The Police Report in my Town

this is the police report as it appears in my towns newspaper. i shit you not. it is the subject of much humor and discussion in these parts.



The log of Borough Police noted that two people who had left Mick's Diner without paying last week had been located and had settled their bills.

A landlord who came into the police station last Tuesday to complain about a tenant was referred to the District Court.

A Broad Street resident complained that a truck had brushed his parked van, doing minor damage, and had driven off without stopping.

There were at least three calls to arguments between neighbors on Penny Lane; in one, apparently involving a bicycle, the officer noted that he told the disputants to "Grow up and quit acting like children."

A Pearl Street resident called police Thursday to show police ashes on her swimming pool, apparently from trash burning at a nearby hardware store; the officer talked to the store owner.

A Turtlepoint woman reported that a Volney Avenue resident had been yelling at her to slow down when she drove by and had followed her and had placed boards on the street to slow traffic down, Police talked the man, who requested more patrols in the area after school.

There was also a complaint of frequent speeding on Arnold Avenue, and an officer observed using an electronic timing device observed traffic there Thursday evening without results; he noted that the speeding probably happened at a different time.

Friday, a Church Street resident reported a clown face painted on a garage.

Police opened locked cars three times during the week.

There was a complaint about an ATV on Pine Street Friday night, but it was gone when the officer arrived.

Friday a man reported he was beaten on Main Street, apparently by two women and another man; all three were charged.

An officer intervened in an argument between a male and a female on Main Street Friday night.

A man reported Saturday that barricades protecting a large hole apparently dug on Katherine Street by the Water department had been moved; he noted that he put them back.

Police picked up an AWOL soldier Saturday and held him until a National Guard officer came to get him.

A man showed police a chip in his car’s windshield Saturday and told them that he was turning it in to his insurance company.

Borough Police responded to a wreck on Route 155N Sunday because state police had no one available.

In a rather complicated incident Sunday a mother complained that her 10 year old son was harassed and chased by two other boys; the officer noted that there was some lying going on.

Police attempted to stop a van that was being driven erratically Sunday, but it fled down Arnold Avenue to Pine and Willow Streets, where the driver got out and attempted to run. He was charged with DUI, Attempting to Flee or Elude a Police Officer, Driving with a suspended License and some other offenses.

A man told police that he had sold a car to some people who were now driving it without registering and licensing it.

A man brought in an apparently stolen bike Sunday; the person he got it from had left town.

Thursday, someone complained that soccer players, apparently both male and female, were changing clothes near the road “in plain view.” The officer talked to the coaches.

A Church Street man reported to police Monday that a person entered his residence apparently intoxicated and went to sleep on his couch. He initially thought it was his son, he told police, but it turned out to be a “a past associate” of his son.

These are my personal favs:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by higher4hockey

There were at least three calls to arguments between neighbors on Penny Lane; in one, apparently involving a bicycle, the officer noted that he told the disputants to "Grow up and quit acting like children."

A man showed police a chip in his carâ??s windshield Saturday and told them that he was turning it in to his insurance company.

In a rather complicated incident Sunday a mother complained that her 10 year old son was harassed and chased by two other boys; the officer noted that there was some lying going on.

A man told police that he had sold a car to some people who were now driving it without registering and licensing it.

A man brought in an apparently stolen bike Sunday; the person he got it from had left town.

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This stuff is pretty ridiculous, thanks for sharing. :thumbsup: Small-town cops are usually pretty bored. My hometown's pretty small too, but we have a lot larger things going on... it's just covered up so that the community doesn't look bad.

And the officers never note when there is some lying going on. :S2:

lol...do you live in Mayberry dude?

And all the time-H4H was smoking a fat bowl in peace.

Wow, I'm just waiting for your town's paper to have a front-page article "Teens seen smoking marijuana in park. A community in crisis."

I wish my newspaper could turn their bland stupidity into something funny.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ganj

And all the time-H4H was smoking a fat bowl in peace.

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He doesn't smoke.

haha wow man thats funny stuff lol

no i do not live in mayberry. my town is somewhat unique in that we only have 1 cop car. we have a few coppers, but there is only one of them on duty at a time.

i'll post next weeks on here as well...its usually pretty good.

My area is just as bad/funny. Our town has been made fun of numerous times over Boston radio stations, and i think it's hilarious!

Here is a sample:

