My profession is my curse...

Well I just wanted to share a little bit of my life with you all and to get some input.

I recently lost a girl that I thought that I loved because I was forced to choose between her and my profession. She does smoke but is not down with the fact that I am a grower and do it full time for a living.

We tried to make things work but it becme clear that what I do is not acceptable to her and she basically forced me to chose between her and my job.

Since there was little choice for me I had to choose my job. For now I really have no choice and even though I do not plan for doing this forever, I do plan on doing it for at least a year or until I get my shit together.

So I guess for now I need to find a girl that is down for a guy who is a pro grower. I am starting to see that what I do really isolates me from a lot of people and it has become tough for me.

Well enough whining....

I would just think that there would be more acceptance especially living in the east bay but...

Another question I have is if it is possible to meet girls from this forum?

Well your last question is the easiest- YES. It's not the purpose of the forum by a long stretch but I met a wonderful man here myself recently who circumstances no longer allow me to date, but we were quite happy for a time.

The rest, not so much.

First of all, THANK YOU for making this thread. It's something that I, approaching my 30th birthday with no boyfriend, just a 'fishing buddy with benefits', and no prospects, I've been really depressed lately. Like, REALLY depressed. I can't even bring a date back to my house until I practically run a background check on him.

I was thinking- in fact I was talking about this with whatsthatsmell- okay, imagine all the potential partners are there.

At my age the pool is ALREADY not so huge.
Then take all the losers, weirdos, head cases, and obvious jerks and forget about them.
Then ask, who smokes herb?
Who thinks it should be legal?
Who would like to live where it is grown?
And finally, who would like to join me in the risk I take to grow cannabis?

There's a couple people left I guess.... ?

You know what I mean? It's very isolating, very lonely. I don't know what to do.

So I just stay here in my house full of plants. Maybe if I'm lucky my fishing buddy will let me cook him dinner one or two nights a week. Maybe if I'm REALLY lucky I'll be out in the woods with a sack of compost over my shoulder one beautiful spring day and my knight in dirt bike armor will come along on his ATV with 40 gallons of diluted PureBlend Pro...

But I'm not holding my breath.

I can't give any advice that won't seem lame, but I'll try anyway. Age is just a number and worrying about some kind of clock ticking is just a waste of time or thinking about a dwindling population is just not true. There are actually more people at that age that know what they want in life than most twenty somethings and you so have more to offer than any divorced bimbo. You are a very cool chick. The best relationships happen when you're not looking for one. So just stop. And I'll bet within three months you're gaga in love. And dude, I know it hurts now, but you might have dodged a bullet. If she makes an ultimatum like that, if she had won, there would have been more coming. You guys are young and have your health. I know that sounds dumb and like an old cliche', but it's really true. Where were you guys 10 years ago? Totally different. I imagine. Growing cannibas is so much fun and like I was telling a friend, just sitting and looking at my plants is just soothing to my soul sometimes. I don't think I'll ever stop.

Stinky, the "fishing" (and a whole lot more) is much simpler in California (or anywhere on the west coast)! Think about it- I know I wouldn't mind having your for a neighbor! :D , but to be honest, there are better places in Cali, with more liberal attitudes, than my red-neck corner of the state. - Granny:hippy:

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Originally Posted by qdavid

I can't give any advice that won't seem lame, but I'll try anyway. Age is just a number and worrying about some kind of clock ticking is just a waste of time or thinking about a dwindling population is just not true. There are actually more people at that age that know what they want in life than most twenty somethings and you so have more to offer than any divorced bimbo. You are a very cool chick. The best relationships happen when you're not looking for one. So just stop. And I'll bet within three months you're gaga in love. And dude, I know it hurts now, but you might have dodged a bullet. If she makes an ultimatum like that, if she had won, there would have been more coming. You guys are young and have your health. I know that sounds dumb and like an old cliche', but it's really true. Where were you guys 10 years ago? Totally different. I imagine. Growing cannibas is so much fun and like I was telling a friend, just sitting and looking at my plants is just soothing to my soul sometimes. I don't think I'll ever stop.

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While I agree with most of what you wrote, the whole "divorced bimbo" thing threw me. What does one have to do with the other? I've been divorced 3 times, and I am definitely not a bimbo. Leaving those idjits was the smartest thing I ever did. ;)

Hey Stormcrow, why are you always trying to get everybody to move to Cali LOL?! You've got me convinced now. As soon as my oldest son graduates, (6 years) Papi and I are heading west. We're tired of the conservative midwest.

