Hard choice.. need advice

Havnt been here for a while, and didnt make a good impression either, but you know people change...
Now this is my story and even the magical power of ganja failed to help me.

I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years now, but this year, she had to go to another city to study fashion. We decided to have a long distance relationship, and she would come back up for the holidays, which happened every 8 weeks.
She is angelic. beautiful. but also, kind, caring, smart and I love her so much.
But last week, when she came back up, she confessed to me that she cheated on me with a 33 year old brazillian dude, who, she told me, forced himself on her as she worked with him. If thats bad enough... they had sex SEVEN times. Seven. i was devastated, beyond tears, beyond speech. She cried her eyes out in front of me, saying that she's so depressed down there she only has one friend and she doesnt fit in at all, and she was vulnerable and alone and her parents wont support her as much as she wants.
Now, I have no idea what to do. She also told her best friend, and her best friend tried to convince me that she's not a whore, she was just vulnerable and that guy obviously took advantage of it. But how the fuck am i supposed to deal with this? I really love her, but i just dont know any more.

If anyone has a suggestion, please let me know, this took a long time to sink in, and none of my friends know what I should do.
Peace guys,
Keep the green fairies alive

Talk about a hard choice.

You don't have sex with someone SEVEN times and then just simply.....regret it.
she decided to have sex with him.
you should decide to end it with her....she's big enough to move, live by herself, cheat on you....seven times... then she can handle not having a boyfriend..
it's not like she valued you.


and you... would have to deal with the heartbreak for a couple months.... sulk.....smoke.....drink.....sleep......cry.....li sten to love songs and cry some more...

but after a really long time, it'll be the last thing on you mind....i garuntee it.

Not only that, but she had sex seven times in eight weeks. Dump her.

But even her best friend said that it was COMPLETELY out of character. her best friend was "hit by a bus" with this info.

Where's the "good things happen to good people" when you need it

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Originally Posted by timespaceandme

Where's the "good things happen to good people" when you need it

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fuck if I know. She is most likely feeling vulnerable, and the guy most likely did take advantage of that, but she made that choice. He didn't rape her, she was lonely and needed to feel needed. I don't have an idea what you should do. Sorry man ... but hey dont let it make you feel bad about yourself or anything, it's not like she did it because she doesn't like you or because she wanted to hurt it. She did it because she was being selfish. Just keep in mind that you are the same great person with or with out her, you don't need the validation of having a girlfriend to feel good about yourself. So keep bussy and keep it off your mind.

I understand how it could happen, especially if she didnt know anyone. Once I could maybe deal with, but I hate cheating, I never have and if someone cheated on me, I don't know if I could handle it.

But anyway, it sounds like your still young, 20ish from what I'm guessing. So, I think you should find your self a new girl, I've never found long distance relationships to work.

I hope everything works out the for the best! I'll smoke a bowl for your good luck!

Be a fuckin man and have some self respect. Its just a cop out. Move on.

I know its harsh, but I've had an ex gf cheat on me and give me that same bullshit excuse. Its crap.

i think ive had it worse the girl who i was supposed to be with when i get back to were i live is having sex with her ex and she says she loves me and now we dont talk

decide soon whether you're leaving her, or staying with her

if you stay with her,
FORGET ABOUT THOSE 8 WEEKS

She didn't have to tell you, you know. She could have kept her mouth shut and you never would have known. But she wanted to be honest with you and decided to tell you she screwed up. That took guts. Most gals wouldn't have said a thing.

The dude was charming and exotic. He is also from a country that is steeped in machismo and male dominance. So she may be telling the truth about the forced sex. He would apologize, sweet talk her ("you are so beautiful that I couldn't help myself") and then seduce her. He's 33 and he just wanted some young tail. He likely has another gal by now (also young and naive)- guys like that just go from gal to gal. Sadly, women are culturally conditioned to respond to this type of BS. It takes a few weeks for reality to set in and realize what an a-hole this type of guy is. Most of them drop him like a hot potato (like your gal did). A few get caught up in the "romance" and become victims.

Your GF realizes that what she had (you) is far better than a 33 year old with a taste for young college girls. The bad news is that she cheated with an older promiscuous man (maybe she should get checked for STDs?). The good news is she chose you over him and chose to be honest.

You are going to have to weigh those few hours she spent in bed with him against her honesty, your love for her, and her love for you. Which will hurt more? Staying with her and forgiving? Or, leaving her and moving on? Only you can answer those questions. I'd advise rolling a fat one and going out to some quiet, secluded spot and do some heavy thinking. Peace - Granny:hippy:

Granny makes a good point, but I seriously can't see how if someone "loves" you, how they can go off and have sex with someone else. I would honestly either totally dump her, or maybe take a break and see if she really loves you. I feel your pain man, hang in there. Also like miss high times said, your girlfriend doesn't make you who you are.:thumbsup:

There is no sugar coating what happen,,,she opened her legs for someone else... if you were married and had kids this wood be a tough decision... She is searching for someone better than you and she hasn't found it yet...

