Extremely long post, serious advice needed.

Long post ahead: Please don't read if you feel the need to post something retarted. Serious advice needed

I just can't do this anymore. I have no one to talk to, about anything but, my boyfriend in specific. I'm going to rant and please, if you have advice..give it to me. I really need it right now. Please keep in mind that everything I say is the damn truth and if you don't believe it, don't respond.

My boyfriend and I have had the perfect relationship for the most part, today is our five month aniversary. In the begining it was rocky, because it started off with us fucking, then dating, and anyone who knows how that is gets what I mean. We fought a lot, about little things. Then, somehow..it got better. For months, it was great. Literally, great. Every weekend we'd see eachother and we'd talk all week, our sex life was amazing, there were no complaints.

Then something happened. I don't know what, he became overprotective but I could deal with that. I've had that happen to me before, in almost all of my relationships. But he's started to tell me what to wear (or rather..not wear.. i.e anything with any sort of cleavage showing), he told me how to do my makeup, things like that. He never did it meanly though, just comments like "Please don't wear that to school" or "You look better without eyeliner" ...nothing harsh or abusive.

This past weekend was hell. First, he came to my house fucked up off of DXM after I've repeatively told him "Do not come to my house on that shit". It was like how it was in the begining but worse. I spent the majority of my weekend bawling my eyes out in my bathroom, begging him to "just fucking hold me".

He got mad at me for wanting to do a specific drug other than weed, I said I wouldn't but he said he didn't trust me. I never gave him a reason not to trust me in our entire relationship.

We worked that out slowly, and then he calls me the next morning and tells me that he has to tell me something important, that he got caught cooking crack in his mom's kitchen the past week. I stayed calm, I didn't yell, but I asked him why. He said because he wanted to buy me a diamond ring. I'm far from a material girl, I don't mind shopping at kohl's or marshell's or wal*mart. And I told him that, very clearly, he said he wouldn't do it again. We've discussed him doing this before, he has a friend that was going to help him do it, but I begged him not to for his safety and he said he'd never do it. Crack heads are not nice people. Duh.

We fought more about this specific drugs. I had people over, and they were going to get some and to comply to him, I wasn't going to do it, I was just going to get it for them. He sat there angerly all night, talking to me in short sentences and ignoring me for the most part. Keep in mind, my boyfriend has done DXM, e, wet and all sorts of pills and drinks like a fish. I pretty much only smoke weed. That's it.

In the midst of one of our fights, he literally picked me up and moved me away from the door to leave. I threw a fit and he ended up leaving in the end. My best friend chased after him and basically said "You know that girl up there, crying her eyes out over you? Well she loves you more than anything." and that's all it took for him to come back.

Everything was good again, but then no more then a few hours later he was mad at me AGAIN. Why? Because two kids were going to have to sleep on the streets and I wouldn't let them. I had them stay over my house. He was pissed because I wouldn't let him sleep over.

Sunday came around and things were okay again,

then today..I had my guy friend from school over, for only a little bit, 'cause he's a nice kid and all and who cares right? He got mad at me. Telling me he "doesn't want me to hang out with guys alone". He also banned me from talking to another guy friend of mine, but honestly..I still do.

Let me point this out. He was being treated for anger, he was taking medicine (serequel I think.) but has stopped taking it a month or two ago. He refuses to go back on it or even to see a therapist or a psych.

I've gone through hell with this boy and back, there have been perfect nights and nights I wish we weren't together. But the problem is, I love him. I love him too much to give up on him but there has to be something that I can do that I'm not thinking of.

If you're going to say "break up with him", please don't bother. I can't do that.

I've been in a lot of different relationships and I've delt with them all pretty well, but this time..I really don't know what to do. I can hardly eat, I sleep as much as I can, because then...I don't have to deal with it.

Can anyone, at all, relate or help me, or something?

