Guys Without Fathers Thread

I grew up never knowing my father. I tried to contact him when I was about 14 but he didn't want anything to do with me. I was devastated at the time and for many years after that, I held onto anger and depression for a long time. I could never understand how someone could completely disregard his own son. Eventually I decided to forgive him, for my own well being. I know what it is like growing up without a dad, though my mom was nice enough to introduce some alcoholic male role models into my life. Growing up I learned early to use the energy and emotion of my circumstance to produce positive results rather than negative, this was probably the single most important decision in my life. That being said, I offer up this thread to anyone who would like to share their feelings, experiences, questions etc... on the topic.

Stop the cycle.
Lead by example.

man... i dont have it as bad as most people i know... my old man walked out when i was 5 or 6 and didnt see me for about 6 months... then he became a weekend dad were he only spent time with me one weekend a month...

then he finaly gets me to move in with him... and around 6 months later kicks me out... and dosent even aknoedge that i exsit until 2 days befor i got arrested he said hi to me...

then after being arrested... i seen him more while i was locked up then i had seen him on the outs in the past six months... and right now, i think hes just doing it to so that he can find some way to get CPS to remove me from my moms....

basicaly life sucks... you know when i was 13 or 14, i thought it would be cooler to live with him...but then i found out he was trying to geet me to move in so he didnt have to pay child saport and if anything he would get child saport in his pocket... im not really sure how i dealt with it... all i know... is i dont have the highest respect for women because i was raised with out a dad to teach me right from wrong... i run the streets bebause he kicked my out...and im not all the smart because of his drug useage when i was still a infant and new born baby

personally, if i was to take anyone's life, it would be his... and i wouldn't try to cover it up either... i'd be fucking proud i wiped such a pathetic assholes's existance off the face of the earth....

http://boards.cannabis.com/cannabis-...-my-chest.html a bit of history.. if you wanna really see deeper...

i guess i'll start at the begining.. (you did afterall, say this is for those who wanna share and i got nothing better to do)

my mom and dad got together when she was like 14ish and he was atleast 20... i was born when my mom was 15. neither were ready for the responsibile, i am literally an 'accident'. skp forward awhile (6 months or so?) my mom and dad are goign out partying all the time... my grandma was always taking care of me... eventually, they learned i was basicly my grandma's kyrptonite.. they didn't want me to begin with, and they sure didn't want me now... they used me for leverage.. any time they wanted something and my grandma said no, they threatened to take me away.... skip forward father... maybe a year? my grandma got custody...

neither were in my life for years after that... no phone call, no cards, no letters.. no nothing. then, they shwoed up oneday and wanted to take me to austin with them for the summer... (by this point they had both my brothers, one a year after i was born, the other, was less than 1..) my dad treated me like shit while i was there.. i was young but i remember.... i wanted to go to the carnival and of course being less then 5 i threw a fit when id idn't get my way... i don't remember if he beat me, but i remember hte anger... he was in a rage... my next memory is going to the pool... i had to take a shit and he told me if we had to go home, we wouldn't come back. i didn't want to make my brothers leave, so i shit in the pool (yes i did, i remember it specificly lol) of course, he saw it, took us home, beat me, then made me stand in a diaper (i was atleast 5 or so) in the bathtub and called all his drunk/druggie friends over to come laugh at me and humiliated me...

not long after that i called my grandma, and made them drive the few hour drive to come pick me up... that was again, the last i saw either for a long time.... eventually after many beatings and abuse my mom left him (but he won custody, since he was older, and was the provider) a couple years after that, my mom came back in my life, she moved back to houston (which is like 30 mins drive from me at most) so she was there for awhile.... durring all this time, (years upon years) my dad came to my grandma's and brought my brothers ONCE... other then that i didn't even know the man... all i knew was he was my dad.. i ddin't even know his name...

