Freaking out on random people

I'm talking about times of guilt. Who knows what you're going through? Who knows what thoughts of guilt one is trying to escape at any given moment?

Lets take a common scenario for me into consideration. In this scene, I am sitting on the couch--thoughts are racing through my head and my guilt I cannot escape. There are other people in the room with me. These people are talking about situations where they have been robbed or stolen from. Now I'm thinking. "Oh god! I have robbed before! (exclamations included for dramatization)." Now I'm thinking about my crime specifically. Suddenly, I shout "I am guilty!!" "I stole that ounce." The strangers tilt their head in bewilderment. "What are you talking about?"

Apparently, I was out of line. I thought I was done for. I thought they knew everything about my case. How can someone's guilt be so overwhelming that it numbs the rest of their senses? Anyone in their right mind could tell the strangers were not discussing my crime in particular but something of a similar nature. However, similarities occur all the time, consequently I am frequently out-lashing on unsuspecting persons.

It is the moment of guilt, escalating to the point of irrational outbursts, that I am particularly interested in. Why does it become so intense that my only outlet is acting like an out-of-line prostitute, begging for mercy?

Oh, social world! Take pity on me and be merciful! For my individual ego is disconnected from the group dynamic. It is all about me! The setting, the people; it is all about me. This website and it's members...you thought it was a free web-community but actually it is means to learn about Cody, to torment Cody, to bring Cody facing the piper! Then I say to you all, my past actions are unjustifiable! They will not find contentment in moral justification or euphemistic labeling. I accept responsibility and consequences for my guilt. Now can I move on?

What is this mode that has found me? What tidbits of knowledge shall set me free? I think that overcoming this issue requires more than making amends. Some debts can be paid with money, others must be tended to with diligence in your bereavement through concentrating on what you can do in day-to-day for someone who you have done wrong. Is that what taking responsibility is all about? I'm not trying to squirm out of my guilt by saying others should be more forgiving either. I don't want to be at my father's mercy but I have wronged him greatly in the past, to the point where I think it's unwise to browse the kitchen for goods. When I try to rationalize these emotions, I come to the conclusion that I am merely weighing my options, I am searching for answers. Does this rationalization justify being unemployed and lazy? My answer to that is "I can't work if I'm apathetic about the idea!" That's what I think! However, I have obligations to my house and family. If they say I have until December to get a job or it is to the streets I go, then I shall respect that. After all, I owe them at least this much. I'm guilt-free and on the road to success! And I sound like an overweight dieter! Woohoo!

Just a little addition to the last paragraph. The sentence "When I try to rationalize these emotions, I come to the conclusion that I merely weighing my options, I am searching for answers."

The sentence should read:

When I try to rationalize these emotions, I come to the conclusion that I am merely weighing my options, I am searching for answers; biding my time.

Damn, man , you're getting deep. You sure you are NOT O.J. Simpson? J/K...

whoa irrational behaviour.. its some kind of insight on a psychos mind.. So ganj do you watch Dexter?

Maybe you have Asperger syndrome and dont know it..

And people just thought Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds was about LSD.... Ganj sounds like he or someone he knows has had a bunch of bad 'uns... LOL, Just kidding, Ganj.

Overlook me (most people do anyways), I'm full of shit as a Christmas turkey!

Wow man, that was some deep and complex shit.

that's crazy

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Originally Posted by Ganj

I'm talking about times of guilt. Who knows what you're going through?

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The guilty.

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Who knows what thoughts of guilt one is trying to escape at any given moment?

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The ones you're trying to please.

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"What are you talking about?"

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Say, when your grandmother asks you about your CD collection, you tell her the good stuff.

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Why does it become so intense that my only outlet is acting like an out-of-line prostitute, begging for mercy?

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You should be careful not to give your grandmother a heartache.

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Now can I move on?

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That'd be best. :stoned:

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What is this mode that has found me?

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Hopefully, it's just appreciation of nature.

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What tidbits of knowledge shall set me free?

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Start counting sheep.

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Is that what taking responsibility is all about?

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Sheep shall set you free. Follow the yellow brick road.

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Does this rationalization justify being unemployed and lazy?

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The harder you think, the harder it is to get a job.

I just need to pull my head out of my ass.

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Originally Posted by Ganj

I just need to pull my head out of my ass.

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I don't blame you. I can't imagine how horrible it would be to have to fart, in that case.

ROFLMAO....

Sorry guys, it's just that I don't take this as lightly as you all do. I wish I was high.

Awe c'mon Ganj, try and lighten up. It'll work out; things always do. They may not always go the way we want them to, but they work out, in one way or another.

Hang in there, fellow. I don't quite understand all of your post, especially about "this website", but just chill, man.

And I'm with you - I wish I was stoned, too!

Regardless of what anyone may think. EVERYONE wigs out at one point or another. Shit happens. I have found that examining ANYTHING for too long is de-generative. Life will go on. Put it on the back burner and focus on something else. That's really the only sane solution.

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Originally Posted by Mayack419

Regardless of what anyone may think. EVERYONE wigs out at one point or another. Shit happens. I have found that examining ANYTHING for too long is de-generative. Life will go on. Put it on the back burner and focus on something else. That's really the only sane solution.

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AMEN :thumbsup:

I know the feeling.


I feel it all the time.