Monday, September 10
4:44 a.m. Septic pumping failure, Jennifer Dr.
5:33 a.m. Commercial alarm, Reservoir St.
6:14 a.m. Septic pump alarm still going off
11:52 a.m. Suspicious vehicle, Brattle St.
1:27 p.m. Vehicles parked on both sides of Kendall Rd.;
tagged
1:59 p.m. Report of construction crew blocking Highland St.;
ok, traffic able to get through
2:00 p.m. Strange noise from locker at high school; ok,
noisy pipe
2:16 p.m. Dead dog, Gale Dr.
2:30 p.m. Paving company reportedly blocking Highland St.;
ok, traffic is clear
4:51 p.m. 911 report of domestic in progress, Sterling Rd.
5:38 p.m. Parking tickets issued to cars in fire lanes, Mayo
School
6:52 p.m. Power out, Wood St.
6:57 p.m. Request to contact family member about
hospitalization
7:48 p.m. Pump station lights on, Wachusett St.
8:00 p.m. Juvenile Arrest
9:01 p.m. Electrical problem, Wood St.
9:34 p.m. Car flashed high beams at resident, Reservoir St.
Tuesday, September 11
12:30 a.m. W. Boylston requests fire check, Manning St.; ok,
orange glow is lights at horse farm
1:21 a.m. Open window at business, Zottoli Rd.
1:29 a.m. Vacuum on at business, Main St.
7:58 a.m. Disabled motor vehicle in bad location, Holden
St.; tow en route
8:51 a.m. Housekeeper having trouble with alarm system,
Otter Brook Dr.
9:04 a.m. Stray cat trapped on South Rd.
9:20 a.m. Bus disabled, Malden St.
10:20 a.m. Erratic operator heading into Rutland; Rutland
PD advised
10:25 a.m. Two-car accident, no injuries
12:12 p.m. Caller suspicious of truck that says "pool water"
on side; advised truck delivers water for pools
1:42 p.m. Motorcycle stolen from Paxton last night
2:21 p.m. Two-car motor vehicle accident, Main St.; no
injuries
3:42 p.m. Rutland caller regarding credit card fraud; advised
to call Rutland PD
4:23 p.m. Report of lost eyeglasses
5:34 p.m. Erratic operator reported
5:55 p.m. Assault reported, industrial Dr.
7:46 p.m. 911 abandoned call/domestic situation; all set at
this time
9:12 p.m. Truck lost load of shingles/shed, Shrewsbury St.
11:22 p.m. Auburn PD requests check on vehicle belonging
to Holden resident; vehicle in driveway
11:49 p.m. Trouble lights activated at Holden pool; all set

Quote:

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12:12 p.m. Caller suspicious of truck that says "pool water"

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haha wtf?

“Identity Theft” that apparently was unfounded. The log noted that “the papers were legal.”

A Lillibridge Creek man called Tuesday to say he had found a Bassett hound and would keep it until someone called for it.

A man reported that his black Lab was missing; it was apparently last seen near the Dollar General Store.

Friday, a Kromas Avenue resident found a dog and brought it in to the police station, where it was put in the kennel awaiting pickup by the SPCA.

Saturday, a Harrison Street resident reported she had found a “friendly pit bull,” and Monday a Hickory Street resident reported a red terrier running loose; police could not locate it. Two other dogs were reported lost and found.

Police followed up on an “erratic driver” report Wednesday and found a driver who said he was having trouble with the car’s front-end and had a appointment to get it fixed, He got a warning.

A purple bike that had been taken to the police station last week was picked up by its owner.

Police were called to a Railroad Avenue residence Wednesday for a report of a man hitting a woman; the log noted that he was sleeping and she had apparently slapped him to get him to wake up and help with the baby. He had responded by throwing his hand up and it hit her. Evidently no damage was done and no one wanted charges filed.

The patrol officer Wednesday night found the door of a truck at Kightlinger Motors open and the keys in it.

Thursday, a man reported his car had been run into in the Jubilee parking lot. Police found the other driver and got his insurance information.

Police were called to a dispute between divorced parents when one came to pick up a child from the other.

A Kromas Avenue woman who had been cited last week after neighbors complained of rats because she was storing garbage in a backyard shed was cited this week for illegal burning when neighbors complained that she was burning that garbage. Star Hose Company volunteers were called to put out the fire.

Police unlocked four vehicles, including a bus that had come to the high school to take some kids on a trip.

An officer stopped a car with a broken tail light and noted that “the car was a mess.” The driver reportedly said he had hit a deer.

State Police asked local police for help locating a woman who had unpaid fines; she apparently had moved to New York.

Police were called once for an “out-of-control juvenile” at a home and another time for a behavior problem at the Vo-Tech School, where a female pupil was refusing to go into in-school suspension, The log noted that was not a police matter.

A couple “arguing in Spanish” brought police to the public housing on Arnold Avenue Thursday; the argument ended when the officer arrived.

Higher, are you in the 'Boro or your hometown? ( i went to school at the 'Boro, btw ;)

Thats great! I thought my town was small ( They do turn off our 2 stoplights at 7 pm), but our police report is pretty busy. Fights, thefts, pot home invasions. As a matter of fact in one week we had 3 violent home invasions with people manicuring their grows. ( NorCal = a lot of pot around!)
Be careful out there, guys!! Even in small towns! Lock your doors when you manicure!

dude, we only have one cop car too...I should look and see what ours says...cause I'm sure it's not much different than yours...our population here was 800 in 2000 and expected to decline 11% by 2005...so...

A Church Street man reported to police Monday that a person entered his residence apparently intoxicated and went to sleep on his couch. He initially thought it was his son, he told police, but it turned out to be a â??a past associateâ?� of his son.
bahahahaha
his sons old mate walks into his house n goes to sleep
hahahahaha
what a red hot cunt