why am i single??

first off i am not a bad looking girl. i know i'm not a dime but i'm far from ugly and i look better than a lot of girls. i've seen some ugly ass girls with bfs so i dont think looks are a problem right?

i dress okay, i could probably work on that.

i'm shy but i open up once i feel more comfortable.

i'm really smart. i make great grades in school and i'm witty

i'm not flirty. it turns out that all these "subtle signals" i've been trying to give guys for years are only interpreted as being nice! so maybe that's it.

so do u think there is anything that could be preventing me from having a man? if i forgot anything please lemme know and be completely honest. idk what i'm doing wrong here!

If you want a man you can't wait for him to come and sweep you off your feet. Go to them. :thumbsup:

well i have really low self esteem also so i just assume the guys not into me before anything happens. so i cant do that. =/ its good advice though, but i really just cant.

Reason #1: Underestimating yourself! Smart + witty = can be a bit intimidating... maybe you're accidentally going for guys who are easily intimidated. The small fry do not want to date the big fish. So go for the BIG fish. The smart ones. You know, guys with a brain.

It's like this: Do not try to sell custom car parts at the farmers market.

Take what you have to offer to a place where the fellas are looking for it. Taking your goods to the club, where the mans are all after the hottie-of-of-the-week, isn't going to get a ton of bites of the sort you're probably after.

My neighbor (46 year old dude, quite the player back in the day) told me last time I was whining about not getting any play at the bars, "You make dumb boys feel dumber. You wanna date them, stop using big words. You want to keep acting like yourself, go hang out with guys who appreciate that. And for God's sake stop whining."

#2: Subtlety does not always work on men. Sometimes ya just gotta bonk em in the head to make them pay attention. Just for shits and giggles, next time you're out with just one girlfriend (won't necessarily work if you're out with the whole crew, can be intimidating), go hit up a restaurant bar. Not a club where it's like the meat market, but an after-work spot, like a sports bar and grill, where the professional dudes stop after work, and just straight up send some hottie a drink. Be bold. Oh- and a spot like that, see if you can't toss together an outfit that's both professional and feminine... like an interview suit, but the interview is for a boyfriend... :D
Have fun!

Here's a smart, single guy's opinion:

Subtle signs: Girls are 10 times better reading subtle signs than guys. Instead of trying so hard to give the right signs, just try to read signs off of guys so you know what he's thinking.
Confidence: If you know what the guy is thinking, it will give you a lot of confidence. I would only go after a girl who is confident. Just by being confident you will give the right signs too.
Dressing good: Matters a LOT. Someone who dresses good vs. average is the difference of a guy going over to you or just letting the opportunity pass. Plus, dressing good will boost your confidence, which is also good.

I'm a smart guy, if I find a girl who is as smart as me, and has confidence, and looks, there is no way I'm not gonna try to get that girl.
If the guy is not smart it could be opposite.
But what do you want, just any guy, or a smart guy?


And don't assume a guy is not into you.

This is how a guy's brain works, step by step: At every step a girl can be eliminated from a guy's mind. But if she passes the step, the girl stays on the guy's mind.
1: Sees a girl.
2: Checks her out. (Only looks matter at this stage. A lot of girls are gone by here)
3: Looks at if she's approachable (Best if she's alone, but 1 girl with her will work too if the guy is very confident)
4: Tries to start a conversation (If you are assuming the guy is into you at this point, you'll have a better chance of keeping his interest)
And if you think you don't know if the guy is interested or not, it's waaaay worse for the guy to know if the girl is really interested or not. If you are interested, and the guy is about to leave without asking for your number, the best thing you can do is write your number on a piece of paper and give it to him.

I agree with thclord, this is good advice.

Girls can pick up guys like nothing. We work for the girl, not the other way around.

i'm not flirty. it turns out that all these "subtle signals" i've been trying to give guys for years are only interpreted as being nice! so maybe that's it.

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id say thats most likely it. you dont have to be "flirty" to flirt. its actually better if your not cause wen u do they get the point.

only other thing i could think of but i dont no for sure caus ei dont no you but... confidence mabye?

