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I've been smoking pretty regularly for a couple years now, and I've been dating this girl for a while. I recently told her i quit and only smoke occasionally now, she's really against it, and thinks it changes me and would ruin our relationship. When i used to smoke and we were dating i wouldn't talk to her because I'd be smoking with my buddies, i cant convince her that its ok, doesn't change me, and wouldn't effect our relationship. What should i do?
All you can do is tell her how you feel and see what happens. If she is still adamant about her disapproval, and you aren't willing to quit for her it may mean the end of your relationship. I hope things work out for you both.
id just tell her that it doesnt change you... and has she done it before...? if not id ask her how does she know it changes you?
if it comes down to it... its only pot right? if you really like her fuck pot! u just gotta decide whats more important.
actually ive had a similar experience.. when ive been with a girl that was really against pot. from the begining i was upfront about it. i told her that i smoke it ocassionally (every 2nd week or so and that i used to do it regularly) which is true... she didnt like it much but but she liked me enough that she could deal with it... however if i smoked up regularly i dont think she ever wudda put up with it.
I'm the opersite, I say fuck her! There are plenty more chicks who are at least a little open minded.Quote:
Originally Posted by Canadian_Cron
MY SOLUTION TO YOUR PROBLEM~
Get her to try it, then if she gets into it, slowly let her in to your buddies, and she how she acts and what they think of her. CUZ guys they are always right when it comes to girls like that. If they like her, then its like you can get to have the best of both worlds, knowing you will take her back to your place and make love then say bye and then do what you please. SEE you get to make her happy because you are spending time together, and you can still smoke pot with your buddies.
THEN END
I don't think it was a good idea lying in the first place.
You gotta be honest about yourself, and if she really likes you she'll accept you for who you are.
Definitely better to be honest about your habits. I was with someone who didn't smoke and it was a big issue.
I agree with thcbongman.:)
Personally I have to be with someone that at least tokes up now and then. Just my 2 cents..:cool:
1.First Mistake-You recently told her you quit....Never Lie to make yourself look better to someone you care about?Quote:
Originally Posted by matthiasj
2.Second mistake- You Are dating someone who HATES POT... PErsonally someone who smokes and a non-smoker is just asking for problems
So in my opinion its already shot...
But anyways try and tell her as nicely as you can "Dont knock it till you try it" ya know?
If that doesnt work get really pissed and get her angry then have makeup sex when you lie to her and tell her you will quit for her.
Or just dont follow any of the shitty advice I just posted.
Make it last as long as possible because it aint gonna last forever. Don't change yourself for ANYONE but YOU. Don't be pussy whipped. If you wanna smoke cannabis, then do it.
well i like her and i love pot. she's cool and would be cool with me smoking possibly if she thought it wouldn't make me not want to be with her (she thinks it makes me want to ignore her and not talk to her) no she has never smoked and says she'd rather pop pills than smoke a joint, she things its harmful to your health, and i know its illegal but you gotta be careful. i'm not really willing to quit, i dont see a problem with it, my goal is to get her to be cool with it.
well if you're smoking with your buddies instead of being with her I think that's a justifiable reason to not want you to do it...I've been through that so much...
you're going to have to quit smoking pot or break things off and get a girlfriend that smokes marijuana...which makes the most sense in the first place...if you smoke pot you're likely going to have a lot more in common with a woman who smokes...
but i really like her...i'm in a bad spot
maybe ask her if she would eat some brownies with you. if shes worried about smoking because its hard on your lungs and shit, just make some brownies and let her try one. then if she likes the feeling slowly start introducing her to smoking herself. but never lie to a girl, i got into big trouble doing that with a girl. told her i quit then got arrested for it.. but now after talking to her about it, being open when i do do it, she wants to do it with me now. just be patient and if shes worth it, be open wth her. the sooner you tell her the better.
i hate people with that mentality that smoking cigarettes till you have lung cancer, drinking alcohol till your kidneys fail,poppin pills till you o/d is all safe but you take one hit of weed and all of a sudden your worried about your health :wtf:Quote:
Originally Posted by matthiasj
well we're really really close, and we both really like each other. We're totally honest with each other, everything is great, we have a good relationship. When i was smoking with my buddies and not paying her much attention she didn't like it, but she liked me enough to stay with me.Quote:
Originally Posted by OLDE ENGLISH '800
What happened was i was running low on cash from smoking so much LOL so i decided to cut back on consumption. Ironically my 2 smoking buddies got arrested just a few days later, and if i wasnt with her when it happened, i would've been with them.
So i decided i would quit and get my shit together, well i quit for a few weeks, and i was miserable, i didnt have her to hang out with during the week, and i didnt have pot to smoke so i had nothing to look forward to. So i told her i quit because it wasnt worth getting in trouble, i wanted to save money, and i wanted to better our relationship. Everything went according to plan, and i've got my shit on track, but i still want to smoke here and there.
