My ecstacy experience!!!

Well. I start doing Ecstacy when i was about 17 and a half. I started hanging out with my friend in the city and i had done ecstacy once before and was looking to try it again. He mentioned his dealer lived 3 townhouses away so i just asked him if he could get some E. He came back with weed and i said that i wanted E so the dumb fucker went back to get the E. I got it, took it. It was fucking amazing. I started hanging out with him alot more and we seemed to always be bored and i decided to buy some more E. Sure it was good for a while but after a few times all we wanted to do was take ecstacy. Anyways i finally went and met the dealer. He was a nice guy but everyone had warned me about him. He was 26 years old, and asian guy, he seemed nice but you could tell he was evil just by the look of him. Anyways, after a while, and several hundred dollars later i began a friendship with the dealer. I started doing E more frequently because he stopped charing me 20$ a pill for it and started giving it to me for 10$. Before i knew it, i was doing ecstacy everyday and living in this guys house. I became his driver and ended up driving him around all day and night while he sold drugs and did crimes. At this point I was taking ecstacy 3-4 times a day mostly it was free. I was hooked and i didnt even understand that i was doing my body damage because i was so high that it just didnt cross my mind ever. Or it was because i was too high to care. We spent 18 hours a day driving from point to point, not eating, not sleeping. I would routinely stay up for 72 hours straight and i would have to drink 151 proof, 75% Rum to get to sleep. And i mean like 40 ounces. And when it wasnt 151 i would have to drink 60 ounces of normal 40% alcohol to sleep because i was so tweeked. This carried on for about 9 months, day in day out i was driving this guy around, taking him to do his errands, and all for this stupid drug. I felt accepted because i saw him as a sort of rebel and i felt important around him for some reason. So i kept on driving him around. After a while it started to get really bad. I was needing 5-6 pills a day to keep me satisfied. I couldnt go a day without Ecstacy. Meanwhile the drug was fucking my body left and right and i didnt even know it. While on this huge drug binge i was introduced to a guy we'll call John Doe. He started pressuring me to drive him around all through the night while he broke into cars and stole stereo's and subwoofers, amps, that type of shit. anything of value was taken. I would sit there for 6 hours, hopped up on ecstacy while he ran around the blocks stealing and bringing it back to the car. This soon escalated into something worse. On the way home from a camping trip, he was drunk and he took control of my car and drove me into a ditch. He told me to let him out so he could go to some B&E's (break and enters). I told him not to and that it wasnt worth it and tried to get him to get back in and go home but he decided to go rob houses in a place thats basically where all the diplomats and ambassadors for other countries live. So I let him go, the next day, i got a call. And guess who. John doe was in jail. It seemed that he had done some B&E's and gotten mauled by a canine unit and caught by the Feds. He was also caught with break in tools, and a Taser (stun gun). I forgot to tell you about a previous time with this fellow and the dealer. I was high on ecstacy again and somehow they convinced me to drive them to do a B&E. They went in and cleaned this place out and filled up my car with shit. And right as they were doing it the cops had arrived at a house just down the block and as i would later find out, there was a murder there. So there were about 50 police officers firetrucks, ambulances. The whole nine yards. And i was sitting there tweeking on E while these idiots were clearing out this poor guys apartment. The cops actually drove by as they were unloading shit from this guys place!!!! Anyways they got the shit into my car and i was freaked out and we left, and a fucking COP was following us and my car was stacked with shit from the guys place and it was obstructing my rear view!!!! I was surely going to get busted and hauled to fucking jail. Luckily the cop wasn't paying much attention and had something better to do so we left and got away with it. Anyways, i'm not proud of this, but i can surely say that ecstacy has ruined my life. I'll tell you why. Shortly after i stopped taking ecstacy i noticed i was feeling really ill all the time. I was having alot of neurological problems. I had taken an upwards of 15+ pills in a night on several different occasions. I ended up doing ecstacy for the last time and i bought 15 pills. Light green Zoro's and white 8 balls. I took a few pills early on in the night and i start taking more and more every 30 minutes or so and i ended up ingesting THEM ALL!!! Except for one. I was in rough shape, i didnt even know i had ingested them all. I had such poor judgement and i started hallucinating and seeing ambulances and cops when i closed my eyes. I never recovered from this.