This sounds pretty familiar. First off to make a relationship work you have to be compatable, if you think you guys are then, you need to ask him striaght up whats the problem then its your call if you think he is worth the the trouble. Dont take this the wrong way but is he a black guy?? Why i asked is because most of us are extremely protective over someone we love. I was doing the samething with my Gf and didnt even know until she pointed it out. But we worked it out and we are good now just figure out if he is worth it and if he has your best interest at heart if he does, then you are going to have to do what it takes. Love has no shame remember that, when you are inlove the only thing that matters is the person you love. However if that person doesnt feel the same you are gonna be in for trouble. Hope that shed some light . Good luck

That really makes me feel bad you're stuck in such an awful situation BFA. Nobody has all the answers, but there are a few things to consider IMO. First off, considering his excessive degree of paranoia, mood swings, and distrust of you, there may be a good chance he's sampling the crack he cooks to supposedly sell. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if he was just cooking it for him and his buddies.

Secondly, I think you'll have to acknowledge that you have a (somewhat) mentally ill person on your hands. Mental illness isn't always about being batshit crazy and totally illogical, sometimes it can manifest itself as just what you described; paranoia, mood swings, eratic behavior etc. Doing all the drugs he is, and all the alcohol he consumes, his seratonin receptors are being bombarded into a decensitized mess and his constant triggering of dopamine (mostly from the drugs) is going to make him dependant on substances just to stay emotionally sane....even when they don't make him as such.

Be prepared for the inevitable, and don't fool yourself into believing everything's going to be OK from whatever point on if he doesn't change his habbits. He's going to be madly in love with you one day, and throw you to the curb the next. The scary thing is, he means it when he acts however he acts, from the most intense love to the most shallow hate. But don't expect him to comit to one mental state for good.

I think you also need to acknowledge a few things. If he really loves you, really cares about you deeply, he should be concerned about your wellbeing equally or more than his own. If he won't change his habbits even though he blatently sees the suffering he's putting you through, he's putting him first and you second. You both may believe he loves you, but that's not love.

Please, for the love of god, don't trap yourself in misery over an addiction. What addiction? Love. Love, especially intense love, feeds your brain a daily administration of dopamine that produces a very similar effect to cocaine. Just like coke, the withdrawl is unbearable. You need to face this, and understand that your intense fear of losing him is pretty much the same fear of not getting your fix. I know you have logical reasons for caring about him, and I'm not necessarily saying it's unjustified, but you will create nothing but suffering for the both of you if you won't even be open to the notion of knowing when a relationship has failed.

You're a smart girl, confident, and pretty. There's so much in life ahead of you that you don't yet see coming, so many perspectives you haven't even begun to glimpse. You can never truly know a situation or state of mind is the right one, until you can look at it from the outside. Just consider this.

My thoughts are with you, and I want your suffering to end. I hope you can want it as well, and know what it takes to end it.

Your getting to that "point." The "point" is kind of hard to explain, but basically, you know that it's the time to dick up and take charge or puss down and become submissive and be treated like this for awhile.

You should be a pyschologist or therapist or something Mr. Devious.

That was crazy good.

Heres an update. I've talked to him more, and he definitly acknowledges his problem. I'm hoping he doesn't do crack, the thought didn't even cross my mind. That worries me though.

I, myself, am bipolar. I know the ups and downs..especially downs. I know what it's like to be off my meds (a.k.a NOT PRETTY) and I see him experiencing the same shit I used to.

I also go to a therapist and a psych. (Have been for almost 5 years) maybe I can work something out with my therapist or atleast get some advice from a professional's point of view.

IF we were to break up, we wouldn't see eachother anymore. We used to be in the same class, but he moved to a different town and he doesn't have many friends back here any more. Basically me, my lil brother and my best friend. It'd be almost too easy to end things if I really wanted to.

We were talking tonight and I asked him, "do you want to break up with me"..giving him the chance to get it over with if he wanted to. He swore up and down that he didn't want to. He suggested a break a few hours ago, but now he's very against it. I think he's scared I won't come back. He understands that he's hurting me, he told me "I don't want to drag you down with me".

I really appreciate the responses, everyone. Honestly, you've been more help then you realize.