forward a few more years, after my youngest brother wound up with a broken collar bone, an investigation opened up for abuse... (which the collar bone was what he said happened, he fell down while climbing up a ladder to an abnormally tall slide, my other brother confirmed that, even after our dad was long out of the picture... but the investigation brought fourth the actual abuse...

my mom won custody back of my brothers, and child support (of which the fucker even nearly 10 years later is yet to even pay ONE payment, and he wans't poor, he was a master chef for fancy restuarants by this time, bringing in over 15 an hour... and needed to only support himself... which is where his new addiction came from, but more on that a bit later) the stories surfaced...

he NEVER touched the middle brother, johnathon... but nick... he beat relentlessly, nearly every day... literally throwing my 10 or less year old youngest brother through walls... back handing him with a CLOSED fist because he saw a cigarette burn in the seat of his camaro that HE (MY DAD) put there.... he was angry so he hit my brother... there are countless stories of beatings, that my brother remembers perfectly...

then came his addiction... rock... he was making over 15 an hour.. and had to only support himself, so what does a low life like him do (that owes child support btw, and ont even alot.... bringing in a couple grand atleast a month, and he owes like 200 a month) spends it all on rock... this went on for many many many many years.... when i was 16, he finally came back to my town (and lived in my grandparents house with me) then, he decided it was time to take control of me, and become the dad he should have been along time ago, but it was too late....

for my own sanity i tried... i knew i needed and craved a real father, but it all fell apart only months later... my hate for him was just too strong to forgive and forget... i wanted this mother fucker dead even then.... he tried to convert me to christian... why? becuase he's god's 13th deciple, the end of the world is coming, god talks to HIM (not he talks to god), sucks jesus up, and lets god fuck him 'in his pussy' and 'he has a pussy for god and he loves the love (fucking) god gives him'....

i went to juvi, and everythign came out durring a counseling session... for 30 minuts straight, all my feelign poured out, no one but me was talking (And i'm usually a slow talker) my talking was almost so fast that i could of beat a mexican speaking in tounges durring church by words per minute... after that, and after i got out.. our relationship was rocky at best... (i only ever saw him cuz johnathon was now living with him)

the next part is the hardest for me... my brother was murdered... and i KNOW (he hasn't admitted neither has the murderer, but i know, i know without a doubt cuz i knwo him, i know my brother, and i know what he police reports said) and it's his fault. what i KNOW happeened is my dad got soem rock and obviously used it, swearing he was good for it, and when he didn't have the money my brother offered to stay there while my dad went and got the money, when it took longer then expected, an argument followed... my brother would back down from no one, man or god, mortal or immortal.... gun or no gun... and that's when he was shot... (i can almost garuntee the last words out of my brothers mouth before the trigger was pulled was "if you're gonna shoot you better do it now.." (he has said it to someone before, even with a gun in his face)

because of my father, i'm scarred for life, my youngest brother is one angry individual with serious problems (i'm th same as him, but i went through counseling and i learned to deal with it, atleast to an extent... my brother hasn't...), my other brother's dead, and my family is destroyed... (not even his own brothers ever want to see him again... not his mother, not his father.. NO ONE, but he was kind of hte final wedge that pried myf amily apart once and for all... my family had a lot of strain, but by the time he was gone and wreacked his havok, everythign was gone, every tie, every bond...)

so there you go, the worst waste of space to ever walk the face of this earth... and it's not just my anger... he's lower then dirt, and thinks of only himself. he's abusive, and worse yet is the fact that he's an insane christian... believing he's the center of god's universe, atleast of the living... he literally feels he's as important to god as jesus was...

