kinda bummin

well iv been seeing this girl for almost a year now and at the begining of the relationship we had sex all day everyday, as it is with most relationships. and of course the amount of sex has dwendled. well now she never whats to have sex and when we do she never whats to finish. last nite was the first time in a month that we had sex and she had to stop in the middle of it. she says it hurts, she doesnt stay wet and that im to big for her. now i do love sex, like most men, but i do very much love her too. but it makes me fell horrible that she hurts so bad that she cant have sex with me. the other problem is that she says the only time shes horny is when shes in the shower by her self and thats rare too she says. so i dont know what the problem is but its really agrivating and upsetting. she tells me every time that i could break up with her if i wanted to because of the sex. so i dont know what to do and i dont know what anyone else can do but i needed to ask and tell some one so whom ever can help please try.

P.S. sorry for the long post

Thanks,
JC

First off, I think you need to cool your jets.

Think about it. It's been a year you been going out. She's knows your dick, inside and out, know how to please you, sex becomes nothing more but the same, nothing ever changes.

What she says to you, you have to open your mind because it means something else. It's deeper than the sex, it's the emotions between you both that needs a little fixing of the sucres. And pressuring her to have sex in this situation only makes thing worse.

I'd say just relax the situation, stop worrying about the sex so much, and try to please her in other ways, not for the benefit of getting some tonight, but because you love her. In turn, you only get loving in return.

Also trying out some new moves wouldn't hurt.

yeah, different position? If your dick is like a cumberland sausage then it probably wont help much but it has to be worth a try?

thanks for the quick reply and advice. first off i dont ever pressure her into it unless she gives me a sign that she wants to. thats why we have only had sex 3 times in the last 2 months. i try my very very best to make her the happiest girls ever, i do anything and everything to make her happy and she tells me i make her happier than she has ever been. and i have thought about this over many a bowls and long nights and the only 2 things i can think of is: her body, and my trust issues. the part about her body she has gained 10-15 pounds during the winter and she thinks she looks fat, as all girls think, but shes not fat at all. the other part is my last gf cheated on me for 7 months b4 i found out so im kinda paranoid. now i do trust my gf when shes sober but when shes drunk she flirts A LOT with everyone, doesnt matter if im there or not so i dont like her going to parties alone which i think is natural for most guys or girls. but she gets drunk almost every nite, shes border line alchy.
another possible problem is that since we have been dating she has stopped hanging out with her friends as much and more with me and now she feels that she doesnt have any friends. and this might be the problem because most of her friends are guys and most of them are real real shady and not trust worthy at all. when she sees them at a party she runs over and give them a big ol' hug and kiss on the cheek. which doesnt bother me too too much but the part that does bother me is the way they look at her when shes around. they give her a look that makes me want to get up and fucking break their fucking cocaine coated nose. and its not that i dont like any guys around her but i get a vibe from certain ones for right reasons like on holloween she said goodbye to an old friend of hers and he hugged her and kissed her on the cheek. then the fucker had the nerve to start licking on her ear with me on the other side of the room watching. then she doesnt push him away right away until she herd me push a couple people outta the way to try to get to them and break the fuckers jaw until she stoped me saying it was nothing and that he was drunk. and she doesnt understand why i was so upset about it.
but your proble right that the problem isnt the sex its something deeper and proble my fault because everything is.

P.S. sorry for another long post

Thanks,
JC

I'm gonna try to work this through with you. First off, is she on birth control? Because it lowers sex drive substantially in a lot of women. If she is, she should try switching to something like NuvaRing, which is supposed to affect sex-drive less. Second, could her drinking be affecting her sex drive? Like the female equivalent of whisky-dick? Third, you should be using lots of lube during sex if you aren't already- that will make up for her dryness. Fourth, are you having the kind of sex she wants to have? I don't suggest this all the time in a relationship, but if you are trying to kick up her sex-drive I would suggest doing things her way for a bit. For example, try doing oral on her and then not asking for anything in return (no sex, nada).

As for the jealousy and her drunk-flirting bit, I can totally relate. Most of my friends are male, and when I'm at a party I go and hug ALL of them- even those I don't know very well. My bf is the same when he is drunk, he is super flirty but doesn't even realize he's doing it. I think you just need to relax a bit...there's no need punishing her before she even does anything wrong. If she were to cheat on you, she could pull the excuse "well you are jealous and controlling"...then what? You just need to chill and trust her, not all women are the same.