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And don't assume a guy is not into you.

This is how a guy's brain works, step by step: At every step a girl can be eliminated from a guy's mind. But if she passes the step, the girl stays on the guy's mind.
1: Sees a girl.
2: Checks her out. (Only looks matter at this stage. A lot of girls are gone by here)
3: Looks at if she's approachable (Best if she's alone, but 1 girl with her will work too if the guy is very confident)
4: Tries to start a conversation (If you are assuming the guy is into you at this point, you'll have a better chance of keeping his interest)
And if you think you don't know if the guy is interested or not, it's waaaay worse for the guy to know if the girl is really interested or not. If you are interested, and the guy is about to leave without asking for your number, the best thing you can do is write your number on a piece of paper and give it to him.

and as a rule heres what most girls do if they are interested:

1) keeps eyes contact
2) smiling, laughing
3) move closer to you/ touch you on the arm or something

basically flirting...

subtle is very hard for men to pick up. be straight forward.

yea cause as a rule guys get right to the point so to speak.. we actually only know how to read some of the subtle signs girls make from practise lol! but to be honest we just dont get it most of the time.

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Originally Posted by blackbarbie

well i have really low self esteem also so i just assume the guys not into me before anything happens. so i cant do that. =/ its good advice though, but i really just cant.

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Horse doo-doo! Can't is for old people ;). You can do it, just be yourself. Chances are though if your "looking for someone" you won't find them simply because your looking for them. The person for you might be right in front of you and you dont see them cause your blinded by what you think you want..if that makes sense,.. its like "cant see the forrest for the trees", meaning your so distracted by something, you overlook the obvious. Being a man I will tell you this from my perspective and this is just how I operate. When I was looking for a woman (years back) the first thing obviously was looks. Lets not kid each other here, without a conversation and knowing the inner of that person, physical attraction is the first step. Secondly, if a man can't hold a decent intelligent convo, and is all looks, forget it cause chances are thats all you'll end up with. The two of you will need something in common, even though opposites attract, something the two of you can share together :jointsmile:. If you feel that you are shy and insecure with yourself, you have to "fix" you first, for lack of better words. Not saying fix whats wrong with you, what I am saying is make up for your insecurities in another way by excelling in other areas. Without knowing why the insecurity exists and knowing you personally, it's kind of hard to give you any real helpful advice here. Just curious, why do you feel insecure about yourself? What about yourself don't you like or are uncomfortable with? If your just shy, sometimes it helps to have a drink. Not saying get drunk, but a little alcohol tends to "loosen" you up a bit. My partners call it "liquid encouragement"..LOL. :thumbsup:And if you dont drink, then this buds for you!:jointsmile::thumbsup:Good luck in your endeavors!

Oh yeah, if you look like the Black Barbie below you are one fine lady..LOL..:thumbsup::thumbsup:

i dotn think having a drink is really the anwser it just a temporary "fix" for your insecurities. i used to be shy and quite at one point but that wasnt who i am. i got more confident over time and so will you.. haha now i hardly ever shut up!

usually when you're not looking for a relationship, it always seems to find you. you'll never know what hit you. sit back relax and enjoy the single life because after that... well you'll find out.

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Originally Posted by trynagethigh

Just curious, why do you feel insecure about yourself? What about yourself don't you like or are uncomfortable with?

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i've always been insecure ever since i was a kid idk why

Someone growing up insecure since a kid is usually due to bad parenting. This insecurity is put deep into your mind.

Fortunately it can be changed. Just do something every day for yourself. Taking good care of your body is a must.
Try to eat healthy, exercise, and occasionally give yourself a present.
By taking care of yourself you will create the mindset that you are valuable, and this will eventually replace the bad self image that was put into you as a child.

THClord is completely right, basically outlining my situation.