I have a dad although he's mentally unstable, he's spent years in a mental home but for some reason was let out(he only told me recently down the phone). I guess he did his best with me but my dad and mum were always arguing. Not just small things, my dad is also a smoker so he would go on a psycho rampage sometimes..The first memories I have of him being psycho were when he tore down the "no smoking" sign a drew because it was no smoking day when I was 7 or 8. Anyways when I was 10 or 11 things just got steadily worse, my mum was already an emotional wreck because he constantly made her feel like shit. My mum was sitting watching tv or something and he came in, held her up against the wall and punched her a lot. We stayed with my granny for a few days after this while my dad stayed in the house, until the police forced him out of it or something. Then the divorce began, aparently it's the worst for the kids but it tormented my mum so much more than me. I remember seeing my dad at court, the first time I'd seen him after he'd hit my mum...it was like looking at a different person. I always knew he was a psycho but I never thought he would go that far, that low. Anytime they used to argue I would talk to myself, this helped me through a lot and still helps me with shit. When im depressed, i'll talk or joke with myself, yes it sounds like im a psycho too who has split personalities but I dont. I never had people I could talk to...so I talked to nobody, said my words and feeling into nothingness. It helps me through loads of stuff of course I dont walk down the street talking and laughing to myself. Although sometimes I'll randomly think of a hilarious joke and burst out laughing...cant help it. So yeah...my dads screwed up and over the passed few years I barely have talked to him. I dont care about him...I care about the people he has screwed up though. My mum mainly although there are massive traces of him in my sister. I mean I think she might be mentally damaged aswell...she can go pretty psycho....Then theres my other sister, she goes psycho but its not un-natural..shes a doctor to and has recently been to amsterdam :hippy: . Oh yeah....theres me...a random, chilled out, stoner...ive been called a moonchild as far back as I can remember.....

Obviously I dont know what it's like to have no father completely...but thats my shit...peace.

My Dad died when I was 10 and my mom's always been a coke/meth head on the run from the law, so I had neither. But somehow I turned out better than most "normal" people.

Dad: Steroid addict. Left when I was 10. Remarried when I was 13, didn't invite me or inform me of the wedding. Did daddy-dates (once every few weeks had dinner with him). Stopped all contact with me when I was 14..haven't heard from him in 3 years, not even a birthday card. I don't care. I don't need a dad. When I got arrested when I was 13, my dad stood next to me in court and said "That's my girl" with a grin on his face.

But the asshole really fucked me up and now I can't stand being without a boyfriend, I need a male in my life. I've been in abusive relationships and borderline abusive relationships and delt with it 'cause of fear of rejection ("Please don't leave me"). I've got anger issues and depression which I blame him for. Or so my therapist says.

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Originally Posted by BabyFacedAbortion

I've got anger issues and depression which I blame him for. Or so my therapist says.

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There are drugs for that. A therapist can't perscribe them though...

Damn... compared to all you folks i had it good.
I had the most caring loving wonderful father anyone could wish for for 15 years of my life, then he died.
Doesnt seem so bad comparatively but its a bitch.
The question comes down to: Is it worse to have something and lose it forever or never have the chance to have it?

...my dad died when I was 10 years old.. also...he was my best friend....

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Originally Posted by Runaway Jim

Damn... compared to all you folks i had it good.
I had the most caring loving wonderful father anyone could wish for for 15 years of my life, then he died.
Doesnt seem so bad comparatively but its a bitch.
The question comes down to: Is it worse to have something and lose it forever or never have the chance to have it?

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i'd definately say have and lose...

I grew up only seeing my dad for a few hours every few weeks ... and you know what? It didn't effect me badly in the least, and I'm actually thankful for it. He's a great guy, and he and my Mom aren't divorced. They live in two separate cities and they always have, and they like to keep it that way and go out on dates every few weeks. They saw that they liked dating eachother, but not being traditionally married, so they stayed there. My Dad had very little if any influence on my outcome, and my Mom intentionally had very little either. As a result ... I am not a product of the two - I am simply and purely myself.

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Originally Posted by Dutch Pimp

...my dad died when I was 10 years old.. also...he was my best friend....

