We are taught from a very young age that we're nobody until we find ourselves; that if we don't live up to certain expectations, we "won't amount to anything". How many times as a child were you asked about what you wanted to be when you grew up? Not what you wanted to do -- what you wanted to be. There is so much emphasis put on what we will become in the future that we often overlook what's already there. Then, when we finally notice that something has been overlooked, we find we can't put our finger on just what it is that we missed and as a result we get very confused about who we are.
Thus we're tricked into thinking there is some void, and we're encouraged from all sides to search for a purpose that will fill that void. This culminates during adolescence and young adulthood -- at that great time in life when we're expected to go out and discover what we were taught to assume is missing: to take our place in the world, to fill our niche, to play our role, to find our destiny.
Is it any coincidence that adolescence is notorious for being a time of great strife, confusion and depression? All these roles that we fill in society: the student, scientist, waiter, plumber, husband, wife, et cetera.. are these who we really are? Don't we shed one mask just to don another? And what about those who are unable to find a niche to fill? Those who can't seem to figure out exactly where they were meant to be? Do they deserve derision or chastisement (whether from themselves or others) because they can't 'find their place'? What's more, if finding our role in society doesn't equate to 'finding ourselves', then what does?
The answer, depending on how you look at it, can be exceedingly simple or incredibly elusive and enigmatic. The long and short of it is, you can't put a name on your true self; nor can you define it with mental images and concepts. The moment you do, you are looking at the symbols and concepts instead of who you really are. It is as impossible to define your true self as it is to lift yourself up by your own bootstraps; or to bite your own teeth, as Alan Watts put it. The more you try to grasp it, the more it slips through your fingers.
This goes against everything we're taught in Western society because everything that's considered to be important tends to be named, categorized and defined. Those things which can't be defined or that we don't bother to define are usually deemed relatively unimportant and often payed very little attention (if any at all). It also can be very disconcerting to realize that your true identity eludes definition, because if you can't know who you are then what ground do you have to stand on? The only way to get past this problem is to break through another definition: what it means to know yourself.
If you hold the standard of self-knowledge to a definition you set yourself up for failure, because you will never find a definition that truly fits; at best, you will only be confining yourself within the limits of that definition. Knowing yourself -- truly knowing yourself -- is a process that can only come about with openness and trust. It seems like a bit of a catch 22, doesn't it? How can you trust yourself if you don't know yourself to begin with? But consider this: if you can't trust yourself, then how can you even trust your mistrust of yourself?
You see, trust is the key, and a cornerstone of all knowledge. Not trust that what you know is right, but trust that truth will always remain the truth no matter what your perceptions of it may be or what definitions you try to give it. This is why the truth will set you free; because the truth itself is free from any confines that we could ever try to impose on it.
Likewise, our perception of the truth (including the truth of who we are) doesn't have to be restricted by the confines of definitions, ideals or symbols, if we don't want it to.
That, my friends, is the beauty of choice...