We made a deal that if i was staying clean that she wouldn't drink and party while at college, which she hasent. I havent kept my end of the deal up, but she doesnt know that. I really want to be with this girl, and i just wish she would be a little more open, she just takes everything she hears bad about cannabis and thinks its fact, even though i've showed here documents that said it wasnt bad and stuff. mainly she doesnt want our relationship hurting because of pot, but i'm beginning to think there is no way to convince her that it wont if we dont let it.
give it time, make a point of doing it infront of her as opposed to away from her so she can see for herself that its just one of many ways u can relax and she can be included in that. IE break down her prejudices and show her your not a smackhead.
Ugh that mentality is running rampid in my area. I had a guy acquiantance who was drunk one night and told me that I wasn't "girlfriend material" in his opinion all because of the fact that I smoke weed. This asshole is out every weekend drinking his liver to death and has the nerve to say I have a problem.Quote:
Originally Posted by OLDE ENGLISH '800
Well...when I am in a jam, and I think others are to blame, I remember this piece of biblical advice.
Remove the log from your own eye before removing the splinter from your neighbor's eye.
This amounts to: concentrate on your own actions. What should you change? How can you make your actions speak louder than your words? Is she more important to you than weed? Or not? Sometimes we fool ourselves into thinking we value one thing when really, our actions belie our intentions.
This is a tricky one. My girl don't like me smoking, and yes, she says it changes me too. The thing is, it's true. I'm a lazy, uncommunicative bastard. So my advise: Don't smoke around her, try and keep it to nights when you don't see her.
Keep em separate if she dosen't already toke, and she won't try it.
I was faced with the same problem three and half years ago, and I just came out and told her "Hey I smoke weed and I know you don't approve of it but if you really like me you wont give me any hell cuz this is who I am and this is what I like to do." She cried for about a day and got over it and now we are happily married and she is just as big of a pot head as I am. Now my wife would like to tell her side of the story so I am handing the keyboard over for a few minutes.
First off, he was drunk and high, and we were instant messaging each other on yahoo. I asked him what he had been doing all day and his reply was, " drinking and smoking." I totally flipped out on his ass and he told me that if I didn't like it then to break up with him. Needless to say I didn't and instead I tried it myself and have been smoking with him every since.
Quote:
Originally Posted by smartin.2006
that would be so awesome
I'm in a similar spot man. My girl and I are kinda on a don't ask/don't tell basis when it comes to pot. As long as I don't do it around her, everything is fine. If I had to, I'd give it up though. She means the world to me.
Yeah it is pretty awesome, the downside is that I have to buy twice as much weed now.
smartin 2006 ur wifes a G but grow ur own then u can get high as much as u want for CHEAP
Let me tell you a predicament I put my significant in, for 3 years I was anti-pothead but occasionally(once or twice a year) would enjoy a social joint with old friends of mine from highschool, recently I am very pro-pot and I think I have scared her quite a bit. I do not fit the profile of a pothead but the legal issue of it concerns her and due to her large amount of love for me she is worried for me
what can you say to that
not much, but every day I make progress and eventually I will break her in. She surprised me by saying when we have our own house I can have a boys den out back and do what I please, that seems fair
compromise compromise compromise! If she loves you enough, she will come around. Good luck.
puff puff pass keep that torch burnin!
robby
Simmilar story here, I'm not a steriotypical pot head and dont actually get stoned that often, but it has caused problems sometimes.
But she has always known I smoke, and I think its important not to hide it. I mean I dont normaly smoke in front of her at home, Ill go upstairs on the computer and have a smoke, and if we are round a friends house ill smoke a little bit if theres weed going around.
we have had minor arguments about it, but I just say look... its part of who I am, its not fair for you to put me down just beacuse you have an irrational problem with it, and its not as if its causing a problem in our relationship or in the way I go about my life...and if it did, then i would take steps....i dont smoke on a daily basis anyway, smetime not for weeks.
If it ever come down to it, she knows I would let her leave rather than be dictated to. I would never stop her from doing stuff that she wanted to do, and I expect the same respect, even if she dosent understand it.
The interesting thing, is that it goes beyond the "drug" issue, its about maintaining integrity, I have actually said, on a few occasions, that I will always smoke and thats the way it is. deal with it or go away.
(well I maybe said it a bit more diplomatic than that, but she gets the picture)
So my advice would be to stand up for yourself man, hiding what you do is only gonna come back to bite you in the ass...
but if you are smoking to the point where its affecting your ability to function properly (like your spending to much money on it)then thats a problem you need to deal with, like stop for a few months, get your shit together and dont make the same mistake again, take it easy in future
I definitely agree with this one.Quote:
Originally Posted by Reefer Rogue
Don't try to control one another.
That person is supposed to be your partner,
not your parent.
