HOW CONFIDENT ARE YOU?

At times in my life i have been totally confident within myself i'd go out and dance the night away without a care of what others thought, but now if i walk into a crowded environment i feel stupid like i want to leave and i dont know where it came from, i had 4 years of utter shit in my life abusive relationships,depression, moving house too many times and having three kids will all contribute to my issues i know but what worries me most is will i ever regain the confidence i once had?

i fight depression every day, i fight to be happy and get up to make breakfast do the house work and make sure everything and everyone is taken care of no matter how bad i feel, i feel like i can fight depression, but my confidence is lower than ever and having an impact in many areas of my life, its holding me back and i dont want to be held back any more i've allowed it to continue for too long all ready.

anyone got any tips on rebuilding confidence that might actually work?

are you confident now and have you all ways been that way?:)

Nobody is in tip-top shape when they have taken a beating, it's called "healing". Don't press it, just know that you will. Are you an over all good person? Never lie, cheat, steal, hurt others etc...? We are all human, we make mistakes and experience set-backs. Let me help take the guess work out of the confidence issue and say...Only you know who you are and if a good person is truly who you are, it sticks out like a sore thumb:thumbsup: and should be very clear to you. Take pride in the fact that there seems to be a shortage of people like that anymore so that would make you very special if you were. Only you know the answer to that and a truly good person is confident "rich" in knowing this. Giiirl, sometimes you just gotta say "FUCK IT"!! Strive to be the best person you can and know there are people out there that have the deepest respect and admiration for good peeps. Try taking a militant approach to your troubles and when one pops up, monkey stomp that shit! Chin up girl, stella got her groove back, so will you, just be patient.

i have fought depression most of my adult life, i use to try and impress people and wanted everyone to like me thinking that would make me happier, silly me. now i just let people see me for who i really am and if they don't like me thats their problem not mine, i concentrate on all the wonderfull things life has to offer me. knowing i am fit and healthy with 2 great kids and a wonderfull wife is enough for me, i try to think only positively and all negative thoughts i try to bannish, there is alot of people who are alot more worst of than me, this helps me to try and keep focused on the positives. i feel for you and hope you manage to find a way to help yourself.keep thinking positively :)

Dont take on the entire world at once.
Do NOT forget to give yourself a pat on the back for doing a good job. This is critical for self-esteem imo....
Accept that you WILL make more mistakes in life......but learn from them. Really think them through. Turn them inside out and examine them closely. So many people just try to hide their mistakes instead of using them as a good learning tool. Why did I do this, that, etc?? What was my motive for what I did? (that's always a treasure trove of information if you are stone cold honest with yourself) Not being afraid to admit and study your mistakes is probably the best tool I know for helping myself out.
Create a support group for yourself. Friends, relatives, even a REAL support group if that interests you at all. We all get down and need help sometimes. Learn to ask for help.......it will help you not to feel as isolated and alone as well.

And realize that poor self esteem IS a symptom of clinical depression. Think about talking to a professional about stuff. Rather than letting it drag you down to its level.....kicks its ass back down. I do this myself in the form of Prozac but that doesn't mean I'm advocating it for you. Simply mentioning possible options as opposed to being stuck in the dark grey hole that I found so familiar.

Best of luck to you.

wh

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Originally Posted by Weedhound

Dont take on the entire world at once.
Do NOT forget to give yourself a pat on the back for doing a good job. This is critical for self-esteem imo....
And realize that poor self esteem IS a symptom of clinical depression. Think about talking to a professional about stuff. Rather than letting it drag you down to its level.....kicks its ass back down. I do this myself in the form of Prozac but that doesn't mean I'm advocating it for you. Simply mentioning possible options as opposed to being stuck in the dark grey hole that I found so familiar.
wh

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thanks for the encouragement, i have also been on prozac and although i haven't beaten my depression it no longer beats me, i have recieved help but i cant seem to break through to myself again like somehow i lost myself and now i dont know how to get it back, i'm thankful for all the great things i have in my life especially my three kids but i'm letting them down, my confidence doesnt just prevent me from doing things i want but also from doing activities with my children, i suffer panick attacks (not very often now) but when i'm in certain situations i just cant cope with it and so the cycle continues, if i force myself to try something which i dont feel confident about i end up feeling panicked and it puts me off wanting to try any thing that may even possible bring about a panick attack.
i know confidence is a state of mind but i've been through so much and came out the other side surely i should be more confident now than ever?