Get rid of him. Immediately. Unless you want to be picking him back up whenever he goes off the deep end. And takes you with him both physically and psychologically.

BFA....you already knew the answer to the question so that's not really the question is it? The answer to the real question is: learn to like yourself. Do that first by learning to be honest with yourself. That will help answer any future questions in life that you may come up against. And you won't be sitting around crying about some screwed up guy like that one.

BFA, you say you know the ups and downs that come along with a mental illness, so you must know how hard it is to come up from a down time, even when you have professional help and medication. You know how irrational and scary those times can be for everyone involved. Now think of it this way, do you really want to be on the receiving end of someones emotions who is going through this who refuses to get help?
I've been in a very similar situation, and I'm bipolar too. It's really easy for a situation like this to trigger very bad times for yourself. You need to ask yourself if you logically think that this is healthy for you. Keep in mind hes only 15. I know you want to think that he's the one thats meant for you, but do you think he's mature enough for a serious relationship?
Talk to your doctor, and make the decision that is best for you and your future. You're a really nice girl and none of us want to hear about you getting hurt because you fell in love with the wrong person.

The best thing I can think of to do is just go out camping or something with him for a couple of days and DONT TALK TO ANAYONE ELTS. Just go and have some "bonding time" and both of you should discuss your expectations for the relationship and just chill out and get away from the rest of the world.

As for him telling you what not to whear just tell him what you feel about it. Obviously by him telling you that, he is scared that some one will take you from him so he must like you alot.

I hope you two work it out.


One more thing the crack/coke or whatever HAS TO GO that shit will just fu** up his life and anayone who is intertwined in his life. Even if he is just "cooking it" thats no good people get killed over that stuff.(I have a friend who saw his dad get shot in the head over a coke deal gone bad). And just think would you want some random crack-head going into your boyfriends house and getting all angry over a dependancy?

Just sounds like you are young, you both are crazy in love with each other, which can be volatile but not willing to be open and accept each other. Jealousy is a terrible quality. So, I can see that trust is a big issue.
also, heavy drug use is a turn-off.
If your not gonna break up then you will have to try and fix these matters, I guess. Sounds like a lot of work. Good luck,

Aw BFA it's sad to see you bumming like this.
There have been some great points made here.
Things that come to mind for me...

If you are working out some tough emotional things yourself, that are unrelated to the relationship, you are going to have a hard time giving your man any emotional support, and it is going to be painful for both of you.

You both are still so young. I know it may feel like a love that could stand the test of time, but realistically SO many things are going to happen in both of your lives as you mature and pursue your own goals. The chances of ending up happily together are pretty slim anyhow. I'm not saying it's impossible, but if you are ALREADY having these issues (and the drug one is going to be very tough to beat without a serious commitment by both of you), then aren't you concerned that you might be spending so much energy on fixing the relationship that you are neglecting other things, like personal growth?

To me that is the most important thing for a young person to understand- and by young, I mean like under 25 when you and your peers are pretty settled on a career path for the most part. You have to make the most effort to take care of YOURSELF at your age. Later in life you will eventually become really self sufficient in other ways, and that includes emotionally, and you will HAVE that extra energy to nurture someone you love, whether it is a boyfriend or husband or a child or another family member who needs support.

I started seeing a therapist regularly during the course of my last relationship, which was with someone who I at first had thought was 'the one'... we lived together for 2 years and during that time I realized that I was cheating myself badly by being with a man who still had a lot of growing up to do, and expected me on some level to either help him do it, or enable his immaturity.

My therapist never said to break up with him, but the more I talked to her and began to understand my own role [enabler] in the dysfunction of our relationship, the more I saw that it was making me into a total stress case and I needed some time away to think.. I got on my motorcycle and took off for 8 days to Ontario... I reminded myself how good it felt to be the master of my own destiny... every hard time we went through after that, I thought of the freedom I was missing, and it didn't take many months after that to say time to cut my losses. I don't see my shrink any more- I feel like she gave me the tools to deal with this sort of thing so much better. I feel like I gained YEARS of wisdom in only a few months.