Okay I just have to add: if weed turns you into a big fat idiot, then maybe it's time to re-evaluate.
I am a little sick of people admitting that weed makes them turn into emotional retards around their significant others and I think that this probably indicates a need for introspection and personal growth, rather than a battle over a controversial herb.
It's only polite to ask permission from others before smoking. If they say they would prefer if you didn't, then respect it.
If you need to block two hours of alone time off to hang out with Mary Jane, then do so, but don't burden others with your inexcusable behavior if they don't want to be affected by it.
Sorry. I will step off my soapbox now. But some things in life need to take precedence over smoking.
very good advice, thanks manQuote:
Originally Posted by babystarbud
i agree it doesnt make me like that, the only reason i acted weird around here when i was smoking is because she hated it and it made me uncomfortable. I wish we could come to an agreement, i'm still trying to figure out what to do.Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSmokingMonkey
get a girl who smokes.
you'll get over this one, i know you really really like her, but you will really really love your new stoner girlfriend.
only problem is that there are no stoner girls in the area i live in, and if i end up moving away after college it'll be closer to my girlfriend and i wont be doing much looking for someone thenQuote:
Originally Posted by macro
Just as an FYI, sometimes couples can negotiate compromises, and sometimes you just have to agree to disagree and still work out a way to exist with each other and your differences.Quote:
Originally Posted by matthiasj
Here's her stance: She worries about the illegality of pot and the fact that when you're high you may act a little different. Those are legitimate worries. People do act and feel different when they're high. Actually, that's a big part of why they enjoy getting high. And the illegality? People very definitely get busted for grass. That's a valid concern. She also worries about its effects on your health and possibly hers, too. If she's not a smoker and doesn't like the stuff, she shouldn't have to get second-hand weed smoke if she doesn't want to.
Here's your stance: You fully intend to smoke anyway and hang with your buddies and do so. Sounds like you also fully intend to spend your spare money on weed. You're also willing to be dishonest with her about the facts and frequency of your smoking. So it's obviously very important to you. You also mentioned that you want to persuade her to come around on the topic, but all you can do is provide the information to persuade. She's the one who'll have to come around. And she may not. You can't change someone else. You can only influence her. She's the one who'll have to do the changing.
Lost of people have a whole lot of negative perceptions about weed. Some of those have valid foundations. Many don't. Education--a slow and gradual campaign of information and facts regarding cannabis--can make a difference. If I were your girl, though, nothing in the world would ever make me feel better about its illegality. No one who loves someone else wants to see him doing something that could risk him getting busted. If I ever found out about it, I also wouldn't feel very good about the fact that you lied to me.
She may not come around on this topic. If that's the case, you'll have to agree to disagree and find a way for you to smoke separately from her. Hope that won't be the case and that you two can reach a compromise that you're both comfortable with. Good luck! Keep us updated, OK?
just do what any real man would...lie your way out of it.
^^ That sounds more like what a little boy would do! A real man--at least a good one--will tell the truth, even if it causes him problems.Quote:
Originally Posted by JAKERM8
Try explaining to her what it feels like when you get stoned so you are sharing the experience with her as much as possible, then she wont feel so shut out. I speak as a non smoker married to a smoker so can totally sympathise with your gf. My husband doesnt often get stoned with his friends tho but when he did I hated it and we split up over it, eventually got back together and married when he started putting me first!
I've been married for 25 years to a woman who never smoked pot and thinks it is bad for my mind and heart (she is a nurse), but she can never tell if I smoked some since I keep my teeth clean and use mouthwash to keep my breath fresh. I have no problem with her, just so she never sees me smoking it, she never sees my water pipe, and she can never tell I just smoked some. Since she can't, we get along just fine. Sometimes she complains about my stash in the freezer, but it is not a problem.
My girfriend doesnt care that I smoke at all even though she doesnt. she also doesnt care that I grow and she has even turned off my lights for me a couple times when my timers broke...sorry, you should dump her she sounds like a prude. Also your still in high school once you go to college this girl will probably be out of the picture even if you do stay in town.
Budgrower....Surely your wife can tell you have smoked by your eyes?? I can ALWAYS tell cos my husbands eye swell and redden slightly and sometimes his speech is very slightly slurred, plus the smell of the hash is in his hair and clothes. :-)
Shyboots, that is what you would think but I guess I don't smoke enough to make my eyes red or get slurred speech. She has a strong sense of smell, but I swear she cannot tell I just smoked some. About once a month she can tell, but I smoke every day and she cannot tell, trust me. Just keep a clean mouth and use mouthwash, keep the smoke going out the window, and it is hard to tell someone just smoked.
Hell, I've been smoking it for 35 years and I can still skateboard down a hill carving S turns all the way to the bottom AFTER smoking heavy duty. I just went skateboarding last Friday right after smoking some heavy-hitting stuff.
Personally I would say "you are a controlling bitch, I choose the weed over you".