She didn't have to tell you, as someone else has said! But you know her better than us. I'd want a serious chat about the relationship, then I'd decide whether the action I'd be thinking was correct. It's likely I'd put her ass out on the kerb... But there could be some genuine reason *cough* like mind control that was responsible. It's up to you and your missus to figure out where you are heading.. Good luck puppy

I think you two definately need some time apart. Then during that time you can think about if you miss her or not, she can do the same thing and maybe not have sex this time.. I believe if two people really love each other they're willing to work things out and it will work out. As for second chances well, I usually do give those but after the second chance, I'm done.. I don't believe in making this kind of 'mistake' twice.

dude If I were you I wouldnt look her in the eyes and Id escourt her ass to the door probly with a kick in the ass. Dogs are dogs and If she really loved you she would of just used her fingers.

Shit happens, and she's sorry.

Try and find it in your heart to forgive her. She sounds like a catch.

You guys are all talking shit, but you don't know her...it's very easy to flex your muscles and say she'd be out on her ass, but she sounds amazing. There are too few of those.

Dude take it from me I've been in relationships like this before. 1. she is probably feeling a little vulnerable if that guy was able to take advantage of her seven times in eight weeks. 2. She is probably "VERY" insecure if she has to make herself feel better by being with other guy/s on top of being with you. And regardless of what her "BFF" thinks... she is not that girl and is not inside her head to tell you exactly what she is thinking or feeling. I'll put it to you this way...

You can spend a long time getting hurt in small doses... crying... feeling sorry for yourself... having anxiety that she will do it again... and allow her to say oops I am sorry for having sex seven times with a foreign guy. Or.... you can break it off, have an immediate feeling of pain... and then have a recovery time where you chill with your friends and smoke some J. Honestly man I'd take the second choice and start feeling happy again man. Just ask yourself when was the last time I really felt good about the whole thing and then figure out what it is that will make you happy. Good luck bud.

dude..you have to dump her
this shit happened to me too a while ago my girl cheated on me I know the feeling your talking about bro its horrible i feel your pain, but believe me your relationships just gonna keep gettin worse and worse if she knows she can get away with a lot with you. I still regret not dumping mine

Of course he best friend is going to defend her. If you don't like being the other guy (I'm assuming that's the case) then dump her. If she did it once you could maybe get over it and move on. But at seven times she's likely to do it again. Ando yeah it's gonna suck to dump her. But it's going to be easier now then later. Every day it's going to just get harder because you'll just get deeper and deeper into the relationship which means that each day that passes will be the best day to do it. And if its hard now think how hard it'll be later.

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Originally Posted by crudemood

I think you two definately need some time apart. Then during that time you can think about if you miss her or not, she can do the same thing and maybe not have sex this time.. I believe if two people really love each other they're willing to work things out and it will work out. As for second chances well, I usually do give those but after the second chance, I'm done.. I don't believe in making this kind of 'mistake' twice.

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i just came out of a three year relationship, verbal abusive, very toxic for both of us. sometimes physical, just out of pure anger for each other. We had this love hate relationship, it wasn't always like this until i found out she WAS cheating on me for along time.... i tried to forgive and forget... but i just couldn't.. i was so guilty in my own ways of lying to her i just couldn't give it up... i said we need time apart and thats what were doing like a couple years if were ment to be with each other we will be together again...


I say you need to think about what you want, what you need. if you think theirs no other options. 7 times is way excessive. thats more then he just seduced me. thats a defiant willing partner. Remember you need to take care of your heart most of all, your not the one who fucked up, so dont blame yourself for her mistakes, she is pulling a game for you to forgive her.. But if you really think she deserves another chance then do it dude.. don't give up on true love.. its hard to find..

Yup..........................
She's gone.................

but hey,
where have you been?
If you go I will surely die,

We're chained..... etc etc


Well, time to go eeeeeeeeeeeeeemmmmmmmmmooooooo......

nah just kidding, smoka that sweet green herb for life
Thanks for ur replies everyone, obviously im not the only one this happened to and to anyone who hasnt had one of those yet, i hope it wont happen to you... ummm, yeah a bit lost but whatever

Pa-ya-ya

Quote:

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Originally Posted by timespaceandme

Yup..........................
She's gone.................

but hey,
where have you been?
If you go I will surely die,

We're chained..... etc etc


Well, time to go eeeeeeeeeeeeeemmmmmmmmmooooooo......

nah just kidding, smoka that sweet green herb for life
Thanks for ur replies everyone, obviously im not the only one this happened to and to anyone who hasnt had one of those yet, i hope it wont happen to you... ummm, yeah a bit lost but whatever

Pa-ya-ya

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Ive always told myself and my girlfriends that the only thing I will never ever tolerate is cheating. And Ive stuck by it. My last girl of almost 4 years ended up cheating on me about 4 months ago. Shes gone now and Im the happier for it. I dont know you or your girl, or even the relationship yall had but a long distance relationship at a young age is such a waste anyways. Its all for the better.. now you can go out and enjoy life, meet new people, hook up if you want, or whatever. The balls in your court now. She will be alright, dont worry about her. In fact, I would just put her out of your mind for a while. Go have fun man. Hang out with your friends and everytime you think or talk about her, give yourself a mental (or physical if you want) slap in the face. Stay in the moment and just make yourself enjoy the here and now. Everything else will fall into place if you just trust yourself and what you are doing at all times. Also, learn how to listen to your gut instinct and never doubt it.

Ok end advice rant lol.

if she cheated on you, she doesnt care about you enough to say the word "no" to that brazilian guy. If she really cared about you, she wouldnt have done it. period. the end.