a question of reaction.....

just think for a minute, you're in love and you know they are the one, atleast in your compatability... you've been together for years and years and your spouse has given you nothing but love and dedication.... never one reason to not trust them...

then you walk in on them one day messing around with someone else (not a friend/family) of course, they tell you they're sorry and it just happened, and to give them another chance...

so do you?

remember this is the one, and they've never done anything remotely this bad in the past years.... can there really be such a thing as a mistake, atleast in this reguard....?

No, not from my perspective, if its a long term relationship, then, it would destroy the privacy and intimacy, you may as well sex a street walker.

Im sure its a "mistake" in a LOT of cases, but if the relationship was that good in the first place, the "mistake" wouldnt have happened.....its the end as far as I'm concerned.

I think you will get varied responses from men and women..with the women giving another chance and the men not giving another chance..I may, but you would always have that image ingrained in your head and that would be hard to overcome.

I belive in second chances, but I draw the line at cheating. I have never been cheated on, because come on, im awesome, and Ive never cheated on any of my boyfriends. but I have been with someone who was cheating on someone with me. she found out eventually cause hes a fuckin pussy, and she forgave him, and now they're married and have babies, and when i saw him last month, he was hinting at wanting to "get together", and because there are now children involved, i wouldnt touch him with a 10 foot pole.. thats why theres a saying.. once a cheater, always a cheater..

Ask yourself this:

How many times have you NOT caught them? You really think someone who cheats would be honest?

If they did it once, they will do it again. Especially if it's forgiven. Thats how women end up in 20 year relationships with men who screw everything is sight. I am sure it happens to men too but not as often.

Cut your losses on the emotional equity and move on.

agree. Ive been cheated on in the past, and if I may play devils advocate, ive been tempted to cheat in previous relatonships, and I regretted not cheating after I realised my partner was cheating on me and I had the opportunity.

Its not worth the time...be true

People who cheat are utter scum as far as I'm concerned, betrayal is about as low a a person can get.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Doc 007

Thats how women end up in 20 year relationships with men who screw everything is sight. I am sure it happens to men too but not as often.

Cut your losses on the emotional equity and move on.

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Too true.. I've seen this go on with one of my aunts. She caught him with like the block whore, in his car.. not just once. He's a trucker... nuff said. He's an asshole to her, and she's practically his maid. He makes comments about other women in front of her, not like oh, shes pretty, but nasty brash vulgar comments, esp if hes drinking.. he ogles my cousins and me, to the point where once he tried to grab me, i pushed him away kicked him in the balls and punched him. He tried to him be back, and my dick jumped on him. Beat his ass to a beatiful shade of purpleblack.... Hilder dont play that.
just think, this could be your life...

I could not possibly imagine this scenario.

Okay.

I'd say something, then leave, then walk back and kick him out, if she hasn't followed.

Well... if i were in a serious relationship, i would NEVER cheat. If were to cheat, i wouldnt enter in a serious relationship, for start.
Dont cheating is not SO hard... in fact, unless you be raped, there must be your consent for a cheat happens. So, its simply un-excusable.
So, as i would never cheat, if a girl cheated on me, i would have to sing...
"Hey, Joe..."
or
"I used to love her..."

well interesting scenario, aside for the years and years together, this has happened to me. I do not regret what i did at the time and would do it all over again. When i walked in on them i simply said "Well looks like you found what your looking for so you can keep it", looked at the guy and said "Good luck to ya, she did this to me, and she will do it to you". Later i heard that four months later they were married.....

Now, if this is something that was out of the blue and you had no idea, then say good bye, the trust has been broken and can not be repaired. If you have both talked about spicing things up and bringing someone else in the bedroom then thats something you have to think about happening more often, the possibility of someone sleeping around behind y our back doesnt give me the warm and fuzzy feeling that i want out of relationship....

i have cheated and been cheated on in the past.

i operate a zero tolerance in both zones now.

if you want to cheat and its a reacuring thing then it means, to me at least, i need to get out of the relationship.

if someone else does it, then wether they admit it or not they are probably having the same feelings. so i do them a favor.

tough but fair

Does "messing around" mean I walk in and catch my spouse having sex with another person? Or does it mean just necking-petting messing around?

I'd be apt to say "sayonara," but I'm not sure anyone can really say that for sure unless faced with that actual event. It would definitely be hard to re-establish trust after something like that. It'd also be very hard to throw the towel in on a long relationship, too. I really don't have a clue what I'd do. I'm glad I'm not faced with this situation!

I would never cheat on a girlfriend because it would hurt me a lot if they did it to me. I may be able to forgive them for it eventually but i would end the relationship immediately. If you're gonna cheat, break up with the person.

I cheated on my ex wife (gf of 2 months at the time) I didn't actually have sex with the girl, but we kissed on numerous ocassions when i was visiting a friend in Ontario. I confessed to her that i kissed another girl. I honestly thought that would be the end of the relationship, but it wasn't She gave me a second chance. Looking back it would have beeen easier of we just broke up at that point, cause I don't think she fully trusted me again after that moment. One of the reason why our marriage failed was that lack of trust between us. She said she forgave me for it, but she never forgot about it..So if I caught "the one" messin around I'd be torn in giving them a second chance, and saying to them to "get the F@ck out" Cause I wouldn't want to not to be able to fully trust that person again in the relationship. I'd proably go for option 2!

fuck it and run.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by potsmokingnome

I cheated on my ex wife (gf of 2 months at the time) I didn't actually have sex with the girl, but we kissed on numerous ocassions when i was visiting a friend in Ontario. I confessed to her that i kissed another girl. I honestly thought that would be the end of the relationship, but it wasn't She gave me a second chance. Looking back it would have beeen easier of we just broke up at that point, cause I don't think she fully trusted me again after that moment. One of the reason why our marriage failed was that lack of trust between us. She said she forgave me for it, but she never forgot about it..So if I caught "the one" messing around I'd be torn in giving them a second chance, and saying to them to "get the F@ck out" Cause I wouldn't want to not to be able to fully trust that person again in the relationship. I'd probably go for option 2!

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YES. I could forgive them yes but I would never be able to trust them again no matter how hard they tried to win me back. Just deep down, they really shouldn't have done that in the first place, if they're tempted once they'll be tempted again and I just couldn't deal with that..
My rule is if something goes sour in a relationship, I run without a warning and you won't hear from me.
I agree with birdgirl, it would be definitely harder to find someone else to reach such intimate level of trust again.