God, what's wrong with me??
(Be prepared for a long rant...)
Well, it started on uhhh exactly June 26, 2006. Me and my only real serious girlfriend broke up after 10 months, my longest relationship. Not...hours after, she's already talking to two other guys.
At first...I was just extremely sad; up until about 4 months ago she refused to go away, she still called me when she wanted to talk or just when she was bored. I even told her, "Why do you fucking call me when you KNOW it just hurts me? Why don't you just leave me alone?!" Her response, "I don't know." My reply was, "Well, just fucking stop!" and I hung up on her. She called back the next day.
It kept on like this for about another 2 months before I just started being nothing but depressed around her and she finally said she couldn't take it anymore, that she "couldn't be my friend because I wasn't letting her" and refused to talk to ME anymore. That was 4 months ago.
I'm not sad anymore. I'm the type to hold grudges for a long time, and I already hate much more than I should. I just stopped being sad, and now I just am so fucking angry at women. I realized I've never had a single good relationship with any female in my life. I hate my mother, always hated her, she beat me when I was little, tried, and tries, to control every part of my life. Every girlfriend I've had has ALWAYS cheated on me. Every girl I know has cheated on their fucking boyfriend.
So, sadness has turned to anger and now when I'm around any girl I just get angry, so angry that I shake and my teeth chatter. I literally just get so full of rage. I know it's so wrong of me, but now I have this set view that EVERY girl is a slut, pardon my language. I just...I can't.stand.them. I'm not gay. Let me PLEASE say that, I'm not gay, I just can't stand women. I'm 19 years old, I've had sexual encounters before, I'm not some puppy eyed virgin, ya know? I've just realized that no relationship could ever be meaningful because NO ONE fucking takes them seriously anymore.
I can't even be around my female friends anymore because all I think about when I see them is all their stories about how they've cheated on their boyfriend, of which more than most of them have. My friend's girlfriends have all fucked them over, the ones that choose to keep them.
I HATE women, but I hate that I'm like this. I'm so fucked up in the head, and I know that, I KNOW that what I'm feeling is ignorant, stupid, and PATHETIC...but I can't change how I feel I don't think. Am I just one of those people that is going to be forced into monk hood because I can't deal with the real world?? I'm so LOST...sorry guys...
God, what's wrong with me??
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gothen
(Be prepared for a long rant...)
Well, it started on uhhh exactly June 26, 2006. Me and my only real serious girlfriend broke up after 10 months, my longest relationship. Not...hours after, she's already talking to two other guys.
At first...I was just extremely sad; up until about 4 months ago she refused to go away, she still called me when she wanted to talk or just when she was bored. I even told her, "Why do you fucking call me when you KNOW it just hurts me? Why don't you just leave me alone?!" Her response, "I don't know." My reply was, "Well, just fucking stop!" and I hung up on her. She called back the next day.
It kept on like this for about another 2 months before I just started being nothing but depressed around her and she finally said she couldn't take it anymore, that she "couldn't be my friend because I wasn't letting her" and refused to talk to ME anymore. That was 4 months ago.
I'm not sad anymore. I'm the type to hold grudges for a long time, and I already hate much more than I should. I just stopped being sad, and now I just am so fucking angry at women. I realized I've never had a single good relationship with any female in my life. I hate my mother, always hated her, she beat me when I was little, tried, and tries, to control every part of my life. Every girlfriend I've had has ALWAYS cheated on me. Every girl I know has cheated on their fucking boyfriend.
So, sadness has turned to anger and now when I'm around any girl I just get angry, so angry that I shake and my teeth chatter. I literally just get so full of rage. I know it's so wrong of me, but now I have this set view that EVERY girl is a slut, pardon my language. I just...I can't.stand.them. I'm not gay. Let me PLEASE say that, I'm not gay, I just can't stand women. I'm 19 years old, I've had sexual encounters before, I'm not some puppy eyed virgin, ya know? I've just realized that no relationship could ever be meaningful because NO ONE fucking takes them seriously anymore.
I can't even be around my female friends anymore because all I think about when I see them is all their stories about how they've cheated on their boyfriend, of which more than most of them have. My friend's girlfriends have all fucked them over, the ones that choose to keep them.