What you and your man are going through is going to make both of you smarter people and teach you both what you want and need out of a partner. You will of course have to ask if your needs, and what you have to offer, are even compatible.

Be true to YOURSELF. I think you are intelligent and I also think you probably already know the answer, know what you have to do- and it's hard- be strong.

i know it ain't what you wanna hear.. but i think it's pretty much evident of what needs to be done (especially cuz you say more than once if you're going to tell me to break up with him just don't post) but that's pretty much all there IS to do....

i doubt highly he's going to give up what he's doing.... and honestly, i wouldn't ask anyone to quit anything if i was with them.... i don't believe in trying to change people..... i've been on the inside of 'bad people' and i look at the facts... no one changes unless they want to... if friends/family wants someone to stop said thing, all it does is make them get more secretive/defensive over said thing....

a change can only come from within, and that's all there is to it.

the only thing short of ending it, would be to make him understand what this is doing to you, what it means to you, what HE means to you.... that you don't want to partake in this type of life, and if he wants to control you, he's also gotta let you be in control of somethings, such as cooking crack...

even tho it's not exactly hypocritical, i still think it's highly hypocritical he tells you not to have guys over, or not to wear certain clothes, but he's blatantly ignoring what you've asked him not to do (dxm, cooking crack)

i'm sorry to say it and don't hate me, you know i'm not just some idiot telling you shit you don't want to hear, just to aggervate you...

but at this point, it's almost inevitable.... the chances of him chaning are extremely slim.... so basicly your two choices are: 1. end the relationship, 2. deal with what he does and just accept it....

personally i'd go with the first...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by stinkyattic

Aw BFA it's sad to see you bumming like this.
There have been some great points made here.
Things that come to mind for me...

If you are working out some tough emotional things yourself, that are unrelated to the relationship, you are going to have a hard time giving your man any emotional support, and it is going to be painful for both of you.

You both are still so young. I know it may feel like a love that could stand the test of time, but realistically SO many things are going to happen in both of your lives as you mature and pursue your own goals. The chances of ending up happily together are pretty slim anyhow. I'm not saying it's impossible, but if you are ALREADY having these issues (and the drug one is going to be very tough to beat without a serious commitment by both of you), then aren't you concerned that you might be spending so much energy on fixing the relationship that you are neglecting other things, like personal growth?

To me that is the most important thing for a young person to understand- and by young, I mean like under 25 when you and your peers are pretty settled on a career path for the most part. You have to make the most effort to take care of YOURSELF at your age. Later in life you will eventually become really self sufficient in other ways, and that includes emotionally, and you will HAVE that extra energy to nurture someone you love, whether it is a boyfriend or husband or a child or another family member who needs support.

I started seeing a therapist regularly during the course of my last relationship, which was with someone who I at first had thought was 'the one'... we lived together for 2 years and during that time I realized that I was cheating myself badly by being with a man who still had a lot of growing up to do, and expected me on some level to either help him do it, or enable his immaturity.

My therapist never said to break up with him, but the more I talked to her and began to understand my own role [enabler] in the dysfunction of our relationship, the more I saw that it was making me into a total stress case and I needed some time away to think.. I got on my motorcycle and took off for 8 days to Ontario... I reminded myself how good it felt to be the master of my own destiny... every hard time we went through after that, I thought of the freedom I was missing, and it didn't take many months after that to say time to cut my losses. I don't see my shrink any more- I feel like she gave me the tools to deal with this sort of thing so much better. I feel like I gained YEARS of wisdom in only a few months.

What you and your man are going through is going to make both of you smarter people and teach you both what you want and need out of a partner. You will of course have to ask if your needs, and what you have to offer, are even compatible.

Be true to YOURSELF. I think you are intelligent and I also think you probably already know the answer, know what you have to do- and it's hard- be strong.