I never realized how daunting the dating scene could be for a grower. I'm so used to my friends and family being pro-cannabis that it never occurred to me.

Because it is good here! Even in this "arm-pit" of an area! Mendo and Humbolt are much nicer, but the kids here NEED me (I am a teacher's aide/tutor). So here I'll stay. The cops are "rather corrupt", so I still act like I'm illegal. One of these days, it will be better here, but until then, I'll just keep my head low. :cool:

OK- I have a legit medical problem relating to a head trauma, but I would be smoking pot no matter what. At 19, I found pot helped a lot with the migraines! But it is my experience that most of us have some problem that pot helps.

So why should other people suffer (pain or imprisonment) when moving would take care of their problem? I look at it like severe allergies. If you were severely allergic to a pollen found in your area, it would make sense to move! Same way with laws- I'm "allergic" to prohibitionist laws! Come to Cali, get "legal", and look at the Cali forum and dispensaries as "happy hunting grounds" for friends and lovers. - Granny:hippy:

Right on SC!

well if growing weed makes other aspects of your life that miserable or hard you should just quit and find a real job or get over it. Or good luck finding a chill girl dude.

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Originally Posted by Mrs. Greenjeans

While I agree with most of what you wrote, the whole "divorced bimbo" thing threw me. What does one have to do with the other? I've been divorced 3 times, and I am definitely not a bimbo. Leaving those idjits was the smartest thing I ever did. ;)

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No, no, no. I meant bimbos usually get divorced, not all divorce's are bimbos. Hell, I got divorced twice myself. Remarried the second one though. But then she died. Kinda sucked. Don't be so sensitive MG. Your a very cool chick too, in my book. Man, sometimes you're the windshield and sometimes you're the mosquito. Tonight I'm the mosquito. I think maybe I should just open mouth, insert foot. Or, just shut up.
I would move out to Cali Storm, but it's just a little hard for an old decrepit dude to move 3,000 miles. I had enough moving every 3 or 4 years for 20 years in the Air Force. Moving so much was the worst part of it. Other than having people tying to kill your ass.
Enough hijacking. Dude, you did the right thing. Happy growing.

Boy I tell you that is a big problem right there.

I have no doubt you can meet a nice babe. But you best seriously get to know her before you even think about telling her about your grow.

I do hope you realize that growing and relationships significantly raises serious issues. Like your freedom.

Any relationship can go to hell. People can be vengeful.

I hate to say it but it is safer to not involve anyone in a grow.

I would keep it a secret from anyone until you make dam sure you know them. I speak from experience here.

I do feel your pain. In a similar way I am in the same boat you are in. It definitely sucks. I have come to the conclusion that a relationship is just not in the cards for me.

It would be nice to meet someone on the forums here but... How do you know the person you are talking to is not DEA. Paranoid? Perhaps, hey I am a stoner who got burned bad by a girl I loved and trusted. I am entitled to be paranoid.

If you do not think you can be busted by something that goes on on the Internet you are wrong. With a phone call and filling out paper work anyone can make nice money by becoming an informer. Including someone you meet here.

Also people change, I am a lifetime smoker. Most people are not, they smoke for a while and then change. When they change they might not be willing to take the risk of growing anymore.

Wish you luck in finding your babe. I have not found mine yet, but I suppose I have the rest of my life to find her.

Yeah well I DO live in California....and I SERIOUSLY doubt I'd be running casual dates up to my 35 strains growing in the attic even so. You can still get arrested in CA and there are a LOT of cops who continue to look at marijuana as an illegal drug. I dont tell ANYBODY around here anything.....and I would certainly continue to keep it that way.

Hey wow thanks for all of the replies.

In a way it is good to know that i am not alone in my shitty plight. It is just one of those things where I don't have much of a choice since I am already well passed the point of no return.

It is sometimes amazing the choices one must make to live a life that we feel is, "acceptable". Not to mention getting out of a mountain of debt and not spending my life in a fucking floro lit box like one of my plants that I raise just to be slaughtered in the end.

I have tried and for a long time was able to live a somewhat normal life with good prospects but because of some unfortunate and dire circumstances I now find myself here with a bunch of plants in my house.

Growing has been a tough and stressful journey as I have been trying to master all of the elements of plant growth. I never assumed that it would be easy to do but I had no idea how hard it would be to get good yields while also having quality and potentcy that would be sufficient to impress anyone who knows their shit. Adding the emotional drain to the equation was unexpected and I find it to be the hardest thing to deal with yet.