I HATE women, but I hate that I'm like this. I'm so fucked up in the head, and I know that, I KNOW that what I'm feeling is ignorant, stupid, and PATHETIC...but I can't change how I feel I don't think. Am I just one of those people that is going to be forced into monk hood because I can't deal with the real world?? I'm so LOST...sorry guys...
just becuase you've been in a few bad relationships doesn't make that true.... me and my wife had our prolbems, but we also got through it, and coming up to 4 years strong now... after our first 11 month dating went all to shit and we decided to try again.
i'm not really sure what to tell you dude, as long as you keep the mind frame every girl is a slut and just thinks of herself and will screw you the first chance she gets, well... that will happen.... i have to wonder what type of women you're going after if this is a common occurance....
i really hate to say it, but general speaking, if you're going after 'model' looking women, you're probably going to get burned, because all those exceptionally beautiful women think about is themselves and rarely consider anyone else's feelings....
(to anyone who thinks they fit that description, just ask yourself if that's you, if it is, accept it and move on, if it isn't realize i'm not talking about you...)
anyways back on track... i really do wonder if you're only going after those shallow beauty is everything caught up in material items women, or if you're actually giving those a chance who deserve the chance.... i'm not telling you to go for 'ugly women' all i'm saying is, if you judge just by loooks, and not personality, you're going to tend to get screwed in the end....
the fact that you said you've nev rhad a good relationship really makes me question who you're going after... there's only a minimal percent of the women you described in the world, and if everytime you end up with one, maybe it's not women that is the problem, maybe it's you. maybe you're just targeting the losers...
does any of that sound familiar to you? or 'fit' your situation?
another point, why did you make this post, when you wear this as your sig:
"Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have - life itself. And all the knowledge I possess everyone else can acquire, but my heart is all my own."
seems like it's time to pick your head up outta the mud and start working at putting things back together, including getting you a girl who actually cares.
God, what's wrong with me??
Make sure you know you can trust the girl before you enter a relationship, even so i'm sorry that you've been cheated on and abused in the past. Just take a break from women and focus on you rite now, i'd say that's more important.
God, what's wrong with me??
Think of your love life as a Banana Kush x NYC Diesel plant. Now, plants require sunlight (good times in life), rich soil (confidence in yourself, a sense of self-trust and reliance), but also we must not forget that plants require rainfall (bad times in life) in order to grow and mature into a healthy, happy kush plant with plenty of delta-9 THC. I suggest you take your own advice via your personal signature. Not a whole lot will happen if you continuously blame yourself (or others, for that matter) for any problems (rainfall) in your life. It happens.
God, what's wrong with me??
lol you must be young buddy, i am by no means trying to make your situation seem insignificant... but
we have all been there bro... don't worry eventually your penis will guide you back on track (not THE "track", for those who speak ghetto) yea, you ex was a cunt... so what...
dude i dated a chick who didn't exsist....
did you just read what i said? DIDN"T EXSIST... i saw this "girl" for about 6 months... i hung out with this chick AND her suposed twin sister(who was of course, the only real chick)... i just convieniantly never saw them together... and i know it sounds dumb, but she tricked everyone i knew, had an accent, a fucked up back story and everything... i could spend hours on here talking about all the fucked up mind games she played with me. And to this day if i see this bitch, she will still act like she has a sister... (btw my ex, used to work for her mom... so i only found this shit out, after i got my soul raped)
you sir, think YOU are jaded.... hahahahahahaha, why? Meet a cool chick, and move on... make an effort to experiment with all kinds of personalities. Just don't take anything to serious man, be happy for the good times, and respecting of the bad.
and her with dudes right after.... duh, most women have a reload in mind. you can't freak about female nature.... just like they can't freak over male nature. we both suck
God, what's wrong with me??
Jesus, you sound like me...kind of annoying, actually. Have you ever heard the phrase, "desperate times call for desperate measures?" Well, this is one of those times. It is time for you to quit lamenting your loss. You see, we're the type to realize our faults only to let them fester deeply, gathering negative energy. You got to take some responsibility for your troubles. Do you know that what you do in the present moment dictates what you'll do in the future? And that your present state is directly influenced by past actions? Take some decisive action! And I mean decisive! It's all up to you.
God, what's wrong with me??
when you talk like that about gil you just make me think about that Oedipe guy i know :( :wtf:
God, what's wrong with me??
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gothen
Me and my only real serious girlfriend broke up after 10 months, my longest relationship. Not...hours after, she's already talking to two other guys.
Maybe, I'm way off track, but, you can start thinking of this as, "Your only real serious girlfriend and you." Put her first, maybe, that's what you weren't doing.
God, what's wrong with me??
I know that this is all because of me, I know its all my fault. Thats why I was asking, "Whats wrong with me??" I know that I'm just some sorry piece of shit that really is probably just whining when I should be fighting, but I'm just so sick and tired of trying to make relationships work. You guys gave a lot of good advice, one thing I want to address is that sig is me from...a different time, about 3 years ago when I first signed up for cannabis.com I was this extremely happy, positive person who knew that my outlook was the only thing wrong with me, so I changed it into that sig. That was my outlook on life for about 2 years.