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I have this same thought process going on right now. Actually, it has been going a little while. It is only a matter of time, waaaay sooner than later.
If you have tried everything and it dosen't make you happy, it is time to move on. I cant wait:)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by slipknotpsycho

i doubt highly he's going to give up what he's doing...... i don't believe in trying to change people..... ... no one changes unless they want to...
a change can only come from within, and that's all there is to it.

.... he's also gotta let you be in control of somethings, such as cooking crack...

.... so basicly your two choices are: 1. end the relationship, 2. deal with what he does and just accept it....

personally i'd go with the first...

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Very well put. Adding to Slipknot's post... I have a friend whose husband ignored her wishes and got involved with the hard drug trade... he went down hard... she went down with him since he was manufacturing at their house... she was pregnant at the time and just couldn't handle going to court to fight for her own freedom... she pled off to avoid jail time... she will be off probation by the time she's in her mid 30's... she's 26... 3 kids and a husband who is still in jail... one of the saddest women I have ever met.

I don't want that to be your future.

I think Mr. D, Slip, Stinky and others have given you good advice, BFA, as much as you don't want to the part of it that says you're going to have to make a change if you want peace and safety.

Folks don't tend to change without heavy-duty work and therapy and, in the case of addiction, recovery programs. Even then, substantive change doesn't happen very often, and addiction recovery is about a 33% shot under the best of circumstances.

Sounds like you have a lot to deal with right now just taking care of yourself. You're young. You have life in front of you. From what you've said in other threads, you've already had a rough row to hoe in your childhood. That makes you particularly vulnerable to picking people who'll help you act out and continue that roughness in your intimate relationships. I feel relatively certain your therapist/counselor has probably told you that. It's what they see in the lives of people who've endured abusive situations previously--they are compelled to continue seeking out situations like that later in life. At least until they realize that's what they're doing and learn to make different choices.

You're sitting right smack on top of one of those choices right now, hard as that is. I've spent 14 years volunteering with women who've been in abusive relationships at a local crisis center. Their stories all have hauntingly similar beginnings to the circumstances you described above: the possessiveness, the control, the drugs, the back-and-forth, ups-and-downs. And not a single one of their situations got better on its own.

You still have your freedom and your youth. You're not saddled with kids yet. You're smart and pretty and talented. And you're working on yourself. Keep that up. I don't want to see you go down the future road Stinky described, either. And you have the power not to. Keep up the good work on yourself. Get an education. And start looking toward the guys who're going to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. They're out there. I've heard women say "The good ones are boring," but that statement inevitably comes out of the mouths of women who're still locked in the cycle of needing to repeat the cycle of insanity they've already seen.

BFA, imagine this:

A loving boyfriend with no mental illness, no hard drug use or sale, and a level head, who is going somewhere in life.

Wouldn't that be nice?

I think you know damn well what you should do. This relationship that your having is toxic. Being involved with drugs like crack and shit only leads to bad shit. Maybe you should take a break or break up. Frankly I believe that you deserve better.

well 5 months is by no means a long time for a relationship but if you were even the least bit smart you would get out asap

Boy, thats a lot to chew on.
I hope everything is going well tonight for you BFA.

I know you said to forget about splitting, but you got to think about all the reasons you are with him and see how it weighs out (sorry for the drug ref.), and remember the past doesn't count if the present is shit. I didn't see how old you were but I am sure you have plenty of time to find the perfect match. He might be "The One", but at the moment it seems like he is forcing himself to be "The One". . .

Just take a "break" and spend alot of time with friends. . .

Sorry BFA... I still love you.

Yeah but initiating a timed break (i.e. I need about a month to sort things out) can have a very positive effect on a relationship, or it can make you realize that you need to find something else.
Either way, just enjoy life and keep the joint burnin'.:jointsmile:

I was once on a path like your boyfriend, in a relationship, and my gf had the same complaints. I been there, but so I could give you some insight to what he's probably thinking.