To this day i am unable to work or go to school. I cannot hang out with friends because i feel so sick all the time. I have horrible neurological problems, my sight has been permanently fucked!!! Everything seems 3 times as bright. Kinda like when your on ecstacy. But it's not pleasant. I can't even drive. My hearing is starting to go and i have horrible pains all over my body. I have trouble thinking and talking and i am VERY withdrawn and anxious. I sometimes forget where i am and why i'm here and who i am. I'm not shitting you! I have been basically bed ridden for 2 and a half years. I hope you will all learn from my story. I know i was not the brightest person in the world taking all those pills, but when your caught up in that, you dont really know what your doing. And i know what you are thinking, that in order for me to take 15+ pills and 3-6 pills a day i was getting shitty pills!!! WRONG! these are the same pills that would get a casual ecstacy user into la la land. They were strong as hell and sold for 20-30$ a pill. I was just fortunate (cursed) to get so many pills for nothing. This has ruined my life. I am 20 years old and my life is destroyed. I am not capable of doing normal things anymore, i can't even do 10 minutes of exercise without feeling like i'm going to die. I can't explain how bad it feels but it's like being stuck in a nightmare so please be careful. I'm not here to tell you that you are all idiots for doing ecstacy or other drugs but please dont overdo it. Right now i am suffering so bad from this and the damage is obviously permanent because it's been so long and i'm only feeling worse.

I'm scared of what the future holds. I'm scared if I will even know my own name tommorow. I'm scared to live a life like this, and theres nothing i can do about it. Please be careful. Trust me

damn man that is like a nightmare... sorry to hear all that

Yeah I'm sorry to hear that, I hope you can recover eventually. How did you break your ties with those crooks? It sounds like you wouldnt be let out of that cycle very easilyi

Yeah. Wow, you got in it fucking deep. That's some intense stuff. Sounds like you lived some hardcore ass motherfuckin life though to be honest. Not that it was worth it or anything, obviously. I really hope everything gets better for you someday. I have faith that it will and you should too. My hopes and hopes and hopes are with you. That asian guy seems fucking evil. I hope he gets eaten by someone in jail.

Thanks for responding and reading the whole thing lol. It's pretty long. It was pretty bad, you're right. I get scared just thinking about all of the stuff I did. Chems can really fuck up your brain. I thought ecstacy was a friendly drug when i started taking it because it made me feel so fucking good. I hate how they say ecstacy isnt physically addictive. I think thats b.s. I've read that you can't get addicted to it and i find that pretty hard to believe because i had horrible withdrawal after stopping. After the last time I did it, i was a wreck. I had to see a psychologist every 2 days and i couldnt sleep because i was so scared and paranoid and messed up. I actually slept in my moms room on her floor because I felt so vulnerable and unsafe for some reason. It was the most horrible time of my life. I can't even explain how it feels to do E for that long and then take 14 pills in a night and just stop all of the sudden. It really messed me up and part of it was the overdose of the 14 pills. It changed my brain forever. It must be really damaged. If anyone else has had brain damage from drugs and can't work or go to school or hang out with friends and more i'd really like to know it cuz i feel like i'm the only one who's had their brain ruined by drugs. I only did ecstacy heavily for maybe 8 months or so everyday and i od'd alot of times and it totally changed my brain. I've seen people who've done drugs for their whole lives who havent experienced anything close to whats wrong with me. They are still able to live and work normally and they are very productive. Like how could this happen to me. I just turned 20. It's been years and it only keeps getting worse. I do not use drugs now. I don't drink. I smoke one cigarette a day. Mind you i am on methadone for pain and it helps to alleviate some of the mental problems for some reason. It makes me feel more human than how i felt without it. I guess it just kinda gives me a little bit of pleasure and i need that because my brain obviously doesnt make enough happy chemicals. I really think opiates could be used for bad ass depression and psychological problems but thats just what i think cuz it worked for me. since i was 13 i used painkillers and they helped me through some of the hardest times of my life. I do not attribute any of my brain damage to them. Because i felt fine even after years of taking them moderately everyday and i could stop and feel pretty normal. Only when i started taking E, my health went downhill. Opiates are highly addictive though and turn you into a slave for them but as long as you dont run out of them your somewhat okay. If you are maintained well you will be fine. Once you run out you go psycho though.

IF YOU'RE GOING TO DO DRUGS!!! TAKE THEM IN MODERATION!!! DO NOT OVERDO IT LIKE I DID OR YOU MAY HAVE IRREVERSIBLE BRAIN DAMAGE. ANYONE WHO HAS HAD THEIR LIFE STOLEN FROM THEM BY THIS SHIT WILL TELL YOU EXACTLY WHAT I TOLD YOU!!! BE SMART!!! THIS ALL HAPPENED TO ME WHEN I WAS ABOUT 18...I WAS YOUNG AND STUPID AND THOUGHT NOTHING WOULD EVER HAPPEN TO ME!!! I WAS SO WRONG.


Please leave me your email if you've had brain damage from drugs. Really bad brain damage. I don't mean stuff like depression. I mean neurological problems, trouble hearing, seeing. And also if you have pain, and have not been able to lead a normal life. I need to know i'm not alone in this nightmare.

Thanks so much for reading my posts. You're all very nice people. I wish everyone was as kind as all of you. Happy growing.

