bricks on me one of these days.

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It was February 11, Geo. I had it in my PMs because P4B drew my attention to your post at the time, and I've kept it in there, just like I kept the note I sent to him when my sister died. Hope it's OK that I told you. Anniversaries and dates of big life events have meaning for me. And if it feels like you haven't dealt with it, it's probably just because you're dealing with it as you can. I feel like I've "dealt" with Bess's death all year, feeling it, writing about it, grieving, talking, etc. But that hasn't fundamentally changed anything in my own acceptance or psychological state. I still feel just as sad as I did right after it happened, only it's a bit more distant now.

Thanks BG...the whole death thing does suck...its the worst thing that happens to us in this life...

It still hits me hard sometimes when I think of My Mom, that died when i was 10 years old. But for the most part I accept it for what it is, a aprt of my life, and it has made me who I am today. The pain does subside, but it does come back from time to time Slip. My Mom was in so much emotional pain when she was alive in the end, and thought that her only way out was death itself. that was her choice and now 20 years later I accept it for what it is. It didn't take me 20 years to realize this, but the better part of 10 years. Only time will tell Slip, but the pain will subside, One day you will start focusing more on the postive memories though, and not the whole negative effect of your brothers death, on your life. Time is an amazing thing...