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Yeah man my dad died when I was 10 too. He was the coolest motherfucker in the world. I didn't get to see him a whole lot, But he was still definitely my best friend and the coolest person I knew. I remember cruising down the Virginia Beach strip blasting Smack My Bitch Up by Prodigy in his pimp ass van pickin up so many ladies. He was the ultimate free spirit, and taught me the meaning of life - do what truely makes you happy. RIP Pops.

My dad never knew his father. I know he does hate him with a passion, he had a hard life and he never talks about his dad. My dad is never home, at most I see him 2 hours a day. I just know I can't talk about my "grandpa."

these stories have literally brought me to tears, i mean i get pissed at my parents all the time but i mean i could NEVER even imagine not having them.

I didn't see my parents much if at all during the day until I was 9. And I know both my parents grew up without parental figures. They both got some deep emotional/mental issues too. I guess I do too, probably genetics. Anyways yeah. I really have no idea what it would be like without a father. My dad isn't really the most outgoing supportive guy but he cares for me and he's cool.

that is some sad shit man, you know i have 2 kids and these stories make me sad to even think how fathers treat their kids, i love my kids to death and couldnt think of not have them around.

they inspire me to be a better person.

i hope those who had/have bad fathers are willing to let go as i myself had a shitty father but i try not to look back to far as its not worth my energy to feel like that again.

Im 22 and I have seen my sperm donor once and talked to him on the phone maybe 5 times. He ignored me for 22 years. I was his first born and he has 3 other kids, which he has always had contact with and does things with them and for them. Im lucky though cause my dad came into my life when I was 2. He got with my mom and took me in as his own and I would have never known the difference if they would have never told me. Friday night my sperm donors ex wife, I have had contact with her for 3 years, she tells me that my "father" wants me to call him. So on Saturday I called him. He couldnt quit apologizing, he told me that he has had many sleepless nights because of how he done his own child. He said he was afraid to call me because he thought that I hated him and would just have cussed him out and hung up on him. As it stands he is saying he wants to be a part of my life, and that he will call me every Sunday. I heard that once when I was like 16 and Sunday never came so we will see.

i have dad that ive always lived with i just see him for a little after work before he sleeps i only talk to him when he screams at me well i dont know him he never talks to me and never had so i pretty much feel like i have no dad even though we live under the same roof i feel like he's in another country with his other sons that he had wit his ex wife.he is a cold blooded heartless fag too

I feel kinda out of place, 'cause I have a father who treats me excellently (I openly told him I smoke pot, he asked what I smoked out of.), but my parents are divorced and they HATE each other and are constantly bad mouthing each other.

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Originally Posted by timothylearyisdead

There are drugs for that. A therapist can't perscribe them though...

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i dont recomend anti-depresents... i recomend the best meds in the world... a few joints...

ive never had a dad my whole life
my mom is gay and she and her partner have been together for 15 years or so
im now 18 and heading off to college.
i have no interest in finding out who my birth father was i guess i feel like i have everything i need.

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Originally Posted by ipodguy

ive never had a dad my whole life
my mom is gay and she and her partner have been together for 15 years or so
im now 18 and heading off to college.
i have no interest in finding out who my birth father was i guess i feel like i have everything i need.

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ok i just have to ask cuz i've never had the oppurtunity, what is it like having two moms (or gay parents if you prefer that o.0)

i'd think it would just seem normal, cuz it's what you grew up around... just curious tho...

My brother grew up with out his biological dad, and I sometimes wonder if he thinks about it and misses him? Can you really miss someone you've never met?
He did'nt grow up intierly without a dad, I leant him mine. That is, after my mom got pregnant carying my brother (and the bastard that did it to her ran away)she was still educating herself to be a nurse,and when my brother was two years old she met my dad. And as the deasent man I've always known him to be,he became the father figure my brother needed.But still I wonder if my brother wonders about what his biological dad was like and if his even still alive.
I wonder about it.