Have you had an in-depth conversation with her about how you feel about no sex? When you say "I would like more sex", is her response simply "Well I don't feel like having it anymore"? I can see why she wouldn't want to have it if it hurts her, but if you can fix that, she needs to do her part and make you happy too. You have needs too. The average for an old couple is once per week. At your age, it should be at least that. Talk to you later :)

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Originally Posted by dutch.lover

I'm gonna try to work this through with you. First off, is she on birth control? Because it lowers sex drive substantially in a lot of women.

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Beat me to it!
I was VERY unhappy and unhorny on the pill... it finally got to the point where it was like, dude seriously, I don't want to have sex like EVER, why even bother being on this stupid drug?

And yeah, I seriously suggest cutting down on the drinking because it can lead to depression and depression leads to a lack of interest in things you USED to enjoy, including sex. How old is she anyway?

And then about the other stuff... jealousy etc... it sounds like there's other issues... does she still dig you? Was that 'you can break up with me' her way of saying that she doesn't want to be with you any more? I know it sucks to think about but it's part of life; if you can't make a relationship work, it's healthier to end it before you are sitting there years from now wishing that you had freed yourself sooner.

Good luck!

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Originally Posted by stinkyattic

And then about the other stuff... jealousy etc... it sounds like there's other issues... does she still dig you? Was that 'you can break up with me' her way of saying that she doesn't want to be with you any more? I know it sucks to think about but it's part of life; if you can't make a relationship work, it's healthier to end it before you are sitting there years from now wishing that you had freed yourself sooner.

Good luck!

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I was kinda thinking the same thing.

Hey Stinky, so you went off oral-contraceptives...what did you do instead? The reasons you mentioned are why I'm sort of considering an IUD...no hormonal bullshit.

As a matter of fact I'm starting to think about an IUD myself now that someone has given me my mojo back, lol... I've been just using condoms but you know how THAT is...
But yeah, my last relationship died a sexless, slow, and painful death so I was't using anything for a while. It sucked. But at least I didn't have to take the stupid pill, which I still to this day suspect very strongly had been contributing to my anxiety.

ok thank you for the insight and replies and sorry i took some time to come back but theres a hole new addation to the puzzle, but first to dutch.lover no she is not on the pill (i wish she was). two her drinking if anything INCREASES her sex drive. and last when it comes to sex we have it when she wants, where, why, and how she wants. i have offered and tried to give her head and i never ask for anything that all just kinda happenes, but latley when i try to or offer she says no and gets mad that im tring. and to stinky when her and i talked she says that she just doesnt enjoy it, just doesnt want to have sex.

so the new piece, this weekend her brothers had a bday party at their house and it was nice sized and we all got drunk. well i went to get a beer for me, her, and her friend and when i come down stairs i see a guy talking to her friend sas their going outside to smoke so i follow them and as the guy is leaving he makes a gesture to his frind like hes going fuck her friend. so i become very obsevint (sp?) and when i get out side i see his arm around my girlfriends neck so i kinda get pissed and i wanted to punch the fucker in the face, but i didnt and was a gentalmen and firmly remove his arm, not jerking just picked up and moved back. well they turn around and she flips yelling what are you doing and runs off. well the guy says " hey man im a friend of the family iv known her since middle school i wouldnt do that to you girl man. plus i got a girlfriend so dont worry." and i tell him i didnt know and i was sorry and he said it was cool. so i went to find her.

shes in the front yard crying i go out there and she frips out: "hes my brothers friend and my friend!""why would you do that to my friend!""you cant do that!",ect. i tell her that i was sorry and that i didnt know he was a friend. she says " i dont care if i dont want a guys arm on me then ill move it and if you dont like that then just go home!" so i threw my beer in the street and jumped in my car and she stops me saying im to drunk, which was true. then i tell her about the guys gesture about her friend and she says "oh well i didnt know that, still gives you no right." well everything cools down and the night goes ok untile the po po show up and strait nock over a beercan covered table in her basement.

well as i ready to pass out we talked about it a little more and the fact comes out that she doesnt even like the guy as a friend. she actually hates him, in her own words. so i ask why it was such a big deal and she said i didnt want to be rude and make him think i didnt like him. and i thought to my self what the fuck she hates him but gets pissed that i moved his arm. so i kinda said what ever and passed the fuck out.

well the next day she comes over and everythings going fine till i say sorry about it and then we start arguing AGAIN about it and she ended up leaving at like 11, kind of pissed. about 2am rolls around and im almost a sleep and she calls saying she had a bad dream that some one was in my back yard and cum to find out it was her. she was drunk and drove back to my house and shes very horny. she comes in we smoke a bowl of hippie crack and have some of the best sex we have had in 6 months. the next night shes wearing this really short nice fucking skirt and is acting very playful like making me think she wants to have it again, well when i went for it she said that was a great suprise last night, arent you good for tonite and tomorrow. and i said yeah i just want to eat you out (because i love giving a girl head) and she said no and got mad.