If you truly love and care for him, you'd tell him that you can't live with this weight on your shoulders and he has to make his own choices. It takes you being strong, and it'll show how much he respects your words. You should know what wet, E and stuff are doing to him. I'm not saying this things are going to kill him, but even using it a few times, it takes sometime to completely recover whether you realize it or not. It makes you a different person, and the balance of your mind. It makes you overprotective, and paranoid, when you have no reason to be. This is not the kind of relationship you want to be in, you or him. He needs to come to realization of what he's doing to himself and correct his life. To be honest, it'll take more than you telling him to stop for him to get on the right path. He needs to regain his confidence and get his priorties straight.

Fly like a free bird. I see your posts about how much you love your boyfriend, it deja vu to me. I get the sense you aren't truly happy in this relationship, I know you'll deny it, but I believe most of us can see it.

First of all, BFA, let me tell you that you seem like a very precious girl, smart and kind, and deserving of happiness, health, and productivity in life. And you remind me of me four years ago.

I have had three long term relationships. The first was with an abuser, but I wasn't yet strong enough after having my family torn apart by alcoholism to get out of the relationship. We were together for ten months before I finally got out.

The second was the one that really reminds me of this. We dated for a year and a half, and it was like you: in the beginning it was rough, but then it was great, but then things changed.

He had been involved with harder drugs in the years before I met him, at a different high school in Michigan. My high school that he moved to was the center for the heroin ring for the entire school district, which supplied to the whole Phoenix metro area. For a couple of months he was able to stay away from it, but not for very long. He got caught back up in it, and started verbally abusing me, ignoring me for his "friends" in the selling business, and being terribly overprotective. I stayed in the relationship, thinking that once he was able to stop, things would be fine.

Finally, after 18 months, I realized that even if he stopped right away, he would continuously go back to the drugs and the behaviors from before, unless he got help for his personal issues. I had nothing to do with it, it wasn't my fault that the relationship wasn't working, he brought too much toxic material to the relationship at his current stage in life to make it work.

If you are going to have a healthy relationship, you have to go into it with both people somewhat healthy. If one of the partners in the relationship brings with them toxic habits and behaviors, those habits and behaviors will have the same toxic effect on the relationship.

He has to get himself healthy, and to a point where he can manage his life without your help, before he can be a healthy contribution to your relationship.

I am not saying that you need to leave him - but you need to make sure that he AT LEAST starts to get help for his problems, or otherwise they will continue to drain you, and you do not deserve that. I would advise taking a break, just so he can work his issues out by himself and get healthy in his own mind.

You are not to blame for any of this, and you need to know that. You deserve to be happy, healthy, and productive, without the baggage of a toxic relationship dragging you down.

You had a hard time removing yourself from the last dick you were involved with... I seriously think your just afraid of having no one... You need time on your own,,,lose him and stay unattached for a while,,,learn that it is not as bad as you fear...

I don't know if my advice will help, also keep in mind sometimes I don't make any sense at all when I'm hella baked like I am now.

When I was your age I was involved with a boy who was 20 years old, I had been with him since I was about 15/16 ish...it was a seriously off and on relationship all the time. He was extremely bipolar and was very unaware of it. He was always taking all kinds of drugs and I was pretty naive about drugs then so I dealt with it.

He made me feel really special because he always told me how much he loved me and how perfect I was....then often times he would just start a fight out of nowhere. These were really bad awful fights too...yelling..screaming..he would punch and throw shit...it was really bad.

When I first got with him though he had a place to live..a good job...he seemed fine. Then all the sudden he quits his job, has no place to live...and starts doing and selling drugs all the time.

I later find out he had had another girlfriend on the side pretty much the whole relationship that he did a very good job of lying about.

It was a pretty devastating few years...I just couldn't get away from him. No matter how bad I knew he was for me..and how much of a loser he was, I still felt I loved this boy. We would break up and get back together all the time, and apparently thats how things were with his girlfriend on the side too. Or maybe I was the girlfriend on the side?

He pretty much lived at both of our houses and would lie about where he was and such. I wasn't really away to the extent of his drug use later on in the relationship..but looking back, I know he was on drugs. He was always getting the gnarliest bloody noses..and sometimes he would just be throwing up for days.