I'm confident in trying to live my life with love & respect to other life forms, mother nature with body and mind.

However I'm not confident in being successful in such a dog-eat-dog world.. Sometimes I dont know if I fit into the hussle and bussle of city life..

But I have friends, family and cannabis. :hippy:

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Originally Posted by devils dream

thanks for the encouragement, i have also been on prozac and although i haven't beaten my depression it no longer beats me, i have recieved help but i cant seem to break through to myself again like somehow i lost myself and now i dont know how to get it back, i'm thankful for all the great things i have in my life especially my three kids but i'm letting them down, my confidence doesnt just prevent me from doing things i want but also from doing activities with my children, i suffer panick attacks (not very often now) but when i'm in certain situations i just cant cope with it and so the cycle continues, if i force myself to try something which i dont feel confident about i end up feeling panicked and it puts me off wanting to try any thing that may even possible bring about a panick attack.
i know confidence is a state of mind but i've been through so much and came out the other side surely i should be more confident now than ever?

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I've been there, I think every human being in this world has felt depressed, We all have our scars...

You may think this is weird saying this over a message board, But when I was 5 I was molested by two teens male and female that lived next door...

I lost all my innocence at age 5... I dont think the pain or wounds like ever heal... and for the longest time I thought I did something wrong or it was my fault.

But what I have come to realize... Hurt people hurt people... Those same teens that molested me where being molested by there own parents.

There is evil in this world... but there is also alot of wonder.

I'm confident in the sense I work hard and get shit done. I'm confident about my looks, I'm confident that I can survive and I'll always fight.

When it comes to people, especially starting a conversation for my own self-enjoyment, I'm not confidant at all. I just have terrible anxiety around people I don't know. I've come to the conclusion people naturally don't like me and I'm cool with it now, I am who I am.

Confidence, all you takes is to build it up little by little. It's like exercise, you start slow, then start doing things that are more complex and eventually you'll do them like it's 2nd nature. It worked for everything I done but social situations.

I think were all trying to fight for happiness. But I'm a patient man and eventually, we'll get out of this shit. You just have to believe it.

[quote=thcbongman]I'm confident in the sense I work hard and get shit done. I'm confident about my looks, I'm confident that I can survive and I'll always fight.

When it comes to people, especially starting a conversation for my own self-enjoyment, I'm not confidant at all. I just have terrible anxiety around people I don't know. QUOTE]

its taken me ten minutes to try and start this reply, just thinking over the things you've specified and i wanted to agree with you somewhere that i'm confident at this or that but i just cant, i'd love to say i'm confident that i can survive and i'll all ways fight, i have some belief in that sense but i dont feel confident about it, i wonder how long i can keep it up, how long can i fight?

how long can anyone function like a machine getting up everyday doing the same things because new things are to daunting, repeating the same daily routine without some random activities, i'm 24 and should be having fun as a young woman and as a young mum, trouble is i'm not me anymore i am just mum, nothing else really goes on in my life and i'm too scared to break out of the way things are incase they just get worse.
i've spent 2 years proving to social services that i am a capable caring mother who loves, cares for and protects her children all because a boyfriend who liked picking fights with me, now its as if i spent so long proving myself that i dont even know what i want any more or who i am just me as a mum, how can i rediscover me as a person and rebuild my own self confidence?

Hmmm....

On a cerebral level, I think very highly of myself, to the point of being perceived as arrogant were I to make it known. Looks, brains and personability, I think I possess in spades. I also think I'm highly gifted creatively and have the potential to be a great success as a writer.

On a visceral level, I can't help constantly feeling myself to be the lowest and most undeserving piece of shit that walks the earth. Even though the vast majority of people I talk to like me at once, I always feel they secretly despise me (even my friends, on some level), that I neither deserve nor ever will find love, that my creative output is a worthless mess, and that I'm somehow cursed, that I simply wasn't wired right and I've been doomed to eternal self-consciousness. This is at my worst--I generally manage to keep my mind on other things.

You generallywouldn't be able to tell how cripplingly low my visceral self-esteem is...even if I'm pounding with anxiety inside, I'll engage in witty conversation, look you straight in the eye, etc. It only really manifests itself in its prevention of intimacy--I'll put myself out there for a conversation, but rarely make a move, unless intoxicated. I bordered on alcohol abuse there for awhile, and it got me laid a few times, but I'm currently trying to deal in other ways.