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Originally Posted by Runaway Jim

The question comes down to: Is it worse to have something and lose it forever or never have the chance to have it?

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I too, would say to have and to lose.

My dad died when i was 17, seven months before that my mum passed away also. During the first 16 years up untill my mums death i never really knew my dad. I mean we lived together, we were a family, but i was closer to my mu. My dad never really spoke in the house. He worked all day 5-6 days a week to provide for us, he loved us, he just couldn't show it.

After my mum died my dad fell apart. He was signed of work sick from the day after my mum dided to the day he died. He had cancer and the symptoms started two weeks after my mums death. The docs didn't seem to care. There opinion seemed to be one of "yeah, he's lost his wife and needs some attention". We had a doc round nearly everyday for months because my dad couldn't wlak or stand. By the time a doctor actually took notice it was too late. If he'd of survived he would never of walked again. There was a tumor on his spine.

Once he was in hospital and the pain was under control we started talking and growing close and i realised that he wasn't the miserable so and so i always thought. He was funny when he wanted to be and we started to become friends.

Then just as i was starting to feel close to my dad and was awaiting the day he'd be coming home from hospital. He died.

I've done alot of wrong things in life, none of which i regret. The only thing i regret is something i didn't do. And that's get to know my dad while i had the chance.

I'm adopted so I don't know any of my real parents. I grew up without a father mostly as well, until my mother remarried when I was 13. My step-dad is a miserable cantankerous old bastard.

i dont know my dad, no contact nothing, never had a birthday card of him but fuck it...if i saw the prick i would stamp on his head 32 times for every xmas and bday hes missed.

My dad was gone for alot of my childhood. Alcoholism, drugs, and then finally the divorce from my mother. but the last few years i've got him back. hahah, now we just burn together all the time. we're like good friends now, not really the whole father-son stereotype.

i never met my dad....i was lucky enough to get a dad later in life, and he is by all means, my father.....i did try to find my biological father and only learned that he had killed himself a year previous, and lived the town over from me almost my whole life...you seem to always carry this burden that you arent worthy of being wanted....

Well, I lost my dad when I was 15. It was sad and all that, but I've got his genes within me, and I can feel that. Everyone in my family always reminds me how much I look and act like him, and the more I grow up, the more I think my dad was the fucking man, because I'm turning just like him. :D

Gentlemen, your dads may not be with you physically, but spiritually, they sure fucking are!

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Originally Posted by lil josh

i dont know my dad, no contact nothing, never had a birthday card of him but fuck it...if i saw the prick i would stamp on his head 32 times for every xmas and bday hes missed.

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i gotta give you the benifit of the doubt you only wanna stomp his head 32 times for missing those days for the family matter and not the presents...

but your post reminded me of a certain small group of people, and hteir main quarral with having a missing parent is "missing presents" their argument is usually the same "i never saw birthday presents from him, he's never sent me christmas money" and i sit there dumbfounded... like WTF?!

the last thing on my mind when it comes to my father is presents and money.. (he actually sent me a 100 bucks recently, and i told my grandma to keep it cuz i didn't want his money, and i still don't... he's trying to BUY his way back in my life and i don't fucking think so...) but some people, seem to only care about the missing material possessions...

if i could go back in time, knowing what i know now, i'd gladly give up every last present or money i got from my grandparents, just to have a decent dad in my life..... the emotional pain is much worse...

as surrey said.... "you seem to always carry this burden that you arent worthy of being wanted...." and that is hell.... pure undeniable hell....

i'll be honest, i'm not emotionally, financially, or mentally ready to be a parent... but i have no choice now... i will not let my son suffer cuz i 'screwed up' (don't get me wrong, i love him more than anything... but if i hadn't pulled the whole 'it feels better' thing, we wouldn't be struggling, i always wanted kids, but neither of us was quite ready yet) but anyways, it's not his fault he's here, he didn't have to be, so it's time for me to step up... and nothing will seperate us.. i will be a part of his life, no matter what it takes, i will be the one to raise him, and won't let him suffer the same thought process i had for years upon years, wondering why my parent(s) didn't want me....