When I confronted that other girl about him...we both confided in eachother and confronted him ourselves. He literally tried to commit suicide right in front of us, tried to slit his wrists...tried to take all his drugs..all his pills..he went NUTS! We had to call a friend for help and get all of the dangerous shit out of his house.

It's been nearly 4 years since then...and ya know what? Hes 25 years old now and has a 19 year old girlfriend...

I imagine hes fucking her up just as much as he fucked me up.

I am lucky now to have a boyfriend who puts a lot of effort in to our relationship...

I don't regret being with that boy, because I learned a lot. Despite ruining relationships with all my friends and family members to be with him...I guess thats what being bipolar was though, because he was the greatest most fun person ever sometimes..then he would be the worst person ever.

It is nice to have a more balanced emotional life now...

FUCK I'm sorry I babbled so much...I'm hella baked, but umm..I just wanted to let you know that I know how you feel, and I know how hard it is. But read back on all of our bad experiences in this thread and make up your mind of what the best thing you can do is.

I really feel for you girl. <3 good luck.

I think I got what I needed out of this thread, for the most part.

Here's yet another update.

He almost broke up with me friday.
Why?
Because my best friend had an emotional break down and decided to skip the second half of the school day and I went with her.

I don't really understand what I did that was so wrong to piss him off that much but my first reaction was "He's cheating on me".
(he's not)

My best friend explained to me that he's just crazy.

Basically, I've accepted the fact that he's becoming insane/obsessive and am taking EVERYTHING with a grain of salt.

No break-up yet, he apparently can't leave me and I can't leave him...

Thank you, everyone. Since this thread, every fight we have one of your responses pops into my head and it brings tears to my eyes. Basically I'm trying to weigh out the pros and cons constantly and at the moment the pros are winning, but not by much.

Thank you again. I really appreciate everything you've all said and the time you've put into each post.

i hope in the end you make the right choice.. (and i don't mean that by what we've told you, i mean the right choice by what works out for you in the end) decisions like this are never easy, and it's good you're not just seeing all of us telling you, you basicly need to leave him, and taking that as solid word... just be careful... only you are really the one able to make the final call and judge what's for the best.... listen to your instinct... it almost never lies.... even if your heart does.

Make sure you take care of yourself and get out in time if things elevate to any more of a severe level. I'm sure you can handle yourself, just be very careful. :o:) p;

Sweet BFA, I want it to work out the way it's supposed to for you, too, hun. I have thought and thought about you this weekend, and I was thinking about you during my volunteer time yesterday afternoon.

Vileox's recommendation to be careful? That's really good advice. If and when the time does come that you make a break--and I'm not saying that that's what necessarily needs to happen, I'm just saying to keep this in mind--be aware that in intimate relationships when one person struggles with addiction and/or control issues, the time surrounding the breakup/separation is the time when the other party (who's most often the woman) is the most vulnerable to violence. I don't think your bf is likely to act in that way, but you never know. Just be prepared to look out for yourself. At the center where I volunteer, we recommend that ladies keep their cell phones on hand at all times and, for instance, never get in a physical position where you're apart from your car keys or where he's standing between you and an exit. May sound overly cautious but it's practical advice if the control issues kick in and the "abuser" is feeling threatened because his partner is exerting her independence.

I think weve all been in that situation where you know the guy is like a poisen but you just cant let go. Im sorry hun.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by rebgirl420

I think weve all been in that situation where you know the guy is like a poisen but you just cant let go. Im sorry hun.

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hey hey hey... it's not always the guy being poison you know... there are poison girls that guys have troubles letting go of too you know..

yeah i assumed that was obvious

Everyone deserves to still be able to see their friends, hang out with them and such, while in a relationship. IMHO, he sounds like he has some major issues which are getting worse. If he is doing a hard drug, like crack, it can intensify certain behaviors.

I don't know you, but, you deserve something better then this. This has the potential to turn into something worse. The signs are there.

Please be careful.

He smokes weed.

Sorry to hear your going through rough times but it sounds like you guys will pull through.