And...to answer some questions, I'm not some shallow dick, ya know? I've been with, what my friends referred to as, ugly chicks before. I've also been with, what my referred to as, EXTREMELY hot chicks. Thinking back on it, yeah, the "hot" ones always fucked me over with cheating. And, now thinking back on it, the chicks that my friends considered ugly never fucked me over. I guess...I always fucked them over. I've never cheated on a single person, EVER, but I did break it off with them after just a few months or or even weeks whatever. But, I'm not shallow. If I find a person attractive, then I find them attractive and I don't really give a shit who knows or what they think of it. I'm not that kind of person to easily give a shit what people think. I just...need some help.
I just don't want to feel like this anymore, like its their fault and not mine, when I know it. I just want to be a normal person that can look at a female and just take her at face value, not have predispositions as to how much of a slut she "really" is.
Sex is nature and I guess what I'm really saying is, I'm so sick and tired of sex, and women, and the entire relationship thing. Now when my friends talk about "banging some chick" I just get so pissed off at them, and I end up having to leave. I think...I guess, I'm just one of those that should live in a monastery.
Let me clarify, I know its me. I know that the only problem in my life is, probably, myself. I know that, I'm just so sick of feeling the way I do. And yeah, I may be young at the tender age of 19 but that doesn't mean I'm ignorant. Just, shitty towards the world.
God, what's wrong with me??
Spending some time observing animals, in nature, may refresh your outlook.
And, "probably just whining" is better than fighting.
God, what's wrong with me??
janis joplin expressed to me last night what i need in her song, "tell your mama." she says, "if you're a young cat, probably around seventeen years old and you start getting these thoughts and you don't know where they came from...i'll tell what you need. you need a sweet-talkin' mama, you need a sweet-lovin' mama." and she's right. you don't need a dead-end relationship like the ones you had. you need someone to need you, someone to want you, someone to talk to you. you're talking about running away to do some soul-searching because you want to find your life but it's right in front of you, man. you just aren't looking in the right places. i tell ya. if i had a sweet-lovin' mama, i wouldn't need to do any soul-searching because i'd have all i need and want in someone whose patient with me. we all overlook those things that are best for us because of the simple reason that we're not sure what is best for us but when you know, man...it'll be there waiting for you.
God, what's wrong with me??
you remind me alot of myself when i was a young kid. yea man, women will test you in one way or another. as far as you guys trying to be friends, that never works out unless you are both on the same page. there is good stress (intense fatuation) and bad stress. but either way, they are both stress. i think you might be a little too emotionally attached to the situation, ive been there. NOT HER, but the situation. girls just wanna have fun bro. im sure people have told you this but there are alot of really cool girls out there. you just have to have a positive mindset. seriously. every thought has its own frequency range, like frequencies attract. so basiclly if you think bad thoughts or are worried about bad things happening, that is what you are subconciously seeking out.
now, after you guys broke up you could have had things to your advantage if you had handled it real nonchalant. use words like 'move on' 'the best thing for the both of us.' even if you love her and it hurts more than anything. that makes it so you are in control of the situation. and if you can control a situation to where you are pacing things right and being the moderator, the other one will usually want more or realize how cool you are and want to be friends.
build up your own self dude, lift weights, swim, go for a hike. hang around with like minded individuals who like to have a good time. because i can tell you right now, its not worth it. even if it is right now. even if you love her. nothing like is worth the stars and the moon and most of all, your well being. your balance, your chi and good karma. oh yeah and try not to hate the game of anyone else, thats life man.
when i was in the same situation/high school relationship (2years) i didnt realize how absolutely unhealthy it was and damaging to my spiritual well being. you have a warm light inside of you that is waiting to be turned on. maybe by a friend, aqauntainence, etc. but just dont forget to take pride in yourself, you are the key to your heart YOU and no one else. a
well that was pretty long but i hope i helped you out a little bit!
LATE
God, what's wrong with me??
You're what, 19? Why are you looking for a serious, committed relationship? Go out to some clubs or parties, meet some girls and don't think long term. Just look for people that interest you. The reason why relationships don't tend to work for you probably has to do with the fact that you expect too much from other teenagers in terms of commitment.
Just a word of advice; this is not the time of your life to tie yourself down. Keep everything light and fun and don't think in terms longer than a year...hell, there aint nothing with a few one night stands every now and then.
There's a time in life when you start searching for a soulmate...this isn't it. Just chill out and have fun...thats what youths all about...the angst shit isn't mandatory