I see it as your big step in becoming a true man.

be confident and like crudemood said DONT LOOK FOR IT. i know its typical to say (i dont know how to spell klee-shay lol) but everything happens for a reason. you will meet a guy wen u least exspect it. my past 3 guys have all been from random nights where i was either at a wedding with only 20 ppl where i doubted any hot guys would be there, on a girls night at my apt wen my friend was on my balcony n realized that this guy she used to fuck lived across the street. thankfully i got him instead lol the time b4 that was wen i went to my gilrfriends house expecting it to be her and one other friend and i walk in and there are like 5 guys. ended up dating one of them for a yr and half on and off. i could keep goin with random times i met my men but i wont bore you.
just be confident and worry about yourself. someone who deserves you will find you.

its crazy how many ppl are out there and how one of them could be the guy you marry or something. im blazed dont mind me :stoned:

No offense, but please tell me your avatar isn't an actual picture of you.

^ No thats Jay from Americas Next Top Model, he's a really awsome gay guy

Im a decent looking guy, take care of myself and dress cheap but smart, I used to have simmilar problems so i feel for you,
The simple thing is, you need to get out of your comfort zone and take some emotional risks.

you have to go out on a limb a bit and be a bit more social.

This is really sad, but i read up on some internet site about dating tips, and the most important thing i learned was about confidence and approaching people.

Your insecure, so start small, ask random good looking strangers in the street if they know what time it is, then move along, and ask again.
If your out drinking and you see an interesting looking drink/food, go over to the table and ask what the drink/food is, tell the people that you are thinking of getting "what ever it is" and you are curious.

you will soon realise that people are hopelessly social, and are happy to talk to you when approached in the right way.

these small confidence builders will help you a lot.
you might get the odd funny look, but ignore it, and carry on....

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Originally Posted by babystarbud

get out of your comfort zone and take some emotional risks.

you have to go out on a limb a bit and be a bit more social.

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I'd think that, you going out on a limb may cause you to do something in the wrong direction to obtain the guy you're trying to court.

You want them to stick around for the person you are, and, not expect you to live life on the limb. But, maybe they will like the other side of you, too.

I'm a ball of confusion, so any emotional advice from me should be thrown away.

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Originally Posted by beachguy in thongs

advice from me should be thrown away.

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correct.

Im not talking about acting out of character, or making a spectacle of yourself, just making a bit more social effort than your used to.

and the important thing to realise, is that you cant possibly go in the wrong direction, your only asking simple questions to build social confidence.

Picture it from a different angle, your sat in a cafe, having a sandwich, and a strange (but very ugly) girl comes over and says "hey that looks nice, I want a sandwich, should I get one of those?"

what would you do?, you would, say:
"yeh, they are ok, get one, but i recomend the one with extra pickle(or whatever)"

end of conversation, unless its natural to continue it..

repeat asking strangers stuff wherever you go....


what Im sugesting is to practice lots of small coversations like this, and you will be suprised how much more confident you will become.

I never meant to not talk to anyone. Just don't ask them how the pickles are, if you don't like pickles.

Confidence is the word of the day.... be confident in yourself, be straight up, be direct and to the point. Guys don't want to mess around and waste time playing games.
Its not about looks either.... a big girl can be sexy as hell, a real thin girl can be a complete turn-off even if she was a centerfold. I don't figure to be the Ken doll(tho I do have all the accessories), nor am I Shrek...... I am just me.
You just need to be you, and add a little confidence. You gotta be happy with yourself and your situation. Get past being *ALONE* and become *AL-ONE*. 2 halves don't make a whole.... 2 that are "all-one" make a couple. :-)

Theres a guy for every girl but not a girl for every guy.

bullshit ^

Don't be so shy, put yourself out there more. Do not fear rejection, it's their loss, isn't it?

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Originally Posted by HerbalConfusion

Theres a guy for every girl but not a girl for every guy.

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Originally Posted by cannabis campbell

bullshit ^

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Interestingly enough, HerbalConfusion is right, except for 65 and older age-group.