No matter how good things get with my grows, it will never erase the fact that I am no longer a, "normal" person. A certain level of secrecy now must be maintained with everyone including my friends. My family of course knows nothing and now I have had to push them away too.

Losing my close friend though was the hardest. We are still friends I guess, but I find myself resenting her and hating myself at the same time. I now know that these kind of situations will become more and more common as time goes on and it really worries me a lot. Soon I will push her away too and back to square one I will go.

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Originally Posted by sublbc

Well I just wanted to share a little bit of my life with you all and to get some input.

I recently lost a girl that I thought that I loved because I was forced to choose between her and my profession. She does smoke but is not down with the fact that I am a grower and do it full time for a living.

We tried to make things work but it becme clear that what I do is not acceptable to her and she basically forced me to chose between her and my job.

Since there was little choice for me I had to choose my job. For now I really have no choice and even though I do not plan for doing this forever, I do plan on doing it for at least a year or until I get my shit together.

So I guess for now I need to find a girl that is down for a guy who is a pro grower. I am starting to see that what I do really isolates me from a lot of people and it has become tough for me.

Well enough whining....

I would just think that there would be more acceptance especially living in the east bay but...

Another question I have is if it is possible to meet girls from this forum?

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I hear ya! I'm basically in the same situation. A girl who wants to basically be on the losing side of things(minimum wage)and I'm just not feeling her. She knows that I've been studying(cannibus 101)for a grow and she's not supportive even though we've been together 5 years! All I can think of is that when she met me I had all the trappings of a crack dealer(home,cars,clothes,etc). But I wanted to make a positive change in my life so I ditched the poison(2002)and got into being a real estate investor considering she was a mortgage broker. Due to a bad market and poor business decisions(mostly on her part)we tanked horribly! Now I see a silver(green) lining and I feel totally solo! And besides, I'm tired of being a cannibus client. I have an expensive habit! But I've made my decision mentally! My first break I'm headed for the border of Liberation!

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Originally Posted by VoidLivesOn

well if growing weed makes other aspects of your life that miserable or hard you should just quit and find a real job or get over it. .

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This isn't- at least for me- about the money. I HAVE a 'real' job, and my real job supports my true passion, which is preserving cannabis genetics and making them available to other growers.
Hell, I was working THREE jobs last year, including one that is a benefitted management position, and taking care of my rental property, just to get by. I live in an ugly 2-family house in an economically depressed town and drive a car wiht a big ol' dent in the side.
This is by no means about being too lazy to work. I, too, refuse to take a 60k job- yes, I turned down a job that would have DOUBLED my salary about 18 months ago because it just didn't seem like it would have made me happy- just for financial security.
Growing pot makes me happy. It's never going to make me rich.
If it were orchids, it would not be a problem.
But it's not.

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Originally Posted by stinkyattic

This isn't- at least for me- about the money. I HAVE a 'real' job, and my real job supports my true passion, which is preserving cannabis genetics and making them available to other growers.
Hell, I was working THREE jobs last year, including one that is a benefitted management position, and taking care of my rental property, just to get by. I live in an ugly 2-family house in an economically depressed town and drive a car wiht a big ol' dent in the side.
This is by no means about being too lazy to work. I, too, refuse to take a 60k job- yes, I turned down a job that would have DOUBLED my salary about 18 months ago because it just didn't seem like it would have made me happy- just for financial security.
Growing pot makes me happy. It's never going to make me rich.
If it were orchids, it would not be a problem.
But it's not.

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I, too, share your passion for cannibus-the iconic peace sign. I just wish to be its ambassador! I've smoked for 8yrs now and I wish I would've smoked sooner. It kinda gives life an artful twist.

Stinky they are right that it is about choices. "If onlys" are a complete waste of time.
You need to be aware that you ALREADY take too many chances for your "passion" It's easy to say that if someone else would solve your problem you wouldn't have any. yeah...that would work for me too.....if only.

What if your passion were bank robbery? Or child molesting? Sure....and I'd love to have a bunch of extra dogs and horses stuffed in my house too....but you have to draw a line between such things and your daily life. To me....you didn't do that and now you are paying the price. But it IS all about choices.

You do NOT have to have 35 strains in your attic. You do NOT have to do things the way you choose to. There are a lot of compromises in life. You don't strike me as someone who likes to do that so yes.....you're stuck.