so what the fuck?
JC

PS shes 19 and im 20

Johnny, I've been thinking about this thread since this morning. I hate to tell you this, but while libido differences and her self-consciousness about weight gain may factor in a bit, she frankly is acting like a woman who's indirectly trying to tell you that she "wants a bit more space in the relationship," which generally translates to "wants out." Instead of dealing with you directly and telling you that straight out, she's not getting pleasure anymore from sex, not feeling like physical intimacy, flirting openly and hugging other guys in front of you, and getting angry. Sorry to put it this bluntly, but it really does sound to me like she's essentially saying she's not that into you anymore.

I know this wasn't the answer you wanted to hear, and I certainly didn't write this to be hurtful. I know this must be horribly painful for you. But I think you might need to consider this possibility. And if you want to spare yourself some future pain and can stand to, you might even ask her directly and see if she'll tell you honestly that that is indeed what's going on.

I'd have to agree with brid Girl Shes not being all there with you i'd say...

Girls are great for that....:(

your only 19 and 20....

Theres alot of drinking and mind games yet to come..... More sluts to bone and more gurls to date.....

Ask her upfront and you'll get the answers your looking for... As long as you know the signs to look for.

If she shys away and gets pissed shes lying forsure, Or doesn't know how to answer cuz she doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

If she answers right away with what you want to hear shes probs being honest,,,

If she gives a bit of both Its a tough call... I look right into the eyes when I want to find somthing out from a gurl, They will look away or start crying or get angry if they are hiding somthing,,,

It don't sound right but trust me You'll get over it,, welcome to the complicated mind of a Women.....

They sure are great tho.... Whats your really looking for ina women is your BESTFRIEND....

Everything else you can ask for... Sex, sympathy, fun times... ONe thing you can't make somone be is your BESTFRIEND,,,

kd

One more thing don't mention anything about getting advice on this Website,,,,

That will forsure piss her offf,,,,

kd

you know i really want to thank you girls for the advice giving to this person, sounds to me like she wants out, you may want to just end up bring the issue right out in the open.

but back to you ladies, after reading your advice and all the problems every relationship encounters you girls tell it just like it is, your advice had made me understand my own girlfriend a lot better tonight as a person, you made even more reason why i love this woman to death.

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Originally Posted by kdspecial

One more thing don't mention anything about getting advice on this Website,,,,
That will forsure piss her offf,,,,
kd

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uh oh kd do I read something between the lines?

As for Johnny,
Head for the hills.
Life is too short to worry about this shit.
Drinking may increase her sex drive WHILE SHE IS DRUNK but in general will act as a depressant... do you want to only get to fuck drunk girls? F'real, you sound unhappy, go make yourself happy because a relationship can't do it on its own, especially an unhealthy one, and yours is running a bad case of mono atm.

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Originally Posted by stinkyattic

uh oh kd do I read something between the lines?

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hahahaha No No nothing has happened like that to me. Cuz I would never say

"Somone said that your acting like this cuz....." etc etc...

I learned that lession a long long time ago probs in High Shcool Or early college.....

If I did say somthing like that though It would be a death wish...

:( :(

Jonny If you really want to figure gurls out Read "men Are From Mars Women Are from Venus"

It sounds stupid in the title, But its rreally tru and a worth while read. It really clears some things up. and puts things into perspective. I also suggest this book to the Ladies as well,,, Ever wonder why We don't like Talking? or always want to find a Solution to a problem?

kd

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Originally Posted by kdspecial

hahahaha No No nothing has happened like that to me. Cuz I would never say
"Somone said that your acting like this cuz....." etc etc...
I learned that lession a long long time ago probs in High Shcool Or early college.....
If I did say somthing like that though It would be a death wish...
kd

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lol some people never learn the lesson.. and in their 40s tell their spouse, "my shrink said you're acting that way because..." hahahahaha that's pretty bad, eh?

I'm going to have to agree with others and say that it sounds like she's not emotionally involved in the relationship anymore and wants out. Besides you sound unhapppy in it as well. You shouldnt have to worry about your girlfriend around other guys, drunk or sober. You sound like a nice guy and I'm sure theres other girls out there who would gladly be in a relationship with you. I dont know any girls that get angry when the person they love wants to go down on them. Good luck, you deserve better.