First I want to say sorry for not mentioning the girls in the title of this thread. I guess I wasn't thinking of how not having a father affects girls, although I think it affects them in different yet no less profound ways. I totally welcome all comments and experiences by everyone.

I spent many years of my life trying to be special in some way. I would fantasize about being a genius in one form or another, and I was always searching for that gift I had that would seperate me from the pack, making others notice me. I am pretty sure this was my subconscience screeming "Daddy look at me!". To some extent I still struggle with this desire to prove myself.
I must also say that not having a father made me realize how important both parents are, and because I understood this I am the best father I can be. So some good will come out of the situation.
Thank you all for sharing.:jointsmile:

Yeah, I have a dad that lives with me but I've literally said 1000 words to him my whole life. I'll talk maybe once a week...I don't even know why he doesn't seem that bad but I fear him for some reason and don't like him.

My dad was an cheating, lying, thieving, adultering, chickenshit machine-like person, focussed only on money, respect and influence. If he couldn't use you, he wouldn't so much as give you the time of day, but if he could, he'd kiss your ass raw. He was only there to support his family when it served him, made him look like a good father or a good husband, which he wasn't. He only physically abused my mother once - other than that, it was all psychological. I've spent the past six years rebuilding my mind from the fragile specimen he left me - regaining the traits of generosity, acceptance, trust, self-confidence, pride, and forgiveness - forgiveness for everyone except for him. Maybe it's a setback for me, but I want him to suffer as long as I have because of him.

We found out last year (five years after my parents separated) that he suffered from depression from an early age, and he's passed this genetic booby-trap on to both of his kids. He never told my mother this, and for over twenty years she suffered for it, always thinking that it was her fault that he wasn't happy, always trying to do more, and never able to do enough. She's the worst off from the experience. I know that his dad wasn't the greatest guy either, but he could have seen that and changed. He doesn't take responsibility for his actions, he denies that he did anything wrong to his family, that he ever cheated on my mother (which we know he did), that he was a terrible neglecting father.

For years he played my sister with gifts, trips, and all sorts of special treatment while I got nothing. I can remember going to visit once, and he asked me if I had seen my sister's new convertible. If I hadn't been told ahead of time that he'd bought it for her, I would have tried my hardest to kick his ass. The dumb thing is, later on he changed his mind and took it back. Good job dad, alienate both your kids.

Any gifts or money he gave me I gave to friends or charities. Any cards he sent have been thrown in the garbage. I don't want to remember him, and I don't want to start a father-son relationship with him - I'd say rebuild, but you can't rebuild something you never had. If he could even just take a second and apologize, admit that he was wrong, that he treated us like shit, I could probably forgive him. But he can't apologize - he has too much stubborn pride.


Also he had a thing for augmented breasts, asking my mum to get some, and later buying a pair for a (now ex-) girlfriend (worth probably ten times more money than he's spent on me since the separation). If you can't appreciate natural breasts, I don't want anything to do with you. :wtf:

I didn't read most of the replys to this thread,.... I myself am a father and now know first hand what I missed out on in life in many different ways.... and for a big part of my life I have been empty because of the role model, my role model, the one I didn't have, I will not focus on the negatives........ but the positives it gives my kids, the pressure is intense, to be there for a 10 yr old boy and a 9 yr old girl .. I find I make alot of mistakes, but I am still here, its been 14 yrs this July 24 ,I have been married ,, and I plan on seeing the whole trip thru... fuggin hell or hi water I am making a difference in TWo kids lives, To bring a life into this world is incredible,, and I wish it on all worhty of parenhood,
I could go on for a while but ,........ peace to all and make a difference

I grew up with no dad, and no real male role model, no one to go the back yard with to play catch, no one to teach me how to play football, or basketball. But in the end I think Ill turn out alright, and I know when, I get my own life setteled out, Ill be better for it in the end. Maybe, just maybe, a lil fucked up in the head. My mom raised me fine, although towards the end of my stay with here was rough, we didnt get along to well, she thought I was making bad choices, and I didnt care, blah blah blah.

