Do I stand a snowballs chance in hell??!!!!

First, let me thank you for letting me into your forum. Us stoners tend to be a closed society( Only because society makes us!!) So, thanks, friends! This is my first post, so heres my story:
I am a 40ish,female. I have been a heavy chronic smoker for 25 years. I have to chuckle at some posts that say they are a heavy chronic with 3-4 times a week for 6 months or something! I'm talking 7 days a week from morning til night for 25 years! Now THATS chronic heavy!!
Yesterday I got offered an awesome job that I really want and herein lies the problem. I need to take a piss test with only one week - 7 days- to clean out and pass it. I plan on using the dilution method posted on this site, but with so much THC build-up could it possibly work for me??!!
Heres what I have in my favor : I am 5'5", 110 lbs, soaking wet. I cant gain weight if I try. Not skinny, but thin, with a fast metabolism. I also read in an article linked from this web site that says sometimes real chronic heavy users can clean out faster than regular or occasional users because their bodies are so used to cleaning it out anyway ( I am REALLY hoping this is the case! I really want this job!) I am healthy and fit, but I dont exercise.
I am not a risk-taker so subbing is not really an option. My local head shop has all I need, I believe. I live in California where pot is " legalized". Just dont get caught with it in your pee!!
So anyway I'd thought I'd trow this out here and see what happens!
Thanks! :hippy:

well, i smoke the same way, and have for 15 years, and i think sub. is the only way. Look into a urinator or something. You really gotta do it i think. Thats a FOR SURE WAY. In all my piss tests, no on e has ever watched me pee and im a dude. I'm sure they'd give a female way more privacy.

ive gone in there with a rubber full of someones pee tucked away and even did it that way.Good Lucl ;)

well its been a year for me once a day swisher ... with regular eating n drinkgin water.. nothing otu of the ordinary in my routine ..

took me 13 days

im 6 1 170lbs

a friend who is worse than me .. morning till night at leats 4 swishers a day .

did cranberry juice all day for 2 days and ate fruit only .. nothing else

he passed his tooo .. this way ... so i know that works for sure .. but then again u have a week .. give urself a home kit every 2 3 days with this diet and see if it helps ..

or ya u can use the drinks

Welcome. If no one is going to be watching u go for the fake penis/urinator, but if someones watching.... still pull out the urinator it will be fucking hilarious!!!

Thanks. I'm thinking of going the detox,fluid route. I will also buy test strips to track my progress. I've been on-line 2 days " studying " for this drug test!! Sucks!

now thats studyin for a test:thumbsup:

After 5 days of abstaining & 48 hours til my test , drinking extra water that made me feel ill,(not much just an extra qt. a day, I usually get all my fluids from soda & coffee!) I took a home test and flunked it with flying colors!:( There was not even the slightest hint of a 2nd line!! Lets face it, after so long of smoking its in every pore of my body! So I smoked a joint & headed to my local head shop.( Do they even still call them that anymore?!)
I guess what I got isn't actually THE whizzinator, The package says- from the makers of whizzinator- Number 1 Urine Substitution Kit- highest quality synthetic urine available. Now, I'm actually pretty confident in it. It looks great and has a long, thin bladder, But heres my questions- It comes with a awful long bulkly belt ( 3 ft long & 3 in. wide) As I've mentioned I'm small. You can tell I have it. It says to put it on your waist, but I'm thinking I could cut the entire belt off, & just leave the bladder & tube, and just wear a pair of granny panties( I'm sure I can scare some up) and just put them in there. It comes with a heat pad, says it cant overheat, and you cant even see it there. It just says it has to touch skin. Does this sound like it would work? It makes sense to me, but I'm high for the first time in a week, so maybe not!:stoned:
? # 2 : It has tube thats 18-in. long, but I really only need 6-7 inches of tube for what I need. Now this stuff has a shelf life of 1 year, but if I cut the tube will it hurt the integrity of it? If it has a shelf life of a year does that mean closed. Is it sterile? The box doesn't say.
? # 3 : It says it has enough for 2 tests. Since I only need enough for 1 test, can I drain half out to make it even smaller? Will it hurt the integrity? Theres really not many directions. Just what I said here. (However the last step is to Celebrate!!:dance:
Its actually a rather ingenious device. Just big! I figure the ONLY way to get caught is if someone is actually IN the stall with me, & this is only for a $40,000 a yr job. I want it because after being a SLAVE to a time clock & working weekends AND holidays my whole adult life, I can choose my days & hrs!! That means boating EVERY Sunday! ( My church of choice!!). I highly doubt it will get that strict.
So, sorry if I'm rambling.... But quite curious if any of my ideas might work! And for $50.00 its comparable in price to a triple veiling agent. Well worth the price I believe! Its almost infaulible it seems!
BTW- Thanks for this website! It really does a great public service! :thumbsup:

I passed my test with NO problem! I was able to cut off the belt, and cut the tube. It went with out a hitch! I highly recommend it! , Thank you cannabis.com! I now have my DREAM JOB!!!!! :dance: :clap: :giggity: :yippee:

congratulations, what is the job if you don't mind me asking?

Its caregiving. I am a natural born caregiver! :)

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Originally Posted by happiestmferoutthere

I passed my test with NO problem! I was able to cut off the belt, and cut the tube. It went with out a hitch! I highly recommend it! , Thank you cannabis.com! I now have my DREAM JOB!!!!! :dance: :clap: :giggity: :yippee:

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Nice.....Congrats

fuck the system

Congrats.

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Originally Posted by Eazy

fuck the system

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FUCK THE MAN!!!:smokin:

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Originally Posted by Frivolous248

Congrats.

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This job means a lot! This forum is awesome! I couldn't have done it with out all the honest and helpful advice!!:thumbsup:

Congrats on passing.
I have done some caregiving myself. You seem like you would be a natural born caregiver:) Someone will be lucky that your there. There are no nicer than us stoners.:stoned:
Just a quick note to anyone that needs to know. You can get stuff that is called quick fix for 19.95, on the internet. You get the bottle with temperature strip....the synthetic urine and a heating pad. Substitution is the only way to go. :hippy: Much easier than dying from water intoxication.

Thank you!! That is very sweet! It warmed my heart! :D Thanks!! And I agree! If at all possible- Sub! Your body will thank you! And yes I'm the happiest mother fucker out there when I'm high! I swear I am! Us stoners are a happy bunch!:thumbsup:

the way me and the wife do it is. obtaian clean piss from a relative transfer to a condom, put in appropriate area for body temp . never failed in 15 plus years. good luck

Awww, what a happy ending. : )