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Sex ratio:

at birth: 1.07 male(s)/female
under 15 years: 1.064 male(s)/female
15-64 years: 1.024 male(s)/female
65 years and over: 0.781 male(s)/female
total population: 1.014 male(s)/female (2007 est.)

https://www.cia.gov/library/publicat...xx.html#People

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by blackbarbie

first off i am not a bad looking girl. i know i'm not a dime but i'm far from ugly and i look better than a lot of girls. i've seen some ugly ass girls with bfs so i dont think looks are a problem right?

i dress okay, i could probably work on that.

i'm shy but i open up once i feel more comfortable.

i'm really smart. i make great grades in school and i'm witty

i'm not flirty. it turns out that all these "subtle signals" i've been trying to give guys for years are only interpreted as being nice! so maybe that's it.

so do u think there is anything that could be preventing me from having a man? if i forgot anything please lemme know and be completely honest. idk what i'm doing wrong here!

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believe me girl, there's no use thinking like that. if I had a quarter for everytime i've seen a decent looking girl with an asshole, i'd be a rich man.

it's better just to try an make yourself the best person you can be. so you have something to offer that man, when he does come around. when is that?? no one knows but waiting for it is only making you more anxious.

dress in ways that bring out your confidance(sp?)
act and interact in ways that you feel comfortable.

and don't worry about your looks...
when that guy comes around, he'll notice all these things...

there's no point in rushing "love" or the sappy thought of it. that only leads to more "negative" relationships.

I agree you have to be confident! :) I'm the same way really I'm just starting to get confident in myself. Its not easy but what helps me is that. I Tell myself the only thing that matters is right now, not what happened 2 seconds ago, 2 minutes, 2 hours, or even 2 days ago, and so on...Ya got to live life for yourself before you can even think of living it with someone else :) How can you learn to love someone else if ya don't even love yourself? I'm not sayin you don't love yourself. but Black barbie focus on yourself and your low self esteem, I just think if you have more faith, and confidence in yourself you will have a better chance of meeting a good guy, not just some loser trash. Guys are atracted to confidence, at least the good ones are ;)

I hear ya... I've been single on and off a few times; each one of the guys I have dated are all very needy fixer-uppers who have confidence issues. I guess I attract them? After the first two, it wasn't so bad, but the last one was a dependent anti-pot (WHO NOW SMOKES POT AFTER I BROKE UP WITH HIM) momma's boy. I've remained really good friends with all of them, but it's still kind of crappy that I can't find That Guy, and when I find someone who I think might be That Guy, he's not interested.

Keep searching, I guess.

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Originally Posted by Purple Banana

I've remained really good friends with all of them, but it's still kind of crappy that I can't find That Guy, and when I find someone who I think might be That Guy, he's not interested.

Keep searching, I guess.

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I have long since been interested in purple bananas! I guess, we have never met.

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Originally Posted by Purple Banana

I hear ya... I've been single on and off a few times; each one of the guys I have dated are all very needy fixer-uppers who have confidence issues. I guess I attract them? After the first two, it wasn't so bad, but the last one was a dependent anti-pot (WHO NOW SMOKES POT AFTER I BROKE UP WITH HIM) momma's boy. I've remained really good friends with all of them, but it's still kind of crappy that I can't find That Guy, and when I find someone who I think might be That Guy, he's not interested.

Keep searching, I guess.

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Purp!

Your one very interestin chickie, and I manean that in the most postive way possible. Your very smart, and I'm sure one day you will find the guy who is right for you, that is intereseted in you for who you are! Which is a very cute, and intelligent woman :) Don't mind me I'm a little drunk and stoned right now lol :D :smokin::rasta::stoned:

Yea just another +1 on the subtle signs thing...we suck at picking up on it.

My friends current girlfriend is kinda the same way, was funny she was talking to us one night about all the subtle signals she was giving him that she wanted to date him and they were things like "I would shove him playfully" or "Id laugh at his jokes" to a guy thats just regular behavior...i mean i punch my best friends in the arm just for the hell of it sometimes.

edit: I will also say, dont try and force anything. Not that i think you will but please please dont, it only brings sadness and problems. Let it come to you.