I feel, I have a better respect for woman, since thats all Ive known since I was raised. And I know, Ill never make my kid be raised the way I was, and look forward to the day when Ill get to be a good dad to my kids.

I ran into my father at the mall after 3-4 years of not even speaking to him. His wife chased me down after my boyfriend and I tried to dodge them, she grabbed my purse and screamed at me "why are you running?", I started to have a panic attack and freak out, she kept screaming at me, "why won't you talk to him?", I screamed back.."he doesn't even know my age", she asked "what does that have to do with anything?", fucking bitch. She finally left after I hid in my boyfriend's arms. Oh the things I'd say to her..and to him. He doesn't even have enough balls to chase me down himself, SHE had to do it.

/endrant

my dad lives 4 miles away and i havent talked to him in 6 years...next time i see him i might not stop beating him till he's dead. never paid a dime in his life...mom has no job so i gotta sell dank and yayo to stay afloat...

My mom and my dad split before I turned 3, I have only fleeting images of him in my memory. It never used to bother me until one day in high school a girlfriend of mine made some teasing comment which made me realize I didn't remember what he was like or what his voice sounded like. Then, for whatever reason, it bothered me. A lot. I can't explain it.

Anyway, he's never made an attempt to contact me or my younger sister, but I found out several years ago that it was due to my mother telling him to stay away. She went through a lot raising my sister and I alone for a number of years, then remarried to a doctor who had wanderlust. My sister and I maxed out 2 passports each before we were 15, and lived abroad for a long time. He was never really present for family life though, caring more about scuba diving than anything else. Eventually they split, and my mom and sis and I moved back to the States. Couple of years later, my mother married a third time to the man I refer to as my dad, although technically he's my step-dad. He's a good guy, taught me all kinds of things I missed out on when I was younger (hunting, fishing, woodsmanship) and even though he and my mom now have a rocky relationship, he's always been upfront and honest with me, but hard enough to ensure I didn't end up being a pussy. While he never adopted me and even made a few comments long ago (in jest or not, no idea) that he never would - he's treated me as his own, helped me with college, and even went so far as to name me in his families estate, also giving me an inheritance from his father passing.

I feel guilty getting my emotions riled up over some of this now that I'm typing it out. Some of the other replies to this thread have given me pangs in my gut, and I'm surprised I held onto the idea of sharing when clearly I need to stfu. :(

Some sad stories on here. I got lucky! I can't remember my father because the last time I saw him was when I was 5(I'm 18 now) and I was raised by my mom and my aunt/grandma. I have no connection to my father's family after my mom talked shit about him in front of his mom. I'm really not to hung over about any of it and have had a fulfilling life so far. My mom was never married to the guy and both me and my bro were accidents from boyfriends(some damn good accidents at that... well at least I am :P). There was no child support from either my dad or my bro's dad so I lived mostly with my mom, aunt, and grandma in an apartment.

When my mom received a tax return she asked me and my brother if she should get a car or a computer and we picked the computer. She met a young man on the AOL chat rooms and convinced him to to move from Washington(maybe Oregon) to Maryland and he eventually came. He was in his twenties and needless to say was still a young man. Their were some ups and downs but he became part of the family and a true father. They have been married for 9 years now I believe and my life would of been much different if he never moved down here or even more so if me and my brother picked a car instead of a computer.

I don't feel any need to find my biological father and probably never will. Only thing I would like to see of him is at least a picture just to know what he looks like. Its weird knowing that the dude you work next to at work could be your real father and you would really never know.

All in all I got very lucky and I'm very content with my life.