I have another friend.....VERY like you although older and much more outspoken about things who describes herself in terms of being "a four-colored poster" That's you....but you make the choice about WHICH color and just HOW loud that color is.

hell i would love to date someone who grows and there are tons fo girls out there like me. no worries man you'll find the right one when you least expect it

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Originally Posted by Weedhound

....in terms of being "a four-colored poster" That's you....but you make the choice about WHICH color and just HOW loud that color is.

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At this point it's just shades of grey.

Then you need to take off the gray-colored glasses because if there is ANYONE who is not shades of gray.....it's you.

Stinky I just took a look at a friend of yours profile pic.....foxysox. Now....how quiet is that?

Folks like you are never gray. But you can give the APPEARANCE of gray. That's what you want to aim for imo. Save the brighter colors for folks you know you can trust. ;)

I didn't come on here to wallow in self pity. I've fucked up something very dear to me. I'm not sure how it relates to the grow in the attic but it does. Maybe because it's convenient to have the plants as an excuse when you aren't capable of real relationships with humans...

I just read something else in your post. You said you turned down a high paying job.....perhaps that high paying job would have set you up financially so that you DID have a bunch of time to indulge in your passion.....perhaps in a pricey greenhouse somewhere.

It's all about choices......make them carefully.

Growing isn't a viable "profession / job" . :wtf4:
Would you want to get attached to someone w/ the distinct pos. of getting caught up in the middle of a pos. raid or even worse arrested along w/ them ? Listen long -n- hard to what Weedhound just said about choices .
Crispi :stoned:

Y'all are bumming me out. I'm gonna make like an ostrich, and persistently fantasize about a world in which nobody snitches, and people are free to make choices based on what their heart tells them.

/la la la I can't heeeaaar youuuuuuuu!:abduct:

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Originally Posted by Mrs. Greenjeans

Y'all are bumming me out. I'm gonna make like an ostrich, and persistently fantasize about a world in which nobody snitches, and people are free to make choices based on what their heart tells them.

/la la la I can't heeeaaar youuuuuuuu!:abduct:

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Amen, sister!

I just thought of one of the sweetest threads I've ever seen on the site...
http://boards.cannabis.com/grow-loun...vest-love.html

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Originally Posted by Storm Crow

Because it is good here! Even in this "arm-pit" of an area! Mendo and Humbolt are much nicer, but the kids here NEED me (I am a teacher's aide/tutor). So here I'll stay. The cops are "rather corrupt", so I still act like I'm illegal. One of these days, it will be better here, but until then, I'll just keep my head low. :cool:

OK- I have a legit medical problem relating to a head trauma, but I would be smoking pot no matter what. At 19, I found pot helped a lot with the migraines! But it is my experience that most of us have some problem that pot helps.

So why should other people suffer (pain or imprisonment) when moving would take care of their problem? I look at it like severe allergies. If you were severely allergic to a pollen found in your area, it would make sense to move! Same way with laws- I'm "allergic" to prohibitionist laws! Come to Cali, get "legal", and look at the Cali forum and dispensaries as "happy hunting grounds" for friends and lovers. - Granny:hippy:

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LOL In Japan people moved from territory to territory trying to escape to the least oppressive place. Funny that here in 2007 we in the USA do the same.

You know I was reading through this thread again and I was thinking...

It is really messed up! My profession has cost me many things. Relationships, friends, a normal life. And yet I know I will not change or compromise my lifestyle for any of these things. Wow that is fucked up. But I choose it.

I accept that I live in a shadow culture with incredible risks. Yet the lifestyle appeals to me. I have to believe there is someone for everyone...even for outlaws.

I have cut down on my risk factors. I do not do my "profession" at my house. I do not post anything about what I do in any targeted areas on the Internet. My normal friends do not even know that I smoke.

Yet I know if I ever do find someone special again that I need to tell them about it. I mean they have a right to know. I believe in honesty but have been burned before because of it. But if I tell them they might not like it.

Aarrggh! Why don't people come with instructions?

How can you know? You can't. You are dammed if you do and dammed if you don't.

Fortunately I am not looking for anything serious as far as relationships go right now. So I don't have to deal with it.

But one day I will have to face this again. I hope I choose wisely.

You find out in baby steps. You trust them with something small....then move up. That's pretty darn normal in my opinion......it's how I do it anyway.

As for how can you know? You don't get to. That's what it is ALLLLLL about. That's why relationships are risky. And take alot of work.

Sorry unknown, no easy answers and only one piece of advice. Study the hell out of your mistakes so you can learn from them. It's the one thing that will keep you from repeating the same error over and over.