Use drugs and alcohol in moderation

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Originally Posted by Dick Justice

Yeah I'm sorry to hear that, I hope you can recover eventually. How did you break your ties with those crooks? It sounds like you wouldnt be let out of that cycle very easilyi

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No you're right. I didn't get out of it very easily. Those guys harassed me and threatened me because i stopped hanging out with them. I am still in fear for my families life. I feel like they are going to try to break into my house or something. For the first year i was constantly worried and paranoid about them coming after me. They are the type of nutcases who would kill you for leaving them. They just dont understand that i was fucking half way brain dead and couldnt do it anymore. They take it as an insult. Fucking asian fuckers. I hope they both end up in jail. They are both career criminals and shouldnt be out with society. I can tell you for sure that there is no good in them.

damn that sucks so bad, i hope one day you will feel a better.

have you ever had a cat scan to see if you have holes in your brain or something like that?

I remember seeing several other trip reports on erowid giving this guys exact same story about abusing a substance for a prolonged period of time then overdosing and being fucked up for the rest of your life. Used same words and sentenceing too... I have no doubt doing this type of thing will definetely fuck you up permanently...not accusing just maybe something to look carefully at.

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Originally Posted by Sentinel

I remember seeing several other trip reports on erowid giving this guys exact same story about abusing a substance for a prolonged period of time then overdosing and being fucked up for the rest of your life. Used same words and sentenceing too... I have no doubt doing this type of thing will definetely fuck you up permanently...not accusing just maybe something to look carefully at.

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Yah i haven't been on erowid in a long time. I never heard of anyone getting fucked up permanently from ecstacy. not as bad as i am at least. I've heard of people having depression from prolonged ecstacy use but never anything really horrible like what i've experienced. HAha i don't get what you're saying, do you mean i'm stealing someones story or something? lol......i can assure you i'm not and this really happened to me. I wouldnt make anything like this up. I just wrote my story because i don't want people to have the same thing happen to them. When you're 18 years old or younger you dont realize what your doing to yourself. Now i am about as straight edge as i can be. Except for my opiates. But they make me feel better and without them i would have blown my head off. I have lupus and ITP as well so i kinda need them. I bet ecstacy caused the lupus and ITP......i got sick like directly after the last time i did it and ended up in the hospital and got diagnosed with lupus. So i'm in bad shape and i blame it totally on my stupidity and ecstacy. A mind is horrible thing to waste. Use in moderation. Don't go and take 15 pills or 10 pills or even 5 pills in a night. It could really mess you up. Doing E like once a while...maybe every 4-5 months may be okay. But remember this shit is synthesized most likely by some biker gang or asian gang and these people could screw up the chemistry and sell a very toxic product. There have been cases of people sythesizing demerol (meperidine) which is a painkiller and totally unrelated to ecstacy but the people have often messed up on the sythesis of the drug and made something called MPTP or something and taking this gives people something that is basically parkinsons disease. And this is all from like one time of doing it even. So if some fucker is making ecstacy in a trailor and he messes up and makes a really tainted and toxic product, your brain could be fried after one pilll. It's not likely to happen but you dont know what in that stuff. I'm sure the E i've done contained meth, speed, caffeine, ephedrine, methcathinone and all sorts of goodies.

Be careful!!! You don't want to wake up in my shoes someday. Trust me. I would give my arms and legs to make this illness go away. I'm totally serious. I would really let the doctor hack off my arms and legs if i could feel normal again. I don't even remember what normal feels like but i know it was not like this. Take care everyone. Use wisely.

Na man, he means the pattern of "e-tardness" showing up in the structuring of your words.

But I recently believed that Ecstacy was inhibiting my life and stopped for good, but goddamn I wasn't even close to the level you were, I only rolled once a week but constantly, although with a lot of rolls each of those nights. Everyday? You should've known better.

I felt the many things you did, and still do. Withdrawn/anxious, inhibited thought and communication, for a bit, I almost felt my hearing was going to give in, with ringings on my ears, and trance embedded in my brain. I use to have a bad case of HPPD from all the psychedelics I was using, mainly 2c-i. Like you, I couldn't drive, I couldn't see without seeing a big fucking halo the size of a grapefruit. Luckily that has faded through time, the halo is gone and I can deal with the tracers now. I can, but can't imagine what you are going through right now. Infact I don't even know how I dealt with working 40 hours a week, and getting fucked up every weekend on an assortment of drugs, looking back now, I have no idea how I survived, and didn't get my ass fired. Lucky for me, my closest friends were potheads and not tweakers, I can't deal with those sonofabitches.

I would like to thank you for sharing this story, because this is what I could've easily became. Whatever you do, be strong and keep fighting, as long as you didn't lose to life, you can and shall overcome.
Take care bro :)